Sep 30, 2012
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unrequited love is hard
Reoccuring dreams.
For almost a week now.. There's been a strange consistancy between my dreams. Normally my dreams vary from one extreme to the next, Rarely in my life have they ever kept similar elements or any likeness to a previous dream.
There's been a girl in every dream I've had in the last 5 or 6 days now, I haven't really been counting until I started to notice the random re-appearances of said female. When I'm dreaming, It's so vivd and I feel so in control it's like lucid dreaming or something crazy, But as soon as I wake up I have absolutely zero recollection of what I was dreaming about. Thinking back about it, The reoccuring element (The girl) feels so familiar and yet I can't place her face, Or even a feature of hers.
It's starting to weird me out a bit, to be honest. This hasn't ever happened and I'm a firm believer of dreams speaking for an unconscious mind. So if there's a message in these last few nights somewhere, I really do hope I find it before something happens. I don't much care for surprises, especially if it turns out to be a bad surprise.
Or maybe I'm just overthinking it?
dis is srsbsn.
I'm leaving.
This fandom. This tumblr. B2STRISING. ONETVXQ. Soshified. Livejournal. Everything except for twitter and facebook.
Yeah, there is no other way to say other than to just come out and say it.
I'm not leaving right now, because that would just be way too hard. I will be leaving on one of the following, which ever comes first. I'm just myself out of it.
I get 20 000 posts (I am currently at 18 373)
I get 1000 followers (Currently at 709)
February 1st (which is when school starts)
I'm gonna be answering questions that I will assume will be asked they probably won't be but whatever.
Are you going to be deleting your tumblr?
Nope. Much like my bebo account and my livejournal account they will remain unused but checked upon so they will not be deleted by the servers and sites that they are supported by. They will serve as a memory of me, of what I was and who I met during a time in my life.
In short? I'm leaving it open so that I may look back and smile at the person I once was.
Does this mean you will never listen to Korean music again?
Yes and a no. I will always love DBSK. Yes, I truly mean that and I am not tossing the word around. They, for a really long time, were my only source of happiness and were able to put a smile on my face when no one else could. They mean the world to me (okay that is a figure of speech, lol) and I don't think I could ever bring myself to throw them away.
But I will not be getting into/interested in newly debuted groups and fandoms. B2ST is the last fandom that I ever plan on genuinely joining and to other groups that may catch my eye, I will simply not bother. It takes a lot of effort to really enjoy a group and be apart of the fandom.
I will still be downloading music from my biases, but as said above, I will not be downloading music of new groups (like DAL SHERBET or whatever LOL)
Can we stay friends/still talk?
No, I hate you all.
LOLJK
I will still have twitter (@nadz__) facebook (/itsnadinee) and my private tumblr (adinenay/last-dime) as well as skype (adinenay) and msn. I doubt anyone would still wanna talk to me but sallgud.
Why?
I left this question last because it is going to be the longest.
Why? There are a lot of reasons why.
Fandom is just getting to tiring. You get sick of seeing the same bullshit day in and day out and I already have enough stress in my life from school and other bullshit, that- I don't know. I don't want to stay long enough to see it all fall apart.
I'm not the type of person to get too caught up with fandom but it's hard not to these days. Fandom use to be where I would go when I needed a pick-me-up but it doesn't feel like that anymore.
Oh and I'm 17 (18 at the end of this year) and am getting far too old for this sorta stuff.
School. It's my final year of high school and I need the good/great marks that I promised my parents. I need to make them proud so that they will let me move out and explore the world. And I need to start studying for that to happen.
Dreams. Midnight blogging has made me rethink what I want in the world. It's made me rethink who I am and who I want to be. I want to be someone different, be someone better.
I want to live my life, out in the world, and not in front of a computer screen.
So this is it, you're never gonna come back after this?
February is still a long way away and I could have a trademark change of heart by then and not leave and stay here forever but that most likely won't happen so yes, I won't be coming back. It's about looking towards the future and never looking back. No regrets.
I might come back during the holidays but that probably won't happen. I need a job in order to save up to holiday in Japan.
That is pretty much all of it, all of it said and done. This post was actually a lot easier to write than I was expecting. LOL.