#ssfs.txt

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

It's okay if the only emotion you're ready to feel right now is anger. Being angry doesn't make you dangerous or immoral. Anger is a normal emotion. It's usually a secondary emotion, meaning there are other emotions that are causing that anger. But sometimes anger feels like the only safe emotion, and if you're not ready to address the emotions that are the cause of your anger, that's okay. Being angry is allowed.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

It's okay if you don't shower as much as people around you. You don't need to shower every single day to be clean and well-kept. Showers and baths can be extremely difficult or triggering for some people, especially when trauma and neurodivergency converge.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

It's okay to feel worse before you feel better. It's okay to feel like healing is just as (if not more) difficult than staying sick. Healing isn't a linear process; there are relapses and stalls. Choosing to heal is a difficult process that changes your brain in ways that are often uncomfortable. You may subconsciously feel "safer" in a hypervigilant state after trauma. You may question if the struggle is "worth it" because healing and not healing both hurt.

You are strong. You can heal. You will begin to gradually see your growth and see positive aspects of healing. It starts out small and spreads slowly through you. It won't always hurt. Healing won't always feel as painful as it does right now. You're not alone.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

Ask Guidelines & Things to Know

Hello everybody! Welcome to supportivespaceforsurvivors. This is a trauma advice blog. We function primarily by asking questions submitted to us via the ask box. Because of that, we would appreciate if you would read the following ask guidelines before sending any asks. You can also read these policies on the Carrd. The Carrd also has a short informational blurb about each moderator.

We are not crisis support. Please refrain from sending asks requesting for us to talk you out of harming yourself. Here is an extensive, organized list of alternatives to self harm.

We are not professionals or a substitute for professional advice. We aren't able to diagnose anyone through this blog. Because we aren't professionals and can't diagnose, sometimes we will recommend you consult a professional if you are able.

Please specify in your ask what you'd like to see in your response. For example, specify if you want validation, advice, resources, or simply an acknowledgement of your vent.

Please list applicable trigger warnings at the beginning of your ask. This helps our mods avoid triggering asks, or prepare themselves before interacting with an ask if they can handle the content when appropriately warned beforehand. This ensures that we can respond to your ask as efficiently as possible.

Please avoid using the term "narcissist" or its derivatives, like narcissistic, to describe your abuse. We want this to be a safe space for everyone, including those with stigmatized mental illnesses. We don't believe people with stigmatized mental illnesses, especially cluster b disorders like NPD or BPD, are inherently more dangerous or likely to be abusive. Using the term narcissistic is abelist. A further explanation about the abelist nature of the term "narcissist" is here.

We won't publish inflammatory asks. This is a queer-friendly space, including towards a-spec folx. We aren't going to publish asks that are clearly meant to start drama or discourse.

Please remember the mods are human.This blog is run entirely by volunteers. We want to get to all our asks as efficiently as we can. At the same time, there might be some days where no mods feel up to answering asks.

You can request a specific mod answer your ask if you'd like, but please don't ask for a specific mod not to answer it. This includes stating any mod except one can answer your ask. We ask for you to do it this way because having people ask a certain mod not to answer their ask can feel very exclusionary and be upsetting.

A note about our tagging system: We use the terms "tw r" and "tw sa" as a way to lessen the chances of our blog or its posts getting deleted by tumblr's algorithm.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

An explanation of recent events

Hi all. I am posting a timeline of the recent events that have ended up with me inviting some of the mods I trust from @advicetotraumasurvivors to this blog. It is incomplete; as of this posting (4pm CST, August 23, 2021), nobody has admitted any wrongdoing, but I know a lot of you aren't really sure what happened at all. I apologize in advance for the verb tense shift midway through. I unfortunately don't have the spoons to edit it.

Hayden does not plan to stay with the blog. Olive plans to stay at least for now. I will likely stay. I'm not sure about Henrie or Berry at the moment. Those are the only mods that currently have access to this blog. (Edit from Mod Henrie: I’ll be staying.)

The timeline will be under the cut as it is fairly long. All times are in Central Standard Time.

Around 5:30pm CST last night, April messaged the Discord telling us she was leaving the blog. She left both the Discord and the blog shortly thereafter. We got some anons asking about why she'd left and I directed those towards her @traumasurvivors blog because I didn't feel comfortable trying to speak for her, One of them felt my answers was dismissive. That anon ended up being a mod in the Discord who was triggered by my tone. We received more asks from them, one passive-aggressive and one outright guilt-trippy.

At 7:30pm CST Henrie made an announcement that everyone who participates in the blog is a volunteer. Several mods offered in the Discord to mediate since the mod who was upset didn't feel comfortable addressing the issue with me directly.

Around 9:00pm CST we started getting some positive messages to the blog. I started to think maybe the situation had blown over. I tried to answer one of the positive anons. Tumblr gave me an error code.

We discovered the upset mod had deleted all of our inbox messages.

At 9:30pm CST Berry noticed posts were disappearing from our blog. I had noticed some weren't showing up for me, but because Tumblr is a Hellsite I figured they were there and it was just a glitch. Even the pinned post got deleted.

I panicked and asked what if the Carrd got deleted. Unfortunately, whoever the mod was, saw that and changed the email and password to the Carrd.

At 9:36pm I started adding Henrie, Hayden, Berry, and Olive to this side blog. This ended up taking several hours because we were all disoriented and triggered pretty badly by then.

At 9:45 pm I noticed they deleted my mod tag. We kept trying to encourage them to stop. Henrie reblogged all the asks that were still there to their personal in case they got deleted.

At 9:55pm I left the server and asked Berry to invite me to the new one they said they'd make so the handful of us could discuss the situation while feeling a bit more safe. There's a gap of about 20 minutes in the timeline here but I'm not sure anything super important happened during it.

Olive rescues most of the info from the Carrd by 10:21pm. April offers to transcribe the pinned post that I managed to screenshot on my phone.

Hayden makes a post around this time saying we've moved URLs. The upset mod deletes it.

I ask April if she will write down the URLs of all of our followers on advicetotraumasurvivors and send asks to them one by one to let them know what's going on. An extremely inefficient method, but at this point I'm at a loss. Henrie starts sending the asks to our followers. April finishes transcribing the pinned post at about 10:30.

At this point I have taken my sleep med and am losing reading comprehension rapidly. I say I'm going to bed but end up not sleeping until something like 4am.

At 10:31 Olive discovers that the upset mod has password-protected the blog. Henrie copy pastes the only ask in the inbox. It came in after the others were deleted.

At 11pm Olive announces she has a download/export of the blog in progress to hopefully preserve some of the posts and information on it. I ask April to boost the new URL. Henrie asks Tumblr's customer service system about uploading the file to the new blog.

At 11:10 Berry notices the queue is being messed with. Several mods go back and forth with the saboteur mod changing how often the queue posts. I suggest that we reblog ask games to the new blog so people can get to know us better once this all dies down.

At 11:21 Hayden announces the blog title has been changed to DON'T TALK TO US. A few minutes later Olive says some extremely tasteless tags are being added to queued posts, including the r slur and the n word. We won't go to any more detail about any of the other things that were said because they were extremely triggering, but we are deeply sorry to any followers (and mods) that may have seen those tags.

11: 38pm: Henrie makes posts on both blogs saying it's not us typing these awful things and to block advicetotraumasurvivors.

11:40pm: We decide to delete all the posts on the blog and the whole queue. April starts mass deleting.

11:53pm: I screenshot all the asks in the drafts. We delete all the drafts. The upset mod continues to change the blog title to triggering and inflammatory things.

1am today (Monday): Henrie asks if it's okay to announce to the original server that we moved discords and blogs. I ask if we can avoid adding people to the new discord until we know who the mod is that's upset. We eventually agree to hold off on adding people into the new discord.

2:44am: April gets an anon apologizing for their poor/inflammatory actions on her traumasurvivors blog and posts a response separate from the ask. We wait, hoping that the anon will message April.

3am: We get a similar apology on the new blog. It gets screenshotted and sent the new Discord so everyone can see it. I delete the ask from the inbox with everyone's permission because it feels very guilt trippy to me.

3:23 April gets more anons blaming her for the situation spiraling out of control, presumably from the upset mod.

12:22pm: April has more anons when we all wake up. All of us in the new server agree that we're tired and just want the situation resolved. No one comes forward.

Edit from mod Henrie: This is a timeline of all of the “major events”, but it doesn’t convey how frantic we all were. We were all feverishly working on deleting triggering tags/deleting posts/trying to find out who was doing this/etc. in between each of these times. It was chaotic and messy and incredibly exhausting for everyone involved.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

I just want to let everybody know that we are still answering asks. I know there's been quite a delay with some of them but I promise they will all be posted eventually! You can still send stuff in, you don't have to wait until our inbox is empty :)

Mod Devyn

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

Mod applications are open again! Here is the link.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

Hey y'all, as my ask earlier said, we're still around, but we haven't gotten any (genuine) asks today! Feel free to send stuff in now if you'd like a response before I head to bed. Mod Devyn