#ssgtwestbrook

[jamesonandhotbrass]

"Do you know how to get flaming toast out of the toaster?"

“What the fuck did you do.” Cayne could really only laugh at the prospect. He wasn’t the best cook, but he really couldn’t say that he’d ever started toast ablaze. “I mean, put the fire out, and flip it over?”

[metalteamtruck-blog]

@ssgtwestbrook​ finally writing you that starter we planned a week ago

Ash wasn’t a morning person, never had been and never would be. Sure, the military instilled on her a certain kind of lifestyle and routine, but that didn’t change her preferences. The second Ash was back on leave and left to her own devices she’d sleep until noon, easy. 

The morning sun assaulted her eyes before they were even properly open and her first waking thought was one of regret that she still hadn’t motivated herself to go out and get some blackout drapes. Grunting in irritation, she lifted a hand to shield her eyes, her face scrunching up in irritation. 

She could smell coffee. That was her second thought and the one that stopped her from succumbing to temptation and closing her eyes again. Freshly brewed too, the good stuff her parents bought her last Christmas and that she normally kept well hidden and for special occasions. There were only about three people on the planet who knew where she kept it. Of course D had gone looking for it. He was a smart guy who knew just how cranky she and Austin could be without their morning dose of java. 

Grinch himself was tucked into her side, his chin resting on her right shoulder. Somehow he’d managed to roll almost entirely from his side of the bed and drape himself over her. To her left the sheets were disturbed, the sounds of clinking ceramic from the kitchen doing little to hide D’s current whereabouts. A small smile twitched across Ash’s lips and she leaned down to press a small, fleeting kiss to Austin’s temple, laughing when he grunted at the intrusion. At least they could share some solidarity in how much they both hated mornings.

“Hey.. c’mon, big guy. You’re keepin’ me from my coffee here...” Knowing better than to try and wake him up gently, Ash chose instead to nudge Grinch in the ribs, a blunt but effective move. She wriggled her way out of bed, stretching out her stiff limbs and looking back over her shoulder to Austin. “... If we stay here any longer, I’m pretty sure someone’s going to throw water on us.”

Deciding it was safer to let him come around in peace, Ash padded through to the kitchen, just in time to see D raiding her refrigerator and attempting its contents out onto the kitchen counter. She raised her eyebrow, instead heading straight for one of the cups of coffee set out and waiting for her. It was the perfect temperature and after a couple of hasty sips the sleepy haze in her head had just about disappeared. 

“You have way too much energy this morning...” She finally spoke out, although it wasn’t really a complaint. Nursing her mug in between her hands, she leaned back against the counter top, surveying D over the rim of the cup. “I’m pretty sure after last night’s performance you should still be unconscious. I sure as hell would have been if somebody hadn’t decided to give me a caffeine wake up call.”

[toadofthe141]

A started for @ssgtwestbrook​ that they didn’t really ask for but are getting anyway

“Word in the rec room is that you’re Metal Team’s resident pretty boy.” Hardly standing on ceremony, Chris threw himself down into the empty seat opposite the Delta operative, who before that moment had been quite innocently eating his lunch. He threw him a friendly grin, sliding his own tray of food in front of him. 

“Derek, right? Name’s Chris. I guess you could say that I’m your 141 alter ego. Except I’m better looking, obviously. But there’s no shame in coming second, right?” 

[metalteamtruck-blog]

Fuck, had he wanted to have Ash for so long - a special place in his soul carved out just for her. And no matter what anyone thought, it wasn’t just because he’d wanted sex. No. It was because Ash was deep, complex, emotional. It was because she understood him in ways others couldn’t. Because she liked being around him, day in and day out, even when he was sunshine and innuendo, laughter and bluntness, while she was rough and no-nonsense, technical and sometimes a little too much like the machines she spent her time with. They weren’t similar, but that didn’t stop them from loving each other. As friends. As comrades.

@ssgtwestbrook

[codrppositivity-blog]

s/o to the new team metal ( @dream-bringer, @metalteamtruck, @ssgtwestbrook, @sfcblake) for not only slaying, but playing so well off of each other.

[metalteamtruck-blog]

Faded

[Written for my dearest @ssgtwestbrook since work is already kicking her arse this week. Inspired by Faded - Alan Walker (because apparently I am obsessed with that song this week) is this confused, barely edited drabble that somehow became a 1500+ word monster. Under the cut because of length and angst.]

’The monster’s running wild inside of me, So lost, I’m faded.’

 Ash could still remember the day she became numb to the world precisely. 1603 local time, Afghanistan. She’d come off patrol and her LT had been stood in front of her, all straight faced and pale. She could still remember the way he told her, the exact words he used. A car crash, so quick and sudden. The fact that they were already gone. He’d told her that he’d pray for them.

Prayers to a God she didn’t believe in.

There were no tears, no violent outbursts in front of the others. She was rushed into compassionate leave faster than she could even say goodbye. Not that she was able. A grim acceptance had taken hold, a silent admission of this surreal new truth. She couldn’t feel the pain because deep down she didn’t believe in it yet.

It was the return home that sent her crumbling. Her first night in their bed without him, the sheets wrapped around her body like a prison. It was her son’s toys left strewn across the lounge floor, the already opened containers of food sitting in the refrigerator, waiting for their owner’s to return to them. It was the stone cold, half-drunk mug of coffee still sitting out on the porch, the dates circled on the calendar of playdates and catch ups with long lost friends that would never happen.

She stayed with her best friend Jessie right up until the funeral, unable to face home and all of its truths. With her family buried, she left home without a second glance and headed straight back to the only thing that she had left, the Marines. She didn’t stay home long enough to sell the house, her parents handled that in her absence, her past life packed up into cardboard boxes and thrown indefinitely into storage. She never really intended to go back there.

Training and fighting suddenly became her life. She felt alive in a job that often threatened to kill her, adrenaline her new drug. Somewhere along the line she realised that she needed to advance, to diversify. She’d heard about Delta, was interested despite it appearing to be an almost unattainable goal. But it was a goal none the less, a drive and motivation she’d been missing for years. Her first try at selection was a miserable failure. Her second attempt saw her finally join Delta’s ranks.

Life was simple and with Delta she naively thought that it would only be simpler. The work was more challenging, more unforgiving, but that was what she’d originally signed on for. But joining Delta was something she’d thought would give her a single minded focus. Instead, it gave her three.

She already knew the power of being a part of a team, had felt that close, almost family connection when she was in the Marines. Semper Fi wasn’t just a phrase, it was a way of life. It represented a love and loyalty that could not be recreated anywhere else. As a part of Metal team that care grew. Now she found herself within a much smaller fire team, working in a close knit group who more often than not lived inside each other’s pockets. The bonds forged between them were so much stronger than she’d expected that Ash had felt overwhelmed by it at first.

She’d thought that she had become hardened and entirely self-sufficient after she lost her family and yet Metal had made her question everything.

Frost was the first to force his way into her life, caring about her in a way that she’d almost forgotten how to react to. It didn’t matter how sour or bitter her mood might be, he’d still be there, a smiling face cracking inappropriate jokes or a silent ear for her to rant to. It didn’t matter if she spoke too harshly and lashed out at him because he seemed to possess an innate ability to read and understand her. She told him things she’d never dared to tell anyone else, opened up to him willingly instead of feeling pushed to. She even trusted him to see her at her most vulnerable, to see her tears and to hear her fears for the future. It was the most emotionally naked she’d allowed anyone to see her since before Paul had died.

It was simple for a while, caring about him. Ash told herself that it was just because Derek had become part of her healing process, that his qualities as a friend were the only thing that made him important, that made him special. And yet in her heart, she knew that even that was a lie. There was more there than an emotion that could be truly tied to friendship alone. She loved him, but in a way that was nowhere close to platonic. She spent a lot of time trying to run away from that feeling, trying vainly to hold him at arm’s length. But it was impossible to keep herself from something that she genuinely wanted in her life. She felt helpless and pathetic, a slave to her emotions. Conflicted in the feeling that everything felt right and that that in itself made it all wrong. She wasn’t supposed to feel this way, wasn’t supposed to think of anyone, a co-worker no less in this way. Not when she knew what losing a person she loved so entirely would do to her.

There was too much at stake.

She faltered once, losing control one night when she had him pinned in the gym, his body locked beneath hers. She thought it was a lapse in judgement, kissing him like that, lingering longer than she should have. She panicked and left, shut him out when he tried to come after her. She was hurting him and that in itself made her sick to her stomach but there was no escaping the confusion in her head. Was it wrong that she pictured kissing him again? Was it a betrayal that now when she closed her eyes sometimes she saw him instead of Paul? How could both of them mean so much to her in such very different ways? Could she survive that kind of loss again?

“There’s someone else.” There was only one person she could call, Jessie, the friend who had stood by her through everything. Through her, Ash knew she’d receive no judgement and only honesty.

“Good.” There was a pause. “Is he a good man?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Does he love you?”

“… Yes.” There should have been no hesitation because Ash was sure of that much. Derek made no secret of the fact that she was important to him, wearing his heart on his sleeve like she could never do. She knew who he was, had accepted it just like he’d accepted her but somehow admitting it to her friend felt like a big step. “But he loves a lot of people.”

“What are you saying?”

“He’s not… monogamous.” Why did that statement feel like she wasn’t doing him justice? “But he’s genuine and honest and committed to the people he cares about. In his way.”

“… And you’re OK with all of that?”

“… Yeah. I guess I am.”

Somehow, admitting it to Jessie was what Ash needed. She had to say the words to admit it to herself, to realise that what she felt for Derek was something new. Why did this new love have to feel like before? Why couldn’t this be on her own terms? Was protecting herself really worth not taking this chance?

Wasn’t taking chances what her life was all about now?

It took every ounce of courage she had to go to his room that night to knock on the door and face him, her heart thumping hard with anxiety. Would he understand like she hoped he would? Ash wasn’t even sure she knew how to articulate how she felt. She always had been so much better at speaking through actions rather than words.

“D… I got it wrong, man.” He was looking back at her, a soft smile on his features whilst his eyes tried to read hers. She shrugged, her hands gesturing fruitlessly by her side. “I felt so fucking lost.”

He was about to speak when she stepped forward, so close that their bodies were almost touching. Her right hand moved upwards silently, landing on his shoulder and stroking upwards until it gently cradled his neck. Her movements were slow, but she was so sure. She needed this.

She needed him. No matter how scary that felt.

Pulling him down into a kiss, she rose up to meet him in one complete movement, her other hand resting against his chest. Through his skin she could feel his heart beat, racing like hers. His arms encircled her as he tilted his head, deepening the kiss and drawing her in closer. She could feel the warmth from his hands radiating through her back.

The woman that she’d been was lost, had been adrift ever since her family were ripped from her grasp. She’d never get their love back and so she’d never be that woman again. She’d thought that in their absence she’d been left as a shadow of her former self, the hardened shell of a person who had given up everything but survival. She’d thought that feeling this would be something that would forever be out of her reach.

Ash was sick of being afraid. Afraid to live, afraid to love. Life was short, there were no guarantees, no second chances. She knew all of that and yet it had taken so much to finally make her appreciate it. She was living on borrowed time; it was time to stop wasting it.

[metalteamtruck-blog]

@ssgtwestbrook​ continued from [x]

She’d watched D stalk off to get some water and for naively she’d thought that that was the end of it. Holding the whistle between her teeth she moved as much as she was able, looking down to the angry, bleeding wound in her side. D had ripped away half her shirt and undone the top buttons of her pants to take a decent look at it, but modesty was the least of her worries right now and she hitched down her pants a little more so that they sat low on her hips and out of the way. The tattooed initials just above her hip bone became visible, reddened by a smear of blood. Reaching out with shaking fingers, Ash traced them, her fingers intending to wipe the blood away when in reality all they did was cover them in more.  

“When the fuck did this happen?”

Austin’s voice was unmistakable above her and Ash froze her movements, another pained grimace pushing across her features although this one was completely unrelated to her injury. Derek had gone running to the one fucker who wouldn’t take her shit lying down, possibly the only bloke right now who had the balls to argue this one out, blow for blow with her. Letting out a long exhale, Ash looked upwards, finally catching Austin in the eye. 

“This little thing? I just cut myself shaving.” She was being as sarcastic and unhelpful as possible with her answer as she glared right back at him, but right then feeling vulnerable and harassed Ash didn’t give a single damn. Behind him, Derek came into view and Ash threw a death glare in his direction although Austin barking at her soon brought her attention back to this. 

“Right now, I’d fucking kill to have neither of you wrapped up in anything.” She bit back, taking another puff on the whistle in her mouth. It was starting to become ineffective and she spat it onto the floor in disgust. “What are sickbay gonna do that we can’t do ourselves up here? I’ll lay around there for fuckin’ hours, get asked 101 questions and then there’ll slap a bandage on me and tell me to take it easy. I call this cutting out the middle man, Austin. Where’s the problem?”

[metalteamtruck-blog]

14: What is your muse's deadly sin?

Dig Into My Muse’s Life - Headcanons

[Most likely gluttony. Ash LOVES food with every fibre of her being and chances are if she’s not on duty then she’s most likely eating. Her team mates find her constant appetite both hilarious and disturbing and anyone who has watched her eat probably shares the same sentiment. 

Wrath probably comes a close second, because Ash has got a serious temper on her when provoked.]