#stalker!jay

[masked-omen]

──────────────────ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪʟʟs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 2──────────────────

summary: f!reader is a writer who rents a house in the middle of nowhere to finish her second book. she doesn't know that there is someone else in the woods. stalker. someone who feels connection to her because of her work, because of the story she chose to write. while she's working on her story, there is a lurking shadow, whose obsessive love will turn the events of this getaway trip.

chapters: 1 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

trigger warnings: +18 (nsfw), stalking, obsessive behavior, violence, blood/gore, swearing, angst, guns/knives, implications of: toxic parents, sexual assault. Mentions of :killing, taking sleeping pills. let me know if I missed any.

word count: +5.6 k (reading time : 20 mins)

divider: coolcatsgraphics

authors note: thank you for people who are ınvested ın the story and keeps me motıvated to do thıs. thıs ıs the fırst oc story i'm sharing here and it means the world to me that you guys like it. i've planned few chapters in advance and i just love writing it in perspective that the love interest is YOU.

I've been staring to the wall for a past hour or two, I lost count. I can be still. I can be invisible, silent, transparent, not there. You see, Y/N , I learned that pretty early in my life. I've learned to be a part of my surroundings, be an inanimate object. My dad thought me very well. I always went to hunt with him. I actually hated it. Tearing the skin from the bones with a sharp knife, bent at the end just slightly so you can bleed them dry more easily.

Maybe I was thirteen at that point, who remembers these things? He told me to remain still, not to let out any sound, so I wouldn't scare a deer in the near distance. Stealth and good scope, that's it. Don't forget to breath out before pulling the trigger. But I moved and stepped on a twig under my shoes. Poor animal just ran. Funny how they remain still when you're coming at them at the full speed on highway and gets scared by crack of wood. I looked at my father, maybe thinking that "sorry" will cut it. Well, maybe I'll leave this for next time.

I figured it out that I don't have any options here. If the alarm set by the door , means all windows are also out of the variables. Honestly, I've fucked up so much just because I wanted to lay with you in the same bed, same sheets, surrounded by you, by your touch and scent. Looking at you while you breath in me, without understanding what particles are going inside you. Parts of my dead skin. I've been watching for so long, that it seemed fake, lucid dream. I'm in control of it, but I don't want to ever wake up.

Instead you decided that you're nervous system is going fight the pill and mess up my plan. Standing in the bathroom and looking at the change of coloring behind the window. Dark gray slowing turning into muddy blues, forest having it's actual forms. I wanted to close my eyes, or go back in time, so I wouldn't have fallen asleep. I would lie if I said that I didn't need to to press myself into the mattress right beside you. I should stop giving myself accusations, I know for a fact - I would've got in your room in any scenarios, in any multiverse.

Reaping the consequences. Cut me deep, let me starve, torture if you want. The decision was made. Yes, that sounds dramatic, but I never was more at ease than when I was there, with you. I know how pathetic that sounds. Jerking off looking at you naked without you knowing, holding your hand inside mine without your knowledge. Even if there was a chance, surely I wouldn't ask, rejection and all that. Sorry won't cut it, will it? It never does.

I sat on the washing machine. Sadly stuck in the problem I've created myself. What if you will want to go wash some clothes? You find some guy in your rented house, when you already put in your alarm, so you know he got here in the middle of the night when you forget to turn it on, in those few hours interval. House keeping ! Yeah, me with cargo pants and leather gloves came to clean your bathroom without any supplies.

None suppose to know you're here, so how could I build a believable alibi with the way I look and… Fuck. My mask was in the car. I can't even leave here without flashing my face to you. I banged my head to the wall. Few times. Not loud enough but good enough to feel even dumber every second. I looked at my wrist watch. It's almost six. You woke up yesterday at eight. What I'm suppose to do until I will be seen? I could just run. Push myself through a narrow window in the bathroom. Get back to my car and forget this ever happen. Get a new girl to stalk. Imagine it would feel the same. Y/N , you know I can't. My body will itch without checking on you.

I know I shouldn't do that. But I had time. Your laptop on my knees. I was surprised that that you had passcode on your phone but not on this, when it holds the most precious thing for you. Your writing. Some parts were still not decided, you wrote options for the end of some dialogues. This actually felt criminal, not the fact that I was tailing you for few months. Somehow I could feel that you were hurt while writing this. Or I just knew you were and thought I understood you deeper. I wanted to know you like that physically and mentally.

Not everyone can admit they're sick. Well, I could but not when it's from someone's else mouth but mine. And yet here's the other reason I picked you. You wanted lurking fear on your back, feeling shiver down your spine. 'Fuckface' was too bland? He didn't offer you the world , most likely tried to be your world, didn't he? I drifted away. Eyes pinned on the corner of the laptop , looking at time, minutes switching one by another. I placed your laptop back on the coffee table. Stood up and looked at the backyard. Somewhere in between those branches, there's my car. Yes, you can't see anything from here.

I didn't want you to see me, but I can't run, because my charade will be done. There is no possible lie I could think on the spot if try. It wouldn't fool you. Knock you out and then run? I don't want to hurt you, honestly. You don't deserve that. I could see light shining through naked trees. My eyes hurt. That one hour of sleep was not enough for sure. Waiting at the door. Looking up at the stairs. I had to find a way to stay. It would be like ripping out my breathing tube and leaving me to die. Air I need to live. You are the dioxygen.

It was defeat but I got back to the bathroom. Locking myself back to the cell, serving my time for bad decisions I landed on. Didn't read whole 14 chapters of your drafts. But you always need to stop, doesn't matter how much you want it, you'll want it even more if you will let it slowly develop in the phase you desire it to stop at. Just like you. This was not the time.

Almost nine. I got worried that you took to many sleeping pills. It can't be that bad. But you never know, do you? I needed to check on you, almost opened the door but you sneaked through your bedrooms first. So I stood there, holding the door knob in my hand. Boots on the ground. Listening to your slow steps. So light on your feet, I could swear you were not even touching the ground, I knew were your were standing by humming, it was interrupted with a yawn.

Your phone was buzzing. Cutting of socials. Well, that's a lie. Maybe you posted that , so you could cut someone out? Push them in illusion that you are not reachable? If that was the plan, it was pretty good I might say. You tricked me at least. Well , I didn't think you would lie to people who follow you. Literally and not. Can't get away from me in any side of the map.

Buzzing sound and at the same time, really really small voice. Were you listening to music or just someone actually talking in another end? I couldn't check to be sure. It was too light to crack open a door even a little bit. Fear. It was piercing my body. Tiny blades opening a wound inside my brain. I'll get drunk of this panic, or just pass out. Maybe my body at least would block the door and you wouldn't able to open it, because you didn't seem like you could push off my weight. But you were full of surprises , so I never know with you.

There was sounds I could digest, was that something heavy? Was that just some dishes? But other audio waves I can understand. Beeping sound. Alarm system. You're going outside? I put my face closer to the door. Did you walk out or not? Temperature change was a tell. You did open the door. Keys dangling. Don't close them behind, don't close them please. I pressed my lips together. Good girl. There was no sound that you… and then you did. You stepped back on the porch and you locked the doors with the keys from the outside." Oh fuck, come on". I muttered under my breath. Knocked the bathroom door with my forehead. Looking at my socks. There was a hair on the top of them. Yours.

My fingers gripped the handle and I opened them just enough to peak through. You were not on the porch. You went for a scroll around the house just like first day when you almost got too close, are you doing that again? Heart pumping inside my chest. Arms a bit sweaty, like I was holding hands with that Gretchen girl in the fifth grade. I slowly popped my head out of the bathroom. You were standing near the snowy bench. Around you a warm smokes forming from a cup of coffee and you hugging yourself inside a blanket. I could do that for you. No, not now. I need to think about the way to leave, not to fantasize how I could be the one to keep you warm.

Front door not an option. Living room windows doesn't open, it's just a fish tank. I looked back. Bathroom window is small but maybe I could manage? But still, it's on the side of the house, you could turn around and see me. Bedroom. Second floor. I rubbed my palms against my hair, I knew it was a mess. Risk of getting dislocated shoulder or being seen by you? Fucking shoulder it is.

I walked out of the bathroom. Ran straight to the stairs. Small distance but still needed to be fast, just in case. Holding the boots under my armpit. Opening your room doors. First glimpse was at empty basket, just with underwear, the ones you wore yesterday. Yeah, no, Jay. Got straight to the window, it was open, but not enough for me to go through it, I need to open it fully. Will that be a detail which won't pass your eyes? I had to take a chance on that. I opened it. Put on the shoes. Barely tied them. Don't have much time.

Wait. One glove. The other one I put… I patted my back pocket… inside my back pocket. Which was empty. Where the fuck did I lose it? I heard the door on the first floor open. It happened so fast. I squeezed myself through and just saw ground close up on me. Went with legs first. The feet hit so hard, I fell on my knees right after. It's much easier in movies. It burned. But I got up. Going straight to right. Not to the side of the house, which was basically windows.

This part was even more dense. Branches scratching my face, stopping my run, catching me by the ankles. Almost fell few times. I hoped you will wonder that you just left the window more open then it was. And the glove. If dropped it on stairs, I just can pack my shit and go. Clothes like that just doesn't go around the house appearing in random places. I tied my shoes harder when I got further. Catching my breath. I looked back. Weird reflex. I know you didn't follow.

Detour. Getting back to my car took a bit of time. Needed to get up on the hill and then get down, if I wanted to keep my tracks in the forest. Here's my blue beauty. Old one. But it was my grandmas. I could get a new one, not a bother, but this one holds memories. Important for my character development I may add. This was first place I understood what kind of human I was. Breaking the glass I was surrounded by while I was a teenager. Weak, spineless little brat.

I sat in drivers seat. Eyes dry. Body sore. I felt warmth on my leg. My wet and cold fingers revealed that the knife on the calf cut my leg. Probably the pressure of the fall. Just a little, but enough to make a mess. I touched my bright red blood. Didn't cut anything deep enough to bleed my out but I needed to take care of it. I took out the paper towel and pressed it on the cut to keep the pressure. I hope it won't get infected.

Lifted my eyes up to view of the dinning room. You were sitting on the sofa. Touching the keyboard, slowly, thinking the words not as fast as you wanted to type. You didn't go to the second floor? Your coffee mug on the table in front of you. The phone on the sofa beside you. That reminded me. I took mine out of glove compartment and turned it on. Few messages from Lizza, one of them was [You watching TV? So how come I knocked and you didn't answer? There was no answer? You are not home, aren't you?]. "What the hell, Liza" I talked to myself. That's becoming a thing. Is she's stalking me? What's wrong with her? Okay, I walked right into that one.

If she was at my door the other night, she knows I'm lying. But why is she doing that if she didn't talk to me for so long. Honestly, should I be even bother by that? [Hi. I heard you. Sorry, but I didn't want to talk.] I wrote back. Getting deeper into the the hole. I don't know if she said anything or just knocked but needed to play safe. Whatever game she is playing. I didn't have time for some co-worker who doesn't mean anything to me. The one that matter was sitting on the sofa. In the aquarium I loved to look at.

I changed my clothes. Fully naked and you didn't even know. I'm not an animal, I took a lot of spare underwear, socks and such. It was cold pulling up the cotton on myself. Car took in all the frost from the night. Or was it lack of sleep? Lack of food? Seemed like I was only driven on the adrenaline and the visual of you.

I put on thermal shirt with long sleeves. Sticking with cargo pants. Not a lot of them in my backpack. Took out bottle of water and protein bar. Soon I would need to get myself some real food. But there is quite the distance and I can't do it while you on with your activities. I need to get some sleep and do it at night when you're asleep.

Better don't make same mistake again, even when it's so tempting to lay beside you. Feel the blood rushing in your veins, just imagining it again makes me smile. I hugged myself while eating this odd flavor bar. My eyes kept gluing themselves together. You were in the peak of your storytelling now, I saw how fast your fingers were moving. Did you sleep good? Was the smell of my skin helped to unclog that block in your head?

The place where your hand was resting while you were sleeping, it still burned. You left a mark on my skin and it won't wash off. The grip you hold on me. On someone you don't know. I wish you did. Maybe it's delusions, but I'm still sure you would understand. Eyes got heavy after every second passing just more and more. Your face started to melt when heart beating settled to normal. I was slowly drifting into dreams. I could cross my heart and say, even in them, I would dream of you. My brown hair sliding on the seat, while body sinking in. Still slowing chewing on last bit of my breakfast. My eyes slowly opened, focusing on the path up on the hill. I saw a figure coming from the road.

I tossed my water and mostly eaten bar on the passenger's seat. Who is that? Slowly walking on the narrow trail from the main road. I turned my head more to the left. Saw car's hood, barely, from the snowy branches much further in west side. Wearing a beanie. But I saw that he had a buzzcut. Two earrings in both ears. Fuckface. You wrote him? I actually felt a bit of disgust. No to you. To the type you chose. He was definitely shorter than me but maybe the shoulder width overcompensated that, looked fit, from the distance. I lost him for a second. He went around the house, he knew where's the entry. You were still siting on the couch, not switching your position, like you didn't plan to have guests?

You looked back. He knocked I would assume. The sides on the door was glass but he wasn't standing there to be visible. You froze and took your phone. You looked back again. Okay, you didn't write him. You seemed scared? I saw in your face that you were weighting your options. Slowly putting your laptop on table. This movie speed just started to slack tempo, I was getting into slow motion making it tense.

You got up, as you did, I've straighten my back, like a string. I was waiting for someone to shoot into the sky and I would run. Like a dog chasing the fake rabbit. You crossed your arms and checked the window and then turned around. Almost thought you will walk back to the living room area. Your eyes burning a hole on the ground. He's not suppose to be here? Neither am I, but I'm not ruining your peace. You screamed something? No, it was just a little bit higher tone, I saw from your vein on the neck. Anger.

My breathing was uneven. Looking at you screaming into the void. Clenched fists. Now I saw him clearly. He took a step to the side and I could see him in that rectangle window, he was showing you his phone and I couldn't make a picture or a text he was wiggling in his palm. Too far. You were shaking your head. Disagreeing with whatever he was babbling about. The urge to be there and put a few marks of knuckles in his face was so tempting. Don't know what kind of problem he is, but he was for you. Problems needs to be eliminated.

My fingers clenched handle of the cars door when I saw that your eyes were tearing up. From anger. Lips pressed so hard together. And then you turned around and put in the code. You're letting him in? Why? Y/N , why would you do that? Grinded my jaw. Looked down on to the side. This sight is not what I was here for. Little moments belonged to us. Not him. My eyes got back to you. He was standing near the door. You further from him, leaning on the wall close to the fireplace.

I need to turn off this channel. I thought it was history, you deleted him from your life , you erased the pictures of any reminiscence of the two of you. Apparently I was wrong. He took of his beanie and jacket, placing it on the chair, there was a hanger right behind him. That annoyed you, I saw you look up and down his movements.

He was speaking, arms going around, a little bent posture, in "forgive me" body position. I felt jealousy slowly eating me up. He could stand there without any guilt. Though I wouldn't feel fuzzy inside if you would be staring at me like that, like you could break a bottle's neck to stuck into his. Your conversation was heating up. He was rolling his eyes, you pointing a finger at him, again and again. That somehow was a relief to see. Even in your sleep, you were so gentle to me and he's getting your wrath. I shouldn't gloat in this moment but smirk appeared on my lips.

Fuckface walking to you slowly, to a hurt animal. You going backwards, brushed you back on the wall an walked to other side of the room, near the windows, now I couldn't see your face, just the back of your head and the figure. He grabbed your hand and stopped you from escaping to the other side of the room again. You pressing your phone in your palm. He tried to kiss you, you maneuvered out of it. My hands almost pale from grip on my own thighs. I need to break his jaw, even for trying to lean in. He was still trying. My head buzzing, like thousands of bees just emerged into my skull. Shaking my leg of anxiety.

You throwed a punch, with the hand you had your phone in, impact on his face. I saw the lines on the cheek and eyebrow. Small cut right beneath it. He pushed you into the aquarium window. You dropped on the ground. "Help!" . Muffled cry for a rescue in middle of nowhere. I didn't hear but I read it in your lips. Your phone screen is cracked. He pulled you, grabbed your hair, your elbow went straight into his crotch and he immediately let you go. I can't, I can't. You got up and started to run into direction of escape, he caught your ankle and you fell to the ground. I can't stay put. Even if it will cost me everything. I have to protect you. I put on my mask on and got out of the car.

Running through the woods, just this time not from you, but to you. Going from the west side, avoiding the windows. I looked on my left to the car parked way off on the road. Pressed myself to the building when I got to entry part. Breathing so deep that I could swear I would be heard before I even walk in. Mask wet from my own breath. Adrenaline cutting into my system. I checked the window near the door. The kitchen space and living room was empty. My glove , which was still on one of my arms was so sweaty inside. I opened the door. Walked in. It's so silent. It was terrifying.

I looked up. The bedroom. I will slaughter him. My steps were quick and I yanked the door handle without any thought. It's locked. " Eric, I said to wait in the car !" Low voice instantly called back to my action. I heard the rubble but no sound from you. I took few steps back from the door. One breath in. Run straight into it. Once. It seemed that it moved but didn't budge out of place. "What the fuck ? Go away!" He screamed at so called Eric. I took a step back again. This time I had to go with more force. My hand from shoulder to the wrist felt the impact. Ribs were shaken up. Felt gastric acid in my mouth. The door fell on the ground. I stumble but managed to keep myself on feet.

His arm around your neck and the other one around you mouth. Your eyes watery. One side of the t-shirt ripped revealing your shoulder and collar bone. You were looking at me. So did he. I guess I was bigger threat, he let you go and went to me. Pushing me into the cabinet. I heard you coughing. He punched me in the stomach right after the push. He kept distance for a bit " Who the hell are you? A robber or some shit?" He laughed after the words like me busting inside the bedroom with whole door was definitely 'giving robber vibes' .

You laying on the edge of the bed. My brown eyes looking at yours, we spoke without words. You jumped on him, getting those hands around his throat. He was trying to shake you off. I got on my feet. My leg went a little of the ground and I kicked him in the shin from back, you fell back on the bed and fuckface on the floor. He looked up and my boot went straight into his face. " Do you like that, huh?" I smiled while his face took the sole of a shoe. I felt my control slowly slipping away from me.

His blood on your beige color carpet. Your eyes got wider. Your expression was puzzled. I know I needed to have my attention span to you but he was so pathetic, so deserving. You ran past through me. I looked back. You pulled me out of my trance and he took a chance to use it. I saw your hair swinging while you ran back the stairs. I even felt ease on my face when I saw you go to safety.

His shoe struck my leg and got me off my balance, but not enough, I didn't let him get the advantage. Kicked him again. And again. " Not so fun now?" I felt fire from my own breath. What if I wasn't here? What I he had all the time in the universe? I didn't even wanted to imagine it. Even when my instincts wanted to finish him, what if you ran outside? Buzzcut was not moving for now. I know it's a bad idea but I had to be sure.

Ran to the first floor. You were holding a knife. You didn't make a run? Maybe because you tried to call police first. You heard me getting down and that stopped you in the middle of escape The doors were open. "Don't come any closer" You said with trembling voice. " I called police, they will be here soon". I was just standing there on the last step. Looking at you. Your neck was a bit red, there will be a bruise later. Both hands on the handle, blade pointed straight to me. Did you see me the same as him? Did you not see how I was trying to help you? Why you making me an enemy?

" I'm not a threat, Y/N". I said while my arms was in the air, giving myself up. The change on your face. Fuck. Did I just said your name out loud? I'm so used to calling you by your name in my head. " What?" You asked me , like I should repeat what I just said, you took a step back. Not a good start. " How do you know my name?" Your eyes went to direction to an open door for a second. Indicating your intentions. You were scared and it's understandable. I'm surprised how you are not crawled into a tiny ball by now.

You screamed as a warning but it was too late. He skipped a lot of steps. A heavy body pressed me to the ground. He's not even that big, how the hell he's so heavy? All air from my lungs was just pushed out by his attack. I felt metal on my neck. "Drop it" He said to you, while you were holding a knife. Your eyes went to me. For comfort? Or saying that he will blow my brains out? You didn't needed to testify for me, you didn't know me. For you, I could've been here to rob you, or have the same intention he had. But your eyes leaning to me, as a magnet. Bad situation. But I was drinking your depth. Drinking the sorrow from your retina. You saw me. Me. My heart getting out of the rhythm.

Well, his thighs around my waist, not what I wanted for sure. You knew that cold weapon has no advance in gun fight. Looking at him with the glock pressed to my neck, then back to me. It was the moment I had to make my decision. Just like I did with being seen or breaking my bones. I mouthed out "Run". And you did, dropping the knife on the floor. Instantly after that, he lifted his gun from me, to shoot you but I grabbed his hand. The bullet went somewhere into the wall. You ran barefoot through the front door. I chased you for so long just to let you get as far from me as possible. I don't know what hurt more, knowing that maybe lead will pierce my skin or that you just ripped yourself from me.

He was trying to moved guns direction to my face. He was on me. I can't hear anything from the shot he made at you. I would assume that someone will come to the rescue but there is nothing around in miles. Only breathing which showed that this was even fight. I thought I would take him faster, but someone was definitely working out.

My wrist cracking from the pressure. I twisted his hands, his body fell on the side right next to me. Hitting his arms to the floor, so fingers would loosen up the grip on the gun. I succeeded but he pushed it and it was now unreachable, somewhere near the cabinets of the kitchen. Same place where the knife was thrown. I got my legs around him. Around his waist and my arms around his neck. Locking him in my arms. Time to go to sleep. Buzzcut gasping for air and slamming the hand on the floor, he wanted to tap out. The movements got slower until it stopped. Took a little nap. Though he deserved forever sleep. I released my hands. And pushed him off me. Filthy. I closed my eyes for a minute. Just liked that, you slipped away from my fingers.

I'm feeling numb. My body needs rest. I could finish this fast and blow his brains out. Where's the gun? Ringing in my ears didn't stop yet. So I didn't hear how you walked in. Why you didn't run? Is it one of those moments, if you love them, let them go? If they love you too ,they will come back? Something like that. You were saying something. But I just saw your lips move. Feet red from the cold. One hand holding the gun I was just looking for and the other one was pointed at me, like you were waiting for me to toss you something. And the I heard it more clearly " Keys" You said with a demanding tone.

I was trying to at least sit. "No, stay were you are !" You said loudly. This time it was more clear. That's good, I won't be deaf. So you went to his car and there was no keys in the engine, isn't right? And I know that you don't drive. His phone in his jeans. Your phone is broken on the floor. You didn't call the police, that's a bluff. None is coming. But what about the other guy who was suppose to be in the car?

" I'm not gonna say again" You were trying to sound fierce but your voice betrayed you. You were scared. I looked up. Your eyes back at me. This time you were actually looking. Not when I imagined that you saw me in the woods, behind all those threes and spikes. I had to enjoy it for a moment. My eyes got softer. Even when you were a mess, you looked like someone straight from heaven. I wish I could tell you that. But this polaroid is slowly developing. I know that the clear view is coming. Outcome is not good for me.

I leaned forward to get up. "No" You said strictly but your hands were shaking. So I got on my feet anyway. Your pupils expanding. Maybe from adrenaline. Mine was from love. I took one step closer to you. "No, I said stop" You said putting now the other hand on the gun too. " You're not gonna shot me" I said with full confidence. Just standing there, I was testing the water "I will, fucking stop" You said trembling, safety was off. Your hair scattered all over your face, I wanted to brush them in place. Mouth open just a little, lips dry. I could make them wet. Facing each other. I walked closer. You took step back. Again and again. Your back touched the refrigerator and there was nowhere to go. Gun pressing into my chest. You finger on the trigger. You eyes locked on your own gesture. While mine was at you.

Don't know which part made me so sure that I can do this. Even when the gun was in your hand. Your chest getting up and down so fast. Air filling your lungs but not helping you with situation. My hand slowly reaching for the gun barrel. Just touching the surface. Showing you, that this doesn't scare me. You are not the killer. I wasn't the one who was playing a role of a deer in the scenario. It was you. You should've ran.

[masked-omen]

──────────────────ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪʟʟs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 1──────────────────

summary: f!reader is a writer who rents a house in the middle of nowhere to finish her second book. she doesn't know that there is someone else in the woods. stalker. someone who feels connection to her because of her work, because of the story she chose to write. while she's working on her story, there is a lurking shadow, whose obsessive love will turn the events of this getaway trip.

chapters: 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

trigger warnings: +18 (nsfw), stalking, masturbation(m), use of alcohol, mentions of:use of pills, body dysmorphia(?), past trauma, toxic relationship. swearing, obsession, hint of fluff ( i guess?). let me know if I missed any.

word count: +5.7 k (reading time : 20 mins)

divider: coolcatsgraphics

authors note: this story is not for everyone's taste, it's just the beginning but it will go further and more dark. it's not perfect as my writing is not too (lol). my original character Jay is someone who I can write easily for (don't judge me on this). It's in his POV. I hope you will be able to love this story, because it's meant for YOU.

Your hair slipping through your fingers while you concentrating on laptop screen, the eye squint you did, it should help you to see your vision of the story more clearly? Or did you just saw a mistake you didn't stumble upon before the reading. Flames in the fireplace danced and the fibers on carpet made small shadow around uneven surface. Probably some smashed natural wool which wouldn't feel that great on the feet if you're not wearing socks. You legs under yourself, hiding half of you from the world in that cabin, with those big glass windows, they didn't help, you were not invisible. A small fish in a huge tank. Alone and surrounded only by some trees, frozen lake and mountains of snow. Oh yes, and me.

I saw smoke form around my balaclava. My lashes had some frost on them, because of the warm air around my face. That breathable fog turned into ice. My lower back pressed on the the hood of my car parked in the middle of nowhere. So many branches. Luckily there was a lot of spruces and those thorns doesn't fall during winter, I would be fully visible just like you now.

I felt cold even within my leather gloves. This weather was not fortune for me. Close enough but yet too far to feel the warmth of your skin. My eyes shut. Breathing in the dampness of my mask and the cutting nostrils air. Pressing hands on the metal. Slowly sucking in the air. Eardrums catching the mellow music you were playing through speakers. Was that a writers block? From the morning you were playing various type of artists, seemed to me that you were trying to spark something in that wrinkle between your eyebrows.

I slowly opened my eyes and I saw you stand up from the sofa which was the best view to keep a lookout to, my pupils following every move you make. To the kitchen. Opened a cabinet full of drinks and took the white wine. I watched you pour the glass and then spilling some on the bar. I smiled. You're so clumsy. The oversized hoodie and shorts never looked so good. It seemed even your movements were calculated, you wrote them in your head before acting on them.

Out of the blue, you walked to the window, pressing the glass full of alcoholic liquid against your lips, seemed like you were wondering if you should drink it. I could swear that you were looking straight at me. My lungs stopped working for a minute. You couldn't. Forest is too dense in rentals backyard side. I've checked for the best spot to see you and not be spotted. Felt like you left me without no mask, no cover to hide from those pretty eyes of yours. I could drown in them.

Your fingertips squeezed neckless, brushing it around your neck. Oh, I wish I could press my hand around your neck instead. Face lit up with a smile. Would that thought make you smile like that too? Delusional of me to think that you would. Record player stopped and there was no background sound. You were still looking into forest, dark, cold and dead at first glance. Looking for your inspiration. I've read your book. Somehow I thought you would like the idea of someone actually watching you through closed doors. Someone who actually would kill for you. I'm not that insane to believe it. Crazy enough to do it anyway.

The dark eyes, dark hair is not your type, isn't? The love interest in your book is the opposite of what am I. The only right requirement is the height. And the fact that I'm also stalking you. For a long time now. I tilted my head a little and leaned off the hood. Snow crunching beneath my boots. You emptied the glass so fast. Is the isolation catching up to you? You're an open book about your life in socials, speaking louder for people who can't. Brave, smart, stunning, how can someone not love you? But there was someone. Pictures of some guy, which you deleted like a week ago. He hurt you, didn't he? And that was one of the reasons you came here, not only to write your second book but to be alone with your thoughts. Run away from the problems. I understand that, I do Y/N. And I could comfort you, I could pull you in my cold arms and press you so tight that you would feel whole again.

You bit your lip, containing your emotions but the eyes, you couldn't stop it. Tears fell on your cheeks. I took one step and stopped myself. No. No. I can't. I looked down to the ground, frozen rain beneath the feet. Containment. The virus would spread so fast if I would be dumb enough. How could I explain? How someone just happened to be at the woods nearby, in the middle of the night. Got my eyes back to you but you were gone. Lifted my chin up a little to see if you went to second floor and you did but the curtains were closed. Bedroom. Restricted view only until morning when you try to get in some sun. I guess we're done for tonight?

Opened the car door and got into drivers seat. Pressed my palms together, moving cold fingers. Took my balaclava off. Bottom part of my face was a little wet from breathing. It wasn't that warm inside the car either. Saving battery and risk of being seen. Sleeping here was not comfortable yesterday and I almost shat my pants when you were walking around in the morning, got scared that you will wonder a little too close to the woods and you'll see dark blue car with someone sleeping inside. But you just slipped on the trail and went back, a little bit of uneven climb was not your goal that day and wet butt in fault of a fall just proved to me again - you're clumsy.

I took my black jacket off, it was a bit snowy and placed it on the passenger's seat. Turtleneck was too thin. This trip was not well planned at all. I turned on the heater for a bit. Need to get at least some warmth, because I couldn't get it from you. Took my blanket from the back and covered my body with it. Scrolled through phone. Not a lot of bars, barely one actually. I knew you didn't have your phone with you. Cutting off socials , you said it few days before disappearing from everyone's radar. But not from mine. And If I didn't work for a company who rents cabinets all over country, I could never find you. Of course I got lucky that my stupid ass colleague said that "What's her face writer just rented one of ours, can you believe?" I leaned towards the screen and said "Yeah, who could've thought," and then I knew that it has to be fate. Me walking towards the kitchen from my cubicle and getting to listen to him talk again, just this time, it wasn't about some girl he fucked on the weekend, it was about you. I thought he can't even read. That was an inside joke at the office.

While Lizza, the other manager, said that Toby is disgusting the way he talks about women, how they are only objects in his life, fuckable meat, she wasn't wrong. Toby was one of these people who I wish I could stick my fork into and everyone will pat me on a shoulder for a heroic action. But if not his never shutting up mouth, I would never have saw the cabin you picked and the address of it.

Day before you made the trip, I suddenly got the flu and had to take a sick leave. I never done that, so they didn't suspect any foul play. They got to have their I.T guy have some rest, who else will fix their computers on remote and won't tell anyone how many folders of suspicious names they have on work laptops. Half of my floor is sleeping with each other. I tried it with Lizza. We didn't match. The sex was good. But we saw world differently. First of all, she didn't like your book and that was the first disagreement we had.

When I was reading it, she was looking at me with aversion, didn't say anything but I felt her look. "Okay, what's wrong now?" I asked and looked at her, while she was still in my t-shirt. " You like that? Y/N work is very dark and twisted, I think she's actually sick in her head herself" I put your book on the coffee table and crossed my arms on my chest, without the shirt, which was stolen by Lizza just an hour ago . " What do you mean?" I asked her actually not following the trail of her thoughts. " Are you seriously asking me that? " She shook her head and curls around her face bounced. "Well, I like it, it's very well written and the love story in it quite…" I hummed my words off and Lizza looked back at me "Quite what?" Again with some hatred undertone in her voice, " Quite what I would want to have too" And then her face changed to confusion, disgust , or like I've took my face off in front of her.

I don't know what she realized then but we stopped talking. Even when Toby confirmed that you made the order, he knew I read your book because he saw me do it on my lunchbreak, Lizza was avoiding me ever since . But her friend didn't. She always waved while we passed corridors. I only pressed my lips together and nodded while moving in different direction from her. She was very short. I could swear she would be right next to my stomach if we stood in front of each other.

Right after I saw it that you escaping the city, I knew I had to do it. Maybe reliving the same thing your characters did in the book. I don't know if that's also the childhood trauma which is making me do these things. I am self aware Y/N, I just choose to do it anyways. I could try to be one of those who would write something stupid in your DM's and call you a bitch when you reply with a negative answer. I guess as much I think I'm better than them , I'm afraid of rejection.

I remember the excitement I felt while packing some clothes and food into my backpack. Took the stuff I might need and hit the road. Lots of water. I wanted to stay through whole journey, but it wasn't realistic, you rented the cabin for whole month, so I'm not sure how I'll will survive on granola bars, if I actually don't want to leave your side. Everything was in it's own designed place. The longest for me, was the knife. I kept looking at it, do I need it? No, I don't. At the end it still managed to be strapped on my calf. Not like there's lots of bears in that forest, not like I could take care of a bear with a knife.

Packing the backpack to go for some long ass trip to stay put in some place just to look at you whole day. Adrenaline pumping through my veins. I packed your book too. One corner of it was ripped. I actually read it two times. Raw. Showing something so dark and making it beautiful, it's art. I saw you up close once. When you were doing a reading in an old, even vintage, bookstore downtown. I was standing behind fans, felt eyes glued to my side, most of those admirers were woman. Seeing themselves in your book or wanting to have the same fantasy come to life.

Funny how you can turn in someone big overnight. You were polite, gave everyone at least some of your time. Signing copies and taking pictures. That black dress looked perfectly on you. Revealing, but enough coverage to leave you guessing. Had my copy with me but I didn't move, walked out of the building when there was 6 people waiting before me. Somehow it felt wrong. Or I was afraid that you would look at me slightly different than I imagined you would? I was a coward then. Wanted to say so much and in the end was standing behind the window. Going back home drenched because I forgot my umbrella.

I was only good at watching, reading and deciphering your deepest secrets inside your writings. Sometimes catching you at your favorite coffee shop. I thought I would get your order, but every time you took something different, challenging yourself to taste something new, better, different. The way I couldn't walk up to you that day haunted me. Maybe it was the people? Too many of them. Or maybe I couldn't be what you want in general. You need something who could always have your back but put mystery in every touch. You wanted to be someone's but also have control. You wanted to be loved and fucked. And I could give you all that. But I only can watch.

Covered my chest and pressed cheek on cold window. Looking up, to dimly lit bedroom. Dark orange color, because of the curtains. The lights on first floor turned off automatically. You left your fireplace open. Safety hazard. I saw you silhouette walking around the room. My fingers were brushing the air, like I could draw you with my fingertips. One arm tightly gripping the blanket so it won't fall off and the other one, doing imaginary sketch of your curves. Something dropped, and glimpse of light shined through window. Clothes from a chair maybe, it made an opening. I can see that beige color wallpaper , and half of minimalistic painting which was hanged over your bed. And then you. With a towel around your body. Drying your hair out. Made myself more comfortable in the seat. My back was no longer resting on it. Arms on the wheel, like I could press myself on the window to see closer. Blanket fell off on my thighs.

You were standing in front of mirror, that's why I could see you. Just a reflection of the room through a gap in the curtains. I swallowed my own saliva, but it couldn't cool off the burn inside my throat now. My tongue wanted to taste your skin - you. I felt my muscles tense, stomach pulsing like it was hit. Towel for your hair was placed on footstool in front of the mirror. And you unwrapped from the one which was hiding your body. Like a gift. Your breasts, your thighs, your everything. I opened my mouth slightly like more air couldn't get in from the nose. My heart pounded. It rushed more blood down the lungs, stomach, right to the area of underwear. I felt my cargo pants getting out of normal shape. You were looking at the mirror, at yourself. Looking down, like trying to find something you dislike? Touching your skin, wanting to take some parts off. Lips pressed in thin line. You turned around, examining yourself. Fingers sliding of the skin, pinching parts of you. I was hypnotized by it.

My mouth got completely dry. You were fully naked and the view was like a car crash. I know it's wrong, but I can't stop staring. You put on a silky robe but you didn't tie it, sat in front of mirror, applying some skincare on your face. But I could still see half of you. The chest and the stomach. Breasts moving a little with movements of your body. My eyes made it's own trail to follow. As my hand did too. One hand pressing steering wheel while other one unzipped pants, fingers found the button and undid it. My hand slipped inside my own underwear and and slowly stroked creation of your naked body's image. It was already hard. Looking at you made it more and more swollen. I heard my own breathing. Leaned my back to the seat, still looking at you. Not aware of what kind of storm only few seconds of your nudity caused.

You were almost done with whatever you were doing it. I saw your nipples through the robe, was it cold there? I bit inside of my lip. I lost the visual. You walked away from the mirror. So I closed my eyes. Repeating the same thing over and over again. Imagining that that body was on me in this car right now. Moving slowly on me, taking what you want , how you want it. Letting you have control and then taking it away. Your breasts moving right onto me. As I got faster, seemed like all cold air went away from the car. Rapid breathing and teeth sinking in my own lips not to let out a whimper. Sliding the skin, pressing, deceiving my body that the cold hand was actually yours.

As I opened my eyes, you picked fallen hoodie of the floor and closed the gap, the only light for my eyes. But I saw that set you were wearing. Matching. Was that for me? Foolishly letting myself believe that you know that I'm this car stroking my dick to your imagery. I let out a moan and pressed the wheel so hard I thought I could break it. Feel warm cum on my own hand while it pumped on my fingers. Tension in muscles slowly returned to ease. Head rested on the seat. "Fuck" I said silently, like you could hear.

Got some on my turtleneck and underwear. "Shit" I opened the glove compartment and took out the wet wipes and paper towel. Cleaning my right hand off first. Then the materials. Putting myself back to place. Did it felt wrong? A little. Didn't feel wrong while I was doing it. But you should've been the one who's hand was suppose to be in my underwear. I zipped pants and put the belt back in it's place. I rubbed my eyes, the images didn't leave even when I masturbated while looking at you. Is this what people call love?

The light in your room was still lit. I wonder if you did the same. The way I could open you up with my tongue, with my fingers with myself. Oh shit, why I can't stop even when I should be satisfied for now. I should be sleeping. Melatonin after finishing not helping when I know that you aren't shutting your eyes yet. Looking at the closed curtains. Should be up there, with you. But instead of that, I'm in my car. Suddenly the light's went off. My phone buzzed at the same time and I almost jumped out of my place.

Taking it out of one of my pockets. [Hi. How are you feeling?] Lizza's name was on the screen. Ecstatic? That probably wouldn't be a persons response who got a flu. Maybe I should just ignore her, she didn't write for like months and now she's asking how am I. Or maybe it's one of those days when she feels bad and needs someone to say to her that it will be fine. Problem with her, she never listens, always just talks. That's why most conversations was better inside her, only then she knew few limited options to say what she thinks.

Opened the chat and wrote her back [Hi. Still feel like shit. How are you?]. And it was a lie. I felt great. And I can only say thanks for that to you. Those legs wrapped around me would cure anything wrong with me, those breasts inside my mouth would bring world peace, I swear. [That's bad, would you like me to get you something?] My scenarios running in the head again was stopped because of Lizza. Does she not know that flu is contagious or she's testing me? [Nah, I'm good. I'm watching TV and will go to bed soon]. It's already 1AM, this would be actually true. I turned off my phone after that. Didn't really care what she has to say anymore. I could only want to hear your voice. I put the phone and wipes to the glove compartment. The evidence of my strokes was in trash bag. I will need to take these early tomorrow morning to the campfire place up on hill. I looked up for second back to living room and then to my blanket. I froze. My eyes went back to the living room. Green light on the security alarm. You didn't put in the code to turn it on.

A good hour passed. I couldn't sleep. That green light marking "off". "No, it's stupid, Jay" I said to myself and turned my head to the side, pressing the chin on knuckles. Eyes automatically coming back to the doors on the other side of the house. Whole living room and kitchen was only glass. Only the bathroom right next to entrance didn't have huge window. " Fuck it," I got out of the car. Cold punching me. Punishment for not taking warmer clothes. You should be sleeping. Oh god, I hope you are. Gloves still on. I turned back to the forest right after I managed to get out. My mask. I forgot to put it on. Shook my head, doesn't matter, and went to the side of a house. Walking around it. On the north side was the entrance and you could see the lake. One boat frozen inside the ice. One snowy bench. The only sound of my shoes and night birds screaming for each other. Took first step and felt my body fill in with fear again.

This was different than the bookstore. That would've been natural, this is not. I still turned the door handle. Opened the front door slowly. Tightly closed my eyes and clenched my teeth. Afraid I would hear an alarm and the green light meant different thing. But it didn't. No sound. Just wood breaking from the fire. Slowly closed the door after myself. Squatted down to untie my shoes. They were to chunky, too wet from snow, too load. I placed them on the small "welcome" carpet near the door and left myself with socks. It was warm here. No icy wind. And the smell. Was it this house or was it the print of you. I walked first steps to the living room. Creaky. Flooring made sounds. I looked up the the stairs. Nothing.

Laptop was open. Moved my finger on the touchpad and your work appeared on the screen. 14 Chapter. Not bad. Oh. What's that. I leaned closer to black and white. Dark haired. Brown eyes. That's the love interest in your second book? Or is it a villain? What's the difference really. Protagonist fell for antagonist in first. Most likely it will happen again. Write what you know, as one famous author said. Don't do it. I said it to myself. Not gonna read what your pretty head of yours came up with. On my own terms. My dark eyes filled with flaming carbon. I should close it but it can't look like someone was here. I think you would see the difference very fast, can't take my chances. Also I don't think you got drunk from one glass of wine either, so your own mind could blame you for forgetting what you did.

And now for the risky part. My first step. Creaks. Another. Creaks but less vocally. These fucking stairs. All natural wood huh? I would like them to shut the fuck up. I walked up the stairs slowly. I couldn't hear anything, probably that was a good sign. Too dark to see shit. At least in the living room it was the fireplace. Room on the left. On the right is another bathroom and guest room. Doors were not closed fully. Didn't let out any sound while I pushed them. Thank you for that. Looked down. the the side of the bed. Your back was turned to me. Hair scattered all over you. Listening in. Slowly and evenly. You were sleeping. My heart was beating in my ears. You were laying still in the middle of this huge bed. Lonely. So much space and none to share with. I walked closer. My arm lifting up own it's own. Stopped it mid air. I took my glove off and put it in my back pocket. Rubbed my fingers to each other, to warm my hand up before I'm doing the deed. Slowly, like whole world stopped for a second. Brushed your hair strands from your shoulder. You didn't even flinch. I smiled to myself. Your not aware body is not afraid of my touch.

Silky hair. I could smell your shampoo from standing position. Something fruity, some vanilla. My eyes putting everything I'm seeing straight to the SD of my mind. Storage for the feel of your skin, storage for the smell of your hair, storage of the way you body moves lightly when you breathe in. As fast as I could, I leaned back and my left foot was ready to leave the room. You rolled over to my side. Eyes got used to the dark, so now I've seen your face fully. Your arm stretched over the empty space on the mattress. Hair hiding your face, but I saw that your eyes was closed. Jay, you should leave now. I was staring again. You went to sleep with the set I saw for a second. The black straps of a bra visible under the sheets, not overing only your hand and shoulders. And then I did arguably the stupidest thing today.

I pressed my knee to the mattress and it didn't changed it form at all, you were still laying in your place. Then my hands followed my knee and slowly I was on the bed. My head on one of the pillows, on my back, just head turned to you. I tried to breath as slowly and silently as I can, but my heart rate would be the reason you gonna open your eyes instead. If it was some animation, you should see the shape jumping out of my ribcage. But this was real. You were real. Right here. Looking at your calm face, no grin, no smile, nothing, like still water. My hands were on my stomach. It was enough that I was in a reach of a hand, I can't move. In nature, some predators just stay put, not moving a muscle , so their victim doesn't see it coming. You were no victim. You could be the predator, but I would let you devour me.

The phone buzzed. That's not mine. I left it in the car. I slowly turned to the nightstand and saw phone light up. You lied. I lifted my arm up to take it. There was few pill bottles on the nightstand but it's too dark to see. Of course it had passcode. But there was small notification on locked screen. The name of the contact was "fuckface". Oh. I looked at you, like wanting you to know that I admire your nickname choice for that. In small icon I saw the guy. Buzzcut and two earrings in both ears. The dude who's pictures were deleted from your socials. [You think you can run , huh??? You are nothing withtou mee]. Probably someone is drunk, or illiterate. Another one buzzed in. [I know you red them]. I raised my eyebrows. Sure of himself much. You moved a little. Just enough. Your palm placed on my chest and forehead pressed to my shoulder. I stopped existing. Eyes pinned to your hand on me. Your skin was spreading melted lava through my body. Electricity or just chemical reaction. My right arm got your phone back on the nightstand. Turned my head to you. If you didn't wake up yet… maybe, just maybe. My fingers slowly reached for the hand you pressed on my chest and I covered your palm with mine.

Just for a second, Y/N. Just for a second let me be. I felt my eyes go softer, from the previous panic look you didn't see. I hope there was no sweat from the stress and the stench won't wake you. I couldn't lift my left arm but right was stuck. Moving my index finger on your hand. Like both of us was trying to feel my own heartbeat. We wanted to know if I'm alive. Not sure anymore. Maybe I died getting up these loud stairs and actually laying at the living room floor with my head open, you screaming and calling the cops. Maybe this is just a dream. Those 7 minutes until my brains will be fully dead. Those will be the best 7 minutes. Just let me dive in. Let me drown or burn. This is my purgatory for a little moment. I wish I could see those eyes open, but without any terror. The kindness in them, which seems you are full of. Enough to share with someone like me. Your nose pinned to my shoulder. Let's hope you enjoy perfume and forest mixture. Or it's snow and sweat. Body not functioning normally. I had to look up to the ceiling. The cleavage. Not the right time to get hard again. I should go. I should leave you now. This is already beyond I've been ready for. My mouth full of your skin taste, getting the source from nostrils. It was calming. Too much.

I opened my eyes. The room was not that dark anymore. Gray but not black. In panic I looked at my wrist. Watch stated 4AM. Fuck. Fuck. I feel asleep. My eyes turned to you. Back to me again. Definitely didn't wake up yet. I have to leave. Now. Slowly I sat on the bed. The pill bottles. Sleeping pills. No wonder you didn't wake up even once. Temazepam. I stood up. There were more notifications. Didn't check them. Just turned around for a second to look at you. The side I slept on was all messy but that could've been made by you. I cracked open the door, enough for me to squeeze through. I would've pinched myself on my way down, but I didn't have time. Fireplace was done with warming up the place. I took my boots in one of the arms. Saw the light around me form. From the stairs. Muscles tensed up. Doors opened, I heard that. Fuck. I will be seen if I ran to outside, too many fucking windows on all sides. I've opened the bathroom door and slowly closed it, hiding myself behind it. Leaving a crack. Holding my boots to the chest and pressing my back to the door. Looked through my shoulder. You walked down the stairs. Hair all messy. Without any makeup. Lines on your cheeks from the pillow. Looking around the living room. Did you heard me? Well, I'm fucked. Did you call police? You had your phone in your hands.

Through the crack I saw some drops of water from the boots on your doormat. You seem not notice that. You were writing something on your phone. So I'm off the hook? You seemed mad. Tensed up. Was it the fuckface? I would lovely get rid of him, if you asked. "Asshole" You said under your nose. Turned from the door, right after I saw movement. And the I heard the beeping sound. I kept myself glued to at one place, not making any sound. Here most of stuff was not used. You probably preferred the one upstairs. Heard your small footsteps walking around the living room. Handle cracking, locked it but left the key inside. You closed the fireplace. Closed your laptop. Poured yourself a glass of water. When I heard you go to staircase, I finally took a chance to see you walk away. The lines which you were saw as imperfections, I saw it as the only thing I could like to see before someone would pulled out my eyes. Even in the dark. You disappeared and I heard the door close behind. I've waited few minutes before sneaking out of the bathroom. Looked around. I clenched my boots even harder. The light on the alarm was red now. You put in the code. I'm fucked.

[masked-omen]

──────────────────ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪʟʟs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 4──────────────────

summary: f!reader is a writer who rents a house in the middle of nowhere to finish her second book. she doesn't know that there is someone else in the woods. stalker. someone who feels connection to her because of her work, because of the story she chose to write. while she's working on her story, there is a lurking shadow, whose obsessive love will turn the events of this getaway trip.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

trigger warnings: +18 (nsfw), stalking, obsessive behavior, violence, blood/gore, killing, angst, nightmare?, guns/knives, Mentions of :attempt of sexual assault. let me know if I missed any.

word count: +7.1 k (reading time : 25 mins)

divider: coolcatsgraphics

authors note: just want to say my 'thank you' to people who's letting me know that they love the story, shares it, in general : there to support it. without you guys, i would be slower on getting these chapters out. the deeper we go, the more we'll get. if you reading this, it means you're still on this journey, well, Jay was created to be there for YOU.

Night slowly taking the room. Taking you. Your body becoming dark mass of the bed. I knew you were looking at me. Afraid to close your eyes, I'm sure you were exhausted and wanted to rest, to be gone from this place, wake up the next morning and see that it was all a nightmare. It would be much easier than to deal with a masked intruder which was now sitting in the armchair in front of you. I was living my last battery too, but I wanted to guard you to sleep first. Then to fix the mess in first floor. The mess which was made by me too. I need to change my clothes. I need to get back to my car. Even if I washed up, I needed to change my sweaty, bloody and dirty pants, underwear, everything, it felt like second skin, which didn't belong to me.

Body moving slowly, did you fall asleep? "Y/N" I whispered your name, breathing didn't change. I don't think there was a point of faking it, you were tied to a bed frame. I slowly got up. Walked to your bed. You moved. To my side. I didn't see your face, but you definitely were in your deep sleep already. I smiled to myself. Calm. Like sea after a storm. I wanted to lay next to you again. But I needed to fix unfixable. I bent my knees, patting the floor, trying to catch lost glove. I need to remove it from here. My gun pressing the back. Dumb idea to keep it there, but I didn't have the belt in my pants, it was around your wrists. I stopped for a moment. Just lines in the darkness, but those lines was made with a paint brush, precisely, thirst inducing. I went back to deadmeat, the air in the bedroom was getting thin.

Blood all over the floor. I turned my head to ceiling and brushed my eyes with knuckles. My doing. My choices. Need to clean it. I put gun next to the phone and keys. Took mask off. Got a breath of air not filled with fabric. Human again. I took the bathrobe off and covered fuckface. Funny, I think his name didn't even crossed everyone's lips? I cut the tape and he fell. Bag of potatoes. The bloody parts of his body covered with robe, so I could carry him on my shoulder. Fuck, he was harder to carry than his friend. Bad idea to go without shirt in freezing cold, but I was in a hurry. Snow storm. So much snow. I could barely see the frozen lake. Yes, that's gonna be your grave for now. I wanted to go further. But my boot, which was really hard to put on while carrying him, dumb me, got into the water right after I wanted to cross.

Well, fuck it. I dropped fuckface right on the beginning of ice. Not deep enough to hide him, but enough to make his body float in water. Robe floating around his body like it's ghost. "Fuck, fuck" I ran back to the rental covering myself, wind was biting my arms, back, everything. I got in and closed the door behind me, dropping shoes on the small 'welcome' matt. My body shivering. Arms red. Brushing my palms together. His wallet was in his car, that what I saw while driving it. I washed the floor. It took some time. Didn't use bleach, didn't need for you to smell it. Took my dried thermal shirt from bathroom and put it on. Need to get back to my car. Please be asleep until then.

I changed my clothes, almost same. Still cargo pants with thermal shirt, but they were fresh. Took my garbage bag with crumbs of food and tissues with cum. Put my phone in the pocket. I saw lots of messages but was too busy climbing to upper hill, to throw the trash in camping site. I don't think that this will help. I mean, I dumped a body in a lake, one is rotting in a cars trunk. Little bit of trash won't change a thing, but had to clean up. Of course camping site was empty. Bags went into disposal. I took out my phone. Now wearing both of my gloves. Lizza. Oh my god. Can she fuck off? Asking when I'll be back at work, how's my health. Why all of the sudden such an interest? Never mind. Put my phone back into the pants. Back to you.

Walked in. It was so warm. My mask left on the bar with a bunch of other things. I took my boots off. I was so tired. Check the fireplace, is it firmly closed. Got up the second floor. Snow in my hair was melting.

I was looking at you. The light from the outside lighting up your position. Facing the window, not me. I put on the mask back. My own blood smell filling in the nostrils. I wonder… I can't. You would kill me in my sleep if you woke up and saw me next to you. But what if just for a moment? No, Jay, you can't. I keep falling asleep while I'm next to you. "You gonna stare whole night?" You asked with a normal tone, it almost frighten me, it was so silent. Good thing you were looking to the window, not to my side, like an idiot, I would've showed you whole face. I didn't speak, didn't move. You rolled over. "I think you should tell me , how do you know my name?" You asked but there was no intention, just a person who seemed to ran a marathon, no power under your breath. I thought this was a fuckup, mentioning your name. " I read your book" I said while walking to my designed spot - armchair.

" It's a coincidence that you are here? Or you just walk around in the mask on your daily basis?" You sat up in the bed and tried to get your feet under covers. I knew from your voice that your eyes were fixated to the action you were trying to achieve, not me. " It's complicated" I said and you scoffed. " And I think you need to rest" I said as gently as I can. You slightly scoot on the bed, showing me that you are not going to because I said so. I moved my head not agreeing on your actions. " What about him? Are you letting him go?" Your hair bouncing around your face, you were facing me. Him. Not even using his name. Buzzcut was floating in water like an ice cube. " I already did" I said looking at you. You gulped and cleared your throat. "What?" Voice was uneven. A tremble, maybe it was more angry than scared. Couldn't collect information, darkness surrounding you, hiding you, it didn't help.

" I let him go" I said again. Confirming what was done. You didn't say a word for a good minute. Disappointed that someone who tried to use you was let go? Or thinking what did you do to deserve to be chained like some animal. " You should rest" I said again. Contemplating your options? I pressed my head to the backrest. Breathing in the air. Could feel warm lingering in the room here too. " You let someone go, who you got into a fight and he literally tried to kill you?" You said every word so slowly, on purpose, to give me time to eat up what you were saying. " And yet me, I'm still here? The person you said you would never hurt?" I could swear that I was seeing your eyes in the dark, but my mind was playing tricks on me.

You were to aware, too smart for me to play with. Nitpicking what I say. I'm walking on glass over tall building. I won't survive the fall if I take one wrong step. Do I need to be more honest? Or push myself in the web I can't get out of. Cracking my knuckles. A tell. Nervousness. You picked up that yet? I'm so in control when I need to kill someone but when it comes to you, I shatter into pieces. Can't scratch what I do and then start again, can't reset you like a game. One life to try this with. Not the first time I eliminate someone who's not suppose to be there. There was some guy, who also was in the readings you did at local bookstores, remember him? Remember how he disappeared? Well…

Your airpods in. Walking with your laptop from the coffee shop you usually worked at for your book, at least the start of the book, people got too much for you, I guess? I'm not sure what was his intentions. But when I got my coffee, just to walk past your table, to smell your perfume. I noticed that he was sitting few tables back from you. Didn't put my finger on it first time, I wanted to leave but then it clicked, where did I saw him. Last time I tried to get that signed copy and chickened out. Two is a coincidence. Three is a pattern. I saw him before. On the street while walking across it, after work, after your day activities. Switched sidewalk. Dragged him into alley. Beat him into a pulp. No words. He knew what was that for. I never saw him again. Definitely didn't kill him. But he was out of the picture.

Letting someone go is easy, when it's something you don't want. I wish I could just tell you that, without no burden on my chest. But it's filled with water and I'm drowning in my own blood. You waited. You wanted an answer, I couldn't give it to you. " Are you lying to me?" Your voice cutting me open. I will spill. Why this conversation just went to married old couple type of thing when someone already knows you will speak falsely before opening your mouth. " I did let him go" into the lake, that should've been the end of that sentence. I pressed my lips so hard. I wanted you to trust me, even though in this box I locked you in. You murmured something under your breath and turned yourself from me, I heard how leather stretched. I wanted to ask you to speak up, but also needed rest, and so did you.

Didn't know if you were just pretending. But I let myself shut my eyes. Drifting into sleep I so desperately needed, again. Slipping through clouds, fabrics, coldness. I saw white room. You standing in the middle of it. Looking at me. Your hands bloody. White night gown. Nipples visible through it. The distance disappeared, you were standing right here. I got frightened. I can't understand what were you saying, speaking with no sound, I was under water. Couldn't hear it. Your hands got closer to my face. I can't move. Your nails slowly worked their way up from chest, to neck, leaving blood trail. Index and middle finger brushing against my lips, I'm tasting metal now. You were not moving your lips, but I heard your whispers in my ears , chanting. do it, do it. I shook my head, that I managed, I didn't understand what you want from me. But then I tasted it. The blood. Blood with your lips. Your face right into mine, not possible, I'm much taller than you. I didn't feel ground under my feet.

You palms on my face, lips on mine. Heart pounding. It made loud dun dun dun. You heard it too. White room filled with it. Us spinning in void made out of white paint. So much blood. Barely tasted you. At last, I could move my hands, they found your waist, pressing two bodies together more closely. My hands were bloody too. Staining your white gown. You broke the kiss. I opened my eyes. You were drenched in red. White room raining of it. I looked up. Nothing but red. Your fingers catching my chin and leaning in. We we're floating in nowhere. My lips went for your neck, kissing it lightly. Your hands grabbing the zipper. My finger pulling your hair back. The sting. While your face was faced up, eyes looking at me, from above. With a wide smile. You pushed a knife in me.

I woke up. Sun is shining through open curtains. Burning my face. I couldn't see for some time. Your head resting on the wrists under your cheek. Eyes open to me. I leaned in. Yawning. Pressed my elbows on knees when I felt pressure between my thighs. It was a nightmare, why the hell I got a boner? Did you see it? I squint my eyes to get a better look at you. You just looking at me with an empty look. "I want to eat" You said while changing your eye trajectory to your covered legs. " Yeah, I get it " I said while scratching my covered arm, like it itched. " I'll make something" I said while I got up fast and paced out of the bedroom. Pressing my palm to the crotch.

Tense for few minutes, it went away, when I got my mind to finding something to make. I actually was almost noon. Would pancakes work? I was stirring the bowl while pan was getting heated. Some blueberries on the counter top. Saw one blood stain on the cabinet, almost invisible if you don't know what to look for. Eat one while making a bunch of them. Coffee pot announced that it's time to take it out. Found some wooden tray and slowly walked back to second floor. You were sitting in the same position, like you didn't move in those 40 minutes I got everything ready. Put the tray near your thighs. Pressed my knee to the bed so I could free top of the belt from the frame, so you could at lease move some part of your arms.

Your eyes, I felt them on me. While my fingers were trying to grab the end of leather. Without the gloves. They were on the bar. It's already all over the place anyways. Movement. I felt belt drop onto pillows. Both of the ends were free. I took care only for one, the other… You grabbed the cutlery. It went right into my side, into the ribs. I flinched, moved to the other side from a reflex, almost falling from the bed. With a fork inside me. You got up so fast. Coffee spilled on the sheets. Passed , your legs lifting in the air, when I tried to grab your ankle while escaping the room. I fell to the ground completely. Breathing out of my nose, clenching my teeth. I took out the fork. Tiny holes, but hurt like a bitch. For a girl who didn't eat for some time and emotionally beaten up, pretty strong, it almost went fully in.

I got up. I heard the door slam. Skipped some stairs going to the kitchen. Keys gone. Phone too. Gun was still in place. Not enough time to carry all I guess. I took it , pressing in my hand. Just with socks, I can't imagine how it was for you, bare feet. It got wet immediately. I saw you almost at fuckface's car. Blinkers. Car unlocked. " Y/N , wait ! " I screamed to catch you, but you didn't even turn. I was holding a gun in one arm and pressing wound with other, if you can't even call it a wound. Sleeping on a wrong side would feel more painful, I've endured worse. You got in. I started to sprint. Didn't move yet. Old car. Needed to put in the key, hands were shaking too much?

I had a clear shot. Of course I wouldn't. My hands on the handle, " Open up" I said it, pressing the gun. Your eyes looked at me for a second and then you started the car. Shit. I hit a window with the gun handle . Didn't break. Second time. It did. Glass shattering around you. I wanted to grab the wheel, stretched my arm in. You turned the car. Pain in joints from twisting. I fell on my knees and got back again. Standing against your exit point. That didn't bother you. Gas pedal pressed , had to slide to the side , or I would've fly over the hood. Fuck. I looked up. Road is going around mountain, over the bridge, around the parks. I can make it. Or can I?

Went straight to the hill. Cutting in the camp site. I was hearing my own breathing. Thank you cardio. Even in better physical form, it was hard. To many ups and downs. My lungs filling in with rocks. Throat tasted like propane. I went to the trail going back from the mountain to main road. Socks sliding on every corner. Something cut my leg. Heart pounding. Eyes watery from hot air from mask on my face. The only thing pushing me as adrenaline and the thought that I can lose you, lose this. Even if you don't see it. I wish you could. For you I'm just a maniac chasing you. And how could it be any other way? I covered my eyes going through another cut. I was on the road. Looked at right. Nothing. I looked at my left. The car. I got to the road. Fingers on the trigger. My breathing slowing down before pulling it Tire got hit. Right after, another one. I imagine the same scenario in the woods, with my dad. I never missed again. Neither did now.

Car went into the side of the road. Maybe you hit a tree, or something. There was so much snow even on the road. The storm really hit this area. I paced fast. I saw the door opening. I stopped. You stumble out of the car. Running again. With phone in your hands. Shit. You already called police? For I second I didn't move, the voice inside me told me to run. So I did. I started to run. Feet bouncing of the ground. Tun tun tun. Getting closer to you. Not fast enough. You tried to cut through the park side. I tackled you down. Falling into snow with you in my arms. My fingers trying to grip the phone from your arms " Let me go!" You screaming right in my ear, one of my hands on your waist , pressing you closer to my chest, while the other one trying to take the wet phone. Didn't seem there was any dial in.

" Stop resisting" I said while trying to hold you in one place. It was hard. You were trying to hit my face with your head. One of your hand slipping on my stomach, searching for something in the chaos. Your finger nail went into the wound made by you. Felt like a needle going in, just if you would move it as you try to push in the medicine. Jaw hurt from the clenching, I wanted to yell. "Help" You screamed with trembling voice, when you understood that the bloody finger doesn't do much damage. The phone lost in snow. Now both of my arms could hold you. You kept moving. Screaming your lungs out. Birds flew out of the trees.

My back and pants were wet from laying on the ground. At least you were on me and didn't get wet, just your legs, which were keep moving without getting wanted results. " You done? " I asked breathing out the air out of my lungs. You biting your own lip. I rolled you off of me. Of course you tried to get up and run again. Just this time I manage to get your ankle and you fell. I sat up and got on my feet. " Just fuck off, don't touch me" You screamed again, I thought you couldn't after those long notes you put effort in. I pull on "surrender" move and my palms were facing you in the air. " I'm not gonna touch you, if you're not going to run" I said out of breath. Running through woods and adrenaline going down, it's catching up to me.

You got up. Snow in your hair. Body red from the cold. " You'll get sick" I said calmly " Shut up!" You screamed back whıle holdıng yourself. I can do that. Seemed like the all self contained act is done with. You were looking around. Gun in one of my cargo pants pockets. I felt wetness going through pants and underwear, melted snow freezing my ass, literally. You hair strands all over the face, wanted to push them off but kept my hands to myself, as I promised. I walked up to you and you took a step back. " Let's get back to the car, okay?" I said to reassure you that the tackling part is done for. Yeah, two flat tires will not going to be easy to work with. Not a lost distance to get back too, but I need to. You turned your back t o me, checking from your shoulder, I wondered if you will run again. Phone can die in the snow, like I care. Maybe needed to check if you managed to call someone but are you being warmed up is more important? Yes. You above me getting shot by a cops I guess. Priorities different by situation.

I let you get in first, while drivers doors open. When you got in, I locked the door. Tires were moving in one place, stuck for a moment. Your eyes running around the car, searching something else to stab me with? Full on gas pedal, a bit of movement to the side and the thing got out of the side of the road. I smiled, even though you couldn't see my face. My hands on the wheel. Turned the car around. Cold wind blowing in my ear, yeah.. Broken window. You back pressed on the car's door. If not for the locked doors, I would say you would try to push me out of the car. I looked at you. Anger. Moving lip. From the cold or from compressed emotions? Either way, not so good for me. This is not the way to win your heart I guess.

Driving back with a car who seemed to be drunk. Slightly going off side. Snow hiding our tracks. I put on a heater, even for a short trip. Your lips were almost redish blue. It was weird to press on pedals with socks on. The only warm part was my mask , from my own breathing and the blood on my ribs. Eyes glued to the road. Didn't want to see your negative emotions. I can sink them in later. " You were never going to let me go" You said at last, when we were almost at the rental. Drove closer to the house, hiding the car, at least from the side of the road. "Not yet" I said and finally looked at you. You shaking your head and smiling, even when it was fake, I loved your smile.

" I just want to go home" You said hugging yourself and looking at me with those eyes. And then I felt bad. Actually bad. I didn't feel not a single drop of remorse when my knife went into buzzcut neck, when my arms took Eric's hair and bashed his head into part where the airbags of the car is usually hidden in, again and again, and then squeezed the life out of his body. No remorse. But now, I felt guilty that your eyes were filling in with tears. " Please don't" I said silently, almost couldn't hear my voice. Engine was off. And we're just sitting in this cutting silence. The tear slowly building it's trail to your cheek and down the neck. My right arm reaching your cheek. " I said not to touch me" Your voice as silent as mine before. My thumb brushing and soaking in your tear. You looking at the gesture without blinking , while my eyes were looking at your rose painted cheek. Knuckles gently touching your jaw, while finger left in the same place.

You turned your face to order side. Leaving my hand in the air, I placed it on my thighs right after, looking at the frozen lake in front of the house. " I'm freezing" You said while breathing out, heard your nose was stuffed. " Yeah , I could car-" I didn't finish my sentence and you just looked at me with dead stare, saying to shut up or just end it. I unlocked the car's door and you opened yours. I just wanted to offer your to be carried to the house, legs so red. I walked right behind you. I glimpsed at the lake, so much snow, you can't even see the trail to it, but also, couldn't see floating meat too. You walked in. I saw the way you looked to your side. I took off the wet socks. " You need to get warm, so I would suggest the shower and fresh clothes" You hunched over a bit, you were cold. " No funny business" I said while walking behind you. You went into the room and next to your wardrobe. Took hoodie, sweatpants, bra ,underwear and socks. For a second you looked at spill coffee and scattered pancakes on the bed. " I'll clean that later" I said it to you while gently pushing you to go.

You walked in the bathroom. Looked at me through your shoulder. I moved my hand for you to go and pressed my back onto wall. I heard clothes dropping on the floor. My eyes glues to my wrinkly feet from wetness of the socks. I took out the phone out of the pocket and opened messages. Lizza stopped writing. That's good. I my phone case was with drawing of landscape. Hometown. I heard water running. Hot air coming from open doors. I looked to the side, like I could see you, though I would need to scoot a little bit the left , so I would see. The glass door. Itching to check. I was trying to fight it, but I couldn't. I looked just for a moment. Your body over the shower head. Messaging your red wrists. Eyes closed. Hypnotizing. Vulnerable and yet so teasing. Fingers going through wet hair. Face up. Letting it wash you. I could just walk in. But I wouldn't be any better than buzzcut. It's not who I was. Even the sight of you made my muscles tingle.

I pressed my back again to the wall when I saw your eyes open. The doors opened. More mist went out of the bathroom. I was standing patiently for you to get out. You walked out with your hair dripping around you on the floor. Towel on your shoulders. Clothes was like size too big, the black hoodie highlighting your skin tone. I moved my head to show direction. I took the empty cups from the bed while you stood at the end of the room, close to the window. I thought you would try to open it and jump but you just stood there while I was tidying the bed. I don't recommend it though, only cool to watch in a movie. I placed the plate with pancakes on the cabinet, the ones which didn't roll in the bed. Took all of the sheets off and throw it in the basket with your underwear. You were looking at the plate, still hugging yourself. " Those are okay, if you still want to" , I said while taking new sheets out of the wardrobe. You looked at plate and then to the window, like you didn't hear what I said.

After few minutes you were sitting in the armchair with the plate on your thighs. I put on pillowcases. Few pancakes laying in the garbage. I walked back to the wardrobe and took out your silk robe's belt. " I saw that your writs are red from the belt, so" You looked up to me holding black silky belt and scoffed" How thoughtful of you" Putting on a fake smile again. I placed it on the nightstand and took my belt, putting into the hoops of the pants. Holding it firmly again. Still not sure how you managed to slip out of the knot, while I was sleeping or while I was making breakfast? Maybe that's why you were keeping your head whole time so close to your arms, to hide that in fact your arms were free. I sat on the bed. While you were eating.

" I need something warm" You said while looking at empty plate. I wanted to say something snarky that something warm was spilled all over the bed but instead I nodded. " But first" I said and you cut me" Yeah, yeah" walking to the bed and sitting in the middle. Arms in front of me to tie. I took the belt from the nightstand, putting it around your wrists, at least it won't fuck up your skin so much. But it would be easier to cut through, not sure if it's good for me. You were looking at me, while mine was to the frame, tying you to the bed again. " You bleeding on the sheets" You said without no emotion. I looked at my ribs. Yes, the wound. Forgot about it. I need to clean up too. I got up from the bed, pressing the holes in my shirts. Looking at you. Both hands together. Eyes to falling snow outside. I wanted to say that I'm sorry, but it never means a thing if you never fix it.

The bathroom was foggy from your hot shower. I rolled my shirt up. It was not that bad. Opened the cabinet above sink, took out hydrogen peroxide to clean up the wound. It stings. Putting on the bandage like it was just some small cut. I need something on my feet too. Opened the cabinet with towels. Some slippers. In bags. Toothbrush and other hygiene supplies. Would like to brush my teeth too. I took the slippers. Too small but will be okay. Brushed my teeth. It was weird to see my face in the mirror. Nose bridge was a bit blue. Marked me. Undereye were darker than usual. Drank some water too. Pressed my forehead to the mirror. Trying to count while I breathe in and out. I fucked up so bad. Either way, I can't come up with a cover story. What, those two killed each other? Then how one is rotting in the car's trunk and the other one is floating in the lake? My fists clenched. I pounded on the sink. Moving my head in disagreements with how much shit I step into.

I went to kitchen to make two cups of coffee. Poured them. Fireplace is out. Put coffee back on counter tops and put in some wood again, starting fire again. Made living room look okay again, maybe you should drink coffee here, not in bed? Keeping you there whole day seemed wrong, a lot of things seemed that way but I needed to be more humane, less maniac. Putting pillows of the sofa back in place. Your broken phone on the table. Laptop on sofa. I smiled, looked normal, like there was no puddle of blood just yesterday, or you were not dragged through floor to be carried to the bedroom. I took both cups in my hands and froze. Slowly looked up in the fish tank windows. I saw car slowly driving in. Red and blue lights on it.

Left the cups on bar and ran to bedroom "Did you call fucking police?" I asked more angrily than I think I was suppose to, you shook your head, I took your shoulders in my hands and pressed them " Did you? " I asked again, looking into your eyes, you got scared. " I didn't " you leaned closer to my face and said it strictly " I didn't manage to, you tackled me to the ground, forgot about that?" you said it looking into my eyes and raised your eyebrows, but then you look back, even though you couldn't see the police car from here. I let you go, walked from one side to another. Fist pressing my forehead. Think, think, think. Your eyes just following my movements. I stopped. Looked at you. My fingers gripped the silky belt and I untied you. Hands from frame too. You looked confused.

"You gonna tell them that all is okay, doesn't matter why they're here, you hear me?" I asked while my hands were pressed on each side of your legs on the mattress. You leaned back a little, so my face wouldn't be right in front of yours. " If you don't, I swear, I will kill them" I said with unemotional voice. Your eyes running on my face, at least as much you could see, so just eyes, like fact testing, " So be a good girl, and do what I say, okay?" I got up. And walked closer to the door, taking out the gun out of the pants, to show you, that I have all necessary thing to do it. I could say that I would kill you, but I couldn't lie that well , and you already saw that I was willing to put my own good health to save you, that would be stupid to weight on.

You walked down the stairs first, while I took my boots off the mat and went into the first floor bathroom, like the time I was waiting to sneak out when you woke up. The doors cracked open just a little. I couldn't see them walking here, so they probably was already walking the the house , to the door. I saw you holding a cup of coffee, arms trembling a bit. Drinking it. Shit. Second cup. Knock at the door. You froze. Looked at me. Only a glimpse was visible, but I caught that you were biting your lip. You placed a cup on the counter top " Coming" You said with a higher note. Opened the door. " Hello, Miss " deep voice said " I'm police officer Dunn and here's my partner Swayer" I didn't see them, I only saw you, with your arms crossed" May we come in? " They asked and you smiled, fake. " Can I ask what's this about?" Your fingers pinching hoodie. "Well, we got anonymous tip, we're just checking to be sure , that you're okay" Other voice explained. It was silent for a bit. The deeper one cleared his throat. Rookie huh? He said too much. " So we can come in?" You walked to the side and looked at me for a moment then back to them " Come in" You said and now I got a visual of them too. Rookie and deeper voice man was much older.

" I'm in no danger" You said with a smile and took a cup in your hands. Police officers were looking around. You sipped coffee to hide your expressions. " Came in with a taxi? Didn't see as car" Older one asked and you looked at him " Oh, car is parked behind the house" You said with a smile walking behind the man, while he was looking around the living room. Rookie looked at the second cup " You're alone Miss?" He looked to the stairs. "I'm alone, I just was writing whole night, need extra now" You moved your head to the laptop on sofa. "Excuse me, but what was the threat I might be in? I'm just curious" You shrugged your shoulders and wrinkle in between your eyebrows showed. " Seemed that we're good here Swayer" Older man said. His tense appearance got a bit more less guarded. " There was a tip that you might be in danger and someone can hurt you, a stalker or something" He was moving his head and scratching his neck. Then a sigh like this was enough for him. After years. Well, literally didn't do a good job or didn't care enough, would've seen anxious behavior you had. Or they assume all writers are just nervous to interact with people?

"Oh, a stalker? " you laughed , almost choking on your coffee " Sorry, " you said while covering your lips with hoodie sleeve. The officer Dunn smiled. " Someone just likes messing with us , I guess" The rookie pointed a finger at you " I thought I saw you somewhere, you do write about stalker, dark romance type of thing, didn't you? Someone pranking us" He said while holding both of his hands around his belt. Just add something like oh gosh, darn kids, it will be like a stupid sitcom with laugh track. " I do, I'm working on my second book" You said while fixing the hair. My lip hurt a bit from dryness but I still smiled to the little things you did. In my delusions, maybe this was not you saving their life but just wanting to spent more time with me. Not real. But let's just pretend that it is. "We're really sorry that we bothered you, but needed to check it out" Dunn said and Sawyer nodded " This was some drive" he said while walking back to the door. " Be safe" older one nodded and stopped for a second. My heart started to flood my eardrums. Did he see the bullet hole? Two of them actually.

" Close your fireplace, we don't want you to call firefighters in an hour" old police officer laughed. Shit, forgot to close it when I put on the wood. " Will do" You said pressing both of your arms to the coffee cup. Both of them tilting their hats to you. Walked out of the rental. I head them calling it in on the radio. You standing there back to me. Waved. They walking through windows now. Your eyes went to me. Then again to the windows. I was waiting. I heard crunching sound of the snow. "They left" You said while looking at one dot. I opened the door. Placed boots back to the mat. Gun behind my belt on the back. You put on a better act to them, then you did to me.

" You did good" I was looking at you, while you were just holding empty cup in your palms. Not saying a word. Your eyes slowly blinking. " I just want to sit on a sofa like a normal person, or you will tie me to a bed again?" you asked without looking at me. "No.." I said without continuing the thought and you went straight to it. I took second mildly warm cup. You put on blanket on yourself. Looking through window. I sat on the other side of the sofa. Keeping the distance.

"How did you know how I drink my coffee?" You looked at me at last. You looked sad even. " What?" I asked pressing the cup in my palm, while other hand gripping the knee. "The way I drink it, everything the same what I usually order, always like to try something new, but for usual, always same" I shrugged " Coincidence?" I rolled mask to sip the coffee. I felt your eyes. The tension. " A stalker, I wonder what they were looking for" I knew that those eyes still lingering on me. I looked at my bare feet. The tip. They knew exactly where you were. They knew who might have happened. I straightened my back. Fucking Lizza. " What?" You asked like you already studied my body language too. "Nothing" I said more to myself than you. She checked. She actually gave the tip to police that there might be a stalker. She thought that I would do it? I mean, I am, but the balls on her. Is she that jealous ? Or she was afraid for your life?

I placed cup on the table and took out my phone. I wanted to write so much. But I didn't. She almost ruined this. I can't forgive her for that. The itch. The urge to unalive her. But you played your part so well. The sun was still scaling the sky. " I think we" I said finally looking at you. You head pressed on the sofa, eyes closed. So you pretended to be asleep at night? Wood cracking in the fireplace. Your whole body under blanket. You looked so cozy, but at the same, it looked like giving up to me. You tried so many times to run, giving yourself to the cost and not getting anything out of it. I got up and sat next to you. Wanted to call your name again. But how can I know that you are not pretending again? So calm. Your hair strands in the right places. I could see your face fully. Lips opened just a little. Chest slowly going up and down.

You moved a little and your head slipped on the sofa. Cheek pressed on my shoulder. I froze. Didn't move even a little. Stopped breathing. Slowly turned my head to you. Only saw top of your head. But this was a sign, you were sleeping for sure. You wouldn't do that voluntary on your sane mind. My body running with chemicals. This rush. It felt the same way like killing. The thing that made my heart go faster. You made me feel this way all the time. When I looked at the you, when you were near me. Imagine how would the kiss feel? Imagine how naked bodies colliding would feel? My mouth got dry. Left arm was not movable, so I got my right arm and slowly creased your hair, just with my finger tips. The only time I could feel this warm, the only time your body didn't rejected my presence. This felt right in the wrong setting.

[masked-omen]

──────────────────ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪʟʟs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 3──────────────────

summary: f!reader is a writer who rents a house in the middle of nowhere to finish her second book. she doesn't know that there is someone else in the woods. stalker. someone who feels connection to her because of her work, because of the story she chose to write. while she's working on her story, there is a lurking shadow, whose obsessive love will turn the events of this getaway trip.

chapters: 1 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

trigger warnings: +18 (nsfw), stalking, obsessive behavior, violence, blood/gore, death, swearing, little hint of fluff maybe? angst, guns/knives, Mentions of :attempt of sexual assault, toxic parents. let me know if I missed any.

word count: +5.5 k (reading time : 20 mins)

divider: coolcatsgraphics

authors note: thank you to the people who reblogs my work(you know who you are), leaving notes or even liking the posts, your involvement keeps me going. i hope as the story goes, you'll love the character i write for, or you'll hate him for the choices he makes. at the end, it what makes the story. if you are still here, it is for YOU.

Gun marking my chest. Moving just a little as I breath in. No powder smell yet. Your hands shaking. My fingers on cold metal. Eyes lingering all over the place like you were looking for an answer, while mine was scanning yours. Whole time. So close to you in the peace which was created in chaos. Your ripped shirt only relieving shoulder. Tiny bruises on your neck. Hair trying to hide those red cheeks. I'm living in my own fantasy , that this is the part where your hands drops the gun and you come into my arms, so I can put them around you. Creasing your hair, shushing your cry. Being your safe home. The walls who can't fall. Craving that moment. More than sleep I lack, more than food my body needs. Starving for it. Your eyes went up, for once. Glimpse. Teary but fierce. Your finger went for safety, which was on. This is not how I imagine it would go.

You saw me as an enemy. I grabbed the gun, you trying to resist, one shot. Ringing in my ears again. - Stop, Y/N, I'm not trying to hurt you," I struggle to explain while you trying to maneuver out of my grip, gun pointing to the side. You leaned back as much as you could, there was no space enough to do so, because my body was pressing you to the refrigerator. And then the contact. It made me walk once step or two. Felt warm liquid coming from my nose. Eyes tearing up. You really do like to break some noses, don't you? But I didn't let you get an advantage too long, just in few seconds you pointed a gun, I straightened my back again and push you to the fridge, again. 'Stop! " I yelled . I didn't want to hurt you, but seemed like there was no option now. ' Let me go !" you screamed back at me, but it was muffled from the gunshot. You probably didn't hear your tone either.

My fingers gripping the gun. This has to stop or someone will actually get hurt. Couldn't do the suppressing anymore, your hands twisting in mine, the wrist going to the side, you let the gun out as you let out something which sounded as painful scream. Eyes full of water, shield put on by a bullet who went into wall. I'm sorry. Gun drop from your palms because of the pressure. "Let me go," This time it was like asking for mercy. You body dropping it's weight on the ground. I felt line of blood flowing on my lips and neck. I saw how those crystals , you called eyes, went to the knife on the floor, but you didn't move. I heard fuckface move. Shit. Someone is gaining consciousness " I'm sorry" , I said out loud this time, while my hands wrapped your thighs and threw you on my shoulder. Your fists punching my back, feet moving so I couldn't keep you in my grip. Didn't help.

I got on the stairs pretty fast. It's not how I imagined I would carry you. Not like that. Back to the room you escaped from. First thought was the night you were standing naked before the mirror, inspecting yourself, like you didn't liked what you see, and I already fell in love with your body , being long time obsessed with your mind . Palm pressing your thighs closer to myself while skipping every second stair to get you to the room of terror. Terror which was stopped. Actually I thought , deeply inside, that I needed to kill him on the spot. Press my fingers in his eyes sockets so he won't be able to look at you ever again. Then slowly suffocate him. Letting him think that it's done, then bring him back from the dead , so I could do it again. Anything that would make him feel hell, because he wanted to bring you there.

" Don't make this harder for yourself" I said blandly, like it didn't come off as a threat. It wasn't, I swear. Your body jumped when I threw you on the bed. Hands on the mattress. Legs ready to push me, If I try anything. I looked around. Nothing. Would need to improvise. My fingers gripped the belt inside my pants and I took it out. " Put your hands on the bed frame" My brown eyes piercing your face, I saw the fear in your eyes after demand " Please," I added, like it could make this situation any better, " I can't deal with you and him at the same time, and I don't want to put you forcefully to sleep, I could" I said dry. I know it made your skin crawl, disgust in your face was just a cover. But I didn't have time. I can't let you go. I know, I know, I keep changing my mind.

You put your hands together on the side. My knee on the bed. For a second I got back to a memory when I laid in the same bed with you. But I couldn't now. I needed to be aware. Expected your feet to make contact to my crotch or something. Take a lamp from the nightstand and bash it in my skull. But you were just looking at me with unreadable mask you put on while I adjusted the belt around your wrists. At least mine was visible and your were made because of the situation you were in. Almost made a knot, I know how to make one, you can't escape. A bit harder with thick material, but enough to keep you in the same place. " I'm sorry, Y/N" , the only thing I said while walking out of the bedroom. Your eyes just tracking my movements, making sure I'm leaving and not doing anything else.

Slowly walking back to the first floor. I heard the knocking on the wall. You were trying to get out of the trap I pushed you in. Fuckface were slowly crawling to the gun. I didn't even need to pace fast. My boot on his hand. The cracking sound. It didn't break, most likely just some air from the joints. He roll over. His face bleeding. Welcome to the club. " Crawl your ass to the chair there" I moved my head slightly so show him direction. I took the gun. Pointed to him. " Move it" He was staring at me and for a second I thought I would need to punch him again, but he slowly stood up and walked to the chair. Giving his soul into it. Walking so slow that you just wanted to push him.

I walked backwards to the kitchen cabinets. Opened doors under the sink. Some chemicals and there you go, tape. I took it , while looking back at him. " What you think you are doing?" He said, after spitting some blood on the floor. " Eric will call police" He said with a grin on his face. " Well, I don't think so, " I said walking back to buzzcut.

Let one slide with the gun handle to his face, while I taped his ass to the chair. " Your friend Eric is on foot and you also came here to do something, which would portray your buddy as accomplice, so" I explained while I put a last touch, taping his mouth shut. Putting the gun in the back of my cargo pants. Took keys out of fuckface's jeans. Him moving around in the chair. Good luck with that, metal won't break. Took his phone too. Placed it on the bar. Trying to touch less with the hand which didn't had glove I lost.

I looked up. Wanted to get back to you, but needed to deal with this shit first. I swear I was doing this for both of us, even that it doesn't seem this way now for you. Seemed like this train were going so slow. Here time worked differently. I was in this situation for a week already. You were my time stopper. Leaving the room made this crusade go slow again. Being with you was the real mission, it was something to sacrifice all the time to push off all the unnecessary objects out of the way. Universe melting into one tiny ball and placing it in your eyes.

I left rental. Snow covering my boots while I walked to the road. It was snowing. Snowflakes so big that it was a size of a fingertip. Shield of fluffy coat. My chin went up. Closed my eyes while walking straight. Felt cold around eyes for a second and it turned into water right after. Car's doors open. You tried to leave with it. Clearly you didn't know there was other option with keys inside right in front of your windows. I got in and turned the engine on with one simple turn of a key. Shift the gear and moved forward.

He didn't get too far. I admired the forest around the road while I was closing in on him. I could just floor the gas pedal and invite him into the car through a window, would feed the urge in a way. But I parked the car on the side of the road leaving his silhouette in the mirror. Watching him pace faster to the car. I opened the passenger doors. His eyes was bloodshot. Jeans barely hanging on his frame. He was already speaking , didn't get in the car yet " I thought something happened," he said when he closed the door , pressing the red hands together right when he relaxed on the seat.

I locked the door. He immediately looked at me. Jumped on his seat, grabbing the handle of the doors that won't open. Fight or flight. He picked the last one, even when the cage wasn't the one you can escape. Pain and embarrassment in my face when I looked at him trying to open the door and swearing for a good half minute. At least he could try to punch me and try to make a run for it. But he was so out of it.

Drove back to the house. Leaving car further from the road. Closer to the house. Got out. Cleaning my bloody hand in the snow, squatted , crunching the snow under the shoes. Looking around. I took my mask off. Pressed snow in my palm and put it to the nose, it stings. But then I felt even warm. I guess it's already over in a way for me. Too much DNA around If someone gets here. My body signaling that I need to rest. Got the mask back on my head, blood dried on it. Getting back to the house. Keys jingling in one of my pockets. Buzzcut laying on the floor. Chair intact, and the tape too. " Don't bother, won't help " I said casually while placing the keys next to the phone. Took my boots off.

Moped the floor where the snow was slowly turning into a puddle. Fuckface wrinkle in a forehead showed his confusion. Put on the fire. Wood slowly devoured by the flame. Almost transparent smoke. I could feel the warmth already being produced. I liked smell of burning wood. I reminds me of my trips to a cabin with my family, but when I was really small, it was nice then. Put on a kettle. Pressed lower back to the bar. Boiling water was just a good melody with buzzcut moving on the floor, true background for the worm.

" I need to go the the bathroom" You screamed from second floor. A trap maybe? Just to escape. I poured some tea. Not sure if it's gonna help, but needed something warm , and maybe so does you? I walked up with two cups to your room and looked to my left right when I walked in. Your wrists red from moving. Whole body pressed to the frame of the bed, like there was no room for you on this big bed. I placed the cups on a cabinet. " I will pee myself, just let me go to the bathroom" You said out of breath, tired of situation or from all the moving. I sighed. " I can't set you free" Crossed my arms. "I'm not gonna run, I just want to go to the fucking bathroom" You let out a sigh right after like mimicking what I just did. "Okay, but your hands will be tied" You shrugged , like what you suppose to do with that information?

Untied the belt from the bed frame, hands still tied. Wrapped my hands around your waist, so you could get up more easily and slowly walked out of the bedroom to other room. Opened the door and let you in. You stood there confused. " I will keep the doors open, so you won't try anything funny" I said while pressing my shoulder to the door frame, looking the other way. The window there was too small anyways. "Uhm" you said uncomfortably. I faced you again and you were still standing at the same place. " Can you take my shorts off at least" Yes, if was not with the mask, my cheeks would be slightly red. "Can't you just do that yourself? " I asked after clearing my throat. " Yeah, I could, but this way would be faster and if you were a bit quicker, maybe i wouldn't want to go to the bathroom so badly now" You said while moving your tied wrists. Took a deep breath and walked in.

Slowly got on my knee and caught the rubber lining on the shorts. Your skin shivered. Legs with goosebumps. I looked to the side while sliding your bottoms down. I could smell your skin. Saliva gathering inside my mouth. So close to your warm thighs. So close to what was in between them. You breathing was nonexistent now, it was exactly like mine, compressed inside the lungs. I felt your eyes burning a hole in my head. The shorts and panties dropped on the floor and I took few steps back instantly after that. Getting myself out of the danger zone. Pressing my back on the corridor wall. " Thank you" You said lightly. What's up with the gestures and all the things you are doing? Trying to get on my weak side? Not sure what's your plan, and it was working on me, even if I understand what you are doing.

"Can you help me?" Your soft silky voice got to my eardrums again. I wanted to ask to do it yourself, but it's already took you some time to clean up as I was counting minutes. I walked in looking to the side, just from my peripheric sight caught that you were standing half naked. At least shirt was long enough. Your tied hands up a little in the air, showing me that you won't attack. My finger took both of materials together and slide them up. Above knees it got a bit slower, so it would stay in the place. My heart was pounding in my chest. I hoped you couldn't hear that. " All done" I said and at last looked at you, standing in front of me. Your eyes catching the glimpse of mine, trying decode what I think.

I placed my hand on your back, showing you command to go. For a second you didn't move but then bare feet went back to the room. Awkwardly in silence. Buzzcut was still trying to free himself. I heard movement. But he didn't matter. He was collateral damage.

You sat on the bed. Looking up, if I could freeze in time when we lock eyes. I placed tea cup on the nightstand. Got on the armchair on the side of the wardrobe. And then my eyes got a glimpse of the glove I lost. It was under your bed. Maybe it fell out when I got in last night. Seems like you didn't see it. That would be unfortunate, considering that I have only one, and that one was some time there, which mean that it was not random thief visit. My eyes got to you quickly, but I saw how your eyes squint, trying understand what happened.

" And how you gonna drink that? " you said mockingly, while sipping tea. Oh, yes. Fuck. Completely took out the fact that I'm with a mask. How you were some calm out of the sudden? I rolled front of the mask, revealing just enough of my mouth so I could get some liquids inside me. It was hot. But I needed it, my hands were cold, I lacked water, food and sleep. You shook your head and directed your eyes to a cup. I didn't tie you to t he bed yet. Not a complete animal.

" So what's the plan? Gonna keep me tied to a bed forever?" You just asked without any emotion behind it, placing the cup on the nightstand, almost dropped it on the floor, knot of leather belt on hands didn't help. " I don't know yet" I said truthfully, wanted to explain to you, that this was no the plan, but also confessing stalking wouldn't be great option either. I wasn't suppose to be here in the first place, just adore you from afar. If not the buzzcut, would've looked at you for whole week, wanked myself few times, imagine how could your skin feel on mine and be done with it. Now I'm in the same room , hostage situation. Got myself in the mess I can't get out of. Too deep.

" Honestly, your plan sucks then" You let out a dry laugh, and I got up, time to tie you again. You were burning my face while I did that. Just few moments ago I was trying to catch your eyes, now they kept starting at me. And I couldn't bear it. It was much more easier to hide myself in the shadows and play out the scenarios I would like to happen. This was not part of the script. In my imagination, that belt would be something used to bind you to the bed out of your pleasure, not because I need to restrain you from running away.

I got back to the armchair. Drinking warm tea. I might help me to be awake. Your head resting on the frame of the bed, hair falling around your eyes. " Why are you doing this?" You asked with undertone I couldn't digest, was that genuine interest? Or another way to wrap me around your finger? " I had to help" I said without any thought, looking at tea leaves floating in my cup. " Who are you helping now then?" The question pushed a dagger inside my chest. Myself. That would be honest answer to it. I should've stopped and flee the scene, but I'm still here, keeping you in my golden cage, because it's the only time I can do it. I pressed my lips together. Can't answer it. "Thought so" you said shaking your head. Eyes tearing up a little, from despair or anger " What? You gonna use me and then kill me? " Your voice trembling. " No, I would never do that" I said so fast, that your question didn't leave the room yet. Puzzled look, hands on yourself, covering from me. And here goes the act you put on.

All that confidence went out of the window. Maybe you testing how I would act one way or another. " Listen, Y/N, I would never hurt you" I said while placing my palm on the chest, making an oath to you. Teacup on the cabinet. Lips open, letting in the air, without any words. Your eyes glued on your own skin, on thighs pressed together and then to the belt. Stating a fact that I'm already doing that. " I just need to figure out what to do next, I swear, I'll let you go" That mostly was a lie. I don't know anything. Can't think of any plan out of it. You slowly nodded to agree to it, you didn't believe me either. I can't blame you. You biting your lip. Nervous. I was too. I needed to control my legs, so it wouldn't bounce from stress.

"Your face all bloody" you said while looking at yourself, the appearance you saw while I was drinking tea. My undernails were red too. " I'll wash up later" I said casually, like this whole situation wasn't down in the dirt already. You nodded again, but from the body language I saw, that didn't bother you, or you already met your fate - won't be able to leave. You rolled to the other side. Arms under your cheek, putting pressure on your wrists. Is that what Caesar felt when the daggers got into his body? This felt like betrayal. Turning your whole back to me. Building a wall again. I wanted to cover you from the pain you felt, but couldn't, I was the source of it.

I slowly opened my eyes. They felt filled with glue. Sun was setting. You , my prisoner, sitting on the bed. Shit, did I feel asleep? I got up so quickly, scratching my head like I could get through the fabric. " You know that you snore?" You said it so slow that it seems you were tired from hearing it, most likely I was the only one sleeping in this house peacefully just now. " I don't " I said with raspy voice, throat seemed to be with spider webs. You shook you head, disagreeing.

Empty cup laying on the armchair. Still some tea spilled on the material. I put on my mask back on fully. Good thing it didn't slip.

I got your cup and mine. Right before that closing the window. The one I opened while on my escape. Your eyes following my every move. Understandable. Silence again. Stating the fact and then just existing. Trying every road, to see which would lead to the end of it.

I got to the first floor. Oh would you look at that. Buzzcut got to the cabinets. Maybe was trying to achieve something and cut his tape off somehow. I stepped over his body and placed cups into the sink, washing them right after. He was saying something, but I put a tissue inside his mouth too, so it was not possible to understand. Okay. I helped him to get into vertical position and took the ducktape off.

He spat the fabric out of his mouth. " Are you some ex?" He said coughing " What the hell are you doing here?" I blew raspberries, " That's your question?" I even smiled, even when he can't see it, eyes could tell. " Yeah, I don't get it dude" Oh.. trying to sympathize? I blinked fast, " You don't get what? Duuude" Bent myself a bit, so palms could press the knees, getting to his eye level, like speaking with a small infant. Mocking him.

" It's because you want to fuck her in character or something? " He looking me up and down, of course talking about the look. Oh, he can read. I shook my head in disappointment and got back to the cabinets to get more tape, "No wait !" He moved in the chair again, " I can pay, and we can forget all of this" he said with a smile , with hope in his eyes. I took it anyways. " You think it's about money?" I asked him looking though my shoulder. " I don't know, man " He said with all faith lost, like he couldn't think of anything else besides sex and cash. " What you were going to do to her?" I asked while looking at the tape, taking the end off and pressing it back again, off and back again, making that sound of ripping it. " Nothing, I swear" he said so strictly, I could even believe him.

" Nothing? Oh" I smacked my forehead, "I'm so dumb, probably just imagined it all., how stupid of me to think that you were trying to rape her" I said lightly, so he could hear a forced smile in my voice. He panicked for a minute but then put on his charade again. " I was not trying to do that, I was just trying to scare her" I paced around the chair he was sitting in with tape in my hands. " Into what?" I looked to the side, like I could see you through the walls, I wonder If you heard our conversation. Doors were open, you probably did. " Being with me again" actually sad voice, the man who lost everything I guess. I stopped and looked at him. His head down, frown on his face. Because of the situation or that plan didn't pass? Not sure, but he was a good manipulator, for few moments of weakness I felt his misery. But the rest was just pathetic. Speaks the stalker.

"Hmm" I said looking at him. " Just let me go, you can have her" He said again with more energy , the act of sad , life beaten boyfriend was gone. " She's not worth it though, I'm telling you from a guy to a guy" . I took a deep breath. " Hmm" My voice keeping it's direction in the throat. Buzzcut started to move again, rocking it's own crib, he will fall. "Not worth it?" I asked him at last and he stopped it. I almost whispered it. Maybe the tone change made him look up and keep his eyes on me. I put the ducktape on the bar, next to keys and the phone. " I have pictures and videos, you can check " he was nodding his head like crazy, trying to sell me something. Trying to buy his life. My eyes got narrow. "You have what? " I asked him right after biting the inside of the cheek. Blackmail? That's why you let him in? Because he has something you wouldn't want public to see? Buzzcut was just moving his head, showing it to his phone. And I was looking at him. He was throwing me a treat and expected me to go to it like a good dog.

"Not interested" I said. Actually I was more interested in the real thing, and I already saw you naked. Amazing view might I add. Fuckface pressed his lips so hard, running out of the cards he can play. I took out my knife out of the case even when there was a gun. " No, no, wait" He said so fast, you might not understand the words he used. " I'm not doing anything, I'm just trying to scare you " I said with a smile. His eyes turned into scared rabbit's. Blade touched his cheek , he flinched. Red line of blood, very thin line. He started to move again. " The bitch is not worth it" He screamed to my face and something just switched in me.

The knife went straight into his neck. Gurling sound. At least he stopped talking. My eyes got wider, full with fireworks even. Me not blinking, just staring to him. He was in shock. Gasping for air and getting in the taste of metal instead. I slowly got the blade out of him. Blood spatter on the floor. Hit the artery. He didn't have arms to cover it. I walked back. Crossing my arms on the chest and tilting head to the side to match his eyesight, buzzcut trying to press his own cheek to the shoulder to stop the bleeding. I could show this to you. Let you gloat in this moments, person who was torturing you with his existence is slowly walking out of it.

I turned around and took his phone from the bar. Walked to him. Grabbed his hair and put the phone to his face. Phone unlocked. "Thanks" Let him go while his heart was pumping everything out. Gallery , even had a folder. With your name on it. I was there was pictures of you, private ones. But I couldn't. Deleted the folder, and from the trash too. Checked his storage, not smart, didn't have any backup. He choking on his own blood, tears falling together with the red liquid. I scratched the head with pointy end of the blade. It's pretty hot with the mask on. Put the phone on the bar again, wanted to say some last words but he was already looking to me with glass eyes.

I took my mask off in bathroom, washed my hands. Took the bloody shirt off. Got my head under the tap, making hair wet. Dripping on my face. I almost looked fresh. Though I would go for a full shower right about now. Put one of the towels around my neck. Wet shirt hanged to dry. I put on one of the bathrobe. Opening the cabinet to maybe find some medical masks, but yeah, none, wouldn't be the case few years back. Had to put on the bloody mask back on. And getting to you. No sun in the horizon anymore. I walked in.

"What happened?" You asked right after, I shrugged " Put your boyfriend to sleep" and got back to the armchair, " He's not my boyfriend and you look stupid" you said with a serious look on your face. Yeah, I did look like an idiot, cargo pants, no shirt with bathrobe and a mask on. I smiled. Keeping distance, then talking again. Not sure which approach will be used in a minute or a few from you. It worked either way for me.

" Don't mind me asking, but why him? " I said spinning robe's belt around in my hand, " None of your business " You smiled and pressed your back to frame. Fake smile. "Well, he just said that he has some private pictures of you, and he seems to be an asshole" I said looking up, placing my hands on the thighs. Your demeanor changed. " It's deleted" , I said confirming it, I saw your fists clenched and then you relaxed a little, " I'm suppose to thank you?" you said looking to the window. I shook my head, even though you didn't see it. " So you trying to play hero, that's what you're doing?" Eyes still glued to snow, maybe the storm will come. "No," My voice was more quite than I expected. I know that I wanted you to see me on a good light but this, it was not that. But I felt calm. This room was like safe heaven from the hell on first floor. Both were my doing.

We sat in silence. While the room got darker. I felt like the chair with clothes, who turns something sinister when the room fades into black. Your eyes turned to my side now, even when I can't see your face anymore. "It's because you were hurt, you imply the same pain to others?" You said calmly but it was hard to understand, when I didn't see your actual reaction, " What? " I asked quietly, like the dead could hear us, " The scars on your body" Laying on the side with arms a little up, light from the small lamppost from the outside shining on your figure. I closed my bathrobe. Big scars on my chest, stomach, collarbone. The ones you saw. There's more. " Honestly, I don't need your therapy , Y/N" you moved a little, not sure if you just wanted to rest your face on arms or covered your yawn which I can't see either way.

"Maybe the problem is that you didn't go and now we're here" you said it so lightly, like this was easy to talk about or we knew each other for so long to speak about everything what comes to our minds. Well, I knew you longer than you know me . " Assuming is not knowing in this situation" I chuckled before answering. How we got to this? Is this the part you say you understand, so I would feel more close to you, so I would be dumb enough to think you wouldn't go to the police first thing? I already felt close, I didn't need to be laying on the operating table for you to pick up the parts you want to check.

I wanted to tell you. I would pour my whole heart to you. If I knew it was real. But it wasn't. You having some kind of strategy laid out in your head and me just hoping for Stockholm Syndrome to happen. I looked down. I knew you couldn't see me anymore. Not fully to be right. Fuck, it was working. I was thinking of them again. Of my parents. Abusive father and mother who didn't care enough. It's not an explanation of what I am. Drowning in my own demons. Y/N, you are the only one who managed to shine some light inside my dark heart. Lighter was enough to breathe in humanity into me. Even when it means, that being empathic to you is a right to stab someone in the neck.

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if you read totkfy, which song reminds you of it?

r.e.m - leave

boston manor - the day that i ruined your life

sleep token - dangerous

ethel cain - tempest

joji - pixelated kisses

other song (dm or ask pls)

Voting ended onMar 16

[masked-omen]

I'll post 9th one tomorrow.

[masked-omen]

the one that kills for you.

[masked-omen]

moodboard for oc!Jay and f!reader