#standupedit

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JAMES ACASTER: REPERTOIRE (2018) Episode 1: Recognise

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JOHN MULANEY: KID GORGEOUS AT RADIO CITY (2018)

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A long time ago, but not long enough ago that it’s not still very relevant. Everyone in Britain got in a big, old boat and we set sail and we robbed ––– and this will sound far fetched ––– everyone in the world! Do you remember that? What a spree that was! Do you remember the great heist? What a spree. And we got all the swag, didn’t we? And we took it back to Old Blighty, and we hid it, this is the clever part, we hid it in a museum. Last place anyone looks. Now it’s the modern day and all the countries we stole stuff from are asking for their stuff back. But don’t look worried. We’re totally saying a blanket ‘no’. Now, a few of you are sitting there, I can see your angry faces like, “So, what? Finders keepers, shut up!” And, listen, in your defense, “finders keepers, shut up” has worked very well for us so far...

James Acaster On The Absurdity Of The British Empire

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It's very inappropiate, very inappropriate.

— RYAN HAMILTON: HAPPY FACE

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Demetri Martin: The Overthinker (2018)

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The Sarah Millican Television Programme