4, 6, 11, 17
thank you soso much for the ask! c:
4) do you smile at strangers? i smile at strangers maybe too much i try to compliment people on things like their eyebrows and fashion sense and things more than just basic appearance and i hold doors i just try to give ppl kindnesses to make their days better
6) how is your life different now from two years ago? (ok i’m sorry in advance this got a little. rambly and journaley sorry)
well, gosh. A year ago was the summer before college so two years ago was the summer before senior year? and these last two years have been the biggest shift in my life, really. eleventh grade set me up for having new friendships. so, two years ago: me and grace were still starting to be best friends (we went to a dropkick murpheys concert that summer, i think, so that means it was the first time we really started talking on the phone vs through email. that’s the summer where closer to school starting we were in hope, and we went hiking together, and grace got me in on the bakery, and we listened to angeles and nightvale, and then when i backpacked the trail at the start of the school year i had angeles stuck in my head the whole time. essentially, that was the start of the graces being a unit). the circle of ppl who i have now that i consider family i either hadn’t really gotten to be friends with or i hadn’t even met? I didn’t have a tumblr yet, two years ago. i got it on harry potter’s birthday 2013. so i didn’t know keerthi yet, and now i talk to her every day. I didn’t realize i was bi until that september (and even then i thought i was a little bit into girls but mostly guys), and now i’m a ball of confusion who’s not even sure whether i’m gray ace or what the heck ever but aesthetically, girls are where i’m at rather than dudes. I hadn’t yet gone to goldmine, which for all ilt only lasted a week, was a major part of me shaking my depression more fully. It helped me come into my own as a leader and realize that i really do need spiritual practices in my life to keep feeling fulfilled, and it connected me with a community that always will be family to me. goldmine is what’s helped set me up for being student body vice president in my senior year, and for getting me to be the theater mom of everyone ever, and for helping me get to the point of cowriting and helping produce a musical; AP literature and hamlet happened to me. Went to prom feeling like a fairy queen and love my body almost always, despite the way i used to really not. stopped living in the stagnant household my mom had and never moved back in with my dad (who, when i live with we fight like cats and dogs, but who i get along with wonderfully when we’re living separately). helped lead a few church services and officially bridged out of the youth group that helped me when i really needed it. had a friend tell me i helped convince them they were worth loving and that helped them start to love themself and want to live more than not for their own sake. learned to sew. learned college isn’t really for me yet. i was unsure of myself, two years ago. i didn’t know who i was or how i felt about what i knew of myself, and now i try living like a scream, raw and unapolagetic. now, i love me, and i love my family, found and otherwise, and i’m here unstoppable on my way to the entire future. i’ve got this. i control my own fate and i love it and ever y day is like lungs aching from a fulfilling bike ride idfk
11) what are your ambitions? the longest running ambition I have is to have my books published, and that will never go away. next is the bakery with queerquiksilver which i’m so excited abou t and also the book version of the musical and all the other projects okay, and my third big ambition is the commune that duskycur and i are planning. it will be everything.
fourth is i wanna be a mom someday but like a far someday
17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you? that no one actually likes me and that the people i love so much just barely put up with me this maybe isn’t a small thing but it’s the biggest thing. other than that i’m scared that i’m not actually good enough, ever, for anything, especially the things that matter.
