Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader(past), Bucky Barnes x Unnamed-OFC (current)
Word Count: 3.9k
Summary: If we are Done! why am I still, Lost without you?
Warnings: ANGST, Angst, angst!!! too many emotions, emotional turmoil, 18+, some mentions of sex, making love, some exhibitionist behavior from Bucky
Square Filled/Prompt / AU / Scenario: "Lost” for @star-spangled-bingo & “Present tense” for @buckybarnesbingo
Written For/Dedicated to: @justreadingfics
A/N: Hello my lovelies, yup another story for y’all, probably the last one for this year. This piece/ one-shot, heavly is based or rather inspired by Ally’s latest story “Looking For A Heartbeat” (again a must read). Ally, is a wonderful writer, one of few people I started following when joined Tumbler couple of years back. Had read her “Bad-Match” halfway through (Fantastic piece of work and a must read) but lost it in between, then found her again on my feed and so grateful for it. She is not only a great writer but also is a good reader, who shares lot of stories.
Was so angry at Bucky in the story when he didn’t behave the way i wanted him to (yes, i hate it when Bucky is not lovey-dovey and doesnt love the reader right!) It took me long time to write this, as imma weak hearted bitch, who writes angst then cries and takes hell lot of time to get over it.
Hope you all along with “Ally” like it, and hope I didn’t screw up the good story by my ambitious attempt to wrtie a “Fantfiction” for a “Fanfiction”. 🤦♀️😬
Special thanks to my #1 @youknowiamacrazybitch for tolerating my nonsense, and @suz-123 who has been the Beta for the original story. Thanks Suz, for your time 😘🤗
“Vilsen” means “Lost” in swedish. Had read some random article where this word was used and it stuck with me, thanks for my ‘writer’ brain for saving it. It came to use.
P.S.: Please do not share my writing on anywhere other than Tumblr w/o my consent. You can also find my writings on AO3.
Bucky fiddles with his jacket for the nth time. He lookes at himself in the mirror, it was still him but different. Shorter hair, now styled with gel, she likes it. Having no beard makes him feel naked, the 2-3-day old stubble doesn’t hide his insecurities. But she says he looks handsome no matter what.
“Bucky”, she calls him from bathroom
He silently makes his way over, stops when he looks at her bare back, dress hangs loosely over her shoulders. She is fiddling with her earrings.
“Can you zip me up, please?” She asks the moment their eyes lock in the mirror
He nods.
She shivers at his cold touch. Her eyebrows knit together when she realises it’s his flesh arm and not the other one.
Bucky notices, her reaction waiting for her to say something but she decides to let it slide, “Do I look ok?” She asks
“You look beautiful” he assures
“You don’t think it’s too much?” She probes
“No, it’s perfect. Just like you” he praises
Some part of him feels better seeing her revelling at his words. But another part of him hates it, the part of him that’s telling him to stop playing with her emotions and with his own.
The one that’s been nervous to go to the party he is headed for.
The one that he rarely let’s out nowadays.
The one actually looking forward for him to go to this party and finally get to see you.
‘How long has it been?’
‘More than eight weeks’, the same part reminds him.
‘Two months, 3 days, 14 hours…’
‘Not if you count the brief phone call couple of weeks back’.
God Bucky was such an asshole to you!
Sure the timing was odd and the way you asked, no begged him to come and visit assuring that you just wanted to talk to him felt weird, but at the time the so called “rational” part of him felt proud that he reprimanded you standing his ground by saying no to you.
But he didn’t feel better after that, he continuously thought of you after that, even though he watched movie with her, his now girlfriend.
Made love no tried to make love to her and although she reached her release because of him, he had to think of his rushed, encounter with you at the midnight on the rooftop to achieve his peak.
‘okay stop’, other part the more rational part yells at him…
It’s like he has an angel and a demon sitting on his shoulders.
But he can’t tell who is eviller, the angel or the demon.
The angel part tells him, what he did was right, what he is doing is right, for both of you.
The demon part smirks at him? Which both? Him and her or him and you?
‘Stop it’, angel part warns.
What he did, what he said was the right thing. This love between the two of you is toxic!
It’s not good for him, for you.
To see you ready to be blown along with him, because you couldn’t get him out in time, that’s not love.
That’s obsession, it’s not healthy.
But what’s love if you are not ready to die for it? Isn’t that’s what those love stories say.
No no no.
He can’t do this. He can’t go back to these thoughts, not when he is about to see you in few minutes. Not when he is standing with another woman in his bathroom, getting ready to go. Meet his friends, officially be introduced as his girlfriend.
He needs to do this; he needs to set it right. He needs this time, for himself, to discover himself away from everyone, his friends, his team, his family, you.
She is perfect, she is beautiful, sane, grounded, wonderful, knows everything, still accepts him, dare he say loves him.
But so, do you.
He knows love when he sees it.
And that’s not what he feels for her. Or he does but it’s not the same kind.
God! This is so confusing, so Messy.
Why? Why life was so difficult. Which deity did he displease in his past life that his sufferings never end?
No. No, what he is doing is right. It’s right for him, it’s best for him. The woman in front of him is the best thing that can happen to him. She is the blessing, she is the one who has been there for him for past two years, she is “perfect”.
Then why does he keep on thinking about you? Every damn second of the day. Why does he fight himself from running towards the tower where he knows you are waiting, waiting for him.
To be his.
‘Because love is not perfect’, the demon whispers.
‘It is this messy, this consuming, this painful, yet exhilarating, freeing’.
Why does he close his eyes and thinks about you when he is being intimate with the perfect woman in front of him.
Why does he, keeps on thinking about you when he is alone, he just has to close his eyes and he can remember every single detail of your body perfectly. The marks on your body left from missions, or the ones he left himself. When he accidentally held you harder while having nightmares. Or the happy ones when he bit your thighs while going down on you when you snuck into the empty office before the meetings.
‘No no no’, he can’t think about this. The angel screams.
“Bucky” she tapes his shoulder
“Huh” Bucky looks at her
“Did, you get lost in your head again?” She observes mildly
“Yeah, no, I just” Bucky shook his head
“It’s going to be alright Bucky” she assures
God this woman had patience of a saint.
“Of course, it is” Bucky says “Everything is perfect, they’re going to love you, they already know you, nothing has changed, and it’s just Stevie’s birthday nothing big” he reassures her or himself he doesn’t know.
She gives him wary smile, but says nothing further.
“You look beautiful sweetheart” Bucky says once more and kisses her cheek.
It feels more formal, he still isn’t comfortable with her. They have kissed, made love for God sake but every time he tries to be free, something in him holds back.
Is it because he doesn’t want to get hurt again or he feels guilty because it’s not you, he doesn’t know and he doesn’t dwell on it either.
The closer they come to the tower, his anxiety skyrockets.
The demon is thudding against his ribcage, trying to be free. Trying to run away and latch itself to you, like a child latches itself to its mother’s leg after being separated.
‘Ugh, he is pathetic’, Bucky thinks & angel and demon nod in agreement.
It’s the usual hustle bustle, typical Stark party thrown for America’s Golden Boy. People everywhere, who’s who from every part of industry is here.
Grrr, Bucky hates this already, but what can he do? He can’t turn his back away to his oldest and his only living family member because he is anxious and has love problems.
‘Classic Bucky, always has a problem with dames’, he hears Steve’s mocking in his head.
Seriously, what a pathetic friend Bucky has been to Steve. Moving out of tower, not answering his calls, texts, meeting him when his girlfriend is with him.
Poor Steve, deserves better than this. They’re Avengers, have bigger problems than Bucky’s love life. He sinks deeper into his self-deprecating rabbit hole.
Steve also has issues and no-one to understand than Bucky and all Bucky does is self-wallowing.
He spots Steve quickly, always surrounded by people nowadays, it’s a good picture especially when back in the day Bucky had to try so hard to find company for Steve and try even harder to keep it as little punk always found trouble.
He walks up to his best friend without a word and hugs him tight. Not caring people’s gaze or judgement.
“Whoa” Steve breaths “hey there buddy”
“Happy Birthday Stevie” Bucky whispers tightening his hold.
“Thank you, jerk” Steve pat his back
“You welcome, punk” Bucky retorted with no heat behind the name calling
Steve looked over his shoulder towards her, concealing his mild discomfort very well.
It was a package deal he guessed, wherever Bucky went she went.
“Happy Birthday” she wishes Steve shaking his hand “thanks for inviting me"
"Of course,” “you are our friend too, not just Bucky’s” Steve says to her
He hands each of them champagne flutes, Bucky could see teasing defiant glint in his best friend’s eye which challenges to be corrected, and little disappointment on her face at being addressed as his friend not “girlfriend”. He could see his friends were still not warmed up to the idea.
Steve clicks glass with Bucky, “This is just for show, real stuff at the bar available on request only” winking
Bucky just snorts, coming out of his thoughts.
His gaze fleeting around, looking over at the guests. Steve sees but before he could say anything Bucky spots you, laughing with Natasha and Wanda.
The demon and angel sigh, for once have the same reaction to something rather someone.
In dim lighting you are “glowing” as if you have some fire within which is bringing out a warmth.
“Wow” angel exclaims “Not seeing you does benefit her"
Bucky’s heart clench at the observation.
"Isn’t that’s what you want?” Demon asks
Bucky thinks, demon feels it serves him and angel right for pushing you away. Although he knows demon will do something to change it very soon, yet he can’t help but stare at you.
The glow is not a wildfire that burns everything down, that resonates passion!
It’s a calm burning wood fire, like the one he remembers when his Ma used to take him to the bakery to buy bread, or standing next to the stove to get that extra comfort on cold winter mornings.
The one tells you that you are home, safe! That everything will always be alright.
Before he could tear his gaze away, someone approaches you.
‘A man’, Angel remarks, demon snarls.
The man puts a hand over your shoulder casually and offers sip of a fruity drink from their glass.
You smile gratefully and take long sip. Then whisper something, a thank you maybe. Person just smiles at you and rubs your back gently.
Since when do enjoy, let alone drink fruity cocktails? Bucky thinks?
You were a scotch girl. You liked it neat. Hell, you were the only one after Steve and him who could handle Thor’s famous Asgardian mead. His gaze again flickers to the group.
Nat says something and Wanda agrees, you just roll your eyes and blush. The person next to agrees too and you poke him playfully. Bucky’s hand wraps around his beer bottle dangerously that sound of a crack brings him out of his thoughts.
This man next to you is nothing special. He looks so ordinary, like he has no business being here, being next to you. Still he is there, next to you like he belongs at your side.
Like he deserves to bask in your warmth.
And you!
“You” are readily giving it to him. Holding on to him, daresay Bucky, you are clinging to this man, as if you need his ordinary existence to survive.
You! You don’t cling. You don’t need support. You don’t need him!
‘Which him?’ Angel asks
Demon snorts, growling!
Bucky just can’t take it anymore; he must do something.
Before he makes a move, someone touches his forearm. He is about to brush away but he looks up, her.
‘shit’ Bucky curses inwardly. How must he be looking staring at you without care in the world. Did she caught him looking at you?
Could she feel his turmoil, could she see storm in his eyes?
Of course, she could, she can see everything, feel everything knows everything.
‘You are an asshole’ demon points out
Angel just groans
He meets her eyes, half ashamed to be caught. But she is smiling at him gently, wait she didn’t see him looking at you? Her eyes are a different story than her face, there’s pleading as if imploring him not to embarrass himself and her of course. Not to backtrack on his promise, not to crack the trust. He hates himself more for putting her in a place where she is still questioning her place in his life.
Before he could say or do anything, his gaze lands on you one more time and this time he finds you staring at him already. The glow is dimmed, there is sadness in your eyes, the look on your face is that of loss.
Loss of something precious, loss of Love.
You take sharp breathe in as if to control yourself from crying but a tiny sob betrays you, and your eyes glister. Everyone around you notice change in you and follow your gaze. They all look at Bucky and her, even if they notice they decide not to acknowledge.
The women are literally throwing daggers at him with their sharp looks. He knows and fears that Wanda can actually hurt him, but her dark eyes just show tinge of wrath before it turns back to normal same with the fiery redhead. The man next to all is little clueless but within seconds recognition runs in his eyes and his hold on you tightens.
They all just turn and drag you to dancefloor.
“Bucky”, she calls as runs her hand over his forearms, voice little unsure, after witnessing the exchange.
Before she could say anything or offer any words, Bucky smiles at her shaking his head.
Takes her hand and guides her to the dance floor. He promised her good time, he is going to be the best boyfriend and ‘play’ his part.
She wants to protest, but within seconds her resolve weavers and they’re dancing on the peppy number playing.
He can see the group. He makes sure they’re in his line of vision.
None of you are doing any serious dancing, instead the other three are doing funny expressions and little shenanigans as if to make you laugh, to improve your mood.
It looks like you are caught in your head and they’re doing their best to distract you and get you to enjoy the party.
It works somehow when Sam and Steve join the group and what seems like, Steve pulling out, “it’s my birthday and you have to do as I wish” card.
Although the punk can’t dance to save his own life and as if it’s a cue, DJ changes the song to a slower one.
Bucky sighs knowing it’s your song.
He looks over, Steve pulls you closer and you sigh in his embrace, it’s as if someone from family held you close and gives you comfort. Both Steve and you saway slowly.
He exhales and closes his eyes and your face pops up in his mind, while pulling her closer, burying his face in her neck, hands roaming, he inhales her scent but it’s all wrong it’s not bad but it’s not what he likes and it’s not what he wants.
She is not unaware what’s playing in Bucky’s mind, but for some time she wants to give in, wants to relish in the attention, the touch Bucky is offering her, even though she knows it’s not hers, that these moments maybe numbered and might be taken from her.
She knows your hold on him is permanent, body and soul. It was easy for her to think or pretend that Bucky could be hers eventually, when you were not around but the moment you came back.
She knew she was fighting lost battle.
A fight she had no place in, but the heart wants what it wants.
She wanted to be selfish, wanted to believe him when he said he didn’t love you anymore, that he was hers and he would love her the way she loved him.
But the moment you came around, he was lost.
She still remembers the phone call in the middle of movie night. Just minutes before Bucky had asked her to stay over, while watching movie. How even though Bucky insisted he didn’t want to talk to you, he itched to answer you, it was like he was conditioned to answer you.
She hated it how deep your hooks were in him. She told him to answer as she made her way to kitchen to drink water or to soothe herself, she could here when Bucky reprimand you, insisting he needed space. After the dreadful conversation, for a minute she felt he will leave her to come to you, but he tossed his phone away.
The same night they made love for the first time. She knew he was giving in to reassure her that he was hers, even though he was not ready for it. He was still insistent, maybe they both needed the assurance.
So, she took it.
She selfishly basked in the warmth. Felt like a small victory. Only for a new day to arrive, and start new battle.
That’s what tonight was, she knew Bucky was dreading meeting you, but he couldn’t avoid his best friend’s birthday.
Also, he couldn’t avoid you and his team, his family forever.
So, when he asked her to be there with him, she was going to be there as his anchor. Someone for him to hold on to when his mind strays and tries to get him to latch to you again.
She saw the way he looked at you, the way his body trembled as if it was trying to work against gravity that was pulling him towards you.
As if, his body was doing something unnatural by not being next to you.
But right now, he is in her arms, rather she is in his. He is caressing her, kissing her neck, feeling her up. By the moments pass his actions are getting heated and she is forgetting everything, it’s so easy to love him to fall for him.
How can she not?!
He is nipping at her collar bone, grunting in the process, lips ghosting over her jawline and then over her lips.
As if he trying to make love to her.
His tongue slips past her lips and he grabs her hips pulling her as closer as it was possible and grinds against her.
Her skin prickles and she gasp, it’s as if he is trying to make love to her. But suddenly song stops and she realises they’re on the dance floor, in public for everyone to see.
“Bucky” she sighs. Trying to push him away, both of them trying to control their breathes.
“Bucky, everyone can see us” she chastised him
Even though there is no heat behind her rebuke, it pulls Bucky out of his spell and his eyes widen in realisation as she tries to get free and excuses herself to the bathroom.
Bucky straightens up and nods at her. He takes in the surroundings to see if anyone noticed. It’s dark and people are enjoying the party.
His eyes roam in your direction, you are standing as if frozen, you have witnessed his actions and Bucky can see unshed tears in your widened eyes.
“Well done”, Demon snarls
Bucky whimpers.
All the while he was dancing his eyes were closed and he was imagining you in his arms. But you don’t know neither does she.
Bucky, thinks he is a ‘number one’ asshole.
“Yes, you are” angel and demon affirm.
And of course, you saw him, of course you look hurt. Like you can’t believe he would actually hurt you like this, like some kind of vengeance. He, feels ashamed, like he somehow is betraying you.
You must be thinking he is doing it on purpose, to show you that he has moved on. To make his words true, that he doesn’t love you anymore.
Steve is trying to coax you, ask you why are you so upset but you just look upset. You shake your head, mumbling something asking for fresh air and water.
Steve nods and makes his way to get the drink.
Bucky releases the breath he was holding when your eyes meet. He saw you make your way to the balcony; he follows you avoiding angry stares from widow and witch duo.
Sam and your other companion just look confused.
When he enters the balcony, your back is to the door, your shoulders are shaking looks like you are wiping the angry tears.
He curses himself for being the cause of your pain. He never wants to see you cry; his heart literally breaks in pieces when he sees you like this.
Before he could say something, or at least announce his presence you speak.
“I always thought it would be impossible for me to fall in love. To find someone, doing what we do and still get to have everything. Then, I met you and thought it was a dream, maybe it was. Because nothing good lasts forever. I broke us, in fear thinking I could never achieve the heights I wanted, if I had someone to tie me down, to hold me back. So I ran, ran from everything, you, my family, the love. ” You laugh
Bucky doesn’t interrupt, at first, he thinks you are talking to yourself but soon he realises you are addressing him. He lets you continue.
“Your Love” you say still have your back to him
“It’s so hard to stay away from it, to fight against it, every day, every minute, every second. It was like fighting gravity, an unnatural thing to do. Staying away from you from our love was the hardest thing to do and god knows, I have done some pretty tough shit” you laugh again and continue,
“So I came back, asking for forgiveness, to beg you to love me back. Knew there was no way I’ll get what was lost, the Love is one emotion that’s impossible to find, even tough create, then you tell me you don’t love me anymore. And think that’s when I knew, the pain you must have felt when I said the same thing to you. When, I broke your heart, because I think that’s what dying would feel like.”
“But then in the moment of anger and passion, love and hate, we created something, something both of us unaware that it was possible, something so valuable that it’s beyond you and me. Something I didn’t know I could love more than you, more than my life."
Bucky is frozen to place, he doesn’t know what to make of your speech, he understands your words but not quite there yet. He is still comprehending your words when you turn.
Red nose, clearly dishevelled, eyes red and face distort with tears and emotions.
Before he could say anything, before he could offer any comfort you speak again with a sorrowful smile,
"I’m pregnant” you announce
Bucky feels as if someone pulled the rug from under his feet, like someone punched air out of his lungs or put his head in cold water making him unable to breathe.
The angel and demon are shocked too but they’re quick to make the choice, they don’t think twice before pushing him, making up his mind for him.
His legs move to their accords and before his mind can understand he is falling to his knees in front of you burying his face into your middle, hands wrapping around your waist, he lets out a sob before confessing,
A/N: Thank you for reading. Show me some love. Tell me if you enjoy my writing. is it any good/bad? Would love to hear from you. xoxo :)
P.P.S: Just to add to some more about the story, the angle & demon are inspired from “Good Omens’s” Aziraphale & Crowley. 😂 & Secondly, I hated the character of Bucky’s girlfriend in original story so much that refused to acknowldge her by her name, hence, here as well she is addressed as “her”.🙊🤦♀️🤷♀️(no i’m not proud of my dramatic ass but it is how it it.😬💁♀️🤷♀️✌) Wish you all a Happy & Prospurous New Year. 🧡💛💙💜
Homeward Bound part 5: Nightmares Are Just Problematic Memories
Prompt: (Commission by @minimoose23 / @avengerskeeper): Stucky x reader (named Kat/Katy). Kat is coming home at the end of her military career. She wants it to be a surprise, so she enlists the help of her friends to surprise her boyfriends. After that, adjusting to life at the Avengers Compound might be a little more than she expected.
Also for @star-spangled-bingo
Square filled: Nightmare (free space)
Warnings: Angst, Nightmares, PTSD
Word Count: 1337
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader(Katy) x Bucky Barnes; (Stucky x reader)
Beta: @ladymidnightt
Chapter 1
AO3
Series Masterlist
Author’s note: I’m no longer posting full-length fics on tumblr; instead, I’ll be linking to where they’re posted on AO3. I want to say thank you for your patience with how long it’s been since I’ve posted! I have the final chapters outlined and some scenes written, so hopefully now that my life has settled down (sounds weird with quarantine, right?) I’ll have time and energy to write and finish the series!
A/N: The awesome @xxloki81xx hit 200 followers! Congrats friend! I decided to add to my Daddy!Bucky one shots, based on this gorgeous moodboard below
This also filled my Square: Planned Pregnancy for @star-spangled-bingo
Pairing: Daddy!Bucky x reader
Word Count: 590
Warnings: FLUFF! (go figure!)
Bucky twirled you around the dance floor; your dress sparkled even in the dim light of the hall. You didn’t want to have this big production that Bucky insisted on, since you had forgone it in favor of your eldest daughter’s birth. Bianca had each twin in hand, swaying to the music. The three siblings were getting along very well considering the late hour. Most of your guests had already thanked you for a lovely evening, but as usual, the Avengers were still going strong. Bucky dipped you slowly as the song ended. When he finally righted you, you shared an intimate kiss to the delight of your friends; they were whistling and teasing but neither of you paid any mind.
“Do we tell them now?” he asked you, his eyes twinkling.
“Let’s give them a few more minutes,” you answered softly. You leaned in to kiss him again.
Four Months Earlier
“Babe, are you sure about this?” Bucky looked down at you with a lopsided grin. You had just said something in the throes of passion and had immediately turned an embarrassing red. You closed your eyes and took a breath before looking into his lust-filled, stormy eyes.
“Yes,” you hissed as he slowly entered you. “Oh god Bucky,” you arched your head and neck backward as he moved over you, expertly hitting every nerve inside you. His lips met the base of your neck, licking and nibbling, knowing what it did to you. “Do it,” you demanded. “Put a baby in me.”
Three Weeks Ago
Your OB/GYN tried to hold back a knowing laugh as you both sat anxiously. “Is this going to be the last one?” she teased.
“Yes,” you answered as Bucky shook his head behind you. You elbowed him gently, and he huffed, knowing you probably right.
Present
The DJ announced the last song for the night. You had requested the rather fun, yet inappropriate “Baby Got Back.” Bianca, Shawn, and Spencer had already been sent off and tucked into bed by Maria Hill, who had promised them an exciting bedtime story to make up for leaving Mommy and Daddy ‘behind.’ You could see the confused, amused expressions from your friends as you and Bucky busted a move. It didn’t take long for everyone to start their worst, most hilarious, 90s dance moves. FRIDAY had been on video duty all night and you knew this would be the highlight of watching it back later.
Just as the song was winding down the DJ made the announcement. “Congratulations to the remarried couple Bucky and y/n, on their 7-year anniversary! Best of luck with all four kids!”
A rush of bodies surrounded you with hugs. “Happy…”
“WHAT?!” The voices came from every direction.
“When did you find out?”
“How the hell…?”
Bucky snickered at Sam. “If you have to ask, maybe we need to find you a girlfriend first.”
Nat narrowed her eyes at you. “And just who had to talk who into this one?”
You felt the pink creep into your cheeks as you remembered just how hot and bothered you had both been at your unknown kink. “Let’s just say no one needed to be talked into it.”
Steve chuckled low as he noticed Bucky’s puffed-out chest. Steve couldn’t be prouder of his best friend, having everything he ever wanted. Steve pulled Sharon in front of him, dropping a kiss behind her ear. “Babe, do we…?”
Sharon swatted at him with a grin. “Let them have their night. We can do ours tomorrow.”
Warnings: Angst, cold, swearing, mention of children being hurt
Word Count: about 2 900 words
Square Filled: Falling for @star-spangled-bingo
Summary: Steve and Y/N used to be best friends, but not any more. Things between them are cold. Now Bucky and Y/N are best friends instead.
A/N: New series for the @star-spangled-bingo. It will be about 5 parts. Maybe more. This takes place after Avengers: Endgame, but Steve never left. Tony and Nat are still alive...
I would like to thank @allaboutthebooz for her support and motivation. And I would also like to thank @kaunis-sielu and @banditthewriter for there insight in how they write and deal with things. If you have not read any of there work, you really should check it out!!
The cold air was crisp and the sun shines in your face. Steve takes a deep breath beside you before he lets it out.
“There is a car for us just a way north of here,” Steve says and starts walking in the thick snow. You follow him and try to walk in his footsteps, but his gait is a bit too long. Snowshoes had been a good idea, but it was too late now. You try to keep up with him and 15 minutes later you came to a big black SUV. Steve takes the keys from behind the front tire and you pack your things into the car. Steve takes the driver's seat so you sit beside him. The warm air in the car feels like heaven against your cold feet. Steve is quiet so you don’t say a word. You look out the window to see the beautiful winter wonderland. Alaska was beautiful and you wish you were here on a vacation instead of a mission. Why the hell was Hydra operating in Alaska? Maybe you would find out soon.
“We are soon going to be at the cabin. Do you remember our cover story?” Steve asks and gives you a quick glance.
“Yes, I remember,” you look at him. “You are Chris Evans and I am Sophie Micheals, we have been together for three years and since we both love skiing we decided to take a vacation here.”
Steve nods, his eyes staring straight ahead on the road.
“I am an English literature student at Harvard and you are a law student at the same university,” you continue and sign. Still no verbal response from Steve. If this was a few years ago, he would be talking and laughing with you. Now, just silence. It was slowly killing you. Just this mission, then you would leave. Maybe you could get over him. You looked out on the landscape, trying not to cry.
Steve glanced at Y/N. She had stopped talking and seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. He had not noticed until this mission that she had stopped trying to talk to him. Just a couple of months before she would have tried her best to get him to talk to her, just even for a minute, but not anymore. He sighed because he knew now that he really fucked everything up. More than he had thought after he talked the day before with Bucky, Nat and Wanda.
He wanted to reach out to her. Take her hand in his. Make her laugh, but he did not know-how. It was like he had built up a wall between you two and he had no idea how to tear it down.
“And the rest?” Steve asks after a while. She looks at him with big eyes. Then she tells him the rest of your cover story. Steve looks from her and to the road and then back again. He drops his left hand from the steering wheel and grips her right hand and gives it a squish. He continues watching the road but keeps his hand in hers. He could feel that she went kind of stiff when he gripped her hand, but as long as she did not pull it away he would hold on. He really needed to fix this. He wants his friend back. It was as she was slipping away from him. Slowly, but steadily. She turns her head and looks out the window again and Steve can feel that she is relaxing. They don’t say a word and Steve is enjoying the feeling of her delicate hand in his.
After 30 minutes you arrive at the cabin. There is a car parked outside.
“The landlord is supposed to be here and greet us,” Steve says and drops your hand. You immediately miss the feel of his hand in yours, but he parks the car and turns it off. He jumps out and walks over to your side fast. He opens the door for you and helps you out. The cold is biting in your cheeks again and before you can put on your gloves, Steve takes your hand again. The heat from his hand warms you up and you look down at your hands. You look up and see that Steve is looking at you. It is hard to read his expression and before you can say anything, the door to the cabin opens and a woman walks out on the steps.
“Welcome to Alaska,” the woman greets you. Steve and you greet her with your cover. You let Steve do most of the talking, and try to keep your head in the game. But your mind is wandering to how Steve is acting. It is more like it was before he got cold and distant and you can feel a bit of hope building in your chest. You don’t want to have hope just to have it put out again, but at the same time, maybe Bucky was right. Maybe you should talk to Steve.
The landlady leaves you and it is time to put on the skies and start looking for Hydra. You are both quiet, all your focus is on the mission. You figured you should try and talk to Steve after the mission, maybe when you were back at the compound with the rest of the Avengers. So if it went bad, you could tell Bucky and then disappear for a while. You take a couple of deep breaths to think about the mission instead. You needed to find out what Hydra was doing in Alaska and where they had their headquarters.
Steve and you had been out on the skies for two hours and you were already sick of the cold weather and how affectionate Steve was acting. Mostly how affectionate Steve was. It was almost as before Bucky, but you knew deep down that he was faking. Faking for the mission.
“Why could this mission not have been in Hawaii,” you grumble under your breath as you were walking around in the woods. “It is so fucking cold.”
“Y/N, stop complaining about the cold,” Steve hiss at you. “It’s not even that cold.”
“Easy for you not to complain,” you said and looked at Steve. “Fucking, Supersoldier that never gets cold,” you muttered under your breath. That Steve, of course, heard because of his enchanted hearing.
“What did you just say,” he looks at you.
“You heard me,” you mutter and turn around still muttering under your breath. It would soon be dark and you still had not come across any Hydra operates. You pick up something and stops. You can feel a few men a couple of hundred meters away. Steve had stopped with you. He looks at you as you try to access their minds, but they were still too far away. Steve signs something to you and you sign make. Sometimes it was good that Steve also knew sign language. You continued forward to where you could feel the men being. After a while, you got into their minds. They were Hydra and you wanted to puke when you hear what they were thinking about.
“Steve, this is so much worse than we thought,” you whisper to Steve trying not to puke. Steve puts a hand on your arm and gives you a squish. You take a couple of deep breaths and continue to listen to the men. All you needed was a location and you could go back and regroup in the cabin and get back-up. You could feel them men coming closer, but not so close that they could see you just yet. Then you got it, the location to where they kept their operations, but the men were coming too close for you to be able to escape. You gesture to Steve what was happening and you start to look around for something that could help.
Steve saw the panic in Y/N eyes. The men were coming closer, he could hear them now. There was only one thing that came to mind. He took off his skis quickly and walked over to Y/N and pressed her against the tree. Her eyes were big and searching his face. I really hope Bucky forgives me, Steve thought and lowered his mouth to hers. She went stiff, but only for a minute. Then she kissed him back, just as they came into view from them Hydra men. Steve loved the feeling of her lips on his. He deepened the kiss and she followed him deeper. Warmth spread through Steve's body and he almost forgot where he was, all he could think about was her.
You could hear the men's thoughts and how they were whispering to themselves before they disappeared. They had reasoned that you two were to caught up in each other to notice them. When you feel like they were on a safe distance you pushed Steve away. His lips were swollen from the kissing, his eyes dilated and he was breathing heavy.
“Good thinking,” You said and walked past him, trying to gain your posture. Kissing him had been both heaven and hell. Now that you knew how his lips tasted like and how they fit against yours, you knew you were domed. All there was left to do was to leave the Avengers when you got back home. Maybe you could join the X-Men again. At the same time was the things you had heard in the men’s heads slowly killing you. You wanted to fight them then and there, but that was not the tactic that was needed here.
“Nat taught me that,” Steve said and walked over to his skis. What did that mean? Had Nat taught him how to kiss or that move? You shake your head. This was not something you wanted to think about.
“What are they doing here in Alaska?” Steve wondered after a while. You could feel the tears building up in your eyes.
“They have kidnapped children and trying to make new Winter Soldiers. Out of children, Steve!” The last part comes out with a sob. Steve walked over to you and pulls you into a hug.
“We will save them, Y/N,” Steve says and kiss your forehead before he lets you go. “Let’s get back to the cottage and get back-up out here.” There was no one around and still, he had been affectionate. This was really starting to mess with your head. First holding hands in the car and now this What was going on? You shook your head. The priority was to get to the cabin and get back-up here. Then you could think about Steve and you.
About 40 minutes later you arrive at the lake, where the cabin was on the other side.
“Come on, this way,” Steve said and started skiing along the beach.
“I think we should go over the lake,” You say and nod towards the cottage on the other side. The cottage you were staying in.
“That is not a good idea. The ice is probably not safe,” Steve declared with a frown on his face.
“I am not skiing the long way around,” you argue with Steve. You were cold, tired and wanted to get to the cabin fast so that you could get back-up for the kids.
You skied over the ice towards the cottage and Steve followed you without a word. After a few minutes Steve skied past you keeping a faster pace. He seemed irritated with you, but you did not care. It was not like it was a new thing that he did not speak to you.
When you are halfway to the other side the ice around you started cracking and you knew what was happening. Steve was still keeping a good temp a couple of meters away from you and you hoped he would be okay. You skied on slowly forward trying to not disturb the ice any more than necessary. It was no use of turning around, the beach on the other side was closer. The ice still cracked under you and you try to slowly lower yourself down to lay flat at the same time as the ice cracks open under you. All you could think was: I am falling. And that was what happened. You fall into the freezing water with a big splash. The last thing you hear before going under the water is Steve’s scared voice screaming your name. You were struggling with getting the skis off your feet because you knew they were going to drag you down.
Steve heard the ice cracking and turned around. He saw Y/N disappear in the water and yelled out her name. Why had he not checked that the ice would hold for them both? He needed to get to her and that was fast. Steve got his skis off and ran towards the hole in the ice and jumped in, without hesitating. She had yet to surface. The cold water momentarily paralysed him, but he quickly shook it off. The water was dark and he had trouble seeing in the water. A movement to his right caught his eye and he swam towards it. When he could come closer he saw that she was struggling with her last ski. He took a grip of her foot and pulled it off. He took hold of her arm and together they swam to the surface.
You surfaced together gasping for air, and you were trying not to panic. You were so cold. It felt as your body was made of ice. Steve still feels warm against you and it took all you had not to cling yourself at him and keep holding on. You knew you needed to get out of the water and fast. Steve tried to take a hold of you, but you would not let him. Did he really think you couldn’t swim? You started making your way to the ice, it had cracked a lot around you and you needed to find a safe place to get up out of the water. When you reached the edge Steve tried to lift himself up with all his weight to see if it would hold. The ice cracking sound, but it did not break.
“You go first,” Steve said and tried to get a hold of you. You shake your head.
“No, you go first,” you countered pushed him towards the ice. He sighed and crawled up on the ice. When he was up you waited until he crawled a bit away. He turned and offered you his hand, still laying flat on his stomach. You took his hand and with your joint force you could get out from the cold water. Together, with some space between the two of you, the crawl towards Steves skis began. When you reached them you both stood up, slowly, trying to access if the ice would hold. Not a sound was heard, so you walked fast towards the beach. You could feel your anger towards Steve building up. You still had not said anything besides who would get out of the water first.
Steve was glancing at Y/N ever so often. He could have lost her. She could have been lost forever in the water, and the thought of losing her made him feel sick to his stomach and there was this pain in his chest. Worse pain than the thought of her together with Bucky. He really did not want to lose her. Even if it meant just being her friend, he just could not lose her. Steve could clearly see that she was angry and that she soon would explode, but what she was upset about, he really could not tell. Well, I will find out soon, he thought and walked on.
You tried to keep your temper in place, but you really could not. Steve was acting strange, and you needed answers.
“What the fuck would you do that, Steve?” you yelled as you come to the beach, safe and sound from the cold water. “Why the hell would you jump in after me?” Steve looked down at the ground.
“Well, answer me!” you demanded and Steve looked up at you.
“Well, I could not have Bucky’s best girl get hurt,” Steve said and looked away. Bucky’s best girl. Not Steve’s, not anymore. It hurt. It was like he put a knife in your chest.
“I can swim, Steve” you scuff and trying to keep moving, even though you are ice cold.
“Bucky would have killed me if anything happens to you,” Steve is looking anywhere but at you. You glare at him, could he be any more clear that Bucky was the only one that cared about you. Steve only jumped in because of his best friend. You were clearly not his friend anymore. Not his best girl anymore. Fuck, you just got the answer you needed. You needed to move, to get over Steve.
“I am fine, but we need to make it to the cabin before we freeze to death” you start walking to the cabin trying to stop the tears building in your eyes. Your clothes were cold and starting to freeze in the cold air, making them stiff to walk in. Steve is walking beside you carrying his skis, but not looking at you. This was going to be a long walk, even if it was just about a mile left.
Squares Filled: Memory Loss for @star-spangled-bingo and K2 Image Prompt for @buckybarnesbingo
A/N: I hope this anon is still around because I LOVE this prompt. It got away from me a little, but I hope you still enjoy it! You can find the image mentioned here.
Prompt:
Hey! I was wondering if you could do a Imagine with Bucky Barnes where the reader has a mechanical arm like him but on her right arm and was trained by Red Room like Natasha Romanoff... Maybe this is weird... Maybe they argued about some shit that happened to them in their past were they met up and kick both of each other’s asses and they both make it up to one another some how???? Idk know man idk
You jumped up from your cot at the sound of an explosion, the force rattling the concrete room you were in. You could hear people yelling to each other in different languages, instructions on where to go, what to destroy, but you heard one word over and over again. ‘Avengers’.
You grabbed one of the bars of your cell with your right hand, the clanging of metal causing someone running past to look at you before quickly moving away.
From down the hall, you heard yelling that quickly ceased and was replaced with the groans of the injured. You went to work, attempting to bend the metal of the cell, trying to free yourself. Normally it would have been easy. But the last treatment they gave had done something, your mind felt fuzzy, and you were unsteady on your feet.
“Y/N?” a voice spoke.
“Y/N? It’s me. Oh god. What did they do to you?” she continued when you stayed quiet.
“That’s not my name,” you said harshly.
“Then what is your name?”
You opened your mouth to respond, but your brain couldn’t find the answer.
“That’s what I thought,” the redhead mumbled before speaking into the air. “Steve, we’ve got a situation.”
You moved closer to the bars in an attempt to disarm her, but before you could make a move, you felt a prick on your neck as the world around you faded to black.
+++++++++++
Your eyes slowly opened, taking in the stark white room around you. It was vastly different from the cold, grimy concrete room you were usually kept in. You stretched the kink from your neck and got off the bed, pacing the room. You didn’t belong here. Something was wrong. You hoped to God you weren’t in trouble. The door opened, and you swiftly faced it. The red-head from earlier entered, a small woman in scrubs following her closely.
“Y/N, I’m Natasha, and this is Doctor Cho,” she said gently, gesturing to the woman behind her. “She’s going to examine you, and I’m going to ask you some questions, is that okay?”
You furrowed your brow in confusion at her question. You never got a choice. You gave a small nod of your head, indicating you would cooperate.
“Do you know who you are?”
You started at the woman called Natasha as you searched your brain for an answer. You were silent for a few minutes before shaking your head.
“That’s okay, do you know where you were when I found you?”
“A HYDRA base,” you mumbled. “I never know the locations.”
“Good, that’s good. Do you know why you were there?”
“A mission,” you answered quietly, momentarily distracted as the doctor poked and prodded you.
“Do you know what the mission was?”
You closed your eyes as you tried to remember the mission they had given you shortly before everything had gone to chaos.
“Assassination. A CEO funding the wrong cause, I don’t remember his name.”
“That’s okay. We’re gonna leave you to rest okay?”
Natasha started towards the door but stopped short when you called out to stop her.
“You said my name… what was it?”
“Y/N,” she said with a smile.
You repeated it back to yourself quietly. You continued repeating it, trying to force a memory long after Natasha left the room.
++++++++++
“Why is she so calm? She’s answering questions like she knows you,” Tony said as soon as Natasha came into the observation room, concealed behind two-way glass.
Natasha looked at you, a fond smile playing on her lips.
“She’s a few years younger than me. She was trained with me, we spent time in The Red Room together. Once I graduated, I never saw her again. Not until now.”
“That doesn’t explain why she’s so… docile,” Steve interjected.
“Part of it has to do with the sedatives I’ve given her,” Doctor Cho explained. “As far as I can tell, her memory was recently wiped. They may not have given her the drugs necessary for her mission.”
“What do you mean? I thought she was like Bucky?” Steve asked.
“She is, in part. She has a version of the serum running through her veins. But I’m assuming when Bucky escaped they changed their protocol. She needs an injection of adrenaline and probably some amphetamines to put her into the state Bucky would be in if he were triggered.”
“So she’s just a normal girl?” Tony confirmed.
“Far from it,” Natasha laughed. “She’s still a professionally trained assassin. She can fight, shoot with deadly accuracy and she’s stronger than most. Just not super-soldier strong.”
“What’s our play, then?” Tony asked. “Chances she’s screwing with us?”
“Does she look like she’s screwing with us?” Natasha asked, pointing to you in your room. You were sitting on your bed, knees held tightly to your chest, mumbling something over and over again. She could only assume it was your name.
“I think she should stay here,” Natasha continued. “We can’t just dump her on the streets, and I think I can help her. Maybe find a middle ground between what The Red Room made her and what HYDRA made her.”
The rest of the group agreed, dispersing quickly. Natasha stayed in the room and observed you a while longer before making her exit. It was going to be a long time before there was any type of ‘normal’ in your life.
+++++++++
A few hours later, Natasha was in the kitchen when Bucky cornered her.
“What is she doing here?”
“She who?” Natasha questioned, playing dumb.
“Nat…” Bucky warned.
“I found her,” Natasha said. “She was in a HYDRA camp. I didn’t realize you knew her.”
“A version of me knew a version of her.”
“Explain,” Natasha demanded.
“She came to us after The Red Room. They said she still needed more training and they sent her to me.”
“You should talk to her.”
“And say what?” Bucky asked.
“Anything. She doesn’t remember anything right now, Bucky. I’m sure she’s afraid and lonely. You should talk to her,” Natasha repeated.
“I don’t even know her name,” Bucky mumbled sadly. “They told me to call her brigadier.”
“Y/N. Her name is Y/N,” Natasha said, rubbing his arm. “When she was with you, did she have…”
“Did she have what?” Bucky asked, suddenly worried. Throughout the year and a half of training you, Bucky had developed feelings for you. Or at least what feelings he could manage. He remembered tearing apart the room the two of you trained in until they restrained him and made a mess of his brain again. He never forgot you, not really anyway.
“She has a metal arm Buck. Her right one.”
“No,” he whispered. “No, she didn’t have that when I knew her.”
“We found her file. It didn’t take long,” Natasha confessed. “I haven’t read all of it, but they didn’t have a reason to take her arm Bucky… they just did.”
Bucky closed his eyes and let out a breath. He thought of the pain you must be in, probably a pain similar to his own. The constant aches, the uneven weight, the hot burn he felt where metal met flesh. Bucky had made his peace with his arm, it was a part of him, an almost necessary part from what he read in his medical file from the 40’s. But he couldn’t imagine how you would feel, knowing that your body was ripped from you in more ways than one.
“Don’t tell her, not yet,” Bucky said. “I want to help.”
“I was hoping you would say that,” Natasha said with a smile.
+++++++++
When Natasha introduced you to Bucky, you didn’t show any recognition, but it didn’t stop her from pestering Bucky to tell you about your history with each other. Bucky had said it was only training, but from the sadness in his eyes, Natasha could tell it was more. Every time you fell back into your old habits, not speaking, not moving, barely even breathing until you were told to do something, Natasha saw how much it hurt Bucky. All any of the team could do was slowly work with you until things started to get better.
Two months after your arrival to the compound, you were less skittish around everyone, Steve had even made you laugh earlier that day, a rare occurrence. You and Natasha were going for a run around the compound when she saw Bucky watching you carefully. She rolled her eyes at him before turning her attention back to you.
“There’s something I should confess,” she said, slowing her run to a light jog.
“That can’t be good,” you mumbled, looking over at her.
“I have your file. I know you can’t remember some things. Maybe it will help fill in some gaps,” she suggested.
You shrugged a shoulder.
“Can’t hurt,” you said simply.
++++++++
When you returned to your room a few hours later, there was a worn file on your desk, your name written boldly along the side. You picked it up and took a deep breath. You flipped it open and started reading. The first few pages weren’t helpful, information on your parents and where you came from, things you didn’t care to remember. You knew you were orphaned- that was enough for you. The next few pages were about your Red Room training. You remembered some of that, not enough to remember Natasha or anyone specific but the blurs of training and correction flashed through your mind.
As you flipped to the next page, a picture fell out. You weren’t in it and assumed it had been shoved into the file by mistake. Before you could put it back, you stared at it intently. Something seemed familiar. You squinted at the picture, it was worn, but you could make out that it was Natasha and Bucky. Natasha looked younger in the photo, you knew she used to work with Bucky on the occasional mission, she had told you that much. But what struck you was Bucky. He looked different somehow. You gasped and brought your hand to cover your mouth when the realization hit you. You knew him. You hadn’t seen him in uniform before today.
You closed your eyes as the memories washed over you. They had told you that you were to be trained by someone new, injecting you with whatever sludge they concocted that day before sending you off. That’s where you met him- the asset. He was tough, always working you hard, disciplining you when you failed to meet his expectations. You could almost feel the crack of his palm against your cheek now. After a few months of training, the discipline came less often than rewards, which usually came in the form of the asset buried between your legs. They didn’t tell you it would be your last session with him until after. When you tried to fight your way back to him, they sedated you. When you woke up, you had a shiny new right arm.
You stormed out of your room, searching for Bucky. You finally found him in his own room, relaxing on his bed, reading a book. He looked up at you as you entered, smiling until he saw your expression.
“What’s-”
“Hello, asset,” you seethed, cutting him off.
The color drained from Bucky’s face as he let your words hit him.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” you demanded.
“I’m sorry,” he said, getting up off the bed.
You backed up as he came towards you.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I couldn’t bare for you to hate me,” he said. “What I did to you… I’m a monster. You should never have to look at me again. But I just couldn’t find the words.”
You looked down at your feet and crossed your arms across your chest.
“Please, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you,” he rambled, filling the silence.
You turned to leave him room and Bucky reached out for you, dropping his arm when you flinched.
“You know, when they told me I couldn’t see you anymore, it hurt. It killed me Bucky. I missed you. I really fucking missed you. You gave me the last shred of humanity I could have.”
Bucky watched you closely, despair written all over his face.
“I think I need some time alone,” you whispered, leaving Bucky standing in his room.
+++++++++++
Later that night, you woke up covered in a cold sweat, your sheets tangled between your legs. You tossed and turned, trying to chase away the demons that invaded your dreams. Once you had returned to your room after confronting Bucky, you had read your file from cover to cover. You had inadvertently opened a door, and you didn’t know how to close it. The memories came rushing back, the atrocities you had committed becoming clear again.
You resigned yourself to your fate of a sleepless night, leaving your room to get some air. You took the elevator to the roof and sighed as the cold air washed over you once the doors opened. You walked out into the night, tensing when you saw someone else on the roof as well. The figure turned to face you, blue eyes shining even in the darkness.
“Hi,” Bucky mumbled. “I can leave if you want.”
You didn’t say anything, continuing your walk to the railing that enclosed the space before leaning against it. Bucky took your silence as an answer, walking towards the elevator.
“How do you do it?” you asked suddenly. “How do you live knowing everything they took from you?”
Bucky paused, gathering his thoughts before answering.
“I found new things, new people, to care about. I try to make amends where I can.”
“What if I can’t ever get back there?” you whispered to the night sky. “What is I can’t ever fix myself?”
“You will,” Bucky said as he walked up behind you. “We’ll all help you.”
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. What you did… it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I should have told you.”
You nodded before suddenly turning around to face Bucky. He watched you carefully, trying to figure out your next move, expecting you to slap him across the face. What he didn’t expect was you throwing your arms around his neck, sobbing loudly.
Bucky didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, holding you tightly as you let your emotions flow freely.
“We’ll get you through this,” he reassured. “It’s gonna be okay.”
And for the first time that you could remember, you thought he might be right; everything would be okay.
She is so young, they all are, barely teenagers. But the Red Room has already spent years training them, shaping them, forging them into their perfect tools. They look like children, but it is an illusion; there is no place for childhood here. Instead they are deadly, skilled, focused; more in common with the knives they wield than the sweetly innocent masks they wear.
Down came the rain and washed poor bitsy out
They have been crafted – drilled to perfection and confident in their skill – but they are still raw, untested. That is where he comes in. He is a new challenge, and his task is to break them.
He is to push them to their limits and beyond, pressing them until they shatter. Then the Red Room will pick through the pieces, testing the exposed edges to determine if the shards are to be honed further, or discarded.
He can’t go easy on them; his orders don’t allow it, and they would not accept it if he tried.
Out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain
So many of the girls fail, broken – but not her. Every challenge, she rises to meet. Every attack, she analyses, learning even in her pain, refusing to give in. She is graceful and precise, subtle and lethal. She uses him to find her weaknesses, and twists them into strengths.
Where others shatter under his blows – to her body, her mind, her spirit – she embraces them, shaping herself like an obsidian blade.
And itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again
The Widows are the best of the best, and she becomes the best of them all. It is not that she is technically perfect – although she is – or that she is dedicated – although she completes her assignments flawlessly and without hesitation.
There is a brightness to her, her spirit as vibrant as her hair, undimmed despite her trials. He can see it, but he doesn’t think any of the others realise it is there. It feels familiar; that determination to stand up and fight, regardless of injuries, regardless of the odds. That need to prove she is stronger than she appears.
He looks at this tiny, perfect weapon he has helped to create – no, not a weapon; a person, a child, a survivor – and understands what it means to feel proud.
Sam’s face had tried to remain stoic but nothing stopped you from wanting to find out the truth, you wanted him to admit his mistake. You wanted him to come clean about his deception.
Your eyes narrowed as Sam shuffled around on both of his feet, even moving around so much that he tried to hug you to get you to return to him and for him to get on your good side. It was not working, even when he flashed you your favourite smile of his.
“C’mon, Y/N…” Sam started but you interrupted him almost immediately, not giving him any moments to conjure up an excuse for his behaviour.
“No, Sam, don’t ‘come on, Y/N,’ me. You cheated! That is on you, not me. Don’t try sweet talking me, there have been too many cheaters in my life for you to even make a dent in the armour I have built around me. I want you to tell me the truth. No lies, no bullshit, just the truth.”
“I think you are being a little bit dramatic.” He said avoiding the question but with a raise of your eyebrow and a hand on your hips, he huffed out in defeat. “Fine. I’m sorry. I cheated! Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“Of course, yeah Sam. I wanted to hear that my husband cheated.” You said exasperated, continuing your angry little rant. “What is wrong with you? I want my husband to be honest with me, you dipshit. I want to be able to play a goddamn game with you having to cheat to win.”
“I told you that you were being a little dramatic but I am willing to make it up to you.”
“How are you going to make it up to me, huh?” You coaxed, lips pursed as you awaited his answer, the answer to his prayers that he had sent up to the gods when you had looked like you were about to kill him for checking at a board game, continuing to cheat without you noticing but you had easily caught the avenger very early in his own game.
“Well,” he starts, moving forward now knowing that it is safe to do so. “I’m going to start by giving you a nice and hot, bubbly bath.”
You hum and relax your body a little at his proposal but he was just getting started. “Oh yeah. Are you going to join me?”
He disappoints you a little when he replies with a ‘no’ but his arms wind around your waist pulling you close so you instinctively wrap your arms around his neck, hoping he continues.
“After your bath, whenever you are ready. I’ll give you the best massage you have ever received. It’ll be so good from these chocolate fingers that you won’t even remember you were mad at me in the first place.” This smooth fucker, he knew exactly what he was doing. And dammit you were giving in to him. It was so easy to do what he wanted even when you were mad over the stupidest things.
*
You had settled easily into the hot bath, watching as the water rose and bubbles magically appeared under the stream, it was weirdly mesmerising. You settled in nicely, your muscles easily being soothed by the calming water. Just for Sam’s luck, you didn’t have much time to think about his cheating but with this bath, you didn’t really give a shit either.
It had been almost an hour since you had got into the bath, the water finally going cold so you slipped on your bathrobe and smirked at the slippers that Sam had left for you.
Sam was waiting there on the bed with pillows carefully placed to hold you as comfortably as possible. He must have heard the water sloshing around and you made your way out of the bath.
“Surprised you aren’t giving yourself a massage, Sammy.” You chuckled to yourself, pressing a kiss to Sam’s pouting lips. You drop the robe over the vanity seat and climb into the bed, hugging the pillows around your face and getting comfortable. His hands were on you almost instantly, you loved the feeling of his fingers touching you, massaging all the knots in your back and shoulders. Sam lathered up his hands with the oil attached to his special belt, you were pretty sure that you were going to end up with a happy ending massage like all those other women in the porn videos that you sometimes indulged in when Sam wasn’t around.
The moan that escaped you made Sam laugh behind you.
“I know, baby. Good, right?” He almost grumbles, humming as his fingers rub the oil into his hands before spreading it across your naked back, palms pressing into your shoulder blades, fingertips seeking out your neck.
If you thought that the bath had you melting, they had nothing over Sam’s fingers. It was as if you were being caressed by God himself. You hadn’t realised you had fallen asleep until your eyes were fluttering open as the touch of his lips at your temple.
“Don’t fall asleep on me now, Honey pie. You’ll miss the best part.” He whispers, his fingers smoothing down your back and over your thighs before he rubs over your lower back, soon spreading your cheeks apart, his digits sliding over your folds.
“Well, I’m glad you woke me up for this. Somnophilia isn't really on my to do list today. We’ll save it for another day.” You said rather sleepily but the man’s fingers were waking you up with every movement he made.
Sam rolled his eyes but continued, his middle finger finally entering your cunt.
“Sam,” you gasp. Clenching around him, silently begging him for more but he just pumps his finger in and out of you. You take hold of his wrist, trying to make him understand but from the look in his eyes, he wanted- no, needed- to hear you say it. “Please, want more.”
Sam obeyed, one more of his fingers then another dipped into your pussy. He let out a guffaw when you whimpered underneath him. “Don’t complain, this is exactly what you wanted, Honey pie.”
“I’m not complainin’, Sam. You’re just making me feel so good. Fucking me with your fingers so well.” You rock your hips, fucking yourself between his fingers and the bed, you couldn’t help but reach down under your stomach and toy with your clit whilst Sam continued his onslaught, quickening his pace when he feels you clench so tightly around him.
Your pussy flutters around his digits but it's you that loses composure as Sam lifts your hips and slots himself under you. Planting you right on top of his face, he licks at your pussy with fervor, fingers matching his tongues' fast pace. The coil deep within your stomach began to wind, you know for a fact that if Sam keeps it up, you are not going to last much longer; he senses it, too.
He uses the hand that’s not fingering you to keep you on top of him, making sure he licks at every available crevice of soft skin that greets him.
“Fuck, Sam, I’m gonna come.” Your hips convulse as you reach your release, soaking Sam’s face when you explode, Sam’s work finished. Job done. But he still carries on, letting you ride the waves of your climax, he drinks up every ounce you give him, slurping your juices and easily swallowing them down.
The stars behind your clouded eyes make you forget that you were sitting on his face, almost squashing him in the process but you get off of his face, instead collapsing right next to Sam as he quickly crawls up the end of the bed to make sure you are alright.
He places his hand on the side of your face, your eyes still closed as he tries to bring you back to the here and now but he is unsuccessful, even if you smile against his hand.
“If you wanted to give me a massage and eat me out, you didn’t need to cheat.”
He huffs, hand moving to cover your mouth and head dropping deeper into the pillow beneath him. “Again with the cheating. I said I was sorry, Honey pie.”
