#starholf oc

[candyswirlsart]

When your boyfriend is an ex-Black Templar turned Black Shield

[candyswirls]

Chapter 2

First - Next - Master Post

Warnings: addiction, manipulation, abuse of power, manipulation by a superior, blackmail, violence, self-deprecation

Krammer had given him full access to the medical cabinet. He could go in and take as many stim packs as he wanted.

At first, there was plenty. Then there was barely any. He found himself being irritable and unpleasant to his brothers if he didn't take one at least once a day.

He tried weaning himself off, but cravings grew stronger, and he was ruthless in the training cages.

Nights were sleepless, and often he was called to the "meetings" Krammer held. They were becoming more and more strange. He dreaded going to them but not as much as he dreaded going to morning prayer. He shocked himself more than Heinrich when he told him he wasn't going.

He spent that time in meditation in his room. Left in solitude to go over his mistakes. Krammer said this was vital to his healing process. He doubted it but... He doubted so much already. He wanted to believe in something.

"Shame I didn't see you at morning prayer."

He turned towards his doorway, and a sister of battle stood there. Scars mixed with signs of aging around her eyes and her hair was done up.

"Sister Sadru," he lit up. "It has been too long."

"Indeed it has," she spoke.

He stood and invited her in.

"I have been cleared for battle but I am glad to see you sooner," he grinned.

She attempted to smile back but it faltered.

"What's wrong?" He inquired.

The Sister sighed and placed a hand atop his, "Forgive me for being blunt but... You look terrible."

He blinked at her.

"Heinrich said he was worried about you and seeing you now has only caused my concern to grow." She admitted. "Starholf, you look sick. Very sick. You also appear as if you have not slept in weeks. Your countenance is down."

He wanted to snap at her. Send her out. Prove he was fine. But it was true. He felt awful. Inside and out.

He began, "I... I am struggling."

"Oh, Starholf," she sighed.

He loved Sister Sadru. He'd known her since he was little. It was her battalion that came to his world to protect them long before the Astartes. She was new to the frontlines then.

A somber feeling fell over him. Nostalgia for the old times, weighed down by current ones.

He tried to enjoy the rest of the day. Going to sermons with her. Training matches with the sisters. Heinrich, Sister Sadru, and he sharing a meal.

The other two were all smiles and happy. He couldn't feel anything. Just the struggle of faking joy. He could not drag this happy reunion down with ridiculous feelings. The thoughts of a doubter.

Tonight was another meeting. The symbols in the cloth were always changing and growing. He tried to focus on that, thankful they were not inhaling smoke once more.

As each of them left, Krammed called him back to discuss something.

"How are the stim packs?"

Starholf muttered, "They are fine. Uh, thank you for your generosity."

Krammer beamed, "You are most welcome."

He hadn't looked at him this entire time, just focused on his work.

Starholf was about to ask to be excused when Krammer inquired, "Have you told anyone of this?"

Starholf shook his head, "No sir."

"Good," Krammer muttered. "I don't want the Sisters of Battle to get involved."

He didn't know why, but hearing that made it click. After everything, it took just that sentence. Throne, why was he so oblivious!?

It all added up. The constant pain after a supposed life-saving surgery. The experimental and potent stim packs. Constantly offering said stim packs to the point that it consumed his mind. The meetings and what he'd been trying to get them to pledge themselves to... it was of the ruinous powers. Apothecary Krammer had fallen. He was a heretic. He couldn't let this go on any longer. He'd never been more sure in his life.

"I will report you to the chaplain," he stated.

Krammer didn't look at him, he just sighed.

Starholf was shoved against the wall, Krammer's hand around his throat, lifting him off the ground. His strength exceeded what he should be capable of.

Star tried to pry Krammer's fingers but they didn't budge. He panicked and began trying to kick and punch the apothecary. But the other just smiled, as if he were enjoying it.

The apothecary slammed his brother into the wall again and pulled him down so his mouth was at his ear.

"How interesting it would be," Krammer said smoothly, "For you to tell the chaplain only to have me present footage of you coming in here and stealing combat stims. How the others have witnessed you committing suspicious acts that lead to signs of the dark forces. It will be your word against all of theirs and mine."

Tears pricked his eyes as he struggled for breath and at what the apothecary was telling him. He was forced to his knees, the pressure around his neck unrelenting.

Krammer loomed over him, "You will do as I say otherwise I will kill so many that I work on and will blame it on you. Battle-brother, neophyte, and captain. It will be your fault that they're dead. Their blood will be on your hands whether or not you're dead. Suicide isn't an option. I also know about the Sister of Battle you're close with and your dear brother, Heinrich. I will hurt them too."

Starholf felt his mouth foaming as the edges of his vision grew dark. No, please, no.

Krammer laughed, "Don't even think about trying to stay away. I know you already tried and failed. You're hooked. You need those stims. Your body demands it and your mind wants to adhere to its demands. I own you and you listen to me. Do I make myself clear?"

His grip tightened, "I said, Do I make myself clear?"

He saw the blackness close in. He forced the last of his strength to nod his head.

The grip around his throat disappeared and he flopped to the ground, coughing.

God-emperor, give me the strength or the will to die.

He felt a hand brush his neck and flashed his eyes upwards.

Krammer grinned down at him, "No prayers will be answered for a worthless sinning wretch like you. You've displeased him. You've allowed doubt to settle into your soul next to corruption. You let it fester and rot you away. You couldn't even see the heresy before your very eyes. No wonder he couldn't hear you."

Star felt his hearts sink.

"You've already forsaken him; thus he has forsaken you," Krammer tutted.

"No," Starholf rasped. "I haven't, I am still loya-"

Krammer grabbed him by his gorget and swung him against the wall once more. His feet weren't touching the ground again. He let out an involuntary whimper as every aspect of control he had was slipping through his fingers.

"You have fallen," his brother hissed. "Even now your body craves the stims. The ones I altered with gifts from the dark prince."

Starholf's stomach went cold.

"You have fallen and didn't even know it. You've been offending the golden-corpse this entire time."

Tears began to fall.

Krammer leaned in closer, "Congratulations, on realizing you're a heretic."

Starholf was frozen as Krammer drew nearer and licked tears off his cheeks.

The apothecary hummed, "Delicious."

He flinched as a stim pack was injected into him. He felt the pain relief and strength wash through him. It made him feel dirty.

Despite that, Krammer dragged him over to his work table like he was a rag doll.

"Be here tomorrow and I'll give you your assignment," he was ordered.

Another stim pack was shoved into his hands and he was pushed out of the apothecarium.

"See you tomorrow," Krammer scoffed.

The door slid shut and Starholf stood there, trying to process what had just happened.

Somehow he managed to take a step. Then another. Then another. And another.

He found himself in his room and let the door close behind him. He gently set the stim pack down on a shelf, then felt gravity pull him down to the ground. His hearts pounded but not from the rush of battle. Icy claws gripped both and clawed at his digestive system. He could feel them squeezing his lungs.

He lay down on his side and blinked till tears began to fall. He clasped a hand over his mouth to try to silence a sob.

He couldn't be a heretic! He wouldn't! But he'd doom his brothers, the future of the chapter as well. What was he supposed to do? He wished Sister Sadru were here. She'd know what to do.

What was this feeling around his hearts? Something that was trapping him. It was overwhelming and caused great despair and anxiety.

He was stuck. What could he do? He couldn't doom others. It was seemingly hopeless. He was trapped.

He didn't deserve it, didn't know if it would work, but it was all he knew and the only comfort he could think of.

He clasped a hand over his symbol of the emperor and began praying through tears. It was rushed, he stuttered and choked through it all, and his conviction wavered.

He repeated it and gritted his teeth, adding in pleas of forgiveness.

At one point his face was a waterfall of tears, snot, and saliva. He brought shame to his chapter and their primarch. A disgrace in the imperium.

He should be hanged for his transgressions. Tortured and hanged. Stupid, how could he have been so stupid?! Through everything?! He shouldn't have known! Seen it from the start. He shouldn't have confronted him, just gone to the chaplain! But then the surveillance. The promised deaths.

He repeated the prayer and cursed himself as his legs began to ache and the memory of where he put the stim pack moved to the front of his mind.

No, please no. He just had one. He couldn't. He wouldn't! He shouldn't.

He focused on all the prayers he knew. Strength, forgiveness, guidance, protection, conviction.

He sniffed as he wiped his nose. His alarm went off, his standard four hours were up. Minutes ticked by and became half an hour. He should be reporting by now.

It turned into an hour.

He was jolted out of his stupor upon a knock at his door.

"Brother?" Heinrich called from the other side.

He needed to move. He was going to be in trouble. He was already in trouble. Censorship? Death? Servitorization? Better than the blood of so many upon his hands. Hopefully, he died in his next battle, if he got out to battle.

His door opened and he lowered his head.

"Brother?" Heinrich called again. "Brother, are you alright? Starholf, what's wrong?"

He couldn't speak. What could he say? Tears were the only thing he could let out.

"Are you in pain?" Asked his brother. "Shall I fetch the apothecary?"

He shook his head and looked up to where the stim pack was. Heinrich followed his gaze and grabbed it, bringing it to him.

He cried harder as it was administered to him and he felt the steroids rushing through him.

"Better?" Heinrich asked.

He forced his head to nod.

His brother grabbed him by the arm and helped him up, "Let's head to the worship hall. Perhaps hearing the prayers, worship, and praise of the Emperor will help ease your burdens."

Starholf said nothing and let Heinrich drag him out. His brother was walking alongside a heretic.

First - Next - Master Post

[victorcreedirl]

Comfort and serenity (2/?)

Lio had been keeping his eyes on the templar cheking on him when he was sleeping, but tonight he decided a different approach he left a note along with a gift a nice necklace with the imperl fists crescent on it. It would serve as protection and offer a calming feeling as he hid in the shadows he saw him. He looked quite nice but lio saw tears from this black templar as he rested on his cot so he moved to make the shadows bigger as he moved to go nere the black templar his hand gently touching the face letting comfort and serenity flow through Starholf before he moved to sit on the cot watching as the man fell asleep tried eyes closing and breath becoming slow and steady

Lio got up, knowing his new well he didn't know what to call Starholf but either way he moved through the room before he found them medi packs "now this won't do" he said softly as to not dsterb Starholf as he left two before taking the rest leavening through the shows before he moved to go elsewhere his environment changed from a metal room to soft fabrics of pink and purples as he walked to the bed within the room "I need to speak grandmother" his voice was soft but serious

( @candyswirls I'm having fun with the sillys)

[candyswirls]

I'm the one always writing for the bunny boys, so I was wondering if you could write Starholf and Lio cuddling and maybe nose kisss:3

For context: Bunny Boys is a ship of Starholf (my black Templar from a fanfic) and Victor's character Lio. Because Starholf is my punching bag and I'm so mean that Victor wrote a fic where the two meet and now they're in an AU where they're not boyfriends but definitely are way more than friends. They're called bunny boys because their personalities are like bunnies.

Starholf tried to suppress the yawn but it persisted.

The larger man chuckled, "You are exhausted."

Star nodded, "I skipped my standard four hours to be able to assist with the arrival of the Sisters. Not a moment of reprieve till they left."

Lio took his hand, "You always work so hard. Come, time for rest. I'll take care of you."

He let him guide him to Lio's room, where he crawled under the thick blankets first, exhaustion pulling his body down.

Lio crawled in after, wrapping his arms around the Templar.

They nuzzled their noses and Lio pressed a kiss to Star's cheek.

"Sleep, my sweet bunny. I'll watch over you."

Star barely nodded as he lay his head against the other's chest and his eyelids grew heavier and heavier.

Sleep overtook him. It was easy in such a warm and soft place.

[candyswirls]

idk if I can make another request but maybe a story for the Fallen au where its Lio giving Starholf cuddles after getting (winging) him back from the evil snake man (Lio himself his hut but he don't care

"Don't move," Starhold insisted, cupping to other's cheek. "I... this is my fault."

Lio reached up, claws brushing the other's hair out of his face.

"No, my love," he told the marine. "It is not. Even then, I would do it a thousand times over to have you back by my side. Just like this."

The marine looked down, "You could have left me with Fulgrim and moved on. Found someone else."

Lio sat up and raised Starholf's head by the chin, "I don't want someone else. I want you. In all this vast galaxy I found you. There is only one of you. You are worth everything, my Bunny. Even if you feel you are marred with sin."

The former Black Templar melted in the demigod's embrace. He kissed the other on the lips, a rare thing for them both.

"I love you," Starholf breathed, "and I am deeply humbled and honored that you love me. I was scared, so scared. Never let me go, please."

Lio smiled, "Wouldn't dream of it, my bunny."

[candyswirls]

Hey, hey, do bunny boys, angst :>

He scrambled backwards as Krammer stepped towards him, reaching out his hand with a syringe in the other.

"This will make everything better," the apothecary hissed with a psychotic grin.

Starholf covered his mouth, trying hard not to cry. He wouldn't give him his tears! He wouldn't! He refused to feel that horrid tongue upon his cheeks.

He turned and ran as fast as he could. Krammer's footsteps were right behind him, and panic began to fill his entire being.

He could hear them right behind him, and then a hand wrapped around his arm. In a moment of desperation, he spun around with all his might and punched him.

"Ow!"

Starholf scrambled off the bed, breathing heavily. Wait. Where was he? That- it was just a nightmare? Just a dream? Right. He'd gone to bed with Lio that night.

His eyes widened as he realized the voice that cried out in pain wasn't Krammer.

He gasped and hurried to turn on the light, "Lio?!"

Lio was up, rubbing his jaw.

He smiled when he looked at Starholf, "Really nailed me there, Bunny. You're strong."

The former Black Templar felt his hearts drop. He just punched the one he loved. The one who was always there for him. He hurt Lio.

Despite Lio smiling at him, guilt overcame him. He started crying and rushed forward to the demigod.

"I'm sorry!" He cried as he cupped the other's face. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean-"

"Whoa, whoa," Lio soothed, catching him as he sank towards the ground. "It's okay. It's fine."

Star choked, "No it's not. I hurt you. I had a nightmare about him and I ended up hurting you! You don't hurt those you love!"

Lio held him, "Star, bunny, it's okay. It was an accident. I am fine."

The marine sank fully to the floor, going into the fetal position.

"I can't escape him," he cried. "He ruined me. He ruined us."

"You are not what he tried to make you," the other insisted. "I love you and we will get through this. I am with you."

Star shook his head, "I don't know how long you can deal with me... till my next relapse... till..."

Lio scooped him into his embrace and rocked back and forth, his own tears falling. Moments like these felt impossible to put into words. What could he say to him to make him feel better? To have him believe him? How much he loved Starholf. How he was his and he would never leave him. That he would heal from that damned heretic. He had to let actions speak for him and time took a while.

"Forever," Lio choked. "I'll stay with you forever."

He continued rocking his distraught love. He'd do so till he was calm enough to fall asleep again or till the alarm to get up went off.

[victorcreedirl]

I love it anytime Candy says unhinged shit my brand just doesn't work for a bit, and it's mostly stuff for Lio and Starholf

Us frfr

@candyswirls