#starvents

[derang3d-and-insan1ty]

This was a few days ago kinda but it still has me feeling a bit bad /neg

I was crying during school, probably for the 3rd-5th time in a row in 3 periods. I forgot what for, though it wasn't the reason that I was crying that made me feel bad, it was the fact that even though almost everyone had noticed, only one person actually bothered to ask if I was okay. And they didn't stay to hear why I was crying, they just left afterwards.

Though I guess I'm used to it. I got over it eventually but it still hurt, seeing everyone just give one glance then turn away. And it would hurt more seeing some of my friends do the same.

Anyways that's all I have to say, it's not much but I felt like I had to say something.

[r3v3ri3s]

Not unique enough to stand out, not normal enough to blend in

Ok I lied. Or rather, didn't anticipate inspiration, but it's still October for me so w/e. Take some shitty vent art.

[derang3d-and-insan1ty]

....

(Mentions of Suicidal and SH thoughts. Topic may be sensitive to some, you have been warned)

Sometimes I could feel the weight of a rope around my neck, waiting for me to do the final action, and my arms I would imagine scars and cuts littering every inch of my skin. The feel of being important, it was something I wanted, and had never felt. I don't feel valid for what I feel, I feel like I'm not mentally unstable enough, if that ever made sense. It's like I was standing at the edge of a balcony, screaming at the world, "Do you care now? Is my pain valid now?"

.. I don't know, I'm tired. I was just thinking of killing myself a week later or cutting myself soon.

[derang3d-and-insan1ty]

I drew dis a few days ago, both out of boredom and kinda feeling vent-ish? But it was a few days ago so I'm better now. I found this, and js put some effects with a dumb ahh quote I made up on the spot- TvT

[Some bright colours..?, eating problems, small rant]

I hate how sometimes when I eat for me it's like suddenly I just lost my appetite and I feel tired then I don't want to eat anymore. I try to eat so my family won't get upset at me later, at least.

[derang3d-and-insan1ty]

I don't think I was okay at school today, during periods I decided to write down how I was feeling and uh

I tried to take a picture but the writing isn't clear enough due to bad quality, so I'm just gonna type it out instead

(TW: mentions of Self-Starvation, thoughts about pills and drug use, thoughts about overdosing drugs, wanting to SH, Suicidal thoughts, thoughts about hanging, etc, I just look mentally ill at this point)

12:35-1:15, Period 5

I wanted to starve myself but I didn't want to look weird ig.

I need therapy like actually I'm not okay I wanna hang again oh gosh it's coming again aaaaaaaaaaaa pills are looking yummy right now I want to overdose drugs eeeeeeee I wanna dieeeeeeeeee I'm insane I'm gonna steal a knife from my kitchen later weeeeeee

pills pills pills pills pills pills pills pills pills pills pills pills

hehe pillssssssssss

1:17-1:57, Period 6

hehehehe I wanna cut myself right now I'm going insaneee I can feel it around my neck again I wanna self-harm oh my gosh I need therapy I wonder how razors taste like yum

[derang3d-and-insan1ty]

I just went to therapy. Was it okay? Not really, it made me feel a bit worse actually, I think it's because I got triggered mid-way, I'm not sure.

[derang3d-and-insan1ty]

... (Suicide note mention ig.?)

I just wrote a suicide note. Why? I don't know. Doubt I'm gonna use it.

[derang3d-and-insan1ty]

(mentions of attempted SH and planned Sewerslide attempt [that was a long time ago, I think, and stuff had recently gotten better for me, I'm okay now :) ] You don't have to read this if it's uncomfortable, it's just a small ramble. Also some swears)

Yesterday during class I was reminded of my attempted SH and the time when I planned to do it, suddenly all the depression just came back to me and now I want to do it again. What the fuck, I was doing just fine until this. It ruined my day, still does now. Well, shit. :(