StemilyWeek Day 2 - Love Triangle
[read on ao3]
Stacie doesn’t know the moment she developed feelings, she only knows the moment she realized she had them. It’s the moment she was able to look back on all the times her heart flipped when Emily smiled at her and how she sometimes got a swooping feeling behind her ribcage when Emily was around and think oh… I like her. That’s different.
It was at the underground battle at that creepy goose guy’s house. The whole thing was over and everyone was kind of milling around, dancing and drinking, pretty much exactly Stacie’s scene. She’d been eyeing this total beefcake from the Green Bay Packers when she’d received an SOS text from Ashley because Chloe was wasted and doing that thing where she kept trying to take her clothes off.
Stacie supports that, but even she knows there’s a time and a place and Stripper Drunk Chloe would probably regret showing her tits to DSM in the morning. Stacie just knows it.
Plus, Stripper Drunk Chloe alway turns into Crying Drunk Chloe so the volume on that party goes from hero to zero pretty damn fast.
She shoots Green Bay Packers dude a wink because maybe she’ll be back, maybe she won’t, but it’s always best to leave them wondering, and heads to find her girls.
When she finds them, turns out Stacie had completely missed Stripper Drunk Chloe because Chloe’s looking around with wide eyes, her face red and blotchy, and it’s exactly the beginning of Crying Drunk Chloe coming out like clockwork.
Crying Drunk Chloe is a lot more prominent this year, and Stacie’s sure that means something, but she’s also sure it’s Chloe’s shit to sort out.
Ashley’s kind of giving her a panicked look because she’s not too great at Crying Drunk Chloe because Stripper Drunk Chloe is her territory. Stacie’s not that great at Stripper Drunk Chloe because she’s a bad influence, so this is their routine.
“Chloe, honey, your tits are falling out.”
Chloe looks down with watery eyes and pulls her shirt a little higher over her boobs.
“I can’t believe… we lost another riff-off. We never win the riff-offs.” Her voice is thick and Stacie frowns. “I can’t graduate until we win a riff-off.”
“Chloe…” Ashley murmurs. “We’re graduating this year, remember?”
“Not until we win a riff-off! I deserve this. Ask for a rematch? Where’s Beca? Tell her we can’t graduate until we win a riff-off.”
Stacie hums. “Beca’s a little busy, Chlo, but we’ll tell her tomorrow, okay?”
“Where is she? She’s always gone.” Chloe narrows her eyes up at them, a shine of blue barely visible under the teary red. “She has a secret, I know it.”
“Chloe -”
“Where’s Beca?”
Ashley huffs, impatient. “We don’t know, Chloe. But here, drink some water.”
Chloe shakes her head. “I need to talk to Beca.”
“Beca?” Suddenly Emily’s there, and Stacie scoots over in their little circle to make room. She thinks Emily’s pretty ballsy, showing her face in front of this over-emotional Chloe after Chloe just ripped her a new one for doing an original song in the riff-off.
Which Stacie thinks was a little overdramatic. The song was pretty good.
“I know where Beca is,” Emily says.
“You do?” Chloe’s gaze gloms onto Emily like a lifeline.
“Yeah,” Emily says, either ignoring the frantic headshake Ashley’s giving her or maybe she’s just completely oblivious. She crouches down in front of Chloe, her dress riding up, and her ass is like, almost visible to the world and she doesn’t care. She rests her hands on Chloe’s knees. “Want me to show you?”
Chloe nods, her eyes narrowed. “Yes. Is it okay if I’m still annoyed with you?”
“Chloe,” Ashley admonishes, but Emily just laughs.
“Yeah, that’s okay.” She smiles and helps Chloe up. She makes eye contact with Stacie for the briefest moment, and she seems so confident and beautiful. Her hair catches the ceiling lights and she crinkles her nose at Stacie’s look of concern, raising her eyebrows as if to say I got this.
There’s that swooping feeling under her ribcage again, like her insides are being shaken in a blender.
It’s then that Stacie realizes it.
Oh. I think I like her.
So that’s new.
//
Stacie has always kind of existed on three levels when it comes to relationships.
Physical is the most obvious. That’s kind of where she lives. It’s easy to her, like breathing, really, just listening to what her body wants when it’s with someone else.
The second is logical. Her body and her brain have an understanding you might say. Her brain lets her body do what it wants with whoever it wants without overcomplicating it, and her body knows when to pull back, when her brain is saying stop this is a bad idea.
Because Stacie is a very logical person. And despite her body’s love of being physical with someone, she’s really good at reading how people will react. She can tell just by looking at someone if they’re the kind of person to get too attached, the kind of person to complicate things, the kind of person Stacie would crush if she isn’t careful. And she’s not a heartless monster who just uses everyone for sex. She knows where to draw a line.
Her brain and her body have an understanding.
It’s the third level that kind of throws it all off.
Emotional. Stacie isn’t as familiar with this level of relationships.
Sure, she’s not some walking cliché like Beca Mitchell, with her sarcastic demeanor and tattoos and piercings that put up some metaphorical wall that’s hard to break through.
Stacie just doesn’t… click with people like that. It’s the logical part in her brain and she knows it. She could be enjoying having sex with someone and think they’re cute and smart and funny and then this logical part in her brain starts speaking.
He’ll take time away from your classes and the Bellas. You’re already really busy.
Then you can’t have sex with that cute soccer player again and she was so fun.
Relationships are so much effort and you don’t need some boy texting you constantly checking in on you.
This is how it always goes. And she’s been called a heartbreaker, a slut, a bitch, a tease. Because she never wants to commit. She’s not heartless, though. It’s exactly because she cares that she never gets into it with people. She knows she can’t give them what they’re looking for.
That’s just how she is.
She’s always been sure one day she’ll find someone who changes all that.
She just didn’t think it’d be so soon, and she didn’t think that person would be Emily Junk.
//
The problem is Emily likes that walking cliché, Beca Mitchell.
But Beca Mitchell still has her puppy dog Treble boyfriend. And is also probably into Chloe. Who is into Beca and also Aubrey, who is into work and also Stacie. Who is into sex, school, and fine, Emily Junk.
What she’s not into is pining after someone who isn’t into her.
Literally nothing has ever been less her style.
So why won’t her stupid brain stop obsessing?
Everything is complicated and Stacie isn’t about it.
So Stacie does what she does best:
Finds someone else to sleep with.
//
“You know, we said we wouldn’t do this again after last time.”
Chloe’s mouth is attached to Stacie’s neck and that’s one of the things Stacie loves most about Chloe… she’s such a good multitasker.
“We said that the last twenty times, Chlo.”
“I know,” Chloe laughs.
At least with Chloe it’s uncomplicated. They know where they stand. Friends. Sex. Bellas. Each identity strictly what it is, no overlap. Out there, they’re friends. On stage, they’re Bellas. In bed, they’re just two girls having a good time.
Like she said, uncomplicated.
//
Emily’s like, totally oblivious and adorable.
Stacie hates her.
By that, she means she’s obsessed with her.
With her stupid cute collared shirts and sweater vests, with her easy smile, with her crinkly eyes, the way her voice crawls under Stacie’s skin, deep and resonant until it drives her nuts.
“I love your jeans,” Emily smiles at her.
“You look so pretty today,” Emily tells her every morning.
“Oh my God, you’re a genius,” Emily will gasp when Stacie helps her with her homework.
And Stacie thinks, okay, maybe Emily’s just like, an over-complimentary golden retriever, but also maybe she thinks Stacie is worth something? Maybe she’s into Stacie but doesn’t know it. Maybe Stacie could kiss her and it’d be a total revelation and Emily’s eyes would do that light up Glo Bright thing they do, all shiny and perfect in Stacie’s direction? Maybe -
And then in walks Beca Fucking Mitchell, and Emily’s eyes are doing that Glo Bright thing… just not at Stacie.
And okay, whatever. Stacie gets it. Beca’s gorgeous and mysterious and nerdy in a cool way. She’s talented and sexy and fucking great. She’s one of Stacie’s best friends.
But when Emily turns into a literal heart eyes emoji when Beca grins that half-smirk at her, Stacie kinda wants to rip Beca a new one for no reason.
She doesn’t of course. She loves Beca and she’s not a complete bitch.
But sometimes she dreams about it, if only because it’s something to think about other than how it would feel to hold Emily’s hand.
//
Fucking sap.
//
“So are you gonna tell her?”
Stacie is literally inside Chloe right now, but apparently Chloe’s multitasking talents aren’t confined to her mouth.
“Tell who what?”
“Tell - oh god - Emily. That you like her.”
Stacie’s fingers stop moving. She looks down at Chloe, feeling her lips pulling into her mouth tightly.
And she knows she shouldn’t, because she’s not a bitch. Except fuck it.
“Are you gonna tell Beca about your obvious toner?”
“No.”
Stacie sighs and starts her movements up again.
“She likes you back.”
“She has a boyfriend.” Chloe says the word like it’s poison in her mouth.
“Emily likes her, too.”
Chloe snorts. “Who wouldn’t.”
“Me.”
She curls her fingers inside Chloe and watches as Chloe gasps and trembles. She feels it all the way in her stomach, mixing with her bitterness and anger and a lot of longing for something she can’t have.
//
Stacie loathes this pining thing. She does not pine.
Other people? They pine. After her.
She feels all out of sorts.
Sure, things are normal. Ish.
Bellas rehearsals are the same, minus Beca being shady as hell. And her classes are fine, even if midterms are killing her.
But she feels different. She hasn’t slept with anyone in like, three weeks. Not even consciously. She just, like, didn’t. And she must be some kind of masochist because she’s been spending almost all of her time with the world’s cutest freshman.
They do homework and get coffee and laugh together. And Stacie doesn’t fucking get it. Emily’s all over Stacie one minute, hugging and giggling and soft. And the next, she’s in a twist because Beca’s come home from class and rushed up to her room without more than a forced “‘sup” in their direction.
Emily pouts into her homework, shoulders slumping.
“Don’t worry about her,” Stacie says. “She’s like that with everyone. It’s her own shit, ya know?”
Emily nods, glancing in the direction of the stairs. “No, yeah, I know. I just wish…” She glances up at Stacie apprehensively. “You ever, like, just fixate on something you know you’re never gonna get?”
Stacie stares at Emily, thinking of all the things she could say. How much she fixates on what it might be like to kiss her and make her laugh and be the object of Emily’s attention and how much she wants it. More than she’s wanted anyone.
“No,” she says instead, shrugging. “If you want something, go for it.”
Emily stares at her, tapping her pen against the table and her foot against the floor. Then she hums thoughtfully and crinkles her nose cutely.
It kills Stacie.
“I ever tell you that you’re like, the best friend ever and I love you so much?”
It’s all Stacie can do not to bitterly laugh like the asshole she is.
//
Beca breaks up with Jesse and she and Emily record a song at the studio Beca’s been interning at. Stacie sees them holding hands and loops her arm over Chloe’s shoulder when Chloe sighs.
Stacie wants to keep her anger in the pocket of her heart, but she’s actually kind of happy for them. Emily’s all bubbly and gushing and she gives Stacie the biggest hug.
“I did just what you said,” Emily whispers to her. “I went for what I wanted. I so owe you.”
Jealousy and self-pity burst in Stacie’s chest and she barely stops herself from escaping to her room at anything other than a brisk walk.
She slumps on her bed, staring over at Chloe’s side of the room, the colorful tapestry on the wall, the mess of clothes on the floor.
Chloe comes in some time later and curls up next to Stacie in bed.
“It could be us, you know,” she whispers. “I mean, we’re hot. We get along. I love you and you love me and we have super awesome sex.”
Stacie runs her fingers through the pretty red waves of Chloe’s hair. “We’d honestly be the hottest.”
“Yeah. But I’m not Emily and you’re not Beca.”
“Yeah.”
They lie in silence for a minute, looking at each other. Then Chloe sighs and kisses her softly.
She’s not who Stacie wants, and Stacie’s not who Chloe wants, and they both know this.
But maybe they can forget, get lost in each other, if only for a little while, if only for today, if only for right now.
