#steph is here

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

I should be allowed to kill people

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

I remember being a kid, at school, and spending the entire morning there constantly being bullied by other kids

At lunchtime I broke down crying, running inside and heading to the nurses office. I didn't know what else to do, I felt like everyone was just out to get me, every morsel of kindness followed up by mockery for believing that someone would actually want to be kind to me. And even as I sat there with bloodied knees and elbows, bruises on my skin, and dirt in my clothes and hair, the school nurse just rolled her eyes and ignored me.

It didn't matter that I'd been hurt, the fact that I was crying about it made me unworthy of care.

I don't think that was the first time I experienced transmisogyny, but it was the earlier severe example. I was actually hurt, but I wasn't worthy of actually being helped or cared for. I was just left to sit in a corridor and wait until lunch ended, then go back to classes, nobody even bothered calling my parents.

I was ten years old.

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

gods, I'm fucking scared

I don't want us to kill ourselves but I'm not prepared to take the lead, I don't want to be in charge

I can't die but I can't deal with having to be a person all the time either

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

chapter 5 got me fucking feeling things

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

something weirdly age euphoric about eating instant ramen with a boiled egg

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

adding shit to my jacket, finally doing the cryptid hunter fit

also when did we get a fucking bigfoot 🫈 emoji????

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

We've played like, two video games that make us feel like life is worth living, and those and Outer Wilds and Disco Elysium

No other video game has reached the same heights as these two.

[kolasuperdeepgloryhole]

Surely if I just starve and bleed and vomit enough then I'll finally feel worthy of existing and being loved and will find someone that actually loves me despite everything