I remember being 12 and thinking I will never have a boyfriend. I wasn’t popular, the boys (the cute ones) weren’t interested and the ones that were I would run away from at school because the whole thing scared me.
I remember when my best friend got a boyfriend we were 13 and I was so jealous. I was always the best friend or the buddy or just completely ignored and looking back at it I wonder about why did I cared so much? Was it even about the boys or was it about being like everyone else.
I think back then it was more about fitting in and thats what I wanted. I just wanted to be like all the other girls but looking back now they are the ones having babies whilst I am getting my degree so I picked the right path for me anyways.
Then when I turned 16 I started thinking and believing “I am an adult” and that I can take on the whole world ( with no help from anyone else). How wrong can one person be.
At this point I had left school and gone to college and at this place there was even more people and even more relationships for you to look at and pine after one just like theirs. However at this place this is where boys started to take notice of me and I wasn’t a nobody anymore and I became a sexual object.
To someone else I became a person to kiss, hug, grab, speak to and someone to sleep with. Sex started becoming acceptable and expected and it became not about relationships but about exploring your sexual side if thats even a thing. I explored and I learned and then I thought right I’m ready, I’m ready for a boyfriend but I’ve just got to find one.
Your first boyfriend is about excitement, new things, life and growing up. You get to share a kiss where you know you both have some sort of connection and you learn what its like to have your first argument, you learn that not everything is going to be like a fairy tale and you also learn what its like to have sex with someone who you have feelings for. Some people may even get the feeling of love but I didn’t get that. My first relationship lasted 3 months. He was friendly, cute and a nice guy just not the guy for me but it taught me many things. It showed me what its like to have someone in your life (apart from your family) that cares about you and loves you. It shows you that you are not 12 years old anymore.
