Stewart Keith Interview
3rd Anti-boredom RIP Smash Hits Tribute Interview Stewart Bizarro? Walden? Treize? Keith?
What underwear are you sporting right now? A: manky black calvins. Who is your favourite English eccentric? Vivian Stanshall, the first name that came to mind, but there are many many others. I met a bloke in Herefordshire called Mad Rick, he's been building one of those sculpture landscapes in his garden for years and years, archways and mirrors etc etc. He doesn't like being called Mad Rick. What was your best stoopid theory about the world when you were a kid? whaddya mean "when you were a kid?" What was your nickname at school? Fliddy Favourite air guitar track when young? "Bugle Call Rag" by Glenn Miller (the wild version) What's your favourite dialect? Cornish Gimme gimme gimme good weird words. Ninnybroth, widdershins, huggermugger, nth. When did you last do some DIY? I moved my bed to vacuum under it last week, and had to fix the base because it came apart What's your most boring experience ever? In the 1970s I went to see Torquay United Vs Hereford United. Twice. What football team do you loath the most? Eat football, sleep football, fuck football. Do you own any anti-ageing products? Attitude If you had to lose a limb, which one would it be? wings Durian Durian. The best fruit there is to offer? I do not know, but I have only bought two in my life so far. Ask me again in a few decades. Most lardy food you've ever eaten abroad? I don't think they use lard in Beijing. Give us a market stall to visit. There was one in Beijing which served deep fried scorpions. Which is worse: hippies or skaters? Have you never heard "Skateboard Song" by Neil and I? If you were a turd, what kind would you be? small white dogturd from 1970's, or maybe that huge scary crust under the chicken tree on the farm I lived on, it was all made by chickens and the middle part must have been several inches deep. A chicken-pat, if you will. What's the most dumb-ass thing you ever did on drugs? go into work and try on a Dog Costume they offered me. And I said to my boss "chase me, chase me, I'm a Dalek!"
When was the last time someone spewed on you or your possessions? about three months ago, an 18 yr old guy after trying his first tequilas and thinking he enjoyed the salt licking part so licked the salt about five times before getting around to the tequila. He wanted to find a place to be sick, and he chose a half full jug of Medori cocktail I had, but I put my hands over the top and saved the drink. Which celebrity are you most likely to be found whacking-off over? Bananarama
If you had to marry an animal, which one would it be?
A flying pig Do you dress to the left or the right? usually left, but sometimes right. Worst chat-up line you've ever used? "Let's fuck" (it didnt work, it was in huge letters in a letter I sent, and she opened it at the breakfast table with her parents)