Monday, July 18, 2016
Let me put it this way: sometimes, I’m very conscientious, nervous, and careful; while other times, I’m very chill, relaxed, and amicable. I guess they cancel each other out? I wish.
I’ve always found it difficult to stick up for myself; while it’s for something as simple as paying money for a meal, or having a heated discussion.
Both instances give me anxiety, causing me to feel conscientious, nervous, and careful; and also chill, relaxed, and amicable.
These qualities confuse me, making me feel extremely insecure. For instance, I find it embarrassing, that I may have to pack heavy for a trip out of town; Or I don’t pack enough, and find myself in need of items that I really do need.
Going back to the paying for a meal example, I find it difficult, to flag down the waitress, to pay for my meal. They tend to ignore all the hand-waving, and clearing of throat. Yes, even when I’m the one who’s actually paying for the meal. ( it’s here, when I fantasize just walking out on the bill, hehe). But anyway, they really should provide better customer service.
Going back to the speaking up during a heated discussion example. I do one of two things: 1) speak up too early in the discussion, so that there is no wisdom in what I have to say; or 2) I’ve waited so long to speak, that I’ve forgotten what to say. Hence the anxiety.
This is my life, with a twist of lemon, dash of curry, and hint of sugar. Hello and goodbye.
