Stop (take 2) Stop thinking and saying negative things about yourselves, especially out loud. Self-deprecation may seem cool and humble but it’s both a disservice to yourself and a counterproductive habit. It makes people feel awkward and obligated to be fake and overzealous in “correcting” you. E.g - "I’m so ugly!” “No you’re not…oh my god you are the most beautiful thing on the planet I think that haircut is phenomenal I can’t BELIEVE Jenny would say that she’s such a bitch.” But if you’re saying it about yourself - “I’m so stupid I’ll never amount to anything,” - how can they help but think or absorb it a little bit in their view of you? And allow them to think it about themselves? - "Well if xx thinks they're stupid what does that say about me?" - It’s an easy train to catch, and if they look up to you at all it will be treated as an example. If you catch yourself being negative, think of how it affects others. Selfishness doesn’t have to be selfish. Seek help when you are down, but seek the ability to help yourself. Problems only exist if you hold on to them. Drop them like a hot stone. Letting go will help you and everyone around you. Your very best friends will eventually tire of trying to pull you into the life boat if you repeatedly jump out and swim downward. Help them help you. This will likely hurt A LOT. Creative destruction is a powerful, necessary practice to protect and improve yourself. When complimented, I refuse to put myself down in the pursuit of humility. If I feel the need to say anything, I prefer to deflect with sarcasm exaggerating the compliment. Instead of “no I’m not! Thank you so much…”, it’s “oh yeah I’m soooooo amazing I know.” coupled with a wink and a smile :). I do think I’m amazing. People are goddam miracles. The whole world is a goddam miracle from any perspective you look at it (scientific, spiritual, whatever lens you can see 20/20 through). Appreciate it and your existence in it, for you have a part in it. This doesn’t mean you have to be cocky or self-congratulatory. It’s simply true. I celebrate myself in general but rarely in specific. For example, freaking out about winning something means that in some manner I was surprised by it. Freaking out about a loss means I tied my worth to the outcome. Neither changes who I am. Be nice to people. Start with yourself first and learn what it’s like. This was supposed to be one sentence about being nice to yourself. Oops. Reposted and edited. Photo by Jeff Chu. Facebook.com/FighterPlus for more amazing photography. Buy his work! Gi by my awesome sponsor Fushida.ca