I can't be broken without my consent. If I refuse to give up the fight, maybe this time I'll win.
No matter what happens, in reality, I have myself, my sister and the love of my family, whether or not they are together. If I'm being selfish, of course I want things to "go back to normal", but I know that no one is happy right now, and granted it's been a stressful year, but some of these problems are a long time coming. I can't try to keep together two people who are unhappy. Whether they work things out in their relationship is up to the effort they each put in to fixing things, not me or anyone else. For my part in this family, I will give my honest opinion and give advice, but I refuse to choose sides. I'm done with ultimatums for the millennium.
On another note, the quote which says "you are often more attached to the memory of a person, and the memories you've shared together, than to the person themselves." With some people, I suppose that's true. But not with Sam. Moving on would be a lot easier if that were the case. After a long trip down memory lane, back to our very first conversation, to the last, I have found that, albeit the memories we have shared have been some of the happiest, most cherished memories of my life, I don't long to relive them. What I mean is, I don't just long to go back in time, I want to be connected to him now, in the present. I miss talking to him, communicating in any way possible, anything to feel connected. More than anything else that has happened, even when we fight/argue, is better than silence, at least for me. And I feel terrible that I have to enforce the very silence that is killing me, and hope that he is doing better than me at this 'moving on' thing. I'm sorry for being such a confusing person, Sam.
In short, 2014, so far I despise you, but come at me bro. Let's go. I got this.
