It's strange, how I have changed. Inside, mostly. I'm looking at myself and I can't see what I used to see. If I am honest, I want to be able to see the past. So badly. Because I'm not able see the future. I'm trying, but something keeps me from moving on. It's like there is a crack and I can't figure out where exactly it is, and therefore can't try and fix it. I need to find it or it will split open further... I'm so afraid of that.
It's now my biggest enemy, the thing that keeps me down most, the barrier I need to jump but am afraid of. I am my own monster I need to fight...who needs other hindrances if you yourself are what's in your way.
It's pathetic, really. There are people who would do so much better standing in my place. I feel I'm not suited for my own life. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic...