Left: The first pic I shared of Val on tumblr. Right: An attempt at recreating that first pic, though the locations are different.
Five years ago today, I sat down to play Cyberpunk 2077 on my PS4, and I made V. I chose a female Streetkid, and gave her short red hair and green eyes, my favorite combination thanks to a certain Commander. I didn’t give her cyberware or tattoos, because none of them jumped out at me initially, and I assumed I could give her some later. (I could not. She remained tattoo- and cyberware-free for my first playthrough.) Her name was V, short for Valerie, because that’s what the narrative told me her name was. She lived in Atlanta for a year before returning to Night City to make a name for herself. She was known in Heywood, but didn’t know everyone’s favorite former Valentino. I knew nothing about her except what the game told me about her, or she told me herself via dialogue options.
By the time I got the call to meet Hanako at Embers, I was on AO3 in search of fic where V saved the wayward ronin, and I already had thoughts about a Goro/Corpo V fic loosely based on Pride & Prejudice. That is, until I started the Nomad ending and the fondness I had for Goro exploded into a fine mist when V woke up in the truck with Mitch and his kind eyes keeping watch on her from the passenger-side window.
Top: The first shippy pics I ever took. Bottom: Recreating those pics with the same NPC swap in North Watson. 😩
I started writing my longfic No One’s Gonna Love You within a few weeks of that moment. I still didn’t know who V was, aside from being the vehicle through which I could romance an unromanceable NPC, and the story given by the game was enough for me. The first half of the fic follows V’s POV and focuses on the events leading up to leaving Night City, essentially through the end of the game, before switching to Mitch’s POV for the remainder of the story. At the time I knew that his part of the story was the stronger, more compelling narrative, and at the time I felt that was largely due to not having a plan for the story until I ran out of runway—the events of the game. I wasn’t wrong, but I missed the real issue.
In the four years since I published the final chapter of NOGLY, I’ve answered countless asks and tag games about Val and her relationship with Mitch (and other characters), and slowly she developed beyond the details provided by CDPR into a real character of her own. Because of that, she helped me recognize something I’d always struggled with in writing—characterization.
I’ve been writing for almost as long as I’ve been reading, but something about my writing always felt off. I made it through undergrad where my prose was praised in workshops, though often there were comments that it felt like something was missing. From my experience writing those works, it often felt like I was moving characters around like pieces in a board game, trying to make them follow the plot, but never quite understanding how to make them feel real.
All those ask games, all that thought put into how Val would think and feel and respond to all sorts of things, as well as the moments in her history that would trigger those thoughts and feelings and responses… suddenly I went from having a V who I only knew about via the story, to having a real character with a mom and a history and so many details that I can’t even remember them all. I went from the base character who went through a bunch of shit to having a fake person who lives in my brain, who talks to me whenever I write about her.
There’s a lot of me in her, even though she’s not a self-insert. There’s a lot of me in every character I write, especially the NPCs from the games. I can’t really write a character unless I connect with them in some way, which is how I was able to write Mitch, and also ties back to the problem with the first chunk of my longfic. It wasn’t that I didn’t have a real plot yet—I also didn’t, but that was irrelevant—the real problem was that I didn’t know my main character well enough to imbue the story with her, Valerie Vermilion. I didn’t know her well enough to even have a problem for her to overcome!
I’m currently on the final chapter of the NOGLY rewrite, with about 8000 words left to go. I wouldn’t have done this except for finally knowing who V is. Her side of the story will be just as interesting, because it’s her story now, not just my own unromanceable NPC wish fulfillment.
Five years ago, I made another character for another video game in another character creator, one I’d forget after I finished the game and moved on to the next thing. I’ve never been more blessed to be wrong.
I wouldn’t still be here in Night City if not for the friends I’ve made along the way, and for our shared love of this imperfect game and its wonderful characters. As a tribute to (some of) those friends, I’ll be posting a series of pics taken across Night City with Val and her friends. Thanks, chooms. You make this fun.
Writing @ialpiriel into my will for starting the boyfriend outfit and sharing it with me. You're a real one, Del.
It wasn't until I got the replacer working that I realized all of the player jackets have those handles and elbow pads, while Mitch's does not. But that's alright. I have A Plan.
Why is he looking at her like he's gonna eat her up, you might ask. Well, gentle reader, in Chapter 4 of No One's Gonna Love You, he uses the harness in a very... creative way, and I have no doubt that seeing her in the harness again is reminding him of that time. So I gotta think that after he notices the handles on the back of the jacket and gives her a hard time about them, he realizes they could also be put to good use. 😏
