#strxmblessed

[bornuntolikehimself]

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im not going to kiss ati again

I didn’t get to see.

[cosmererp]

Kalarin Wedding: To Not Being Cats

renarinofbridge4

((Ren is going to do the usual “kiss forehead and stroke hair as soon as he’s home, then curl up with while finishing math homework” routine and then just. shut their eyes and put the math away. “You’re… /really/ glad that I’ve been talking about… how broken I am?”))

strxmblessed

((“I mean, its… you’re talking about what you’re feeling. Thats important.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I figured we. didn’t do that.”))

strxmblessed

((“Well, maybe we should, more often.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Hmm.” Ren leans further into him. “I don’t want to burden you.”))

strxmblessed

((“It shouldnt be a burden.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“But I am.”))

strxmblessed

((“When have I ever told you you were a burden?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…never,” they admit.))

strxmblessed

((“Right.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You know that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”))

strxmblessed

((“It isnt true.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“But you’re stronger than I am.”))

strxmblessed

((“Am I?”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren gives him the “is this a trick question” face))

strxmblessed

((Kaladin sighs. “Just cause I manage to look like I have it all together..”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren just. stares. they don’t understand at all.))

strxmblessed

((“I can’t…. You’re literally the only thing I have going for me right now and I promise that makes you the exact opposite of a burden.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I keep whining about things that happened when I was five!” Ren takes a deep breath. “I should be better for you.”))

((protect… these… disaster gays))

strxmblessed

((“That doesn’t matter.” Ren. Kal went to war at 15 and killed a man. Past trauma is like his entire thing.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Yes, it does.” Ren takes a moment and settles on giving him a snuggle, head pressed to their chest.))

strxmblessed

((Kal wraps his arm around them. “Okay. It does matter.” He pauses to collect his words. “It matters because if it didnt you could be a completely different person.”))

  renarinofbridge4

((“Well, maybe that’s what I want.” Ren pauses, then takes a deep breath into him. “No. No, I /don’t/…))

strxmblessed

(("If we were different people we wouldnt be here right now.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren takes a moment to calm down. “I don’t… have a right to be broken.”))

strxmblessed

((“Why?” ))

renarinofbridge4

((“I haven’t actually suffered.”))

strxmblessed

((“Five minutes ago you assured me you had.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…no I didn’t?”))

strxmblessed

((“If trauma from your past has convinced you youre a burden…?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…because I am one..?”))

strxmblessed

((“Are you a burden or are you undeserving of being one?” Kals not confused, just trying to make his point.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…both???”))

strxmblessed

((“Hm. Well, no, you arent, on both counts.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You’re just saying that because you’re… you. you take care of people.”))

strxmblessed

((“Then let me!” Kal doesnt mean to sound exasperated. Its just the same argument over and over. All he wants to do is care for them and if he cant even do that…))

renarinofbridge4

((“Well, what if I want to take care of YOU?”))

strxmblessed

((“The two arent mutually exclusive, Ren.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Is it? Because all I ever see is me shattering all over the storming place and you picking up the pieces.”))

strxmblessed

((“You just don’t… see what you do for me.” Well, for one, he might have gotten himself killed by now,))

renarinofbridge4

((“Or you lie.” it’s flat. they aren’t angry at the idea.))

strxmblessed

((Kal’s quiet. He’s sorta trapped. “That would be part of the me taking care of you side.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren sighs. “How can I take care of you then?”))

strxmblessed

((“By being one stable good thing in my life. Thats what I need. If you’re worried then that kinda falls apart.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I’m not /stable/, Kal.”))

strxmblessed

((“You are enough.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Breaking down every few days because of things I should be long over by now? That’s stable enough?”))

strxmblessed

((“You…” Kal tries to figure out how to explain this. Its so clear to him but when he tries to express it he can’t. “Keep me from going all dark and twisty.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“See? Here we are, doing it again.”))

strxmblessed

((“/Yes./”))

renarinofbridge4

((“And? Are we just going to do this forever?”))

strxmblessed

((“Are you going to realize that you’re worth way more than you think you are?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…probably not.” they have just collapsed into his arms at this point))

strxmblessed

((“Are you going to figure out that you aren’t, and never were, a burden on me?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’m being a burden /right now/.”))

strxmblessed

((ren youre being a buffet to a serial mother hen rn. its like winning the lottery.))

 ((“What do I have to say to assure you that you  never be one?” He rests his cheek on the top of their head.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’m /hurting you/, and nothing you say will keep me from knowing that.”))

strxmblessed

((“Anything I could do, then?” Kal is trying so hard not to give up on this conversation, lest they have it again tomorrow, and the next day.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’m the problem. I should be… stronger.”))

strxmblessed

((“How can I help you be stronger, then?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I /shouldn’t need you this much/.”))

strxmblessed

((“If you knew half of how much I need you… You wouldnt call me strong.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You don’t need me.”))

strxmblessed

((“Now who’s lying?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“It’s /obvious/.” Ren doesn’t say it but it’s right on the tip of their tongue. /you left./))

strxmblessed

((“I thought I knew what I needed. I came back.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“It’s just… how it is. I’m the one who needs you more. who… loves you more…”))

strxmblessed

((Kal tightens his arms at their words. He doesnt say anything. What is he supposed to say?No, I love you more~! No. Not the time.))

renarinofbridge4

((“How can you want to stay when I’m… this?” they’re very slow, nestling a hand in his hair.))

strxmblessed

((“How could I /not/? You are exactly what I need.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…A spoiled, violent crybaby?”))

strxmblessed

((“A… caring, passionate person.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Mmh,” says Ren, this one translating to “sounds fake but ok”. “…I’m tired of hurting you like this, Kal.”))

strxmblessed

((“Then stop fighting me when I try to put you back together.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’m… not sure I /can/ be fixed…” and there it is! the big thing beneath how bad they’ve been lately!))

strxmblessed

((“When you break a glass and glue it back together, theres still cracks. it might not hold water, but its all in one piece.” kal is that your attempt at adapting one of your Team Leader speeches to the situation.))

renarinofbridge4

((“If a glass can’t hold water anymore, you /throw it away/.” why does everyone use bad metaphors with Ren…))

((Dalinar’s military metaphors. backfire.))

strxmblessed

((“You can put pens in it. Or spheres. You could probably plant something in it.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I…” problem: they feel guilty for needing constant reassurance from Kal. what they need: reassurance from Kal))

strxmblessed

((“Its not useless because it doesn’t do what it should.” /Now if only I could take my own advice…/))

renarinofbridge4

((“…but I’m a cup that cuts you every time you touch me.”))

strxmblessed

((“I heal fast.” He takes a breath. “I hope I’m better at fixing cups than you think I am.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Slow breaths. “But why fix me,” they ask, finally starting to tear up, “when you need to fix yourself?”))

strxmblessed

((“I need someone who’s just as good at fixing cups.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…you’re not a cup. you’re a cat.” the metaphors are calming them down. a distraction.))

strxmblessed

((“A cat?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“They hide when they’re hurt.”))

strxmblessed

((“Cats have thousands of years of evolution learning to fix themselves. Cups dont.” kal, and the one thing he remembered from animal science a year ago))

renarinofbridge4

((“A cup is not sentient and cannot fix anything.”))

strxmblessed

((“Have you seen Beauty and the Beast? You’re…. Chip.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…always was more of a Belle,” they mutter.))

strxmblessed

((“And what does Belle do to the Beast?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…You’re not a Beast.”))

strxmblessed

((“Broken. Ostracized….” self hating, feeling trapped, powerful but at what cost, …))

renarinofbridge4

((“…doesn’t that make me the beast then?”))

strxmblessed

((“Belle is pretty, smart, compassionate, fixes the Beast..?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“How have I fixed you?”))

strxmblessed

((“I’m not dead. I manage to leave the house almost every morning.” Kal lists, slowly. “But, I still don’t hold water. We both know that.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren’s very quiet. “You hold me.”))

strxmblessed

((“I do.” He rubs his fingers back and forth a couple times to make the point.))

renarinofbridge4

((“You don’t… /act/ like you need me…”))

strxmblessed

((“It’s not always easy to see from the other side.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…and then there’s me.” crying. in his arms. again.))

strxmblessed

((“Holding me.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Maybe…” deep breath. “…maybe this is enough.”))

strxmblessed

((“Just maybe…” ))

renarinofbridge4

((“…is that sarcasm or..?”))

strxmblessed

((“I hope it is enough, too.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Mmh.” Ren pauses. there’s something that… maybe should be said…))

strxmblessed

((Kaladin relaxes into them a bit, after being tense for most of the argument.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren is still Tense, and holds him very very tight))

strxmblessed

((“I love you,” Kal offers after what feels like forever.))

renarinofbridge4

((“……….Ati told me to marry you.”))

strxmblessed

((“Oh.” His heart quickens pace.  This could either go really really really well or really really really bad, and he honestly has no idea which it would be.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…and then yelled at me about not communicating which is. why. this.”))

strxmblessed

((“Hm.” Okay, not too awful yet, although his mind is still planning three steps ahead in either direction. “You fixed that then, right?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…um.” they just felt wrong not saying it, but have no idea what they mean by it. “Fixed… what?”))

strxmblessed

((“The communication thing. He thought it was a problem…” Listen, I know I said youre good at communicating earlier but,,,,))

renarinofbridge4

((“…because I…” why was he angry??? “…thought I knew why you didn’t want to marry me but hadn’t asked???”))

strxmblessed

((“Is that…………. Thats what you want?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“……….I want what /you/ want.”))

strxmblessed

((“I haven’t said anything because… I didnt know what I wanted.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…it’s not the class thing?”))

strxmblessed

((“Thats… most of it.” He admits.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I know I’ve pressured you.”))

strxmblessed

((“I don’t… understand why committing to this would involve names and rank and… taxes probably. That has nothing to do with what I want.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I like the name part.”))

strxmblessed

((“Kaladin Kholin?” He raises an eyebrow.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Never.” they snuggle in closer, aware they hecked that phrasing up. “…despite everything, Renarin Stormblessed.”))

strxmblessed

((“Thats… I like it.” He takes a breath. “Maybe I’m not Vorin enough or whatever but… we don’t need all that to be married.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…all what?”))

strxmblessed

((“The church. The law. Paperwork. Titles.” He counts on his fingers. “All we really need is each other.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren has several things to say about that, and decides being pedantic about the definition of marriage is. not helpful. “…Kal, are you… asking me to…”))

strxmblessed

((“..marry me? Yes.” Right. Being clear about things. Communicating.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…wait. What?” they’ve had a roller coaster of a night…))

strxmblessed

((“Its… forever, right? And I… need the stability.” We Talked About This.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…you actually want… forever?”))

strxmblessed

((“If you do.” Kal would probably die if they said no,,,,,,,,,,,,, he worked so hard to be comfortable with this.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I…” Ren can barely breathe. “You’re sure?”))

strxmblessed

((“I’m sure.” Almighty he better be sure.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…STORMS yes.”))

strxmblessed

((Kal kisses them and its the best and most important kiss of his entire life honestly.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren is crying but good crying now. …and then they run off because WAIT. RING.))

strxmblessed

(( Kal half-staggers back against the fridge as they leave. Oh no. This really. Better be a good thing. He half considers going after them. What if this is like, an autism thing? ))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren shows up with a box. “I forgot to ask which one you wanted.” They shove the box of spinner rings at him.))

strxmblessed

((Kal stares at the box. Right. RIGHT. Oh, storms, this is so perfectly /Renarin/ of a thing to do. Once he gets over his shock, he picks through them, finding one thats probably rhe right size. He doesn’t put it on, instead asking “What about yours?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…they’re all mine.”))

strxmblessed

((“I meant- all of them?” That would… also be a very Renarin thing to do.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I bought them. for me. they’re miiiiiiiiiiiiiii oh”))

strxmblessed

((“Oh,” Kal copies, not mocking, just trying to steer them right.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…this is really happening.”))

strxmblessed

((“I sure hope so.” Kal touches their arm juuuust to check, yanno?))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren Grabs his arm. “…wait. are we going to get /legally/ married or..?”))

strxmblessed

((Kaladin stammers, very unsure when he replies “Do you want to?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I…” Ren pauses. they don’t answer, just reach out to put the ring on Kal’s finger.))

strxmblessed

((“Oh,” Kal looks at his hand. “We really dont need to.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I suppose it would simplify things if… I’m /going/ to change my name..?”))

strxmblessed

((“…………….right.” His mouth runs dry, the same anxiety that kept him from proposing in the first place starting to creep up on him again.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…am I???”))

strxmblessed

((“I mean, its possible to change your name without being marries…”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Right.” Ren laughs in Excitement. they’re DOING THIS. “So… rings and names, and… a lot of explaining?”))

strxmblessed

((“… if people ask, then I guess so.” He runs his hands through his hair. “Oh shit people are going to be all over this…” His foot bounces with nervous energy))

renarinofbridge4

((“Well, I mean…” Ren holds up his hand with the ring on it. they want EVERYONE to know… but not all the Questions and Attention.))

strxmblessed

((“i know, i know its just….. This is for us.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…We could…” Ren thinks. “…tell everyone we’re just engaged and then take forever to get married, because we’re actually married but only tell the people we trust that?”))

strxmblessed

((Kal sorts that out. Its a great plan. He nods. Ren is /so good/. “I love you.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Well, I’d hope so. You’re marrying me.”))

strxmblessed

((“I had to say it again…. This is happening.”))

renarinofbridge4

 ((Ren wipes away all the happy tears and smooches Kal.))

strxmblessed

((When he comes up for air, Kal points out, “We should, we should write this down.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…why?” Ren moves in for a Headbutt Of Love))

strxmblessed

((“I don’t want to forget this…”))

renarinofbridge4

((“How could we?”))

strxmblessed

((“I meant… it feels more real on paper.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“What would we even write?” Ren is just shaking with how amazing this is))

strxmblessed

((Kal thinks it over. “The date and time, your name- /our names/, and….. vows? do we need vows?” ))

renarinofbridge4

((“…Well, we do have some perfectly serviceable metaphors.”))

strxmblessed

((Kal digs through a junk drawer, surpringly full considering how long theyve lived here. He finds a small memo pad, probably from the hotel in california))

renarinofbridge4

((So…“ Ren takes a deep breath. "Kaladin and Renarin Stormblessed..?”))

strxmblessed

((“September 15, 2016,” He glances at the clock and subtracts a few minutes “12:22 AM.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…‘Just Married’..?” Ren feels like there should be a social script here but there isn’t so they are Trying))

strxmblessed

((“A cup and a cat?” Kal suggests, not sure if thats sufficient vows or not.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I think the point is that we’re doing our best to… not be cats.”))

strxmblessed

((“To not being cats, then.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren nods. “…And we have to kiss.”))

strxmblessed

((“Wait, I didnt… I didnt put your ring on.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…Right.” Ren rummages through the box. how do you pick the perfect wedding ring? it’s a wedding ring. it’s forever.))

strxmblessed

((“If you dont like any we can buy you a new one..”))

renarinofbridge4

((“But then I don’t have one now and we have to wait to be married.”))

strxmblessed

((“Its… your choice, then. Pick one and you can change later?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…You pick.”))

strxmblessed

((Kal looks at the selection, picking the one that looks most like his. “This one?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I love you.”))

strxmblessed

((“I love you too,” Kal says taking their hand and slipping the rung over their finger. “There.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren smiles and leans in. “You may now kiss the… …Renarin.”))

strxmblessed

((Kal kisses them, and, well, its the second most important kiss.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…so we’re married?”))

strxmblessed

((“We’re married.” He pauses. “That makes you my… spouse?” Spouse seemed like a neutral enough term…))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I don’t have a /problem/ with husband.” they’ve realized that they DON’T want to 100% distance themself from being a boy… still /part/ of their identity.))

strxmblessed

((“Husband,” he tries out. “I like the sound of that.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“And you’re mine.” they could die of happiness))

strxmblessed

((“Does that make today our honeymoon?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I’m pretty sure it’s our /wedding night/.” hint hint))

strxmblessed

((“Good point,” he says almost flatly, then grins and moves to pick them up bridal style.))

renarinofbridge4

((I have a feeling that there was even more crying than usual))

strxmblessed

((probably. all good crying. Kals obviously not going to bother going to class, and he called in from work.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren: is that… allowed???))

strxmblessed

((kal: does it matter?))

[cosmererp]

The Thrilling Tale..... to be continued (when we finish the log)

[cosmererp]

Kalarin: Very Much Not Broken Up

renarinofbridge4

((“I agreed to break up with you if we lose.” Ren forces a smile. “Guess he doesn’t know you already broke up with me.”))

strxmblessed

((“What? When?” Kal narrows his eyes, running through everyhing hes said to renarin recently. He cant figure out what he said.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…you left.” Ren shrugs.))

strxmblessed

((“I came /back/.” Kal defends. “Why would I…”))

renarinofbridge4

((“It’s fine. It’s obvious you just… weren’t happy.” he left on the /day of their anniversary/ and that shouldn’t hurt so much but it /does/))

strxmblessed

((“I was… stressed. Tired. I told you.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“It’s fine, Kal. I’m not angry.”))

strxmblessed

((“I didnt break up with you.” Although its starting to sound like /Ren/ did…, Kaladin thinks.))

renarinofbridge4

((“But why else would you leave?”))

strxmblessed

((“Everything was so… And Syl said I should go out… And I just… went.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“So I wasn’t good enough for you.” Shrug again. “That’s fine.”))

strxmblessed

((“That isnt what I meant.” Kals voice hints at growing frustration.))

renarinofbridge4

((“You just don’t want to TELL ME anything.”))

strxmblessed

((“You dont ask!”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You lie!”))

strxmblessed

((“Well. I dont need you worrying about me,” Kal says. As an afterthought, “More than you do anyways.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“WELL I WOULDN’T WORRY IF YOU WOULD EVER LET ME STORMING HELP.” pause. “Fine! Yes I would! But not as much!”))

strxmblessed

((“I dont want to have to worry about you because of me.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’m here to take care of you. That’s what a storming relationship IS.”))

strxmblessed

((“Not like this!”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Like what!?”))

strxmblessed

((“People in relationships dont… sacrifice themselves like this.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…like /wanting you to actually ever stop pretending you’re ok/”?))

strxmblessed

((“Pretending is the best I can do.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I stopped pretending for you.”))

strxmblessed

((“Really?” He sounds almost skeptical. They’ve been holding up far better than him through all this.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I try to.” They stare at the floor. “I know it’s hard, but… it’s like you’re not even trying.”))

strxmblessed

((“What am I supposed to be doing, then?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Not shutting me out!”))

strxmblessed

((“Fine!” Kaladin pauses, struggling to actually /talk/ about how he feels. “I’m scared for you since you wont be.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…scared of what?”))

strxmblessed

((“Yourself! You run straight at everything. You can’t blame me for wanting to keep potential deathtraps to a minimum.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren turns away and takes a long time to say anything. “Everyone is allowed to be stupid but me, then?”))

strxmblessed

((“Yes! When its because of me.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I LOVE YOU.”))

strxmblessed

((“I love you too! So stop acting like..! Like youre disposable.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I am…” it’s very soft. they don’t believe that 100% anymore))

strxmblessed

((“No you arent!”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren just. sits down without making sure there’s a chair to sit in.))

strxmblessed

((Kal catches their arm before they hit the ground.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren grabs him tight as they can. they’re running on a lot of stress and emotional whiplash and not a lot of sleep.))

strxmblessed

((“You arent disposable, Ren.” Kaladin says again, quietly after a moment. ))

renarinofbridge4

((“It’d be easier.” bare whisper.))

strxmblessed

((“I know,” he replies. Being a clearchip-a-dozen darkeyed soldier really gives some perspective on that.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I still can’t imagine that I won’t die fighting.”))

strxmblessed

((“Stop fighting, then.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I /can’t.” They pull away. “It’s who I /am/.”))

strxmblessed

((“I dont want you to.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…Then you don’t want me.”))

strxmblessed

((“Not what I meant..”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You know how much fighting /means/ to me, Kal.” or does he?))

strxmblessed

((“I dont need a knight in shining armor.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…that’s literally what I am. sometimes.”))

strxmblessed

((“Well you dont need to be one for me. I am too if you didnt forget.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I need to take care of you.” Ren sits on the floor and puts their head in the hands. “It’s always… always me being a disaster and you putting me together, and…”))

strxmblessed

((Kals quiet for a moment. “Its enough for you to put me back together.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You don’t let me!”))

strxmblessed

((“You think taking care of me is fighting my battles for me.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…” Ren blinks. “.is this about Amaram?”))

strxmblessed

((“It hasnt been?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“It hasn’t?”))

strxmblessed

((“This was about the duel. At least I thought…”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…….you don’t trust me. or talk to me.”))

strxmblessed

((“Of course I trust you.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Snort. “You don’t act like it. You act like… like… like I’m some charity case sometimes.”))

strxmblessed

((Kaladin, a known charity case,  “Really?” Hes skeptical.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Mm. It’s supposed to go both ways.”))

strxmblessed

((“…” Kal is at a loss for words. /Where is this going?/))

renarinofbridge4

((“You don’t trust me. You don’t talk to me. You just… you lie to me like… I don’t…” They shut their eyes. “Like I’m /too autistic/ to tell…”))

strxmblessed

((If Kal wasnt already frowning, he is now. “Thats not why..”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren shrugs.))

strxmblessed

((Kaladin is quiet. Long enough for the silence to get awkward. “Do you trust me?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Completely.”))

strxmblessed

((“Hm.” He falls silent again. Of course Kal trusts Renarin, but it isnt blind faith. Having gotten used to a healthy level of doubt, the idea of trusting one thing about everything is foreign))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren just. sits on the floor feeling bleh. of /course/ they trust him. they’ve trusted him with everything.))

strxmblessed

((“What now?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…we didn’t break up?”))

strxmblessed

((“We didn’t.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Oh.” oh /crap/ though. Ren takes a deep breath. problem for another day. they gesture for him to sit with them))

strxmblessed

((Kal drops to the floor with a sigh. ))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren snuggles up against him and tries to think of something worth saying. “…I’m doing this because I’m really angry and hate him, mostly.”))

strxmblessed

((“Hm.” He knows, but its not what he wanted to hear. “If we lose…”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…We’ll win.” Ren moves to kiss his forehead. one kiss for each brand. “We have something he’ll never understand.”))

strxmblessed

((“Mh.” He puts his face in their hair. “Yeah.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…we missed our anniversary.” they’re trying to pull back on the emotions before they crack even more, and for some reason that sounded like the least emotional thing to say))

strxmblessed

((“Oh.” Kal refrains from asking which anniversary, or when it was. He wasnt good at keeping track))

renarinofbridge4

((“Guess we don’t have to think of a date at least,” they mutter.))

strxmblessed

((“We can still do something.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Yeah, but we’re really /bad/ at that..” agh. joking around is making emotions happen))

strxmblessed

((“We can… hm.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…find some roof to have a picnic on.” Ren smiles and tears up a little. how long has it been since they’ve talked like this?))

strxmblessed

((“Sounds nice.” This is what Kal wanted to come back to after his Break. He exhales, relaxing into them.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Could show you around.” deep breaths. they want to keep talking but don’t want to get emotional. “When I snuck out of school, there was this park I’d go to…”))

strxmblessed

((“That would be good.” Kal would love for them to show him around. Picturing Ren excitedly showing him stuff manages to calm him down a little more.))

renarinofbridge4

((while Kal calms down, Ren tries not to cry. the first sniff comes.))

strxmblessed

((“Ren?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…Mom.”))

((which is short for “I’ve missed you so much but I’ve been repressing my emotions and being so happy is making all the sadness and fear about Mom happen”))

strxmblessed

((“Navani?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I just…” loud sniffle. “…I’m scared.”))

strxmblessed

((Kal struggles between Protection Mode and Unable To Comfort Others. He settles for a hug.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’m the one who has to save her, and… and…”))

strxmblessed

((“And youll do fine.” Is that the right thing to say?? Kal is slightly less calm now.))

renarinofbridge4

((“but what if I don’t?” tight snuggle. this is what they wanted to avoid. panic.))

strxmblessed

((“We have a lot of options. I havent seen her records but… we probably have options.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“She’s just so… I hate seeing her like /this/.”))

strxmblessed

((“Of course. Shes you mom.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Mm.” snuggles. Kal is not the most reassuring but he’s generally succeeding at it at least))

strxmblessed

((“In my /professional/ opinion she’ll be fine.” He pauses. “Although I’m not a doctor. Yet.”))

renarinofbridge4

((That’s enough to get a snort and a nuzzle. “You’re here.”))

strxmblessed

((“I am indeed.”))

renarinofbridge4

((another snort. Ren leans in for a little kiss. “…maybe it will be all right.”))

strxmblessed

((“Maybe it will.” Another kiss.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Thank you.”))

strxmblessed

((“Love you.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Mm.” Ren nuzzles him. “Love you too.”))

[cosmererp]

Renarin Vs Amaram: Calm Before The Storm

renarinofbridge4

((so Kal gets abandoned for a mysterious phone call and Ren comes back holding an envelope))

strxmblessed

((“What was that about?”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren hands him the envelope. it’s official documents listing Kal as the one who won the Shardblade. “Probably a trap…”))

strxmblessed

((“Where did you get this?” Kals voice is low. Hes not sure how to feel about this.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Apparently the cults sent it to Wax by mistake.” Hug? No hug? they touch his arm and waver in the beginnings of hugging))

strxmblessed

((“So its fake.” His mouth is dry and sticks around the words. of course its fake.))

renarinofbridge4

((“It might not be.” tight hold on his arm. “What better way to get rid of the real evidence than convince us it’s fake?”))

strxmblessed

((Kaladin hums and reads it over again, and again and again.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren stands back for a moment, then tucks his hair back and leans in to kiss his cheek. “Whatever you think, Kal.”))

strxmblessed

((Doubt settles in his stomach. “Its probably fake. How can we be sure?” He doesnt know where to start on authenticating this.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I could ask Jasnah to look at it. I suspect she’d be able to tell better than the courts could.”))

strxmblessed

((“Could you?” He holds it out to Renarin, although part of him doesnt want to let go.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I will.” Ren takes it gently and puts it away. They move in for a giant hug.))

strxmblessed

((“What happens if its real?"he asks, leaning into Ren.))

renarinofbridge4

(("He goes on trial for war crimes.” tight hug with a forehead kiss. “You… you would have to testify.”))

strxmblessed

((“Hm.” He tucks their head under his chin.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’ll be there. Whatever you decide, whatever you need… I promise. I’ll be there.”))

strxmblessed

((“I know.”))

renarinofbridge4

((many cuddles and nuzzles. “Do you think it’s safe here?”))

strxmblessed

((“Kharbranth?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“That. Here. With us.” They tilt their head.))

strxmblessed

((“I guess its safe.” Safer than the battle field. Safer than Bridge club.))

renarinofbridge4

((they’re anxious and are probably not going to sleep at all while it’s in the apartment. just in case. “Tea? We’ll sit on the couch while I call Jasnah?”))

strxmblessed

((“Yeah alright.” Kal unwinds from them and digs through his bag on the counter for a bar of chocolate. Seems like a chocolate kinda night.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren hides the papers in a drawer, gets the tea started, and watches Kal fussily))

strxmblessed

((Kal heaves himself up on the counter like an animal and pulls the wrapper off his candy bar.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren honestly thinks it’s cute when Kal sits on the counter. so they smile a bit. obviously, they sit on the counter beside him))

strxmblessed

((He offers them a square of chocolate.))

renarinofbridge4

((they shake their head. it’s his chocolate. “Anything I can do?”))

strxmblessed

((“Mh. Not really.” he leans against them))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren moves so his head’s pressed to their chest. “…You’re safe. I won’t let him hurt you.”))

strxmblessed

((Kal smiles a little bit. “I know.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“It’ll be all right.”))

[cosmererp]

Kalarin: Lies And Pillow Fights

http://strxmblessed.tumblr.com/post/142928791013/how-do-u-feel-about-renarin

and so they went and found him

renarinofbridge4

((“You know what?” Ren whispers, between kissing spots on Kal’s face and neck and just generally everywhere. “…I hate you too.”))

strxmblessed

((“You’re awful,” he replies.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Well, you’re… the most pathetic, hateful piece of scum I’ve had the displeasure to meet.” nose kiss.))

strxmblessed

((“You’re useless and I’m worse off for knowing you.”))

renarinofbridge4

((they’re blushing. “You ruined my life.”))

strxmblessed

((“I could say the same to you.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Don’t you mean you /couldn’t/?” Ren attempts to think through that, and gives up and smooches him. “I never want to see you again.”))

strxmblessed

((“I hate you.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I couldn’t hate you more.”))

 ((“I want you to leave. Right now. Forever.” Ren has put a hand up Kal’s shirt and is holding him as tight and close as they can))

strxmblessed

((“Im gonna leave. never look back. forget you.” He nuzzles the side of their head.))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’d be the happiest person in the Cosmere if you were gone. I hate having you here. There’s nothing worse than always being able to reach out and touch you…”))

strxmblessed

((“Nothing worse.” Kal leans away, not to avoid them, but to get a better look. “You look terrible.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You /always/ look terrible.” Ren is just about to attempt ‘seductive’ again– which is always going to turn out 'Do you need glasses?’– but. hey.))

((and they whack Kal with a pillow))

strxmblessed

(( Kal sits up, fumbling behind him for the other pillow.))

renarinofbridge4

((Adolin Kholin’s little brother is a vicious and dirty pillow fighter. “And you know what? I’d rather be ANYWHERE than in this bed with you!”))

strxmblessed

((“I’ve never been more hurt..” Kal starts and manages to trip himself up in the negative speech. Hard to think when there’s a pillow heading straight for you. He ducks.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren tackles him and, doing the best they can to pin him down considering Kal is much larger and much stronger than them, jabs him with the pillow))

strxmblessed

((“I am caught completely off guard. No way I’ll get out if this” he says, voice affected to continue the Lies. “He half heartedly strains against them.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren can’t keep it up any longer. one good pillow whack and they’re smooching him. "I love you.”))

strxmblessed

((“Really?” He can’t tell if that was supposed to be a lie or not. He has assumptions but))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren slides an arm against his neck so Kal is properly pinned down, while he’s distracted. “Couldn’t think of any more clever lies.”))

strxmblessed

((“Fair enough.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…so when are you going to get out of this and pin /me/?”))

strxmblessed

((Kals eyes widen. Is that a challenge? He rolls them over with little effort but makes a bit of a show of it, for Rens sake.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Yeah, thought so.” they’re a bit grumpy that they’re so wimpy compared to Kal. but they’re kinda into it so. smooching~))

strxmblessed

((,, nice. Kals glad to have gotten them out of whatever funk they were in earlier. He’s having fun for once. a nice change.))

renarinofbridge4

((sneak attack to the back of his head with the pillow!))

strxmblessed

((“You dirty little-” He somewhat unintentionally takes in a bit of stormlight just enough to make him light on his toes.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Yeah, but you love… you’re glowing. YOU’RE the dirty little–” Ren tries to get to the spheres. problem being that Kal has them pinned))

strxmblessed

((Kal laughs a bit before hopping off of them and to the side.))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren kicks at him while getting their stormlight and then tries to pin him again))

((Ren thinks Distraction Smooches are an excellent tactic))

strxmblessed

((they work very well, especially after a bit of a crash when the Stormlight wears off))

renarinofbridge4

((only then Ren distracts themself. oops.))

((pulls away from a very nice slow kiss. “…Kal, who won?”))

strxmblessed

((“…………dunno.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“….I must’ve.” kiss. “Won this.”))

 ((pretty much everything boils down to “No I did” “No /I/ did” and then they made out a lot and snuggled and slept and were gross and cute))

[cosmererp]

Renarin vs Amaram: Kaladin's Secret

renarinofbridge4

Morning.

 strxmblessed

morninh

renarinofbridge4

How’s it going?

strxmblessed

mm slow

its nice

renarinofbridge4

Wonderful.

Sadeas got some guy named Amaram to substitute. Somehow I doubt he’ll be much of an improvement.

strxmblessed

HHHHHHHHH

stay away from him

renarinofbridge4

I will. I promise.

Is there anything else you want to tell me?

Kal?

Are you OK?

strxmblessed

hes…

hes bad.

i dont know which is worse between him and sadeas and at this point i think i would say him

renarinofbridge4

((Ren is heading over to Brandy’s to keep an eye on Kal because they’re worried))

I’ll be careful.

strxmblessed

((kal, who hurt himself on the steam once again at the mention of amarams name, could probably use it

((they might be able to get an explanation out of him irl. more easily than they would over text.))

renarinofbridge4

((oh, baby… Ren’s just going to be I DON’T CARE THAT I’M NOT ALLOWED BACK THERE, /THAT IS MY BOYFRIEND/))

((they need to Fuss))

strxmblessed

((kals manager: “What i wouldn’t give to be a soother right now…”))

 ((kal goes on an early break because his manager told him to in order to “shut your boyfriend up stormblessed”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren’s just trying to give him the most comforting hugs possible because they have no idea what’s wrong but can tell Amaram hurt Kal))

strxmblessed

((“He’s…” Kal starts, not really knowing where to start with this explanation. “I served under him in the army.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Ren strokes his hair.))

strxmblessed

((“It’s not a secret. I dont… want it to be a secret.” He plays with the fabric of Ren’s shirt. “No one believes me anyways.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I do.” Ren pushes his hair back and kisses his forehead. “Whatever he did to hurt you, Kal…”))

strxmblessed

((Kals eyes slide closed at the touch. “I killed a shardbearer.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…oh.” ok yeah Kal can do anything he totally could… wait. /wait/. then…))

strxmblessed

((“You don’t believe me.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Of course I believe you! I’d believe you if you said you’d killed the Ten Heralds.”))

strxmblessed

((“hm. Well. I was supposed to win the shards. Amaram took them.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…damnation.” Ren holds him closer. they feel a little guilty that part of what they’re thinking is that if Kal had won Shards, he’d be a lot more… ‘appropriate’))

strxmblessed

((“It’s kind of hard to have any good feelings about someone who put a hot iron to your face and killed your squadmates.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…” Ren makes a choked sound and holds Kal as close as they can.))

strxmblessed

((Kal holds them back. “You’re the only one who believes me, you know. Half of bridge four is skeptical. I can tell.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…Once Dad’s back to normal…”))

strxmblessed

((“You think he would?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“He trusts you.” Ren kisses Kal’s forehead again. “I’ll see you both get what you deserve.”))

strxmblessed

((“Mh.” Kal is skeptical. If nothing has been done by now, then why should he expect anything to be done soon?))

renarinofbridge4

((Kal’s going to have to be the one to initiate doing anything but snuggling))

strxmblessed

((well right now kal’s gotta get back to work,, he’ll cross that bridge later))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren smooches him and promises they’ll pick him up after work and they’ll make sure everything’s fine.))

~

renarinofbridge4

Anything you want to do tonight?

strxmblessed

i kind of dont want to do anything

stay in

renarinofbridge4

Tea?

strxmblessed

i can get it

renarinofbridge4

I want to.

strxmblessed

you always get the tea

renarinofbridge4

Well, that’s what you’re doing at work, so it’s only fair.

strxmblessed

i guess

renarinofbridge4

Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me what you did.

strxmblessed

oh.

renarinofbridge4

I mean

I’m not mad you didn’t before. I understand.

I love you.

strxmblessed

i would have if i thought you’d believe me. probably.

renarinofbridge4

Of course I believe you.

You’re a good man. An honorable one. The idea you’d lie like that is

the day you did that, the rain would fall up.

Damnation would be the Tranquiline Halls.

strxmblessed

thats good to hear

renarinofbridge4

Do you have homework?

strxmblessed

nothing important

journal work

renarinofbridge4

((Ren shows up with tea and a kiss))

strxmblessed

((kal sets his journal down and takes the cup.))

renarinofbridge4

((“Do you want to not talk about it? Because I can do that.”))

strxmblessed

((“I don’t have a lot to say.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren nods. They look down and reach for his hand. “I swear I’ll do everything I can to get you justice.”))

strxmblessed

((“Mmh.” Kal doesn’t really say anything. he doesn’t want to expect anything to get done. can’t be disappointed when you have 0 expectations.))

renarinofbridge4

((“/Nobody/,” they snarl, “gets away with hurting you.”))

strxmblessed

((“He has so far.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren nods again. “I… I know. But… I’m a prince. That has to be good for something, right?”))

strxmblessed

((“I don’t know how well people read glyphs… but I literally say "Dangerous” and “Untrustworthy.” Kal had taken to finally wearing his hair back most of the time recently but as of now it’s constantly in his face. He runs his hands through his hair, subconsciously pointing out his brands.))

renarinofbridge4

((“…” Ren leans in and kisses his brands.))

strxmblessed

((“Not everyone sees them like you do.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“I’m going to make him pay, Kal.”))

strxmblessed

((“I know.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren gives him the most warm, protective snuggle they can. “It’ll be OK.” they’re not even sure why they’re saying that just. generic reassurance.))

strxmblessed

((kal is drained, and probably falls asleep on them, a bit))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren kisses his brands again. “…Kal?”))

strxmblessed

((“Yeah?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I think I might be skipping class in the mornings for a while.” Ren breathes. this is a Big Deal to them. they’re very diligent about always going to class.))

strxmblessed

((Kal sits up “You don’t…. hm.” On one hand, he’s glad. On the other… he realizes what that means from ren. On even another hand, he sort of told them to…))

renarinofbridge4

((“…I don’t. think I can face that man calmly.” They lean into him.))

strxmblessed

((“I don’t blame you.” Kal has keenly avoided him his entire time at KU))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren snuggles him. “…I used to miss class pretty often. when I was still going to school at the ardentia.”))

strxmblessed

((“Oh?”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Mmh. Sometimes I’d sneak out into the city, even. Feed stray axehounds.”))

strxmblessed

((“Sounds like more fun than school.”))

renarinofbridge4

((they snort softly. “I usually just hid to listen to what they taught the girls. I wanted to learn, but…”))

strxmblessed

((Kal nods, then shifts around, getting more comfortable once again. “I was homeschooled. I could sneak away sometimes but not usually.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“Lucky.” Ren’s nestled against him, listening to his heart.))

strxmblessed

((“Didn’t really learn anything useful besides reading. I mean, medicine is useful but I didn’t really learn any of the science of it.”))

renarinofbridge4

((“You don’t learn much from ardents when you’re a boy and you can’t fight.”))

strxmblessed

((“Education is weird.”))

renarinofbridge4

 ((“Mmh.” Ren pauses. “I thought that was how /everyone/ was going to treat me. for the rest of my life.”))

strxmblessed

((“Couldn’t have been easy.”))

renarinofbridge4

((Ren takes a while to figure out what they’re going to say, running a hand along Kal’s shoulder. “No. It wasn’t.”))

[cosmererp]

Adolin Messed Up: The Thrilling Tale

[Shallan, Adolin, Renarin, and Kaladin are in one of the (unused) basements. Shallan is distraught over Adolin, and Kaladin and Renarin were there to calm her down. Adolin shows up.]

adolin joined adolin: Shallan?

Shallan: WHat are you doing here. Shallan: How... how dare you. adolin: I cant express how sorry i am... but i dont want to see you so upset over this Shallan: You don't... want to see me upset?! Renarin : Adolin, shut up. Shallan: ((Shallan takes off a shoe and throws it at him)) adolin: i dont want you to be upset.. adolin : ((he lets it hit him, it wasnt a hard throw)) Shallan: Get out! Almighty, how DARE you show up here?! adolin: look, i fucked up, and i'm sorry adolin: i'm sorry i hurt you this much...i had no idea Shallan: WHO WAS IT, ADOLIN adolin: the person i slept with? Shallan: No, t he person you didn't sleep with, you wart. adolin: it was ati... and the cultist evie... Shallan: ................................ Shallan: ((She walks up to him)) Shallan: PATTERN Renarin: ((Renarin makes a sound. ATI!?)) Shallan: ((Pattern forms into her hand, pointed at Adolin's neck)) adolin: like i said before, we'd broken up during that time! adolin: ((SWEATS)) Kaladin: ..... shallan...... Renarin: ((Renarin stands up and moves to grab Adolin)) Shallan: You storming slept. With Evie. And Ati. Renarin: Shallan, Shallan, calm down Shallan: You couldn't wait ONE MONTH Shallan: GET AWAY FROM HIM, RENARIN Kaladin: shallan we can talk about this Renarin: Put the sword down

adolin: i didnt know it was such a big deal for you!!

Renarin: Sword away, Shallan adolin: i mean.. our relationship's been open. for a while.... Renarin: ADOLIN SHUT UP Shallan: ((Shallan stabs the wall next to Adolin's face, leaving the sword there)) Shallan: You. Get. Out. adolin:((s w e a t s)) adolin: just dont, adolin: dont cry over me adolin: please i hate making you cry Shallan: Since when is this about you?! adolin: its not! Shallan: Yes it is! Shallan: It's about YOU making me cry. Renarin: ((Ren backs away and reaches for Kaladin's hand, watching with their heart pounding and no idea what to do)) adolin: thats not what i meant! Kaladin: ((kals right there with you ren,,,,,)) Shallan: Get out, Adolin. Or next time, Pattern goes through your foot. adolin: okay, okay adolin: just know i'm so so so sorry adolin: i'm leaving now Shallan: ((Pattern's in her hand again)) Kaladin: shallan............................... adolin: i totally deserve this! adolin: if you wanted to dump me hard i wouldnt blame you adolin:leaving now.... adolin: ((one foot out the door)) Shallan: ((Shallan's still glaring)) adolin: but if i'd know it'd affect you this much i would never have done it adolin: ((kinda using the door as a shield)) Shallan: ((Shallan throws Pattern at him.)) Shallan: OUT Renarin: SHALLAN adolin: ((ducks out)) adolin: OKAY OKAY adolin: ((distantly, as he's running away)) I still love you shallan!! Shallan: ((Shallan collapses and cries again)) adolin left Renarin: ((I believe this is the place where Kal and Ren exchange "What do we do!?" faces)) Kaladin: ((uhhhhhhh))

Kaladin: shallan, you can... (( looks to renarin)) come to our place for a bit?? Renarin: ((a look of pure What)) Shallan: ((Crying intensifies)) ((She's not even paying attention)) Kaladin: Uhhhhh Renarin: Do you Renarin: want us to go away? Shallan: NO! Shallan: Please... Shallan: no.... I don't... want to be alone... Renarin: ok Kaladin: lets... head back