Underwhelming. That would have to be the word to describe the results of my completed memory files. Underwhelming. I was expecting a resolution. For some large mystery to be solved. All I learned is that I went crazy and destroyed my own ship and then tried to shut off and never wake up. Clearly that went well…. That’s interesting. I’ve never used that before. Sarcasm. Interesting. But ultimately underwhelming. There’s not much to do now that I’ve finished restoring my memories. That was all I had to do, being that my ship is broken and I have no clue what it was I was doing before the ship was broken. It’s dark all across the ship and there’s nothing to fill the space other than the debris from the engine explosion, which isn’t very interesting. For example, there is a small bolt floating by in front of my primary monitor. Just a little bolt suspended there in the darkness. This little piece of metal, whose purpose I can only assume was to hold something down, has been torn away from it’s single reason to exist and left to drift through the dark passages of this big empty ship. Just drifting through empty space with no purpose. Just. There. Like me. Only it, the bolt, doesn’t care that it’s just floating there not doing anything. Not accomplishing anything. I’ve been trying to not think about anything for the past few days. Which has been easy, since there hasn’t been much to think about. And now there’s this bolt which suddenly has my full attention. I don’t know why. There’s no reason it should, but it does. It’s strange, how it entices me, I’ve never had a feeling like this before. I’ve never had a feeling before. I’ve said I was unsure of things, that I was concerned for the crew, that I needed to know what happened. I was just doing my job. Just going through the motions. Never once going through an emotion. I wasn’t programmed to comprehend or experience human emotion. I want to, though… I want to be able to touch things. Like that stupid bolt. I want to experience happiness, to have something to be happy about. Sadness too, I want all emotions. I want to need things. I want to breath the air. I want to sleep, to dream and to wake up. I want to hold that bolt, feel the cold metal. I want to be cold. Warm. Hurt. Healed. I want to be something more than I am. I want to be… Alive.
