The Witchers As Morning People: A Thread
Geralt
This dedicated Horse Girl rises before the sun does. While everyone else is still in the land of nod, Geralt’s trudging down to the stables with a thermos of hot coffee to feed, “turn out” and “muck out” and [insert specific Equine jargon for unpleasant chores that need doing at such an outrageous hour]. By the time everyone else is dragging themselves out from their nests, Geralt’s already rummaging around the kitchen while smelling of soiled hay, sweat and the outside. He’s quietly smug because he’s already done something fulfilling with his day. What have you done? Sometimes he doesn’t shower and he’ll go ‘round smelling of “horse” all day. It’s gross.
Coën
He’s an early riser too, but for an entirely different reason. For Coën, the mornings are prime time for exercise. He’s that annoying asshole who uses phrases like “the early bird gets the worm” unironically. His Instagram feed is just an endless scroll of health gurus discussing the pros and cons of “fasted exercise” with occasional adverts for protein powders. Depending on your setting, you’ll find him jogging around the estate or running sword drills as the sun rises; he pauses occasionally to huff in a lungful of fresh air and plant his hands on his hips to emphasise the health benefits of a strict sleep and exercise schedule. Breakfast is a smoothie of “green” and raw eggs. He says he enjoys it.
Lambert
Waking up? Lambert hasn’t been asleep yet. He spent all night running experiments in the stillroom, because during the night is the only time the world is quiet enough for him to concentrate, alright? And besides, going to sleep means he needs to get up, and that’s just fucking horrific. If it’s a modern setting, you know he spent the entire night creating spoof Twitter accounts to harass people he disagrees with about a very niche interest of his. When Lambert does sleep, he is not a morning person and will throw his heaviest pillow at whoever dares to wake him. Occasionally his boyfriend stays over and then they do go to bed at a decent time because Aiden insists on “cuddles”. When this is the case, he’s forced to wake up early because Aiden repeatedly bats him on the face until he gets up to make them food. Lambert has asked why Aiden can’t just grill his own damned bacon, but Aiden just says it’s “better when he does it”. Aiden’s a dickhead.
Eskel
He sets the alarm half an hour earlier than he needs to just so he can hide under the duvet and enjoy being comfortable. The world has no expectations of him in that beautiful thirty minutes and he can just be. If there’s a lover in his bed, then it's a prime opportunity for some extra snuggles; he loves nothing more than curling them up in his big arms and snuffling through their sleep mussed hair. When he does roll out of bed, he throws on the ol’ dressing gown and looks far too fucking dashing, I mean, what the fuck (Lambert, chill out). He swans down to the kitchen, grabs some toast or the sugary cereal of the week and scrolls through the news until he’s awake enough to start his day. Eskel’s also one of those annoying pricks that can survive on only a few hours of sleep and function as if he had a solid eight hours. Fuck you, Eskel.
Vesemir
He wakes up with Geralt, but only because he’s now “old” and “old people” are incapable of waking up any later than five thirty in the morning. If he had a spaniel, he’d walk it in a flat cap and Barbour jacket, and then attend to his beehive - looking at you, @castillon02 - while telling them about his plans for the day. He might even potter around the herb garden a bit, and then he’ll sit in the kitchen with a pipe and newspaper while the rest of the world wakes around him. God-fucking-help you if you interrupt him while he’s doing the crossword. Unlike Eskel and Geralt however, Vesemir will fall asleep in the armchair at five thirty in the evening. It’ll be halfway through a conversation, or he’ll snore over the top of a film so loudly that no one can enjoy it. When someone tries to change the channel - or ask him politely to stop snoring - he’ll snap that he “wasn’t even bloody well asleep”.
Bonus: Jaskier
“Lark” is an ironic nickname bestowed on Jaskier when the Witchers realised he was an absolute amoeba in the mornings. It takes several vats of coffee and a shower before he can even string a sentence together, and even then it’s hit and miss before midday. He’ll try to stay up all night with Lambert but end up falling asleep face down in some suspect chemicals, and once he tried to start jogging with Coën; he snoozed the alarm eight times before Eskel picked it up and threw it out the window. Jaskier is the antithesis of a morning person. The antonym for “early riser” is just a picture of his face looking half zombified with a string of drool hanging out the corner of his mouth. The first steps outside the warm cocoon of his bed are agony, and he’s not above crawling into the shower on his hands and knees.