#stupid venting

[horseabortion69]

.

I think one of the worst parts of my breakup is knowing that I'm doing the equivalent of bailing out of a sinking lifeboat and leaving someone to try and salvage it last minute. except the other person in the lifeboat didn't do nearly as much to keep it afloat while I exhausted myself and also never apologized for or made any efforts to control the behavior that would trigger me and leave me shaking with an adrenaline trauma response. but their future is not looking bright and I'm leaving them to struggle and possibly die while I'm happier than ever. it's not fair there should be like a government or society to step in so I don't live with this guilt.

[multibugorganism]

a lot of the alienation i feel from the furry-tranpositive experience is how much of it was just feels like a heel turn and i find myself having such a hard time even remotely relating or feeling included

"KEEP FURRY WEIRD, BE LOUD AND OPEN ABOUT YOUR QUEERNESS, throwing faggot and dyke around- being puppy dog brained boys and girls and being kink positive!!! incest is woke now, feral porn was ALWAYS OK PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FREAKS SINCE FOREVER OK!!!"

etc etc the list goes on with these sentiments and so on but like it's excruciating and difficult to remotely feel welcomed when just like a few years ago i'd have people threatening violence and telling me to off myself, accusing me of absolutely abhorrent shit for stuff like uh, watching some dumbass anime they didn't enjoy or going full on hate-stalker and terrorizing me for years with a whole mob/their follower base simply because they couldn't stand me being a sexually positive/open person online- hell, I had someone who got outed for sexually abusing their pet call me out for advocating rape and spreading some fucked up nonsense about me purely because I had somnophiliac fantasies. people would want you DEAD or consider you TOO WEIRD if you so much as expressed wanting to be treated like a puppy girl toilet or fucking whatever

i don't know, it just sucks feeling alone and alienated, left out, i wish i could take people's invitations or feel even remotely comfortable stepping out of my boundaries again but i already have other baggage that needs tending to that I barely have energy to muster and work on. maybe i've just become too old to "get better" and just unfortunately am going to stay scared shitless. im glad people are generally happier these days with expression and that crap but i am bitter and sad i don't have a place in this movement or whatever you want to call it

[amenti-aardwolf]

Okay-

Just spent 3 hours looking for a good non smut or romance related fic to read about any of my numerous comfort characters. Ended up settling on one I've already read because I couldn't find anything else. I mean, props to everybody who writes that kind of stuff, because that's art, too, and can still have a really good story, but can we please normalize making strong introspective fanfiction that helps to create a deeper emotional connection to our favorite blorbos as individuals? I'm dying for it over here. I want to know these characters. I want to be able to feel their pain, get a better understanding of their struggles and their real situations. Most of my comfort characters are so physically and emotionally scarred that I have absolutely no idea why people would think they'd be dtf, let alone be capable of facilitating a healthy relationship, but it's still all I can find.

Weh. Being the weirdo is hard. I just don't want to feel alone in my mental struggles, and it's insane to think that characters I relate to in certain ways are just so ready to give in and accept their situations. I mean, if they do, they're healthier than me, but you know it takes time to get there. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk, lol.

[stiltfox]

I write fanfic and stories for me. I don’t need the validation that my stuff is good. I realized I just mostly need validation that it’s SEEN. Kudos, comments, stuff like that? Stuff helps me go “okay, people aren’t seeing it, I exist. Good. Cool.”

[brittabottt]

Narratives around eating disorders, even how “recovery” is presented is so fucked up. I don’t understand the helpfulness of discussing bottoms and what not for healing. I don’t understand the point of talking about the food shit when we all know it’s NOT about the food. Like god, sometimes I want to shake the ED world to grow the fuck up. This is why I relate more to the addiction world....ugh

[seraphm00n]

excuse me while i go d i e

[meowstyle]

I wish someone would ask whats wrong but i dont wajt to talk about it either but i kinda do but i dlkinda dong because theres no fucking way im doing that at All i wouldnrather die than open up

[grainfruit]

Like I have a history of eating like shit why would you keep making all these sugary foods and leaving them and demanding I eat them and making more FUCK I HATE HOW I LOOK BECAUSE OF THESE SUCARY FOODS STOP FUCKING FEEDING ME