Psychology says, missing someone causes insomnia. the frustration of being without that person keeps you awake at night. Well I've got insomnia, but I also cant wake up.

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Psychology says, missing someone causes insomnia. the frustration of being without that person keeps you awake at night. Well I've got insomnia, but I also cant wake up.
when you can only record something once because everyone in the house went to sleep
Upset and alone.
Feeling a bit down today. Ehhhhhhh.
I always have pushed away those who I love the most. Whether it’s because I’m scared or because I don’t think I’m good enough, every single time, I do whatever it takes until they finally leave. So please. When I push you away, that is the time to hold me closer. Hold me and don’t let me self destruct. Because if I am pushing you away, it’s real. I love you.
I collapsed in the street unable to stand any longer. Tears streamed down my cheek. I couldn't make a sound. I clenched my teeth and gripped my hair and tried to scream. I've never hurt so bad. I did it to myself. I hate this.
It hurts every second that goes by.