Hello! May I request sub 9th male reader x with any SKZ member? You can make up how the story goes.
< dream of me >
pairing:: bang chan x 9th member reader (ft. hints of ot9) genre:: smut. pwp. twinge of angst. word count:: 9.8k summary:: you are the ninth member of stray kids– the youngest, living with jeongin and chan. you’ve never had sex, and desperately want to change that. chan is your first choice, but he’s hard to convince. warnings:: a single small suicide joke, top bang chan, bottom male reader, dom bang chan, sub male reader, bang chan is a mess, bang chan has a huge dick, loss of virginity, lube, anal fingering, anal sex, porn with plot notes:: don’t request “any SKZ member” and not expect me to make it chan. thank you for this request, it was really fun to write <3 i used it as a palette cleanser and a way to ease back into writing after a couple weeks’ break! i have my plate way too full and too many wip’s in my docs, so i’m happy to have finished this one so quickly. i hope you enjoy! i wrote a version of this with jeongin instead of ninth member, so if you want to read that version, (click here)! song:: “dream of me” - vinyl theatre
“Hyungie~” You cracked the door to Chan’s bedroom open, smiling as you saw him turn in his swivel chair to face you.
“Yeah, baby?” He set his headphones on the desk and smiled, watching as you made your way to him, ruffling his hair as you stood in front of him. “What’s up?”
“I have a request,” you whispered, both hands on Chan by now. One in his hair, buried in his golden brown curls; the other cupping his cheek. He melted under your touch, as he always did when someone else initiated skinship with him– he was always so used to being the one to reach out, and would visibly turn to mush when he was touched first.
You used it to your advantage often.
“Hyung,” you whispered, stepping forward. Even with his eyes closed, he felt you move– he spread his legs to let you stand between them, let his head fall to the side as you bent down to press a kiss to the side of his neck. He let out a shaky breath, hands trembling as they reached out to pull you closer. That was a good sign.
“Hyung,” you repeated with your nose buried in his neck. Chan hummed in response, his hand on your back bunching up the fabric of your hoodie– well, his hoodie, but he’d lent it to you several years prior, and you’d been the only one to wear it since. “Hyung, I want you to be my first.”
Chan didn’t seem to have a reaction. You pulled away, observing his face, watching as he slowly blinked his eyes open to look up at you. “First what? Kiss? I thought Felix was your first kiss.” You cupped his face with both of your hands, gently pushing his cheeks together to make him pout.
“You know what I mean. Don’t you?” Chan’s eyes slowly widened as he forced his lips into a frown.
“Honey, no.” Chan sighed, exasperated. “I can’t.”
“You can’t?” You stepped closer between his legs. You dropped one hand from his cheek to his chin, lifting it up with your thumb. “Can’t or won’t?”
Chan narrowed his eyes up at you. Grabbing your wrists, he effortlessly held your hands out of reach. “Doesn’t matter. It’s not right. I’ve known you since you were a kid.” You struggled against his hold, but soon gave up as Chan’s grasp tightened.
“Besides the point. I knew you when you were a kid, too, hyung.” You pouted down at him, pulling out all the stops to possibly get him to cave in. But you knew he was stubborn, unyielding– it would take a lot more to get him to agree to this.
“I was like three days away from turning eighteen, sweetheart.” Chan loosened his grip on your wrists just to squeeze them once more before letting go. “You were thirteen.”
“Thirteen and a half, hyungnim.” You corrected and pinched his cheek. Closing his eyes, Chan pressed his tongue against the inside of his other cheek, resulting in a slight bulge of the skin of his cheek. If he only knew how crazy that little gesture made you.
“Doesn’t make it any better. You were a child. It’s wrong.”
But Chan had let go of your wrists. He had his arms crossed over his chest, staring up at you, legs spread to let you stand between them comfortably. He hadn’t kicked you out of the room, he hadn’t cursed you out, he hadn’t pushed you away. Not to mention the unmistakable bulge in his pants directly in front of you.
“You’re hard,” you whispered, kneeling down in front of him. Your face was only inches away from the tent in Chan’s pants before he stood up, his chair shooting back behind him.
“Y/N.” You hated that tone in Chan’s voice. It sent shivers through your entire body. It took all the courage in you to look up at him, finding your leader looking down at you with the worst expression on his face possible– disappointment. Your heart sank as you fell fully to the floor, your legs bending on either side of you.
“Hyung, I’m–”
“Save it,” Chan muttered under his breath, covering his mouth with his hand, eyes shut. “I’m going to the toilet, and when I come back in here, you better be gone. Got it?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded. Then, aloud: “Yes, hyung,” since his eyes were still closed.
Chan left you on his bedroom floor and didn’t look back. You didn’t want to test him, to see another look on his face that would haunt you for months. You picked yourself up and locked the door behind you as soon as you stepped into your bedroom, leaning back against the door.
Chan had been hard. There was no denying it. But he still had rejected you, still had said ‘no,’ still had refused your advances. But you had barely touched him– he couldn’t have gotten hard just from that. He wanted it. He wanted you. Surely.
“ will you dream of me? i'll always dream of you ”
He started avoiding you when he could. He stuck to his room at home and stayed in the studio as long as he possibly could every night. Whenever cameras were off, he was as distant as possible. STAYs would know something was up if he kept his distance on camera– those times quickly became the only chances you had to spend time with him.
“Hyung,” you whispered to him, the both of you cuddled on the couch behind Felix and Changbin playing Tekken. The four of you were in Stray Kids’s assigned room at Music Bank, waiting your turns to get your makeup done. The others had finished getting dolled up and were getting dressed out of the room.
Chan had made no indication that he heard you, so you pressed further. “Hyung~” Swinging your legs across his lap, you sat on top of him, circling your arms around his neck.
It was easy to fluster Mr. Bang Chan. The easiest thing any of the members could do. All it took was a touch or two, an inch of your skin touching his, a whispered promise of something more. You chose to do it all, on the couch behind two of your other hyungs, fully on camera for all of STAY to see– if the clip were to make it into the video, that was.
Both of you were wearing shorts, so the skin of your thighs was resting squarely across his knees. You could feel his skin under yours burning hotter than the core of the sun. Looked up, just to find Chan’s face burning just as warm. He was looking you in the eyes, his own blown wide. His bottom lip switched between quivering in an attempt to speak and being held back by his teeth.
“Do I finally have your attention, hyung?” You whispered, nudging your nose against his jaw. You didn’t need to open your eyes to know he was clenching it.
“We–” Chan’s voice got caught in his throat, being thrown into a coughing fit. Felix and Changbin were between rounds and Felix quirked an eyebrow up at Chan. You waved him off, shifting one hand to gently pat Chan’s back as he choked out coughs.
Once Felix and Changbin’s attention was back on the screen, you turned to Chan again. “What’s wrong, hyungie?” Under your breath, you whispered up to him, smiling as Chan met your gaze.
“Up. Now.” That tone again. Not fully disappointment, but just a couple paces shy. You knew better than to defy him.
Chan followed you up. Once he was certain the two of you were off camera, his hand was secured around your wrist. He yanked you out of the waiting room, past where Minho was getting his makeup done, into a staff bathroom. He shut the door behind you, locking it, leaning against it with his eyes narrowed up at you.
“What do I need to do to get you to start behaving, hm?” Chan crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head to the side as he leaned back against the door. You were completely trapped. You’d be glad– if it weren’t for the faint hint of anger behind Chan’s deep brown eyes.
“Fuck me,” you contested. “Fuck me, and I’ll behave.”
Chan closed his eyes and nodded down at the ground. Then: slowly, calculated, took a step towards you. He kept taking steps towards you until your back hit the sink. He pressed his body against yours, pinning you against the marble digging into you from behind.
“Why me?” You couldn’t meet his eyes. Yours were locked on his chest, the tantalizing inch of skin visible between his collarbones. It didn’t last long, avoiding him. Less than two seconds had passed since Chan had spoken up before he grabbed your jaw in his grip. The air was punched out of your lungs instantly.
“Hyu–” You attempted to protest just for Chan’s hand to shift up, covering your mouth fully. He forced your face up to look him in the eye.
“That’s better,” Chan cooed, gently squeezing your face in his hand. “Look me in the eye when you speak to me, ‘kay?” Fuck, did he sound hot like this. If you had any less self control, you’d be rock hard trapped between Chan and the sink.
He soon let go of your face and you felt yourself involuntarily following his touch. You grabbed his wrist and brought his hand back to your lips, pressing it against your mouth, kissing his palm with your eyes fluttering closed. You could feel his pulse under your fingers, racing too fast to be safe or healthy. You kissed up his palm to his wrist, up his arm, pulling him closer.
When you opened your eyes, you were met with Chan’s face just inches from yours. He stared up at you with his lips slightly parted, eyes flitting between your lips and eyes, as if he couldn’t decide what to zero in on.
“Why you?” You repeated his question, leaning down to nudge his nose with yours. “You, because you’re the only one I trust. You’re the only one I want to take my virginity, hyung.”
Chan made a choked noise and pulled back, covering his reddening face with his hands. “No, no, ‘m not–” He shook his head, retreating as far back as he could. As soon as his back hit the door again, he let out a punched whine. “Wouldn’t Innie be better? He’s only a year older.”
You sighed and leaned back against the sink. “I don’t want him to be my first. He’s a little too freaky for me.” Chan laughed, peeking out from behind his fingers.
“And I’m not?” He sounded a little defeated, as if he was upset at the implication.
“Every single other member said you were the most vanilla of them all,” you mused. “So… No, you’re not.”
“You–” Chan sputtered, covering his eyes with his hands again. “You talked about me with the kids? You talked about my sex life with the kids?”
“More like all of your sex lives,” you argued. “I think every single one of you has fucked everyone else. I feel left out.”
Chan still couldn’t look you in the eye. “I’m sorry. I didn’t– We didn’t– Fuck.” He rubbed circles into his cheeks with his palms, then covered his mouth and nose with his hands to look you in the eye. With his voice muffled, he continued: “We didn’t want to include you when you made no indication you wanted more. ‘M sorry. I would’ve–”
“You wouldn’t have done anything,” you interrupted. You could see Chan’s face fall even with half of it covered. “You’re the one rejecting me, even now, when I’m coming directly to you.”
“Then, let me rephrase.” Chan squeezed his eyes shut, taking in a deep breath behind his tented hands. “The others would’ve helped you to not feel left out. I’m sorry we excluded you for so long; if you ask any of them, I’m sure they’d–”
“I don’t want any of them, hyung,” you interrupted again. Chan just sighed in response, parting his hands to push against his cheeks, rubbing his face. “I just want you,” you repeated.
“I said ‘no,’ honey.” Chan crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m sorry. But, no.”
“Then why were you hard?” You pushed, stepping closer. Chan clenched his jaw and braced himself against the door as you took another step. “Why did you just do that earlier? Flirting with me? Putting your hand over my mouth? Staring at my lips?”
By the time you finished asking your questions, you were standing directly in front of him, almost like how Chan had you pinned against the sink just minutes before. At least you had the decency to not press your body against his like he’d done.
“Y/N.” Chan scolded you, looking up at you through his eyelashes. “No.”
“I’d believe you if you meant it, hyung,” you whispered, cupping his cheek with your hand. He instantly melted into the touch as his eyes fluttered shut, nuzzling his cheek further into your palm. “See?” You chuckled under your breath, rubbing circles into his cheek with your thumb.
He let out a soft whine at the feeling of your skin against his. “Y/N–”
“You know I always do what you ask,” you continued. Chan slowly opened his eyes to look up at you again. “You know I listen to you. But I know you’re just doing what you always do.” Chan’s eyebrows furrowed, confused, and you rolled your eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I don’t know, honey. Enlighten me.”
“You never put yourself first.” Chan instantly sighed, his head falling to look down at the floor beneath himself. “You never let yourself have what you want. You put everyone else first and you never once think about yourself. Am I wrong?”
“You’re–” Chan hissed, clenching his teeth together. “You’re not wrong,” he muttered through gritted teeth.
“What do I have to do,” you whispered as you lifted his face by his chin, “to get you to say ‘yes’ to me?”
You had never seen that expression on Chan’s face. He looked… well, pathetic was the nicest way to put it. He looked like he’d shatter if you said anything even slightly mean. “I don’t know.” Chan’s voice cracked and his eyes instantly flooded with tears at the lump in his throat. “I don’t know, Y/N.”
You cupped his face with both of your hands, thumbs catching the tears as they escaped. “Tell me you want me, and I’ll do the rest. Say you want this, and you won’t have to worry anymore or avoid me.”
“I want you.” Chan sniffed, blinking hard. “I want this. I’m sorry I– I’m sorry. I want you.”
You had kissed Chan more times than you could recall. Living with him, it was near impossible to go a full day without your lips touching his own at least once. But, now, it held too much weight to kiss him fully. Instead, you pressed your lips to his forehead, trailing kisses down his nose, leaving one to both of his cheeks.
“Come to my room tonight.” You kissed the shell of his ear and he shivered. “Please.”
“I will,” Chan responded instantly, chewing on his bottom lip as you pulled away. “I promise. But wha–”
A knock on the door behind Chan had you both jumping out of your skin. Chan’s arms shot to wrap around your waist as he pushed himself away from the door.
“Hyung? Y/N-ie? Are you in there?” Minho. He must have seen you and Chan walk by earlier.
“Y-Yeah, we are,” Chan responded, his arms still secured around your waist. Minho groaned on the other side of the door.
“I don’t wanna know. But it’s Y/N-ie’s turn to get his makeup done, so get out.”
You heard him walk away from the bathroom and turned to Chan– his face was scarlet red.
“Come on,” you chuckled. “Let me go, I gotta get ready, hyung.” Chan blinked rapidly as he realized he was still clinging to you and let go, giving you space.
“Okay. Okay, yeah. I’ll see you–” Chan bites his bottom lip and looked up to you. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“See you tonight, hyung.” With one last kiss on his cheek, you unlocked the staff restroom and gave Chan one last smile before you went off to the room where Minho had been.
“ when it seems hard to breathe let me know what you need i'm always here for you ”
Chan kept sneaking looks at you. In the waiting room, after you’d gotten your makeup done and he was waiting for his turn. Backstage, when every member was dressed (finally) and ready to go on stage. Even during the performance, when you were in front of him on stage, when he thought you wouldn’t notice. But his eyes lingered on you even when you were looking.
Stray Kids’ stage was the last of the day. Not even five minutes after you’d left the platform, everyone was ushered back on for the announcement of who had won. You didn’t have a chance to talk to Chan during that break, but it didn’t seem to matter. The second you were back on that stage, he was right behind you.
But he knew better than to be too affectionate. He didn’t hug you from behind like he usually would, but instead placed his hands on your hips and squeezed to the beat of the music booming through the overhead speakers. Chan pressed his lips to the back of your neck– not fully kissing, just resting his lips there and breathing in your scent softly.
Stray Kids won Music Bank that day. You could feel Chan’s smile against your skin. He still didn’t let go of your hips, and followed you with his hands glued to your waist as you walked across the stage to stand with the others to accept the trophy.
“Someone’s clingier than usual~” Felix giggled as he hugged you from the front. Sandwiched between the Aussies, you chuckled back.
“You have no idea, Lixie-hyung,” you whispered as he pulled away. “Be glad you aren’t going to be at our place tonight.” Chan giggled into your neck and wrapped his arms around you– tight, not tight enough to hurt, but just enough for you to know you weren’t getting out of his hold anytime soon.
Felix’s eyes narrowed as he looked between you and Chan, slowly putting the pieces together. A flash of recognition behind his eyes, followed by the cheekiest smirk he could muster. “Fucking finally.”
“ won't you fall for me like i fell for you love so strong, sing along ”
You missed living with everyone. It was hectic, the nine of you living under one roof, four or five people to a room– you had been at least lucky enough to live in the room of four, so everyone had their own bed instead of someone stuck on the floor like the other room. Everyone had had little to no privacy; one bathroom for nine young men shouldn’t have been legal.
And yet, you missed it. You missed seeing everyone every day. It was easy enough to invite a few of them over, but near impossible to set up anything with every member. At least the new dorms had placed you with Chan– hell had opened up and invited you in when you had been placed in the cuties’ dorm instead of Chan’s when the group had been split in two.
For the first time since moving in with just Chan and Jeongin, you were glad you didn’t live with anyone else. You didn’t make it two steps into the shared apartment before Chan had his lips on yours. He devoured you like you had been cooked specifically to his tastes, explicitly to please his taste buds. Maybe you had been.
Chan pressed deeper and deeper. You weren’t nearly strong enough to fight back, so you let him consume you. You let him press into you, stepping back a step at every press of his tongue against yours.
“Baby,” Chan gasped against your lips to catch his breath. You didn’t know when it had happened, but you were pinned down on the couch. He had walked you backwards, through the foyer, past the kitchen, into the living room. “Baby,” Chan repeated, his heated breath fanning across your lips. “I need you.”
You giggled. “Here?”
Chan pressed his lips to your neck, nudging his nose against your jaw. “Please. I can’t wait any longer. I need you, now.”
You sighed, pretending to be upset, “You’re going to take my virginity on the couch? Where Ayen-hyung could walk in and see us?”
He froze. Chan lifted up out of your neck and looked at you with the guiltiest expression you’d ever seen. “Shit, I– I forgot, I’m sorry, let’s–” Chan scrambles up and rubs his face like he was putting on moisturizer. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, honey, I–”
You laughed and stood up in front of him, cupping his face in your hands. “Hyungie, it’s okay, I’m joking.” Chan melted in your arms and buried his face in your shoulder.
“Still, ‘m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”
“I would’ve let you fuck me in that bathroom, hyung.” Chan barked out a laugh– you could feel his face warming up against the skin of your shoulder. “I mean it! I’d let you fuck me anywhere. But I wanted to do it right. To have my first time with you in the comfort of our own home.”
Chan pressed his lips to yours. Again, just like before, he pushed and pushed deeper. He led you to your bedroom, closed the door behind him, guided you to lay on your back. Chan kissed your neck softly, fleetingly, like you’d bruise if he used the slightest bit of pressure.
“You can hurt me,” you whispered. Chan’s lips froze against your pulse point. “I know you wouldn’t, actually,” you continued, “but you can be rougher with me. The others said you were gentle even at your roughest. So I trust you.”
Chan huffed against your neck. “I hate that you talked to the others about my sex life. About what I’m like in bed.” You wriggled under him, trapped completely under his weight.
“I just wanted to know what it’d be like ahead of time. I didn’t want to go in blind,” you explained softly, resting your hand on the back of his head, buried in his curls. “You wouldn’t have told me anything if I’d asked you, anyways.”
Chan whined into your neck. “I… I guess you’re right. But I don’t know– What did they say about me?”
“Do you want to know what all of them said? Every single one of them?”
Chan just whined again. “You talked to ALL of them? Y/N-ie…”
“Ok, to be fair,” you whispered as you pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, “I talked to Minho and Jisung separately, and they offered up the information. Then they apparently told Felix, who obviously told everyone else. I didn’t ask anyone outright, they came to me instead.”
“But you still listened to what they said.” You didn’t need to see Chan’s face to know he was pouting.
“I’ve wanted your dick in me since I was– what, sixteen? Yeah, I listened.”
“You’re going to kill me. You know that, right?”
“You can die after you’ve fucked me. Okay?”
Chan sank his teeth into your neck and you felt your heart skip far too many beats to be healthy. You made a noise you didn’t know was possible– to your own ears, it sounded like a wounded cat. You didn’t want to know how pathetic it sounded to Chan’s.
“Deal.” Chan pressed his lips gently against where he’d just bitten, which you swore was an open wound by now. “But I won’t fuck you until you’ve told me exactly what the kids said about me.”
“Minho and Jisung had the same things to say, since, I mean,” you hesitated and took a deep breath. “A threesome? I never would’ve pegged you as the type.”
Chan giggled and pressed one, two, three– four kisses to your neck, before replying: “Wasn’t the first, won’t be the last.”
Something deep within you ignited with that answer, but you buried it deeper down. You would deal with that another time.
“But. Yeah.” Taking in a deep breath, you continued. “They said you were so sweet and gentle. That it kinda made them self-conscious about how, like…” You trailed off, trying to find the right phrasing. “Their word was ‘brutal,’ if I remember correctly. You made them feel bad about how… ‘brutal’ they usually were with each other. Minho said they were only gentle and soft with each other for a month after hooking up with you because you showed them how nice it was just to be tender.”
Chan was oddly silent. He hadn’t made a sound as you were speaking, and hadn’t said anything in the full minute since you’d stopped.
You waited another minute with your fingers running through his curls before you spoke up. “Hyung? You okay?”
Chan hummed into your neck. “Just… Keep talking. About the others. Please.”
“Changbin said you’d stop every couple of seconds to check in with him.” You giggled, ruffling his hair. “You’d stop and be like, ‘Are you okay,’ and ‘Is this okay,’ and ‘Can I do this,’ on and on and on. Like Changbin didn’t want to eat you alive in any way possible.”
He whined in response, mumbling into your neck. “It was his first time, too. I didn’t want to do anything wrong.”
“How many people’s virginity have you taken, Channie-hyung?” You teased, gently tugging at his hair.
“No comment.” He bit down again on your neck– thankfully, in another place. You pretended like that wasn’t the last straw to make you rock hard under the fancy pants the stylists had put you in. “What did Seungmin say?”
“He didn’t say anything, really. He said he couldn’t recall anything because he fell so deep into subspace with you. He said he’d never felt so comfortable before to just let go.”
Chan nodded and peppered kisses to the second wound he’d left on your neck. “I thought he’d be a brat, but he was so sweet. He took it so well.” Your cock throbbed. You knew Chan was a dom, but hearing him say things like that– fuck. It did something to you. “And Hyunjin?”
“He said he begged you the entire time to be rougher. And you just got one percent rougher, never enough, never what he wanted.” You paused, trying to remember exactly what Hyunjin had said. “Then he said something, like, that you were always a perfectionist but you couldn’t seem to perfect fucking him; that you’d push him in the studio but not in bed, and he should’ve just gone to Changbin instead. Then you fucked him into the mattress and he was limping for a week.”
Chan’s face was burning as strong as a flame– you could feel it through the fabric of your shirt. “And Jeongin?” He asked, his voice quiet.
“Innie-hyung said you were so flustered. Kinda like you are now. That it was so hard for you to actually get started, but when you did…” You scrunched up Chan’s curls and kissed his head again. “He said it was the best sex of his life.”
Chan let out a long sigh. “He’s just saying that. He doesn’t mean it.”
“Oh, no, he means it,” you assured him. “He said he couldn’t get it up for three months without thinking of you.”
Chan made a sound like he’d been punched. “C-Come on, he didn’t say that.”
“He did, I promise,” you whispered, watching Chan as he pulled up out of your neck. His face was redder than you had ever seen it, and you had been there when he had gotten drunk the night of the last survival show episode and had fallen asleep in Brian’s lap. “You can ask him if you don’t believe me.”
“I will never speak to him again,” Chan joked, nuzzling his nose against yours. “I think I’m okay with what they said. I thought it’d be worse, but, yeah.”
Chan was hovering directly above you, his lips only centimeters from yours. “You didn’t ask about Felix. Hyung, you didn’t forget about Felix, did you?”
He shot up off of you, tumbling off the bed and onto the floor. “Fuck,” he giggled and slowly rose to his feet, flustered at his own reaction. “I, uhm, don’t need to know what he said. It’s okay.”
“He said,” you started, ignoring him. “You were such a good boy for him. He said–” Chan jumped forward to push his palm against your mouth, but you caught his wrist just in time. “He said you sobbed and begged for his cock and you only sobbed more once he finally pushed inside of you. He said you were tighter than anyone he’d ever had.”
Chan collapsed onto the bed next to you, defeated. “I think I want to die now. Sorry, I don’t think we’re having sex. I can feel my life ending. It was nice knowing you.”
Laughing, you cuddled into his side and laid your head on his shoulder, ear directly above his heart. You’d never heard a pulse that quick. “If you die before I do, I’m killing myself the same day. You’re not getting away from me that easily.”
Chan huffed. “I’ll kill you if you kill yourself.”
“That makes two of us, then.” You pressed a kiss to his chest. His heart only raced even faster. You were starting to be genuinely concerned for his health. “Hyung, are you–”
“I need to fuck you in the next five minutes or I’m going to explode.”
You laughed and sat up, throwing your shirt off onto the floor. “Then have me.” You didn’t need to tell Chan twice.
He pressed you into the bed underneath him and visibly melted as you let out a quiet whimper for him. Chan slipped an arm under your back, holding you against him as he peppered kisses to your neck. “Gonna make you feel so good,” he whispered into your shoulder, licking and biting small marks into your skin. You always had bruised easily, which Chan knew all too well. For once, you were thankful for the abundance of turtlenecks in your closet.
“Hyung,” you gasped at a particularly harsh brush of his teeth against your skin. “Hyung, ‘m so hard, please, hurts–” Chan licked a stripe from your collarbone to your earlobe, pressing a kiss to the skin behind your ear.
“How do you want me to make you cum, baby boy?” Dragging his lips down your body, he pressed kiss after kiss from your ear to your stomach.
“Thought–” Your voice got caught in your throat as Chan sucked a mark into your hip. Praying that he didn’t feel your cock jump in your pants, you continued: “Thought you needed to fuck me in the next five minutes or you’d die. What happened?”
Chan chuckled into your lower stomach and pressed kisses lower and lower. “I said I’d explode, not die. Get it right, honey.”
“Well, sorry,” you huffed, “I can’t think too great when my dick is hard enough to bend metal.”
That was the worst thing you could’ve possibly said. Or maybe the best– it was hard to decide when less than a second after you said it, Chan’s hand was on your dick.
“Hyung–!”
“Shh,” Chan kissed the waistband of your boxers, peeking out above your pants. His hand palmed you through your pants, expertly undoing the button without having to look. Unzipping your pants and sinking his teeth into the fabric of your boxers, he pulled down your pants and underwear with ease. “So, so pretty, baby.”
Within seconds, you were completely naked with your head propped up by pillows– just in order to watch Chan as he wrapped his hand around your aching cock. “Hyungie…” You subconsciously tried to cover yourself with your legs, but Chan pinned your thighs down.
“Do I need ankle cuffs, little one? Are you not going to behave for me?” You whimpered and let your legs drop and relax, chewing on your bottom lip to prevent any more embarrassing noises from escaping. Chan smiled and pressed a kiss to the base of your cock. “Good boy.”
“W–Wanna cum on your cock, please,” you begged. Chan nodded and pressed another kiss to your tip, a kiss to each of your balls, a kiss to the inside of your thigh.
“Where’s your lube, pretty?” It took all the strength in your body to fumble with the nightstand next to you, attempting to open it yourself. Chan chuckled and slipped off of the bed. He slapped your hand away to open the drawer himself and pulled out a personal bottle of water-based lube, unopened. “Hm? Do you not use lube?”
You hesitated to answer. If you told him the truth, he might stop everything there. He might not want you anymore. “I just, uhm.” You wracked your brain for an excuse, a lie that Chan would actually believe. “I finished the last one last night, mhm.”
Chan was already between your thighs again, spreading your legs apart to settle between them. “You’re a horrible liar, Y/N,” he hummed as he slowly opened the bottle. “Are you going to tell me the truth, or do I have to force it out of you?”
You covered your face with your hands. Fuck. Chan would know if you lied to him again. May as well take the chances of Chan possibly not wanting you anymore versus him doing whatever he thought would force the information out of you.
“I’ve never used lube,” you confessed. Prayed he wouldn’t ask more.
Chan just laughed. “Hm, so you leak enough that you don’t need it when you jerk off?”
“Y-Yeah.” It was the truth. But that didn’t make it any less embarrassing to admit.
“What about when you use a toy? Or finger yourself? Do you just use your pre?”
Fuck. There was no way of getting out of it. “I, uhm…” You took a deep breath, grounded yourself. “I don’t.”
Chan had been coating two fingers with lube when you responded and he immediately stopped. “You don’t?”
“I’ve never…” Again, you hesitated. He already stopped. He could stop everything.
Like he could hear your thoughts, he placed his clean hand on your thigh. “Hey, honey, please. Talk to me, okay? I need to know this.”
You nodded, face still covered with your hands. “I’ve never had anything inside of me. Not even my finger. I was too… Nervous to try. I haven’t tried.”
At some point, you didn’t know when or how, Chan had wiped his hand clean of lube. He sat you up in bed, propped you against the headboard, and sat in front of you. You’d never been so self conscious– sitting naked in front of your leader, your oldest hyung, your biggest crush for as long as you could remember, all while he was fully dressed. In your bed. At an ungodly hour of the night.
“Y/N,” Chan started, slowly. “I don’t think we should do this.”
Your heart sank. There it was. You had known this was going to happen, you had known he was going to stop everything, you had known he wouldn’t fuck you if he had known how much of a virgin you really were.
This wasn’t going to happen. You should’ve known. You shouldn’t have held any hope, you should’ve–
“But I still want to.” Chan’s voice brought you back. “I still want to,” Chan repeated, sitting closer to you. “Because you want this. I know you want this. And I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you. So I still want to. Do you forgive me for still wanting you?”
You lunged forward and hugged Chan with all of your strength. Giggling, he let you push him down, your bare body laying atop his entirely clothed body, not even a sock discarded.
“I need you naked, now,” you breathed out between kisses to his face, “or I’m going to die from embarrassment.” Chan giggled again and kissed your nose.
“Yes, sir. Get off of me, and I’ll put on a show, yeah?”
Chan did just that. You propped yourself against the headboard again, and with a playful wink, Chan began to take off his clothes. One button after another, achingly slow, his shirt was finally on the floor after the longest minute of your life. You’d never seen anyone take off their socks before their pants– but, hey, Chan was perfect enough to overlook that small fault.
But he took a little too long to undo his belt. Then even longer to unbutton and unzip his pants. He froze at the foot of your bed, thumbs dipped into the waistband of his pants, eyes locked on the comforter adorning your bed underneath you.
“Hyung?” You asked softly. He still didn’t budge. “Hyung, are you okay?”
“I…” He trailed off, his mouth opening and closing without a sound. Then, after a minute of quiet mumbles: “I’ve never shown you my dick.”
It was in that moment that you realized that too, for the first time. You had seen every other member’s– well, member– in showers, or accidentally walking in when someone was changing, or that time Hyunjin had needed advice taking dick pics, or the time Felix had flashed you during Mafia to try to make you laugh. But you had never seen Chan’s. He was notorious for walking around without clothes on, but he was never without his boxers. You had never seen his dick.
“That’s okay,” you assured him. It didn’t matter. His size didn’t matter. You wanted it inside of you regardless of what it looked like. “I don’t care.”
“No, I, well…” Chan brought a hand up from his pants to cover his mouth, then his eyes, then to rub his temples. “It might be easier just to show you.” He took off his pants and underwear with one dip of his thumb under his boxers, throwing them aside. It was the hottest thing you’d ever seen him do, and his face had just been between your thighs minutes ago.
But you weren’t given the grace to admire the sexiness of his swiftness for very long. Your eyes had been following his hands, and they stayed focused on his hands until– oh.
Chan was big. Like, monstrously big. So big that you couldn’t possibly imagine it fitting inside of you, and Felix had told you that thing about two racoons on your 20th birthday. Chan couldn’t possibly fit inside of you. There was no way in hell.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Chan whispered, scratching the back of his head. “It’ll fit. I just… Need to prep you for a while. I promise it won’t hurt.”
“I think you’re as thick as my arm, I’m pretty sure it’ll hurt.”
Chan’s face burned bright red. “It won’t. You heard first-hand from the others. I didn’t hurt any of them, did I?”
“Well, I–” You couldn’t think of a good enough comeback. Your voice was stuck in your throat as you watched Chan wrap his fingers around his cock, pumping twice. You watched in awe as he stiffened slightly, coming to a horrifying realization: he wasn’t hard. “Hyung,” you finally managed. “Hyung, you’re going to actually kill me if that goes inside of me.”
Chan paused, a flash of fear behind his eyes. “We can stop. We don’t have to do anything. I don’t mean to pressure you.”
You found yourself nodding, agreeing with him– before thinking about it for another second. Yes, you were scared. You’d never had anything inside of you before. But this was Chan. Your Chan. You trusted him more than anyone, anything. You knew he’d be gentle.
You had to have your first time someday. You had always wanted it to be Chan, and there he was. Why in the world would you say ‘no’ when you’d come this far?
“I don’t want to stop,” you responded after a minute of contemplation. “I want you. Just… Gentle. Please.”
“I wouldn’t have you any other way,” Chan whispered back. Within seconds, he was on top of you again, pressing his lips to your neck. You smiled and rested your head back on the headboard.
“You kiss my neck an awful lot,” you teased. “Are my lips just not as enticing?”
Chan pulled away from your neck and lifted your head up by your chin. “I’m trying to leave as many marks as possible.” He kissed your nose, then pressed his lips to yours– held them there, smiled against your lips, whispered: “The kids need to know you’re mine, and only mine.”
“So you can fuck them, but I can’t?” You whispered back against his lips. He kissed you again, biting your bottom lip as he pulled away.
“Exactly. Good boy, you’re starting to get it.” Chan kissed down your chest, pulled you down to lay on your back, settled between your legs.
“You’re oddly possessive with me, hyung. Do you have something to tell me?” You felt Chan’s lips curve into a smile against your stomach. He kissed your skin there before lifting up to look you in the eye.
“You belong to me. You’re not allowed to have sex with anyone besides me. Get it?”
You would usually contest; but with the way Chan was looking at you, you couldn’t imagine ever defying him. So you nodded, saying: “Yes, sir.”
Chan seemed satisfied with that response. He kissed both of your inner thighs as he guided your legs apart so he could comfortably lay between them. “Are you ready, darling?” Chan held back a chuckle as he saw your cock jump at the pet name.
“I’m ready, hyung,” you whispered back. Chan kissed your thigh and grabbed the lube again– coated his pinkie finger with it, leaned down to kiss your hole softly. God, you’d never felt something like that before.
Then he pressed his finger inside of you. He stopped with just his fingertip inside, then trailed his free hand up to find yours. Chan squeezed your hand in his, rubbed patterns into the back of your hand with his thumb. “Ease up, my love,” Chan whispered. “It’s okay. It’s just me.”
You nodded and closed your eyes. This was strange, weird, foreign– to have something inside of you this way. Odd, but… Pleasant. It felt good. It felt good because it was Chan.
Chan let out an appreciative hum and pressed his finger in deeper. You could feel the ridges of his skin, his fingernail jarring but somehow comforting, his knuckles easing your rim open more as they pushed inside. He eased it back and forth, pushing in slightly deeper each time, squeezing your hand softly at every rock of his hand.
“I– I think you can do more,” you breathed out. Your voice had never been so small, so uncertain, so raw. You let out a pitiful whine as Chan pulled out of you, pulling his hand out of yours as well. “Hyung…”
“Sorry, honey.” Chan sounded like a kicked puppy. He probably looked like one, too– but you couldn’t muster the courage to open your eyes to check. “It’s hard to lube up with one hand. I’ll hold your hand again in a second, yeah?”
“Yeah,” you repeated his words. “Yeah, okay.”
Before you knew it, his hand was in yours again. You braced yourself as you felt a finger at your rim again, this one slightly thicker than the last. But your eyes were still closed, and you didn’t have the strength to change that, so you took a deep breath and eased up, loosened your body for him. For Chan.
He pushed the unknown finger into you and your breathing stopped. It was a massive stretch, and Chan’s finger was barely inside of you yet. He must’ve sensed something was wrong, because he stilled his finger. “You okay?”
You nodded, gasping for air as you slowly got used to the intrusion. “Yeah, sorry, just–” Slowing your breathing, you calmed yourself down: In, hold, out. In, hold, out. “Big. It’s big, hyung.”
Chan squeezed your hand and kissed your inner thigh. “I know, honey. You said you could take more, so I tried my middle finger. Is it too much?”
Shaking your head, you squeezed his hand back. “No, no, it’s okay, just wasn’t prepared. Didn’t know what to expect. ‘M okay.”
Chan kept his lips against your inner thigh, pressing soft kiss after kiss. “You’re doing so well, my baby, so perfect,” he whispered as he pressed his finger deeper into you. Your eyes shot open at the burn, looking down at Chan between your thighs.
Fuck. Chan was always so beautiful, disastrously so. But between your thighs, he looked prettier than you’d ever seen him. His eyes closed, his nose resting against your thigh, his lips pressed to your skin. Maybe it was a good thing that you had said you wanted to cum on his cock– if he wrapped those lips around your dick for even half a second, you probably would cum instantly.
He looked so beautiful.
“Hyung…”
Chan instantly lifted his head, his eyebrows furrowing as he made eye contact with you. “Honey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Crying? You weren’t–
Then you heard a tear fall onto the pillowcase under your head. And another.
A third never fell, because Chan was pressing his lips to one cheek and his clean hand was wiping the other. “It’s okay, I’m here; It’s okay, my baby, my everything,” he whispered, his lips pressed to your cheek. You laughed once you realized his finger was still inside of you.
“Hyungie, I’m okay,” you assured him. “It doesn’t hurt, I’m okay.”
You felt Chan’s pout against your cheek before you even heard it in his voice. “Then why were you crying…?”
Chan was the worst at taking compliments. He loved being praised about his work, or his performances, or his songs– but any praise about his looks or voice or personality would have him shutting down.
You considered lying for a second or two, before you remembered earlier when he had immediately called you out for not telling him the truth. “I didn’t even realize I was crying,” you admitted. “I think I was crying because you looked so pretty. You look,” you corrected, “so pretty. You’re beautiful.”
Chan’s finger twitched inside of you. Again, and you had lost count of how many times it had happened, you felt Chan’s face burn red with his blush. “Thank you,” he whispered under his breath. “You make me feel pretty.”
“I do?” You asked, breathlessly, as Chan pressed his finger deeper into you. You hadn’t even realized it wasn’t fully inside yet. “How do I make you feel pretty?”
“I don’t know, it’s like…” Chan trailed off. He was still moving his finger inside of you, rocking it back and forth, letting you get used to the stretch. It was funny, to have this heavy of a conversation, without either of you mentioning how he was still stretching your ass open. “The way you look at me,” Chan continued after a few seconds of pressing his finger as deep as it could go. “I only see that look in your eye when you see, like, a cute puppy. Or the cherry blossoms that one day in Japan. You look like you’re on the verge of tears; your eyes get all glossy, but you smile like you’ve just won ten League games in a row.”
“And I always look at you like that?”
“Only when you’re not actively policing your expression, yeah. Usually you look at me like that.”
Chan didn’t give you a chance to reply before he pressed a second finger at your rim. You tried to stop his hand from pushing in further, but at some point he had pinned both of your arms above your head. How that had happened without you being aware, you had no idea.
“Do you know the color system, honey?” Two of Chan’s slick fingers rubbed circles around your rim, pressing against it at every rotation of his wrist.
“Yeah.” You held your breath. You knew he was asking in order to know your color, so you answered before he asked himself: “Green, hyung. I’ll tell you if that changes.”
“Good boy.” Chan kissed your cheek again before pressing a finger into you and curling his fingertip to stretch your rim. The breath was punched out of you and you quickly sucked in another breath through your teeth. “You’ve got it, baby, it’s okay,” Chan assured you as he slid a second finger into your stretched rim.
It burned. An ache spread from between your legs, up to your chest. It wasn’t a horrible pain– you’d definitely felt worse. But this was Chan. He wasn’t going to hurt you. It was going to be worth it.
So you toughed it out. Sat with the pain as he eased you into taking two fingers. Then spread them wide to help accommodate a third finger. And a fourth.
A part of you cursed the other members for not telling you about this. Most of them had bottomed for him, right?– At least, that’s what it sounded like from what they had told you. Were all of them used to taking monstrous sizes like Chan? Felix, you knew, wasn’t a stranger to it. But he hadn’t bottomed with Chan.
You hadn’t been prepared for all of this, well, preparation. Maybe it would have been nice to know beforehand– to know you’d be lying on your back for twenty minutes as Chan slowly fingered you open. Your cock was still aching, throbbing for more– it hadn’t softened even slightly.
“Are you ready, honey?”
Blinking your eyes, refocusing, you found Chan kneeling between your legs. He’d slipped a pillow under your hips, propping you up high enough for him. And– fuck– he was hard. At least an inch longer than before.
You didn’t feel like you were ready, even if your body physically was. This would change everything. Could you even look Chan in the eye again after this? Knowing what his cock felt like inside of you? Would that change be worth this?
“Everything’s going to be okay.” Chan was at your ear again, kissing your cheek. Kissing your nose. Kissing your lips. “I promise. It’s going to be okay. Do you trust me?”
“I trust you,” you replied instantly. You didn’t even need to think about it first. Never needed to, not with Chan. Every single one of you trusted Chan with your lives. You could trust Chan with your virginity. “Green, hyung.”
Chan pressed his hands to your asscheeks and spread them. Again, a strange feeling, having his hands on you like this. But you brushed it off– his fingers had just been inside of you, after all. “I can see you clenching, honey,” Chan cooed. “Loosen up. It’s just me.”
It was just Chan. It was just him. It was just your childhood crush, the leader of your group, the man who had given you a job and a career and this life. It was just Chan.
You eased up. Chan praised you, leaning down to kiss your nose, then your lips. “You’ve got this,” he assured you.
You were about to respond before you suddenly felt it at your rim. Chan’s cock was thicker than all four of his fingers combined– but he had spread them out, eased you open, stretched you out. You could do this.
When Chan pressed inside, you saw heaven. You’d always figured heaven was different for every person, and that belief was confirmed in that moment: your heaven was the face Chan made with only the tip of his cock inside of you. His lips were slightly parted, his tongue right at the front of his mouth, peeking out slightly. You could tell he was fighting his smile, but he wasn’t fully conscious enough to stop the corners of his lips from curling up. His dimples dug into his flushed cheeks, his ears bright red. Chan’s eyes were half-lidded, focused between the two of you, gaze boring a hole into where your ass and his cock met. His perfectly trimmed eyebrows furrowed, glints of makeup still sticking to his eyelids.
You had thought he was beautiful before, but– this? This was something else. If you had any bit of strength left in your body, you would have taken a photo. But there was no way you could be normal about possessing a photo like that: you would make it your phone wallpaper, frame it, print it out into a photocard and place it into your phone case, iron it onto your pillowcase and kiss it goodnight every night. Yeah– probably a good thing that your phone was across the room.
Chan pressed deeper in and you heard heaven. He was vocal in the gym, so you knew what his moans sounded like– but, fuck. Hearing them in this context for the first time… You vowed that you would do anything in your power to keep hearing him make those noises.
So you clenched around him. Chan fell forward with a weak whimper, hands finding purchase on your chest to ground himself. “F-Fuck, Y/N,” Chan choked out. “Honey, please, loosen up, you’re gonna kill me–”
“Did it on purpose, hyungie,” you whispered. You watched as Chan’s gaze darkened; his eyes narrowing, grimace morphing into a faint smile.
“I see,” he breathed out. You relaxed– he wouldn’t do that to you. It wasn’t fair to torture him like this. “You’re going to regret that.”
You jutted out your bottom lip and teased: “Mm, doubt it, you wouldn’t hurt me.”
Chan clenched his jaw. “True. But I might do something worse.”
“Something worse?” You chuckled. “What could be worse than hurting m–”
He pressed his hips forward and bottomed out inside of you. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything but watch as Chan grounded himself– then smiled down at you. “You okay? Aw. Poor little thing.”
With the last bit of air in your lungs, you attempted to protest, but couldn’t get more than half a syllable out at a time. Coughing, shaking, trembling– you finally caught your breath. “You’re so fucking evil.”
Chan laughed. “Don’t test me right now, honey, I can make this so much worse for you.” You whined and reached forward, palming at his hand.
“Sorry, sorry, ‘m sorry, please don’t.”
Chan smiled and interlinked his fingers with yours. He leaned down and kissed your nose, whispered against your lips: “Told you that you could do it. I’m completely inside of you, Y/N.”
You kissed back, burying a hand in his hair to hold him down against your lips. “I love you,” you whispered between kisses, voice barely there. “I love you so much. Thank you.”
A tear fell from Chan’s cheek to yours and he kissed you like it would be the last time. “I love you, too. So much.”
With his lips on yours and his hands on your cheek and waist, he started moving his hips. Rocking back and forth between your legs, his cock felt like it reached deeper and deeper every time his hips met yours. Heaven was real, and you didn’t need to die to get there. All you needed was Chan in your bed.
Neither of you lasted long. At some point, Chan moved his hand from your hip to your cock, and you came almost immediately. As soon as your cum coated his fingers and the whine left your lips, Chan lost it. He picked up the pace and began thrusting shallowly, chasing his release, breathing into your mouth like you were his only source of oxygen.
“Gonna cum,” he whimpered and slowed down. “Where– Where do you–”
“Inside,” you breathed against his lips. “We’re both clean. Please, need to feel you. Need to be full. Please, hyung.”
If Chan was anything at all, he was eager to please. He pressed his lips to your lips and his hips to your hips and came.
You decided then and there that the at the next possible chance, you wanted Chan to fuck you again. At any possible chance, really, for the foreseeable future. Being filled with Chan’s cock was already impossibly pleasant, but being filled with his cum, too– it was unlike anything you’d ever felt before. You finally understood the others’ praises. Sex with Chan was incomparable.
“Was that okay?” Chan whispered after he’d finally caught his breath. “Are you okay?”
“I– ‘Was that okay?’ Are you fucking with me?” Chan pulled out of your neck and frowned down at you.
“I’m sorry– I didn’t last long, I can go again in a minute, just–”
“Hyung.” You scolded, cupping his cheeks with your hands. “Hyung, that was the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life. Shut the fuck up.” Chan laughed, held back a sob, kissed your forehead.
“Thank god. You had me scared for a second.”
He pulled out of you and kissed your cheek as you whined at the sudden emptiness. Chan laid on the bed next to you, pulled you into his chest, and kissed your scalp. “My baby,” he whispered into your hair, “was it everything you had hoped for?”
You nodded, pressing your face in between his pecs. “Yes, hyung. Everything and more. Thank you.” Chan ran a hand through your hair, resting his lips against your head.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you more,” you replied instantly.
“I love you most,” he teased.
“If you love me most, then let me fuck you next,” you teased back. Chan giggled.
“Okay. Let’s go, then.” Chan shot up and grabbed the lube from the foot of the bed, coating his fingers. “I’m ready if you are.”
You had been mostly joking. But seeing his eagerness, whether genuine or just for the bit, made you slowly start to harden again.
You snatched the lube from him and poured probably way too much onto your fingers. Chan watched you, fond as ever, as you settled between Chan’s thighs.
“Do you trust me?” You asked, chewing your bottom lip as Chan spread his legs for you to kneel between them.
Chan smiled, resting his hands behind his head.
“More than anything. Do your worst.”
“ when it seems hard to sleep let me know what you need i'm always here for you ”
