Needy Ex!Mark Grayson x Ex!Fem reader.
MDNI! Slightly suggestive stuff ahead.
Warnings//Subby Mark, Yearning Mark, Angst, 23 year old Mark, Implied Dom!F reader, Previous one year relationship (so exes), immense regret, Mark is kind of pathetic & desperate to get reader back, Slightly suggestive material at the end, Pt. 2 and pt . 3 here.
Today marked three years. Three years since Mark’s world collapsed, since he lost her. Not a day passed that she didn’t cross his mind, the wretched memories of their last moment replaying over, and over, and over in his head.
“I’m sorry, I have to let you go.”
“Mark, please, don’t let your fear ruin what we have, please..”
He shook his head, turning his body because he couldn’t bear to face her, to look into her eyes. Shame clouded his body like a tight uncomfortable grip. He couldn’t breathe, his chest was heaving, and if he stayed in her presence a second longer, he’d give in. Truly loving her meant letting her go, and that’s what he knew he had to do. So without a moment of hesitation, he flew out of her window, not looking back. She didn’t know what she did wrong, why couldn’t he even look at her? She sank to the ground, wrapping her arms around her body in an attempt to comfort herself as she sobbed.
Tears left Mark’s eyes as he heard her distant cries. He sped away faster, because if he heard her cry for a second longer, he’d be right back there.
Mark fisted his hair in frustration as soon as he woke. Of course his brain had to replay the drenched moment today of all days. He lazily got out of bed as he headed towards the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth, he looked in the mirror, something he hadn’t done in awhile, taking in his tired eyes. When did he become so pathetic, such a shell of who he used to be? It’s been years, he should’ve healed, should’ve been over it by now. But he wasn’t.
He could never be. He loved her, with the every fiber of his damn being. Of course he’d never move on, and that thought alone was devastating. That he’d never escape this prison.
As he stumbled into the living room, he looked at his phone, staring at her number. Maybe it was from lack of sleep, maybe he was too utterly desperate for her at this point, but his body reacted before his mind protested and he started to type out a message.
“Hey, been awhile, you crossed my mind today and I figured I’d see how you were doing :).”
He stared at his message for a few minutes as his heart raced. His thumb hovered over send, but he quickly shook his head to himself as he shoved his phone back in his pocket. She was probably moved on and couldn’t care less about him anymore, especially after the way he discarded her like nothing. She probably hated him.
After Mark poured his cereal, he opened the fridge to find he didn’t have anymore milk. Normally on a day like today if Mark didn’t have any trouble to attend to, he’d lock himself in his room and wouldn’t do a damn thing, he dreaded interacting with people if he had to. But it’s been three years, perhaps it was time to push himself to go out on days the memory of her lingered, even if it was to run a small errand. He slipped on a black hoodie and jeans, barely ruffling his hair as he made his way out the door.
Mark’s mind was foggy as he walked down the aisle, hoodie over his head to make sure no one would recognize him or approach him. As he was lost in his haze, he accidentally stumbled on someone in front of him, causing them to drop their phone and a box of cookies.
“Sorry about that,” he mumbled as he squatted down to pick up their things, his head remaining down.
“Oh, no worries, thanks.”
His heart dropped at the sound of their voice. No, it couldn’t be, he was imagining things. He slowly looked up as his form followed, his palms were immediately sweaty as he handed their phone and cookies back.
He hadn’t seen her since that day. She looked different, her hair was cut in a different style but it wasn’t only that. It was the way she carried herself, her chest held high. Her demeanor so…he couldn’t even put it into words. He stood stunned like a deer caught in headlights as he stared at her, his body frozen and unable to move. She cocked her head slightly as she stared back, letting out an awkward giggle before she slowly started to turn back around.
He knew how stupid he must look, he couldn’t even formulate a simple “hi.” But as she started turn around, his heart dropped to his stomach. All he could manage to get out was her name.
She slowly turned back around, her eyes just as wide as his. She didn’t even recognize him at first. At this point, they just continued to stare, both frozen in their steps like they just had seen a ghost.
She carefully took a step forward, her voice cracking on her words.
She couldn’t finish her sentence.
He gulped nervously, his shaky hands immediately sliding his hood down as he smiled awkwardly, lips quivering.
“It’s me. How…how’ve you been?”
Oh shit. Was she still mad at him? He felt his forehead start to sweat as he put his hand behind his head, babbling nervously. “That’s good, I’m super glad to hear that.”
She didn’t respond, she just stared at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read. But his heart was racing a million miles per second at this point, he wanted to say so many things, he couldn’t even start with the first.
“Yeah. Well, good to see you Mark.” And with that, she turned back around as she started to walk forward.
No, no, no. He couldn’t let her slip away, not after all this time passed. Not when he finally got to cross paths with her again. He knew he should walk away, should let her go, because this is how it was meant to be.
But his body moved as his mind protested, just like it did when he was about to text her. Only this time, he couldn’t stop himself. He knew this was stupid, knew he shouldn’t be pushy, but he was so utterly helpless without her. His hand quickly grabbed her shoulder.
She stilled in her steps.
That please rung through her ears like a lightning bolt. The way he said it, the sheer tone of his voice, the desperation. She knew she should walk away and never turn back. But deep down, she knew she didn’t want to do that. So she slowly turned back around to him, looking down as she let out a heavy sigh before locking eyes with him.
Oh yeah, there was no mistaking it. She was definitely mad at him.
“Will you- no. Can…Can we talk?” He gulped once more, awaiting the answer he knew she would give, especially with the was she looked at him with annoyance, perhaps a hint of disgust? He knew he didn’t deserve the right to explain, to even be talking to her right now. But as he looked down with guilt and disappointment, his head perked up at her response.
She sighed heavily, looking to the side as her eyes lingered there for a couple seconds. Finally, after seconds passed that felt like excruciating hours, she spoke.
Mark immediately opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off, “If it’s just going to be some sob story about what happened, then I don’t want to hear it.”
He stood stilled like a dummy again, stuttering incoherent gibberish before finally speaking actual english. “It won’t be, I promise, just please let me get you a coffee. I just want to catch up with you.” He knew this was a lie. I mean, it’s true, he did want to catch up with her. But he wanted nothing more than to explain to her why he did what he did those three years ago.
Her eyes lingered on his awaiting gaze, she twisted a piece of her hair as she contemplated.
His form perked up as he felt his lips curve into a trembling smile, a thousand thoughts spewing in his mind.
I’m not worthy enough to even be talking to her right now.
I have to explain everything.
They set foot to the cafe near the grocery store, the walk filled with silence. He occasionally stole glances at her, but her gaze remained forward. Her eyes fixated on her path, not acknowledging that he was walking right beside her. But he didn’t push her to speak, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or upset her any further. He had to be careful, calculated, or he else would lose her again.
They finally settled outside sitting across each other as they sat their coffee down after the painful walk of silence. She briefly took a few sips before setting the cup down once more, her arms crossing as she leaned back on her chair and looked at him with furrowed brows. He let out a forced awkward chuckle, his hands fidgeting with his cup as he looked at the table, unable to meet her intimidating stare.
“What have you been up to?…”
He nodded, trying to seem casual as his eyes looked up to hers. “How’s that been?”
A few more minutes passed as he attempted to make small talk to her, but it was all shot down with one worded answers. When did she become so daunting? He felt like he was running out of time as he felt the vibrations of her foot start to tap the floor. He shifted uneasily as he felt his leg graze hers, his blood running cold as he promptly moved it away. Was he that touch starved? So touch starved that he got nervous even feeling the graze of her knee? The one he had touched a thousand times before? He cleared his throat before letting out a shaky sigh, closing his eyes as he spoke in a quiet tone, his head going down.
“Look, I know you’re probably so mad at me, but if you just let me explain I-”
“There it goes, let me guess. You didn’t want to break up with me but you had to in order to keep me safe. It wasn’t me, it was you. Blah, blah, blah. Right?”
His eyes snapped open as he looked at her, holding his breath as his mouth opened to oppose her statement. But he couldn’t, she was right. His mouth closed as he shut his eyes once more in an act of shame. How foolish he was to think he’d be able to make her understand.
“Mark,” she murmured, the sound of his name coming out with a hint of compassion. But as she continued to speak, her tone got louder, and it turned from empathetic to exasperation. She uncrossed her arms as she leaned forward, her body tensing. The words began to leave her mouth without control, years of built up hurt and frustration finally coming out.
“You don’t think I know what I signed up for when I started dating you? You were already Invincible when I had met you. You were Invincible for a year with me, so cut the bullshit and self pity. Quit looking at me like I’M in the wrong for being upset. You fucking left me like I was nothing and couldn’t care less to simply check up on me. Do you not know how that feels? To feel like I was thrown away? Like I wasn’t good enough? For years, I wondered what the hell I did wrong. Maybe I wasn’t understanding enough, maybe I wasn’t patient enough, maybe I wasn’t attentive enough. But..”
She stopped as she felt a tear fall down her cheek. She slowly placed her hand on her face as she stared forward, wiping it before she down looked at her fingers.
Mark felt his heart break all over again at the sight of her, the painful memories of hearing her cries as he left her all those years ago filling his head, instantly taking him right back to that moment. His hand automatically reached across the table, lingering mere inches away from her face as he let out a broken whisper of her name, his own eyes starting to turn glossy. But she quickly swatted his hand, standing up as she slung her purse over her shoulder. She stood paralyzed before shaking her head, clearing her throat as she quickly got her emotions together.
I knew this was a fucking bad idea, I know better, she thought to herself.
She briefly looked at him, her expression changing from hurt back to that god forsaken stare she had been giving him before.
“This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have agreed to this.”
And with that, she quickly turned as she started to hurriedly walk away.
Because she knew, she knew if she stayed a second longer, she’d give in. And she knew, she knew she was better than that. Deserved better.
Meanwhile, Mark sat in his chair, her words practically slicing his heart in half.
She said it was a mistake.
His hand clutched his chest, the tears beginning to fall that he tried so hard to keep in. He had failed, failed her. Failed himself. It was, it was a mistake. She was right, he shouldn’t have ever let her go in the first place.
Now it was too late. No amount of apologizing or begging could change her mind or make up for the years he had missed out on.
He slumped forward as his hands held his face in defeat, the sounds of her footsteps growing distant.
I can’t breathe without her.
Mark found his feet running forward as he approached her car, his body going on autopilot in a frantic last attempt to make her stay. He knew it was wrong, he knew he was hopeless, but he was so hopelessly still in love with her. He didn’t care how pathetic he looked at this point. He caught his breath, barely giving her time to react as he turned her around, grabbing her shoulders desperately as he looked at her with pleading eyes.
“Please. Please, let me make it up to you. I’ve never gotten over you, I’ve never stopped loving you. Our last memories play over and over in my head every single fucking day. I’m pathetic, I was so wrong and stupid for letting you go, it was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life. I regret it so much and I’m so fucking sorry. Please, PLEASE, I’ll do anything to make it up to you, just please…don’t leave.”
His shoulders slumped forward as he let out a shaky breath, slowly letting go of her shoulders as his head hung towards the ground, her deafening silence ringing in his ears
I’m so damn pathetic that I can’t even look at her.
His chin jerked upward, staring at her as he blinked a few times. She tilted her head before raising her brows.
His heart throbbed as he stood flabbergasted, unable to believe what he was hearing. Was she really going to give him a chance to make it up to her? What was she going to ask of him?
Hell, he didn’t care what it was, he meant it. He’d do anything.
“Yes,” He breathed out wholeheartedly before annunciating his words louder, “Yes. I’ll do anything.”
Her arms crossed as she looked at him with an engrossed expression, foot tapping once more as her mind wandered.
He stepped back slightly, “W-what?..”
As her words finally registered, he looked around before slowly dropping toward the bare ground. He worried that people would recognize him, witness him doing this. But at the same time, he didn’t give a damn. So he did what she said. He stared at her knees before his gaze slowly met hers, letting out a trembling exhale.
He casted his head slightly, his breath still shaky and trembling, waiting in anticipation.
“That you’re pathetic. I want to hear you say it again.”
His pupils dilated as his breathing promptly stopped, his arms breaking out in chills from the sheer sharpness in her tone. She was serious, she wasn’t playing around. His eyes started to look downward before she spoke again.
“No, look at me. Say it.”
He slowly looked back up towards her, his knees beginning to shake as his whole body trembled. He knew he should feel shame, embarrassment that he was willing to go this far for her. But the way she was looking at him, the way she was speaking to him, it sent a thrill down his spine. So, he took a deep breath, looking down briefly again before locking eyes with her.
She eyed him intently for a few seconds, before her hand reached out as the back of her fingers grazed his cheek, her touch feather like. His breath hitched, letting out a quiet whimper as he felt her touch, the one he yearned to feel again for so many years. He was right, he was pathetic.
But just as her touch lasted only for a few seconds, he quickly felt her hand retreat as she didn’t say anymore. She turned as she opened her car door, before settling inside and turning on her engine.
And just like that, she drove away, leaving him stranded in this demeaning state. He couldn’t bring himself to stand, not yet. The interaction played in his head over and over. He just stared forward, wondering if it was a dream as he returned back into his haze. But as it finally clicked, he stood.
He craved more, grasping onto the mere fragments of their interaction, craving her presence once again. The urge to make it up to her, whatever it took, consumed him as his body ached for more of her touch. But, he stopped himself, because something so small like this was better than nothing. Her face, the way her fingers grazed his cheek, was something he couldn’t resist. So, he surrendered himself to whatever more she’d decide to dish out to him. He found himself smiling as he took his flight home.
