My Journey to Recovery
Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with mental illness, but it’s taken me until the last year to really understand what that means, and how it applies to me. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and it’s safe to say that these two illnesses have been slowly crushing me, and robbing me of my happiness. Grappling with this has been exhausting. Through a course of counselling earlier in the year, I finally started to understand some coping mechanisms, but I still have a long way to go in terms of healing that terrible ache I feel deep inside the chasm of my chest when I am most lost, most pained.
In order to really try and claim my life back from the demons in my own mind, I have decided to take a year out of university. I am unsure whether I will return. This step is honestly terrifying, and I have at times felt completely and utterly cut loose, at a loss as to where my life is heading and what I should do. Uncertainty is one of the main triggers for my anxiety, I know now. However, I realise that I could instead view this step as liberating and exciting. Changing my thought processes in this way is not easy, and is something I have struggled to do previously, but that does not mean that I won't try. I now have the opportunity to really focus on me, my goals, and most of all, what makes me happy. i finally have a chance to really, truly, focus on me.
So I have decided to document this journey here, in all my brutal honesty. But all the while, I shall challenge myself to ‘subtly silverline’ my thoughts, and my experiences. Complete optimism is as dangerous as complete pessimism. This new outlook for me aims to strike a much-needed balance. For now, I have left my old blog alone. I hope to revisit it when I am mentally healed, or at least more robust, able to read through the darkest posts without being returned to that frame of mind. I know that being able to look backwards from time to time without finding it painful is essential to moving forwards, but for now, I’m just going to reflect on my current thoughts, as I make sense of my path. This road to recovery, or indeed through life, will no doubt be twisted, potholed and at times difficult, but I hope that it will also be fulfilling and rewarding. So here is my journey, documented by rambling blog posts at random intervals.
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