Touch Move
Do you know what I’m feeling right now? I’m getting the feeling like a person who is unable to swim in a deep, blue ocean drowning to death. It feels like the world is on me, feeling the weight of it and crushing me into broken pieces. I’m a shattered stone ready to become mud. I’m a useless garbage that smells like a rotten rat. I’m nothing but a crap.
Questions…questions…all questions…that I never ask. I am quivering to the coldness of your hold. You’re starting to change. You become different. I never even think that you will change…in just a snap…in just a very quick snap. What happened anyway? Why weren’t you calling me? Why weren’t you making your way to drop a call for me? Why were you different last night? Was there something wrong with me? Didn’t you like the way I treat you? Why did you ask me that stupid question?
Was it not enough to say to you the words you need to hear? I said “I love you,” but wasn’t that enough? I said “I like you,” but didn’t you even care? I said “I won’t leave you,” but didn’t you believe on that? I tried not to think of such but as the minute passed me by, I cared to think more and I dared to take the will of surpassing this kind of agony.
I hate this feeling. I really do. For all you know, I am afraid to feel this again. But right now, I am feeling this. And it crushes me. It breaks me into pieces. Worse, it’s killing me. Each moment, it’s killing me. All along, I’ve thought that I would never experience this dreadful feeling. But it’s starting to become a trepidation. The bad thing is the day I’m starting to unpack my past and burn it all is the day I’m starting to make a package for me to unpack and burn again in a different way. Such an ironic episode.
It’s funny how you quickly came into my life and helping me move on. You’ve helped me open my eyes to see the love filling the air. You’ve put me up so that I could stand and could make me realize that true love is not about holding on but letting go. You’ve given me the fill to my emptiness. You’ve offered me the warmth of a comforting embrace. And now, you suddenly disappear just like how you started. You may not notice but you’re starting to leave me hanging and leave me like cold. ©swb2008
