Lyra sat there, looking at him for what seemed like hours. She was an idiot. A hysterical and delusional idiot. Josh probably hated her and if Sparta ever found out, she would hate her too. Running her hand through her hair she tried to make sense of what had happened. She truly believed it had been Atom. He had looked so real, she'd thought she could have reached out, placed a gentle hand against his cheek and feel the skin beneath. But that was a mistake. What ever had messed with her head had done this. Josh said it was a dream. By why would she ever give herself that twisted image? Why would she condemn herself to be haunted by the snap and crunch from the monsters jaws?
She wasn't sure what part made her cry. The knowledge of hurting a friend by letting herself be fooled by own mind, or the memories of Atom that hurt her directly. Biting her lip she tried to stay quiet. Josh was sleeping and already she had wasted his time. Made him angry. She deserved any ill-thoughts he had towards her. Sitting there she let the tears fall, she didn't have the energy to stop them to fight it. As her slobs lessened and hiccups took there place she rubbed her eyes. They stung, after all the tears it made sense.
Looking around she noticed the bottle of water by her side. Picking it up and taking off the cap she took a couple of sips. Grabbing the blanket and pushing herself up from the ground she looked around their camp. Josh was still sleeping, there were no footsteps nearby, no noise at all. Walking over she put on her quiver and picked up the bow. It seemed so long, too long, since she had last held it. Looking at Josh she sighed, he really did look out for her. Carefully she unfolded the blanket and laid it over him. Picking up his water and her own she gave a once over before walking down to the creek she'd been in only hours before.
Kneeling down at the edge she refilled the bottles. She wasn't sure what it was but something in her felt different still. It couldn't be a dream. There was no way she would think of that. Part of her was still stuck in that place with the images placing a constant reminder that she was alone. Taking a handful of water and leaning over the edge she splashed her face. Blinking she noticed her reflection in the water. Blood shot eyes looked back her. This wasn't her. This couldn't be. The girl in the water looked broken, weak and lost. But as she waved her hand slowly and the girl waved back it hit her. She was broken, and weak and lost.
Moving away from the water she picked up the bottles, wanting to be as far from her own image as possible. As she stepped out from the treeline her eyes fell on Josh. He was still alive and she had to assume Sparta was too. She had no memory of what had happened between supposedly 'dreaming' up and waking up in the water. All she could do was consider him the reason for her being awake at all.
The longer she stood there, the harder it was to deny that she needed to focus. Since Atom's death she'd cried, left her old alliance and had a breakdown. She was acting like someone who had all the time in the world to cry. But she didn't. Her days, hours or even minutes were set and there would only be so much time until her clock ran out. Josh was her priority. That was what she had told herself when she dragged him away from the cornucopia. He had to stay alive for the sake of Sparta. Lyra already knew the pain of dying before another that you love, she wouldn't let Sparta or Josh experience the same.
Placing the water back down at his side she moved to sit back, in the same spot as before. All she could do now was wait until Josh woke up. Sleeping wasn't an option despite how tired she was and eating still had no appeal. Instead she sat and waited. Time was short, but she could waste a little more. For the sake of Josh's sanity and her own.
