love yourself a little
one-shot sukhoon fic. slash M/M. rated M (Mature)
tags: hurt/comfort, fluff, established relationship, secret relationship
based on/heavily referenced: hyunsuk’s earpiece accident on treasure’s inkigayo debut stage captured on his fancam & T.M.I episode 12 (pls watch both videos first before reading)
summary:
“choi hyunsuk said his debut stage is both exciting and regrettable. well, park jihoon is here to prove him wrong.
or
my sukhoon take on that earpiece shenanigan and what happened after it.”
read below or on Ao3
Blinding lights, ragged breaths. Choi Hyunsuk stares at the unblinking eye of the camera. Their pre-recorded debut performance has finally come to an end.
Empty cheers, parched throat. Choi Hyunsuk stares at the fallen earpiece in his hand. He thought of crushing it into pieces before remembering where he is now, who he is now. Not another YG trainee or survival shows contestant anymore, but a real, freshly-debuted idol.
Huh. An idol who needs to get his head together because apparently, not even five years of blood, sweat, and tears could prepare one not to lose his earpiece on stage.
Did he ruin their debut?
The green-haired leader walks with the other Treasure members, following a line back to the make-up room. While others cry loudly in relief, Hyunsuk silently cries in disappointment-- at no one but himself.
-
Nothing gets past Park Jihoon's eyes; not the awkward hand gesture Junkyu often does when dancing, not the small red dot of the stage cameras that Jeongwoo had a hard time following, not even a flicker of disappointment that reflects on Hyunsuk's eyes after their debut stage. It may have gone for a moment when they're on an interview, but as soon as the camera stops rolling, it flickers back across the eldest's face.
So Jihoon plays his part. Fantastically, if he so may add.
He becomes the Park 'happy virus' Jihoon that everybody and their mothers love and leads the vlogging. Well, to be fair, it's fairly easy for him to do this. Look pretty (which is given), talk a lot, tease other members, give some smiles, tease another member, and end it with either a wink or a kiss to the camera. Both if he's feeling generous.
Of course, the cheerful atmosphere is not something Jihoon creates on his own. It helps how all the members are still feeling the 'adrenaline rush' after performing and watching themselves on National television. All the members, except one, who's by the end of the vlog, is talking quietly with Mashiho on the other end of the sofa. Mashiho looks concerned as the main dancer probably senses something wrong with their eldest hyung. But Jihoon can bet everything on his bank account that Hyunsuk probably shrugs it off as nothing.
Choi Hyunsuk is not the type of person that burden people with his problems, which is a blessing and a pain in the ass at the same time.
-
Treasure has no time to spare; such is the idol life. It's back to practice again after Inkigayo. It's tiring, but for Hyunsuk, training is his safe haven from bad thoughts. His brain can finally focus on something else than replaying moment after moment when--
Stop it.
So, Hyunsuk trains, hard. Hard enough that each of his choreographed moves has a little more edge than usual. Hard enough that he knows his body going to regret it tomorrow morning. He trains hard but also still making sure to keep his emotions in check.
Because Hyunsuk believes the members deserve the strong side of him now than ever. A strict, calm leader that can lead and prepare them for countless stages and chaos ahead.
The members don't deserve a weak Choi Hyunsuk, much less a man that manages to fail his group on their debut stage.
-
It's another six hours of training before Treasure can finally go back to the dorm. Some of the members don't waste any time to pack and leave. Understandable, since it has been a long day. Jihoon too can't wait to reunite with his bed.
"See you tomorrow, everyone!"
The door closes, leaving only Jihoon, Yedam, and Doyoung in the training room.
"You're not leaving with the others?" Yedam asks Jihoon after a while, seeing the older is still lying down on the couch.
"Nah, still tired. You two go on ahead."
Doyoung gives him a slight nod, before asking the million-dollar question, "Hyunsuk-hyung looks kinda sad today, you know why, hyung?"
Here we go. Jihoon is so ready to feign sleep.
Thankfully, Yedam is an active listener. "Oh, really? I didn't notice it. Is he going back already?"
"Hm, I think he's still talking to our manager." Doyoung looks back to Jihoon. "Hyung, do you know something?"
Sigh. Jihoon pulls down his cap further to cover his eyes. "Nothing's going on, I think he's fine. You're just tired, Doyoung-ah. Go home, take a hot shower, get some sleep. Tomorrow we have three interviews and we need to be ready by 9 AM."
"Ah! Right, we have a morning schedule... " It seems even Yedam is exhausted enough to forget their agenda. That rarely happens, by the way. The main vocalist is already halfway across the room, pulling Doyoung's hand while the other just meekly follow. "We'll be going now, see you tomorrow, hyung!"
"Bye-bye, be careful."
If Jihoon feels bad by pretending not to see the suspecting glances Doyoung throws at him before the door closes, well, he can always blames it on Hyunsuk.
-
"Jihoonie?"
Jihoon opens his eyes to see the man of the hour finally shows himself. The eldest hovering above him, smelling like sweat and fatigue and anguish. Everything about Choi Hyunsuk is so clear to Jihoon, he kinda wonders how does anyone not get it.
"Hyung."
"I thought you already went back with others."
"Nope, still here. What about you?"
"Uh, just had one last rundown for tomorrow with the manager."
"Oh. Any changes?"
"No, still the same, 9 AM sharp."
"Okay."
Hyunsuk hums back before settling on the floor and leans back to the couch. The eldest looks worn out than usual, with eyes empty looking back at themselves in the mirror across the room.
From where Hyunsuk sits, Jihoon's hand could easily reach and play with Hyunsuk's windswept grass of a hair if he wants. The thought is tempting. But he doesn't.
Instead--
"Still caught up about the earpiece?"
The eldest keeps his quiet, but can't hide his frown.
"Come on, hyung. It's just one small thing."
Hyunsuk lets out a long sigh, like he's done with the conversation already, but Park Jihoon takes it as an opportunity to sharpen his people skill.
"You still performed great. Everyone performed great. I bet nobody notices it."
"There's a fancam, Jihoonie."
Jihoon scoffs. "You haven't read the comments, have you? People don't care, hyung. They care more about you being sad and depressed about it than the stupid earpiece."
"But I care!"
Silence fills the air. It's not every day the eldest raises his voice outside practice hours. It took Jihoon a couple of years to learned that it's a Choi Hyunsuk thing to bottle everything up until it got full and everything comes out in an abrupt rush. So, yes, Jihoon understands. Of course, he does, he loves the man. He'd do anything for him even if it meant proving him wrong.
Jihoon finally sits up and turns to Hyunsuk. The eldest buries his face in one hand, looking dejected than before. Probably already regretting his sudden outburst.
Typical nice guy Hyunsuk-hyung. Jihoon rolls his eyes before taking a hold of Hyunsuk's hand, forcing the eldest to face him.
"Hey. You know what's my role in the group, right?"
The eldest frowns deeper. "Of course I know, why would you even ask-"
"Then listen to me when I said you are wrong if you thought your tiny, little accident will somehow-- I don't know, damage our debut or the group reputation or whatever else you're thinking right now."
Jihoon makes sure to steadily hold both Hyunsuk's hand and gaze while he's spitting the truth but goddammit it's tough, especially when Hyunsuk has that kicked puppy dog look that appears whenever he's upset with himself.
Jihoon sighs before muttering, "Honestly, you're thinking like that, doesn’t make any sense to me, but because I love you, hyung, I'm gonna humor you, okay? So believe me when I said it will not damage anything-- anything except your beauty sleep because you think too much. Next, you're gonna get panda eyes like me. And then you're gonna have to apologize to Jaehyuk, our genius content creator, because you're gonna have to change your emoji from pig to panda. And now Treasure will have two pandas. Male and female, maybe. You can be the female since you're the 'eomma' and I'm the 'appa'. Maybe you can add purple ribbon to your emoji and--"
"I get it, I get it! Stop talking, what the hell..." Hyunsuk giggles while slightly pulls Jihoon's hand to put a brake to his rambles.
The man himself doesn't even realize he's been rambling. "You ask for it!"
The room is suddenly rich with small, quiet laughs. One hand still holds another, before Hyunsuk decides to tangled their fingers together. Hyunsuk's hand always feels so small compared to Jihoon's. It's nice, the younger leader thought. They've been so busy preparing their debut, Jihoon forgets when was the last time they held hands. He misses this.
But their debut comes first, they both know that. They've been preparing their whole life for today, after all.
"Hyung--" Jihoon starts again, "--there are still tons of things to do tomorrow. And the day after. And the day, day after that. We're gonna be so fucking busy, you're gonna forget about today, I promise."
Hyunsuk chuckles. "Yeah, I know." The eldest let out another long sigh, "I'm stupid, aren't I? To be sad just because of this."
"Yup."
"Geez, you don't have to be so honest, Jihoonie."
"You kinda are though." Jihoon just shrugs off the glare Hyunsuk sends him. "You know I can't lie."
"Yeah, yeah." And here comes the pouting Choi Hyunsuk.
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
Jihoon tries to imitate Hyunsuk's pout, of course, since it's his special ability and annoys the leader more. "This. Makes you look like an angry baby."
"Ya!"
"Makes me want to kiss you, too, Hyunsukkie." Jihoon leans slowly toward Hyunsuk with that playful smirk that makes the man both frustrating and attractive at the same time.
"What... we're in the goddammn training room! Ya! I can't with you sometimes."
Hyunsuk playfully shoves him away but without untangling their hands. Like Jihoon, Hyunsuk also misses the secret intimacy between them.
Hyunsuk takes another glance at their tangled hands before bringing it to his cheek.
"But thank you, Jihoonie. For everything."
No words can describe how soft Jihoon feels right now. Hyunsuk's smile is so sweet and bright, Jihoon swears even the stars got nothing on his dear hyung.
Jihoon holds him just a little bit tighter, whispering promises they definitely can keep.
"Don't worry, hyung. We're gonna be spectacular."
"Yes. Yes, we will."
-
The elevator door opens on the floor of Hyunsuk's dorm. Jihoon walks the eldest up to the front door before pulling the other for a goodnight kiss. This is nothing new; a ritual they've always done whenever they come home together. Usually, it's just a peck on the lips since they're out in the open and anybody could run into them, but tonight-- tonight is different. Maybe because of today's incident, maybe because it's the day their dream finally come true, or maybe because they just secretly missed each other so much.
Tonight's their kiss lasts a little longer. Jihoon gently tugs the other lips, while Hyunsuk caresses his soft, pink hair. Strong arms wrap Hyunsuk tight, mouth asking the eldest permission to dip deeper. Hyunsuk is breathless but can't help but indulge him. He wants Park Jihoon too, he always does, for as long as he remembers.
Cold lips devour him; slow and passionate. For once, not caring about anything but each other. Like the world is theirs to begin with.
Maybe it will be theirs, today's their first step, after all.