“actually romantic” is unfortunately about me in regards to the femme historian (and maybe a sunny book nook too, though she usually minds her business and doesn’t get off on being inflammatory).
i don’t follow them on any socials and they have zero awareness of my existance but once in a while i look them up and stalk their posts a teensy bit and feel equal amounts of triggered rage and queer solidarity. the reality is i relate so much to them and i admire them immensely and i can’t come to terms with the fact that people like that can be so … obliviously self-centered at times. they strongly share identities (and personality traits!) with me as neurodivergent(?) bipoc femmes (which is a genuinely niche community). and then i am smacked in the face with the fact that actually they have made it abundantly clear they are not unlikely to look down on my existence. any self-righteousness they have begins to feel ironic when they openly embody traits of subtly bitter, biphobic lesbians with victim complex undertones, not dissimilar to the stereotypical lesbophobic bisexual sapphic. and it’s not even close to in everything they post, but that just makes it immensely confusing when it does keep coming up from sapphics that in theory appear to adore the diverse existence of bisexuals. i’m a bi muslim wlw from the global south and at this point i personally wouldn’t be caught dead desperately preaching the “minority within a minority” catchphrase simply because i now get the ick from how often it’s been used for the purpose of oppression olympics and copouts from callouts. it’s exhausting.
i console myself by remembering they are usamericans after all. what more can i expect. being bipoc doesn’t automatically make a creator my ally or representative. far from it. so many bipoc westerners unfortunately internalise colonial western culture whilst trying to survive it. witnessing fully catty (and i never use that term usually) infighting amongst otherwise respectable creators makes me cringe with second-hand embarrassment. hostile moralisation of queer theory beliefs … is not liberal “discourse”. it’s not scholarly (in the sense that it doesn’t productively promote any learning) and it’s certainly not professional (if social media is considered a career). it’s like watching opposing politicians bickering nastily. bipoc cultures (oft cited) can be blunt and we absolutely deserve to yell at our enemies … but basic etiquette amongst friendly acquaintances (people on our side that we may disagree with!) is also important to us. perhaps the political horseshoe theory strikes again. i wish they had humility around their flaws, but they are surrounded by yesmen and/or other westerners that aren’t capable of bringing up valid counterarguments that aren’t easy to sidestep. i certainly don’t want to interact with them, and i also can’t since it’s not safe for me to be out. which illustrates the ultimate privilege they have over people like me, and yet they use it to pettily spread harmful rhetoric that hurts the most vulnerable.
anyway i love tumblr bc there’s so many genuinely kind and intersectionally inclusive high femmes here and not even the exclusionists are kidding themselves that they’re some vip coalition builder because they post short form rage bait online for clout.
i also feel relieved that i can vent into the void here and that kind of femme ~ influencer ~ will never know i exist. i don’t want them to, i don’t even want my opinion of them to spread too far. to be clear not all of the above generalised venting applies to both femmes, and again neither does it describe the majority of their activity—i have obviously presented no “evidence” and i will allow the reader to assess what parts of my exasperation are appropriate by checking them out yourself. heck, even support a bipoc femme lesbian creator! like i said, it’s a small group anyway and few creators discuss butchfemme culture like they do. they’re cool. as you can see by my own admission, i’m literally obsessed with them and fail to fully dislike them. in fact, being a femme often comes with being both sensitive and opinionate, and i live in a glass house. i just hope that folks don’t blindly buy into everything they say—which should really be the case with anybody you follow. i just enjoy when my posts here reach one or two nice users, then we have a pleasant li’l chat in the comments and become mutuals. <3
i will go back to religiously following my emotional support desi butch lesbian creator, short haired brown queer. 🥰
