Autumnal Darlings Prompt #1: Confession and/or Night
autumnal darlings masterlist
Background: Ace is at Nationals as a school reporter. She and Daichi have only just made their relationship official a few nights ago. Suga is at war with himself, because he and Ace almost kissed when he was helping her with a panic attack (shitty ex is shitty) earlier on this particular day. Suga loves both Ace and Daichi dearly, and wants them to be happy. But now he's alone, unaware of how they both feel about him.
wc: 3401; written in third-person from Suga's POV
It's cold out here on the balcony. Koushi Sugawara can hear his first years running around inside the inn, causing chaos, probably about to break something. But Ennoshita had said that he would handle it. It's nice having him offer to take on some captain responsibilities since they'll be his team in a few months. Establishing boundaries and all that.
He shivers as a breeze whips some of the loose snow around him into a flurry. He could go inside and get his coat (or just stay inside), but if he were being honest, he was punishing himself. The memory of a breath against his lips and a face in his hands flits across his mind's eye, and he shivers again, but for a different reason.
He can't let it happen again.
Ace has Daichi now, he can help her with her panic attacks. There's no reason for him to be tucked into a broom closet with her, in the dark, out of reach from the rest of the world. She's had Asahi and Tanaka to help this entire time, too. He never should have let himself be placed in such a position.
He chews on the inside of his cheek and picks at the dry skin on the palm of his hand as the memory of her warmth and softness overwhelms him. Her laughter plays in his mind, only for the real thing to reach his ears from the street below.
He looks over the edge of the balcony, and sees Ace and Daichi Sawamura returning from their walk. Snow is starting to fall, so they couldn't have had better timing. They must sense him, because they both pause outside the entrance to wave up at him. Their noses and cheeks are red from the cold, and their smiles are wide, wide enough that he wonders if their cheeks hurt. He waves back half-heartedly, heart heavy with unspoken words.
The door behind him opens, and he knows without looking that it's Asahi. "Geez it's cold out here." There's the sound of hands rubbing together furiously before he breathes into them. Suga feels Asahi settle onto the railing beside him and doesn't bother to turn his head. "Ennoshita had to send Hinata and Kageyama out on a run. They almost knocked a tv over."
Suga makes a noncommittal noise and continues to watch Ace and Daichi on the sidewalk, marveling at the snow falling around them. Daichi offers Ace a hand, and they start to dance, the music is their laughter and the generic city sounds of Tokyo.
Asahi allows Suga his silence for a few moments before speaking again. "You could still tell them, y'know."
Suga barks out a laugh, which draws the attention of the couple down below. Asahi waves at them reassuringly, and then after a moment, they turn their attention back to each other. "What am I supposed to say? 'Daichi, I've been in love with you since you declared in our first year try-outs that we'd go to nationals?' 'Ace, I've been in love with you since you stumbled through your first presentation about The Odyssey, Japanese imperfect but passion so evident that you were still able to communicate what you were saying?' 'Daichi, Ace. I don't know how to explain it, but I love you both so much that my heart breaks at the thought of only being with one of you?' Yeah, those are absolutely normal things to tell your best friend and his girlfriend." Suga rolls his eyes before setting his forehead on the railing in front of him.
Asahi places a comforting hand on Suga's shoulder. "I don't know that I would frame it that way exactly, but you don't know how they'll react. They could love you too."
Suga's heart squeezes at the thought. Could they both love him? He thinks over the almost-kiss with Ace from earlier that afternoon—she had leaned into him, closed the gap between their faces until they were millimeters apart. And it wasn't the first time, either—just the first time since she and Daichi had become official a few days ago. But maybe he had misread it, and it was just her seeking comfort because of the panic attack, thinking that he was Daichi in the post-crying haze.
And then he shifts, thinking about the longing looks that Daichi would send his way when he thought Suga wasn't looking. He thinks about the lingering touches: a hand placed on the small of a back as a guide while walking; a thumb on the corner of a mouth, brushing away crumbs; fingers brushing for just a little longer as they pass papers back and forth in class....
He's definitely reading too much into those.
Suga picks his head up and shakes it. "No, no, no. There's no way. And I'm not going to break them up just so that I can be happy with one of them." He looks down to the street again, and sees that Ace and Daichi have left, or at least stepped out of his field of view. Probably went inside now that the snow is picking up. If the snow stops, he knows that he'll find them on the roof later, star gazing like they have every night since they arrived at Nationals.
The first few nights he had joined them, and his heart had been full—all warm and gooey. But since the two of them had made it official, Suga has been making a point to avoid spending time alone with them. It makes him feel empty; hollow with a hunger-like craving that he knows will never be satiated.
It's just easier to not put himself in situations where he feels that way.
Asahi sighs, and Suga can feel the disappointment rolling off him in waves. "I think that you're not giving yourself, or them, enough credit."
Suga snorts. "I think you've been thinking too much about relationships since you got together with Kimi."
"She's nosy and likes being involved. But that's what I find charming about her." Suga pretends to gag, while Asahi stares wistfully at the snow spiraling above them in the night sky. "I mean it, though. I know that, at the very least, they both miss you. They don't like the distance you've created, but they don't want to approach you about it because they don't want to hurt you more than they assume they already have—"
"But they haven't hurt me." Suga clasps his hands together in front of him and squeezes until they turn white.
"They don't know that because you won't give them the time of day anymore. You've specifically blown Ace off three or four times this afternoon alone. Did something happen?"
Suga looks down at his slippered feet and tries to gather his thoughts enough to form a coherent sentence. "We.... Ace and I...." he clears his throat, "We almost kissed this afternoon."
The silence from Asahi is deafening.
"It was while I was helping her with that panic attack before our match. She was hazy, you know how she can get. She must have thought I was Daichi." Asahi sputters at Suga's confession. "There's no other explanation."
"No... no other....? No other explanation?! Are you nuts?!" Asahi grabs him by the shoulders and makes Suga face him. Asahi then gives Suga a gentle shake, before Suga steps out of his grip. "I do know how she gets after a panic attack. And she's never tried to kiss me. Suga! How is that not enough evidence for you?!"
Suga's getting tired of this conversation. He stretches, trying to get some feeling back into his cold limbs. And then he moves for the door.
"If you don't tell them, I'll tell Noya. Who will tell Tanaka, who will absolutely tell Ace. Or I could tell Kimi. Who would stage an elaborate confession that you have no idea that you're in until you're in front of them with rose petals falling from the ceiling."
Suga spins around and sends a friendly karate chop into Asahi's side, making the taller boy bend over at the waist. "You will absolutely not get your girlfriend involved." There's a lightness to Suga's voice and, even though Asahi can't see it at the moment, he covers the smile on his face with his hand.
Rose petals falling from the ceiling might not be a bad idea.
Ace and Daichi are in the hallway as Suga emerges from the team meeting room the balcony is attached to. They're whispering and don't seem to immediately notice him, so he turns and starts to walk in the opposite direction. Asahi emerges next, "Hey Ace! Daichi! How was your walk?"
"Hey Asahi! Hey Koushi!" Suga freezes at Ace's voice. "Our walk was really nice. We got back just in time for the snow, too!"
"Yeah, I noticed! Do you think you'll be on the roof tonight?" Asahi is absolutely failing at being nonchalant.
"Yeah! It should be cleared up within the next hour or so, so hopefully we'll be star gazing tonight." She sounds so happy. Suga knows he can't ruin what they have. He'll just have to get over his feelings, somehow.
"Do you want to join us tonight, Suga?" Daichi's voice is soft.
Suga doesn't turn around. "Uh... Maybe. I'm still studying for college entrance exams, so...." Someone is taking steps toward him, and he finds himself rooted in place. Two warm hands wrap around one of his frozen ones from behind.
"Please, Koushi?" Ace pleads, voice just above a whisper. Suga feels his pride beginning to crumble. "The two of us want to talk to you about something. With what happened earlier with you and me—"
"Nothing happened between you and me." Koushi pulls his hand away from hers, and walks down the hallway, turning into a random open doorway.
Asahi finds him an hour later, struggling to study for his exams. He's been circling around the same three practice questions, unable to focus long enough to actually answer any of them. All he can think about is how he heard Ace crying in the hallway after he had walked away.
"They went up to the roof a few minutes ago." Asahi leans on the door frame, unsure of Koushi's mood and unwilling to get closer in case he gets another karate chop to the side.
"Have you come to fetch me and drag me up there?" Suga doesn't look up from the page in front of him.
"No, they don't know I'm here. But I did speak with them for a while, and they're hoping that you'll go up there." Asahi sighs. "I understand why you don't want to, but I do think it would be worthwhile for you to go."
As Asahi leaves, Suga throws his pencil at the door and shouts after him, "I liked you better when you were too anxious to talk to girls that weren't Kiyoko!" Speaking of, Kiyoko happens to be walking by and catches the pencil as it bounces off the door frame. She raises an eyebrow at Suga in a disappointing look, and he feels his face heat up in embarrassment. "Sorry Kiyoko." She holds the pencil out to him, making him stand up and walk across the room to take it from her. She walks away without a word.
Suga remains standing in the threshold. He could go back to his books and try to study. Or, now that he's standing and can no longer use that as an excuse, he could go up to the roof. He tosses his pencil in the general direction of his notebooks and leaves without looking to see where it landed.
The interior roof access door has been propped open in the hallway. The stairwell leading up is lit by a solo, bare lightbulb that sits at the top of the stairs right in front of the exterior door, which Ace and Daichi have also propped open. Suga does his best to climb the stairs and slip through the exterior door without making noise, but the door creaks on its hinges as he opens it wider, bringing Daichi's attention to him.
Suga freezes, not realizing that Daichi can't tell that it's him because he's backlit, shadows obscuring his face. "Who's there?" Daichi calls out, which restarts Suga's cognitive functions.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Suga starts walking towards their bundled forms, closer to the edge of the roof, along the wall facing away from the street. "It's just me... Suga." At the sound of his voice, Suga watches as a second head becomes distinct from the lumpy mass. Ace turns to watch him cross the roof.
As he gets within a few steps, his eyes adjust enough to the dimness of the night, to see that there has to be a half dozen duvets from some of the inn's futon sets up here with them. The tatami mat underneath them is just large enough to keep it all from touching the actual roof. He stops in front of them, just out of arm's reach.
There's a moment of silence as Daichi watches Suga, and Ace watches Daichi with a small smile, holding one of his hands in both of hers. Suga finds himself bowing without thinking, just shy of ninety degrees. He tries to speak, to apologize, but can't find the words.
"Suga, why on earth are you bowing?" It's Daichi who speaks first. "You can stand up. Or better yet, sit down with us."
"No, I—" Suga shakes his head, trying to find a single tangible thread of a thought. "I need to apologize for my behavior over the last few days. I've been trying to sort out my own feelings about the change in our friendship on my own. But that's not an excuse for completely shutting you both out—"
"Koushi—"
"No, please let me finish. I'm barely holding myself together." Suga takes a steadying breath. "And I need to apologize for what happened this afternoon with you, Ace. I crossed a line, I shouldn't have taken advantage of your vulnerability." His confession is right on the tip of his tongue, but he can't make the words come out.
"Koushi—" He feels Ace's smaller hand take his right hand.
"Suga—" At the same time, he feels one of Daichi's rough hands take hold of his left hand. "Please, look at us." Daichi's voice is soft again. Suga blinks back tears as he stands up enough to look at the couple, while remaining partially bowed.
"Watch the stars with us?" The love and adoration in Ace's eyes can't be for him.
Daichi starts finding the edges of the blankets with his free hand. Then they both pull him in, forced to settle in between them. The couple works together to close the blanket fortress back up, tucking Suga safely inside and protected from the cold. Ace rests her head on his shoulder, and Suga flinches as Daichi wraps an arm around his waist. They haven't let go of his hands, and his arms are crossed in front of him as a result. Ace is using her free hand to play with the fingers of the hand she holds, and Daichi gives him reassuring squeezes every few minutes as they watch the stars twinkle in the night sky.
He never could figure out how, with all the city lights, they're able to see so many stars so clearly. Ace must place them there by hand every night, just for them. It's the only thing that makes sense.
They sit there for what feels like hours. Suga tries to maintain control of himself. He has someone he loves desperately on either side of him, and they're comforting him because they don't feel the same way he does. He's sure they can hear the way his heart pounds in his chest, anxiety slowly crawling its way up his throat, suffocating him.
Suga misses the way that Daichi removes his arm from around his waist. He also misses the look that Ace gives Daichi, a look of permission and excitement. He misses Daichi navigating his hand free of his own, what was a simple hand hold having turned into a death grip at some point.
But Suga doesn't miss the way that Daichi takes his face in his hands, gently turning his gaze away from the stars and into his own eyes, warm chocolate meeting stormy hazel. He doesn't miss the half smile on Daichi's lips, or the fact that they're moving now, saying something. What is Daichi saying? Suga can't hear him over his own heartbeat.
Then, Daichi is pulling him in closer, closer. Ace's presence falls away as Daichi navigates them so that they're chest to chest and their faces are mere millimeters apart. There's a warm breath on his lips. Suga closes his eyes, the memory of almost-kissing Ace hurtling into the forefront of his mind.
This can't be happening.
"Koushi?" Ace's voice is distant and fuzzy, like he's stuffed his ears full of cotton.
"Koushi?" There she is again, coming in a little clearer.
"Koushi?" This time he becomes aware of the fact that her hands are on his back.
"Koushi?" That time it's Daichi, and Suga's eyes snap open. Daichi is still holding his face gently, but he's put some distance between them. Suga wishes desperately that he would close the distance again. "Are you with us?" This half-smile from Daichi is one of concern, not mischief like before. Suga's known the difference for long enough, he could probably identify the difference from shape alone.
"Koushi?" It's Ace again. She's rubbing gentle, soothing circles on his back. The way she's done for Hinata a few times when he's gotten nervous between matches.
Suga nods slowly, unsure of his ability to use his voice.
"Sorry for spooking you." Daichi's speaking again. "We thought this was going to be the best approach, but obviously not." His chuckle is low, deep within his chest.
"Koushi," Ace speaks up, hands stilling on his back. They're so warm, despite the ice hanging in the air from their breaths. "What happened earlier today wasn't your mistake, it was mine. Daichi and I have been talking, and things don't feel right without you. So after my panic attack, I saw an opportunity to cross into new territory, but then I chickened out."
"Wha—what are you—?" His words are being strangled in his throat.
"I like you, Suga. As more than a friend, I—" Daichi clears his own throat, and Suga can see a tear forming in the corner of his eye. "I feel the same way about you that I feel about Ace. I have for a very long time."
"And I feel the same." Ace's voice is choked, and Suga thinks he feels a few tears drop onto the back of his neck. "If you feel similarly—"
"Or if you don't, and you only feel that way about one of us." Daichi nods at Ace, and they share a look that Suga can't place. "We'd really like to find a way for the three of us to be together."
Suga is silent, and they must be able to read the shock all over his face. Daichi's hold on his face begins to drop away, and the heat from Ace's hands disappear.
"Or if you don't feel that way about either of us at all, that's cool too!" Ace's laugh is wet and shaky. "We can just pretend this confession never happened."
Before Suga can think, he surges forward into Daichi, their lips finding each other and fitting as though that's what they are meant to do. Daichi's hands go back to holding Suga's face, and Suga places one of his on Daichi's waist, before searching blindly for Ace with the other. She takes a hold of his hand and places her face in his palm.
Daichi breaks their kiss with a lazy smirk, and Suga turns to find Ace, but she finds him first and their lips meet, and it feels like the most natural action in the world. Tears drip onto his face, and he's not sure if they're his or hers.
But it doesn't matter. He loves them, and they love him. It's all he could have ever hoped for.
It was just missing rose petals falling from the ceiling.
Birthday: June 13th
Star Sign: Gemini
Compatibility: Bad
Age Difference: 2 years + 3 weeks + 5 days
MBTI: INFJ
Compatibility: Good
Height Adjustment: Ace 5'8" (-2"); Koushi 5'10" (+2")
Current Status: Life Partners; Living Together; Chaos Incarnate; Sickeningly Sweethearts
Previous Status: Classmates; I Don't Want to Ruin Our Friendship; Mutual Pining; Friends
When there's loving in the air, don't fight it, just keep breathing wc: 3401
Karasuno VB wc: 387
That just might be just what I need wc: 1826
-> referenced a few times
'Cause your heart calling, feels like confetti falling wc: 1144
