My Part in da War Effort
I been finking a lot lately. Is been five years since my home was blowed up by dat dumb deafwing guy. An I heared some peoples went an punched im in da face, an dat’s great. But it seems to me, like it never ends, Erybody jus off ta fight tha next baddie. First deafwing, den dat stuff wif Garrosh, den some peoples went ta a whole nuvver universe. When does it end?
I tried ta help wif de latest bit, when the dark lady did all dat bad stuff an killed all dem peoples. But, I mean, she dead. I’d kinda spect her ta do some killin. But when i went ta see da recruiter man, I tole him I was dere to join da war effort, an he smiled an said, “What can you bring to the table?” like I was makin dinner, or sumfin. What’s that about?
So I says, “I don’t know nuffin bout no table, but I gots dese splodey sheeps here. Dey my Super Special Splodey Sheeps, guaranteed ta go BOOM!”
Dat man, he looks at my sheeps, an says, “Dey don’t look like sheeps, dey look like squirrels!”
“Well, of course dey don’t look like sheeps!” I says, indignant that he missed tha point. “Errybody knows bout splodey sheeps! I made em camoflaged, see? Now, peoples will fink is just a harmless lil squirrel, only den it’ll walk right up to em and go BOOM!”
So I set one of em off, to go do its fing Tha sheep-squirrel walked over to one o tha training dummy fings dey had set up for to test de recruits, an it gets over dere, an just when de timer goes off, BOOM!
Okay, okay, was more like a ‘poof’. An dere was some smoke.
Dat recruiter man, he LAUGHED! He laughed an while he was wipin dem tears from his eyes he says to me, “I fank you for your kind offer, but I don’t fink we will be needing your services at dis time.”
I was so mad! I worked so hard on my Splodey Sheeps, an when just ONE of em has a bit o miscalculation, dat man wrote me off like I was nuffin. Jus some dirt unner his shoe. So I took my splodeys, an I left dat stupid recruiter man to laugh all by hisself.
I bet my splodey sheeps woulda made all de diffrence in dat stupid fourth war, an den all dose people woulda lived. I coulda frown one at de banshee lady an made her go way fore she killed all dem elfies. But no, some dumb recruiter man dint fink I was good enough.
I still got some o my sheeps left, anybody wanna buy one? I fixed de mistake an dey go boom real nice now! Dey’s only 199.99 each! No?