It's only superficial charm if you don't mean it. I mean it in the sense that I think what im saying is true, and it accomplishes my goal, which is making you feel better, which makes me feel better! It really surprised me when an autistic person said I don't seem autistic, turns out it's dissociation and a personality disorder. Makes way more sense in that context! Sure, I'm crazy but I love other people being happy, so please don't judge.
If I ever say or post anything you find objectionable, please address it, and we'll figure it out. I am a reasonable person. Deranged, unhinged, antisocial, but caring, loving, and contemplative. I always thought I couldn't be aspd because of those latter traits. But no! Aspd is nowhere near that simple. Sure, I feel compelled to do bad things. Sure, I dont feel that bad when I do something wrong as long as I don't get hurt. Sure, I'm cold in a way people find charming and unnerving.
But! These traits exist alongside my positive ones. I've met many people in labor with similar stories, good people with bad histories. Caring souls in a bad situation.
Some of the most genuine and thoughtful people I've ever met are people who've made huge mistakes and paid for them. Ex-cons, drifters, addicts, losers and freaks the lot of us. I feel more at home with these then with the people I got a bachelors in studying the law with. Those people, so repressed, so boring, so unexamined and untarnished. Those who would be police and lawyers cannot relate to us, the wretched.
Did you know aspd is only diagnosed in poor people? That had I been born rich, I'd be considered a real go-getter, someone who makes tough decisions but gets the job done, a business lizard. But since I'm poor, these impulses have no productive outlet early on except mischief and risk taking. Being antisocial is only a problem if you're poor. Funny isn't it? How a person willing to go further is pathologized or lionized based on their class.. almost like the diagnosis doesn't help me, it doesn't serve me, because there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just me. The situation I've been placed in leads me to survive in any way I can, instead of ripping people off and getting rich.
So what to do? I've been told that people don't know what aspd is, but I argue if I tell them and then they google it.. and see the list of symptoms like lying, crime, coldness, manipulative, lack of guilt, and it's association with various murderers and con men, they'd not trust me. They'd pre judge me. Some aspd folks(men) have this idgaf attitude about it, but maybe they shouldn't. Few people I know will know this about me. My Doctor, anybody I'm romantically involved with, and followers of this blog.
Did you know if someone has a substance use disorder they're 11x more likely to have aspd? This is because aspd sucks the joy and life out of life. It all feels so dull. It's why i can only focus on love, drugs, excitement, and comfort. All else seems so grey and lame. This isn't depression, I have that too and it feels different. Please have sympathy for those with personality disorders, we are not villains, we are not evil, and we are not irredeemable. Npd, bpd, aspd, hpd, spd, avpd, szpd, ppd, dpd, we all suffer greatly. Please reserve empathy for us, as we have that too despite what some of our dxs say.
