this scene really made me teary the other day because of the tender vulnerability and relatability of superman’s/clark’s identity struggle — who he authentically is vs. who he thought he was vs. who his parents actually wanted him to be.
we first meet Superman at his lowest — he’s just lost a battle for the first time in 283838 years — but even at this low moment, he still has this strong and healthy internal sense of safety and identity. he doesn’t seem internally shaken by the loss at all. he physically recovers and immediately goes back out to continue the fight, to continue to enact his authentic values, using his power for good.
⁺˖ ⸝⸝ 😞🧸
he knows who he is, he feels comfortable and confident in who he is and he expresses his authentic self and values freely. he has a strong sense of self, and internal emotional safety.
and we see that he gets this from his parents, both parents.
the Kents, his adoptive Earth parents, are incredibly supportive and loving, and have probably raised him with strong emotional support and validation, helping to foster and nourish his identity and sense of emotional safety.
but not only does he have emotional support from his adoptive parents, he also feels emotionally connected to and supported by his biological parents, as they sent him to Earth with a message:
“We love you more than heaven our son, we love you more than land, our beloved home will soon be gone forever but hope vitalises our hearts and that hope is you, Kal-El, we have searched the universe for a home where you can do the most good, and live out Krypton’s truth, and that place is Earth.”
his robots play him this message whenever he needs comfort, and he recites every word.
it’s so clearly dear to him, as this message is really his only sense of connection to his birth parents. and he’s really internalised it, seeing it as confirmation for his sense of purpose, value and expression - the go ahead for him to serve humanity, bring hope and use his powers for good.
the message was damaged in transit though, and so he’s only heard half of it, but he believes that (the rest of the massage confirms) he was sent to Earth to do good, and that this goodness is inherent and authentic, validated by his biological parents, and further supported by his adoptive parents.
but then…
⋆
the message in its entirety is actually not one of goodness, not to use his power for good but to use it for for selfish, arbitrary reasons + needs. and his parent’s needs at that — to abuse his power.
this really destabilises Clark’s sense of identity and internal safety. who is he? he feels disconnected from his roots and himself, and like his entire identity has been (built on) a lie, invalidating absolutely everything he is and stands for. his existence…
where does he belong…
:( </3
he feels internally destabilised and lost;
“But you don’t seem quite yourself…” / Well that message that my parents sent with me, I had never heard the second half before…” / “Well I’d say what you wanted that message to mean says a whole lot more about you than what anyone meant for it to mean.”
“Pa, you don’t understand, I’m not who I thought I was.”
…
all this time, Clark's authentic expression of his empathy was done as he felt internally safe and externally supported to do so.
he finished the message in his mind and “assumed how it ended” because he was projecting his authenticity — identity and values — onto what he thought his parents wanted for him. it’s a fantasy attachment thing, especially as they were physically absent. so to see the reality, that their values didn’t align with his authentic self, and in fact were the opposite, was probably so heartbreaking and destabilising…
it sucks to realise your values are fundamentally different to anyone you felt close to, especially your parents, it’s completely destabilising to your sense of belonging..
we are so biologically connected to our parents and look to them (consciously + subconsciously) for guidance, validation and support, whether they are present or not, especially in our identity formation and in nurturing, connecting to + expressing our authenticity.
but not all parents are really interested in seeing you for you, or capable of this even. in (physically/emotionally) supporting this — seeing you as an individual and not an extension of themselves, a means to meet their needs, which Clark’s biological parents seem to do here.
it’s destabilising to realise your origin isn’t… safe.. and aligned with who you authentically are.. there’s a lot of grief in this. and so now after seeing his parent’s true intentions for him, his internal sense of safety is shaken, feeling like this completely invalidates everything he is and stands for. but Pa helps him see otherwise,
no one determines who you are, and he’s right in that parents are there to provide “the tools”— emotional and physical safety and support — for you to find/express your authentic self. anyone, parent or not, trying to tell you who you oughta be is literally emotionally immature and unsafe, because they can’t tolerate your individuality and authenticity. as hard as that may be to accept.
and just because your authentic self expression is different to that of your family of origin/what your parents may want of/for you/others in general, doesn’t mean that they’re right and that your authentic self is wrong/invalidated. especially because, if one doesn’t/can’t see you, then what’s the point? what’s the point of their approval?
…
just seeing how genuinely emotionally supportive his father is in this moment is so touching, and so nice to see genuine vulnerability, especially between father and child.
we love to see emotionally mature parenting :’)
Clark’s identity and internal safety had been built upon two avenues of parental support, but one wasn’t real… :/ so when the reality hits him, he’s momentarily destabilised, but the real support he has from Ma and Pa helped validate + cement his authentic identity and sense of belonging, that he was acting from all along.
sometimes, we won’t all have the ‘ma and pa’, the external validation though, and it’ll have to come from within you… but this scene is a really tender display of authenticity, identity + belonging, which is right up my alley, and finding that sense of internal + external safety and belonging, where your authentic values can be expressed.
and so he does, and continues to do so
these scenes and the entire movie really makes my heart just <3333 !! because.. exactly…
anyway, thanks sm for reading if you’re here :) ⭐️
my other superman thoughts and writings / my masterlist ⭐️
