“webMD says you have radiation sickness… or pancreas inflammation,” aiden joked, setting the hot tea on her night stand. he watched her face scrunch, assuming her must throat ache too badly to fire back at him. brooke was undoubtedly in the peak of her sickness, her nose rudolph-red with swollen eyes. taking a seat on her bedside, he pushed the hair from her face as the pad of his thumb rubbed a circle against her cheek. “at least you’re still so pretty,” aiden sighed. “it just really sucks that this will probably kill you. snot is not supposed to be that color, you know.”
after twenty minutes of solid pacing, aiden counted 348 steps from one side of the room to the other. it was a good enough distraction from the idea that he would quite literally be hearing wedding bells in about forty minutes. the idea of his impending marriage to brooke didn’t scare him or cause an ounce of doubt in his mind, but his hands shook and his heart raced at the thought that it may for brooke.
he’d always had the white picket fence in his mind’s eye for himself, the american dream. brooke had always wanted to carve out her own specific path. she could change her mind at the drop of a hat and always had the idea that she could make her own dreams — and she always did. the fact that she allowed aiden to be apart of whatever dreams she had weaved for herself was something he thanked the universe for every day. but just in the recent weeks as the wedding approached ever-closer, the thought that she could be doing this solely for his benefit and comfort made him feel sick. his own selfish introversion made any time he tried to bring it up nearly impossible, but now felt as if he had no real choice.
aiden tried to not think about the negative as he bee lined for the bridal suite, ignoring the calamity that racked around his brain. if not having a marriage or a wife was a sacrifice he had to make for her happiness, was it that big of a deal? obviously not, as he edged closer to the door and gave it two hard knocks. the door cracked and he quickly turned around as he suddenly remembered the superstition. “i know, i know — don’t yell at me yet. i know i’m not supposed to see you or even be here, but we both already know we’ll probably get married and divorced twice just to make the news if we actually do this anyway.” ignoring her questioning, he backed up until he felt the wood of the door frame against his back. moving his hand in the open door way, he reached toward her. “can you hold my clammy hand please?” pausing until he felt her hand in his, aiden let out a deep breath, “i feel like such a loser, sitting in that room all by myself and counting my steps. all i want to do is see you, you know? but you’re in here, putting on a dress that you’re going to make me help you go to the bathroom in, and this is all such a big deal and i know you hate that. you hate that, don’t you?” he heard brooke begin to speak and a lump immediately jumped up to his throat, “just… wait. before you say anything,” he interrupted. “i don’t want you to do this for me — this whole wedding thing. i know that you’re probably doing it for me, and that really sucks to think about.” the male sighed, squeezing her hand tighter as he continued, “i used to want to get married when i was younger because i thought that was just what you do. as much as i talk a big game, i never imagined anything spectacular for my life or myself until i met you. then, after you, i really just wanted to get married so when i was having a shitty day i could look down at the ring on my finger and think of you.” not looking at her was growing harder and harder, as aiden squeezed his eyes tightly shut. “our whole life together has been an uphill battle and i still am not blind to the fact that i don’t deserve a single day with you, not to mention a whole life time. and if there’s even a part of you that doesn’t want to make a commitment like that today, then that’s okay. there’s a huge tax cut for married couples, you know that, right? like, that shit sucks. and i’ll even go outside and tell everyone it’s off. pencil dick will probably be disappointed he couldn’t object during the ceremony, but who gives a fuck? and also, who the fuck invited him?” feeling himself continue on a spiral of digression, aiden let his body fall into a small slump as he now leaned on the doorway for support. “i just love you and that’s all that matters. and if you have any doubt in your mind, any at all, i’m happy with you as long as i’m with you — that’s it.”
