So uuuuh. i got it ??
They were both really nice and i didn’t ramble too much and ‘rehearsing’ the night before with the Flats really helped. They both gave favorable opinion and asked if i needed time to reflect and i said no that i already had between the phone calls and that i wanted to do it (the formation/training, the job come after if everything goes well in the three months of it). I still don’t know if i made the right decision, you know (i’ve been burned by Opportunity before and Thinking it was what i finally, actually, really Wanted - which gave me the most stressed year i ever had been), but it is what i was looking for : a training that gives a good job where you can evolve after up and in diagonal. There are things in this job that appeal to me - helping, being in a good team, a “good” company and that i think for now is already good, even if the job in itself does not become something i love. We’ll see. Now i have to face the upcoming three intensive months where i WILL have to study at home and on the week-ends. Which is really a Knot that have followed me since middle school (where i did very well without working and thus never learned to work and totally crashed in HS and after). It’s scary but this is an opportunity to actually try to work on and maybe beat that by learning how i, well, learn, and then feel better about how i view my self worth and my impostor syndrome. (i said a big fat liar when she said “but given your past and personnality i have no worries that you’re a hardworker at home !” me, sweating : “yeaaah, totally”) But like sorry in advance guys i’ll probably super whiny about that cause that what i do, so like in advance feel free to tell me “pls go bothering something else about it”. And now im gonna stop thinking about it cause i really slept super bad and so it wouldn’t be productive. eat sleep draw breathe