Let me begin by stating, I am just a woman, I have no political aspirations. I am self-employed and have no one to answer too. I have no person to take down from a powerful position. In fact, if I saw my abusers walking down the street today, I wouldn’t even recognize them. Like many others, I am sharing my story to empower women and to encourage women like myself to share their stories to bring an awareness to the sexual debasement that has been going on since the beginning of time. But if we keep sitting in silence, if we are too afraid to tell our stories, we are doing a disservice to the women who come after us. We must talk, we must fight, and we must stand together to empower one another.
Since our President and our current administration believe that a sexual assault that happened too long ago just didn’t happen, I can no longer be silent.
Approximately 26 years ago, I was a victim of a sexual rape/assault. I say assault or rape because even at the mature age of 55 and with all of my life's experiences, I am still confused by the role that I played in becoming the victim and that is really sad. I still find it difficult to categorize what happened to me.
It was the summer of 1991, in Bakersfield, California. I was approximately 27 years old. I was walking through a parking lot with a girlfriend to go to the movies. While walking a very handsome black man pulled up next to us in his car and began talking with me. I explained we were on our way to the movies and we were running late. Flattered no doubt, I gave him my telephone number to call me at a later time. The next day he called and asked if we could go to dinner. I explained that I couldn’t because I had a daughter and wouldn’t be free until that following weekend because she was going to Los Angeles to spend the summer with my parents. We spoke a few times throughout the week over the phone and he seemed to be a very nice articulate well educated man . The following weekend he invited me to come to his house for the 4th of July because he was going to a barbecue for the holiday. I agreed to come. He insisted on picking me up, but I insisted on driving myself (and I am so glad that I did). We had spoken on the phone a few times and personally, I felt safe enough to visit his home.
When I arrived at his apartment he opened the door I walked in and there standing in the kitchen was a Caucasian female. Naturally, as a woman, I immediately felt some type of way seeing another female there when I believed it was just going to be the two of us. She was very nice and before long we all sat down and began to talk. They informed me they were roommates and had been best friends for years. He was going back and forth on the patio to turn the meat on the grill. In the meantime, she asked if I wanted a drink. I told her my preference was rum and coke, they were drinking beer. Mind you, at this age, I could drink. I could actually drink more than most men and not get drunk, so I was not a lightweight when it came to drinking alcohol. She went into the kitchen (that was visible from where I was sitting) and began to make me a drink. She told me she was a 1st-grade school teacher and we began talking about teaching children because I explained that I wanted to become a teacher as well.
I began drinking my drink that she made me and we all continued our conversation about life and everything seemed normal. It didn’t even seem awkward that she was a third wheel at this get together. As we sat in the living room laughing and talking and listening to music, soon my “date” began to get a little "handsy" with me while sitting on the couch. I told him to stop and that I was uncomfortable (especially with an extra set of eyes in the room). He stopped, and we continued talking. Soon I was about 3 or 4 drinks in and the party starting changing beyond my control. I don’t even remember eating (not sure that I did). Everything was starting to get a little blurry and even today I have to admit I had no idea that I had been “Bill Cosby’d” at that time. I remember my "date" went into a room and came out naked holding a golf club. He stood in the middle of the living room and began swinging the golf club in a golfing motion. I remember telling them that I was leaving and she stated that he does this all of the time. I remember standing up and then sitting back down, I could hardly stand. I knew something was happening to me but I couldn’t control what was happening to my mind and body at that time.
I remember being pulled into a bedroom that had a canopy bed and I remember white chiffon draping hanging from the bed. Then it happened to me. I was being raped by this man. I do not remember how my clothes came off, I don’t remember the act, but I do remember him being aggressive and it seemed to take forever (maybe it wasn’t because I was really out of it). I was coming in and out of consciousness throughout the entire time. I don’t remember fighting back because I couldn’t. My mind seemed to be all over the place. At some point, I believed I blacked out for a period of time. When I woke up, I remember being confused trying to figure out where I was. I remembered he leaned over to ask if I wanted some water, I remember telling him that I did and I remember being very thirsty. As he left the room I remember looking at my naked body lying in this bed confused and trying to understand what I had done. While lying there I heard the two of them arguing with one another. I was not sure what they were arguing about I was just trying to figure out what I was doing here. I had apparently dozed off again and when I came to I noticed she was now sitting on the side of the bed holding a glass of water with her hand on my leg, while I was sprawled out naked on the bed. I remember her asking me if I was okay. I remember telling her to get her f’ing hand off of my leg and I remember jumping off of the bed as she was leaving the room and I began searching for my clothes while they began arguing with one another again. I put on what clothing I could find (I left some clothing behind) and I remember bursting out of the room running for the front door. I remember him grabbing me and trying to hold me back, telling me that I couldn’t drive. I remember cursing, yelling and telling them that they were up to no good. I finally broke free from his grip and the one thing I remember most about that entire night were the words that he said to me as I was leaving. He stated, “these are the 90′s and you need to get with the times”. I left and he called me a few times the next day but I would just hang up the phone, after which I never heard from him again. It is true that God watches out for fools and babies because somehow I made it home safe in my inebriated state.
I never reported the incident (although I hate that I didn’t) but I now wonder, how many people have they done this to before and after me. I went on with my life. I was pissed off (with myself and them) and distrusting for a great while. I will never forget the incident however it didn’t alter my life because at this point in my life I had already dealt with many other traumatic moments. Because I didn’t report it doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen, because it did. All of these years later, I have only told about 4 people. I told my daughter when she came of drinking age. I told her never, ever have someone make your drink unless you are at a bar or restaurant. I told my best friend Leon, who is the person who encouraged me to tell my story and I told perhaps two other people who I was hanging around at the time.
WHY I DIDN’T TELL?
I am not sure why I never told and why many others before me refuse to tell their stories publicly. Perhaps, because many of you are judging the validity of my story right now. Perhaps, it was because I didn’t want to hear the why’s, why you didn’t leave, why did you go in the first place, why was I drinking, why I didn’t fight, why, why, why? Perhaps, because somehow in my mind, I made it my fault. Because I didn’t want to bring shame to my loving parents. Because perhaps after telling my story, my life may be viewed differently. But thanks given to our President, our current administration and the vile climate in America right now, I just don’t care anymore.
Formerly a chart-topping rapper and now hard-hitting zombie hunter, Sam B is one of the most popular characters in the Dead Island universe. Of course, you can also play him in Dead Island: Survivors – out now on the App Store and Google Play!
#Truth "Untreatable" is a myth that allows insurance companies to exclude essential therapeutic services to people who need it. #CapitalismIsDestruction #bpdawareness #BorderlineIsNotAPersonality #Suvivors https://www.instagram.com/p/BqpjXqADRuU/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1nybo6j6hgx67
The liquid sunshine came & left.......We walked side by side to Make Strides to end Breast Cancer. The River Walk will forever be a place to remember........ #makingstridesagainstbreastcancer #kissbreastcancergoodbye #suvivors #walkingforacause #itsbetterwithfriends #evenbetterwithyoursisters #avonsisters #sbx #kappaxi #sisterslove (at Tuscaloosa Amphitheater) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpLRXxODEK1/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=n14tuyanjh4x
Today, some odd and odorous visitors were spotted in our social area. Any idea who they are and what they're up to? If not, check the App Store's "Today" tab! :)
