#suzusmiley

[ayusaurus]

Hewwo Ayu

SUZU WHY U GOTTA DO ME LIKE THIS??? I never would have thought in all my time that you would do this to me... Using the H word against me like this 

[suzusmiley]

Someone give me advice

I broke up with Javier the beginning of February. Since then, he hasn’t talked to me. And even the day of he was a jerk to me and told me he was “pissed off and hurry up and say what I had to say to him.” 

Since then, he’s quit the Role Player’s guild, actually quit the day we broke up and has occasionally come to meetings. Our president was put in the hospital last week and some how, he became acting president in her absence. Nick and Becca the vp and the pres. didn’t talk to any other officers at all. They just put him in charge. 

So since we broke up, he hasn’t talked to me. He’s ignored my presence. But now suddenly he’s “Acting President” he wants to talk to me. Well, after almost a month of him treating me like I’m invisible and after trying to talk to him, I don’t want to anymore. I get my club work done, he can do whatever he thinks he’s doing for the club that he pretty much up and abandoned. 

So everybody knows I’m stressed to the max. I have 5 more hours of community service to get done by this Tuesday, 7 i did today for the 12 hours I need. I have studying to do, had to find a new advisor, and other stuff I need to get done. So today Nick is trying to force me to talk to him saying now its affecting the club. Which it’s really not. Javier became acting president Wednesday of last week. Since then, I haven’t seen him at all. So how is it affecting the club? He knows I don’t need him to tell me what work I need to get done, I know what I need to get done. I know all the shit the officers pile on me regularly because I’m the only one who does anything in reality. But Javier comes up to me and knows Im waiting for someone to talk to me and keeps bugging me to talk to him and telling me to get off my phone. So I don’t. If you’re not going to ask me to talk with the respect I deserve I’m not going to talk to you. Simple as that. 

So it goes n they keep trying to force me to talk to him, they start calling me a child and insulting me, then I get out of community service, get some food and I’m studying in the office. The meeting is over today and it’s probably the only one I’ve missed this semester, mind you, Nick didn’t know we had to cancel the meeting today or book another spot so just got us a spot this morning. And Nick tattled on me to the Dean saying he’s going to fire me as an officer if I don’t talk to him. But when I tried to explain to him how its unfair that Javier treated me that way when I wanted to talk, it was fine but now that he wants to talk and I don’t its suddenly a problem. He tried to say he didn’t try to force him because he wasn’t part of the club then. But since he was supposedly both of our friends, he should have told him “Hey you’re really hurting Shelby by treating her like that, you should talk to her.” cause thats what a real friend would do right? So how come now when Javier is on the receiving end its fine for everybody to treat me so badly and try to force me to talk to someone when I don’t want to try to talk things out anymore?

Im thinking about telling them to take their RPG and shove it, but honestly, what should I do?

[suzusmiley]

things to do

just a reminder for myself for shit i need to do after work 

Wash walls, organize books put clothes away cleanse crystals put xmas tree away  clean up computer (put things on flash drive, delete from computer)  reminder to get new flash drive dust room

[orange-plum]

Commission for suzusmiley for their OC Valovel. Commissions are still open through December and can be found here.

[hippywhippy]

i love you

I love you too!! 

[suzusmiley]

Babysitting

Characters used: Lucifer, Natalie, Archangel Mike and original character Valovel  Characters from comic belong to: Orange-Plum 

Plot summary: Mike needs a tiny favor from Lucifer and Natalie.  Feedback appreciated!

The archangel waited eagerly for his brother and ginger snap to come home. He had another smaller archangel sitting in his lap, fast asleep. Gosh she was so cute and tiny he just wanted to squeeze her! But every time he went to hug her while she slept she let out a soft whimper and started to stir. So for now he settled on waiting and watching the door until it finally opened and there they were, bickering as usual. Until they saw him. "What are you doing in my room?" Natalie questioned. "I wanted you to meet somebody! Luce too! Father just created her yesterday !" All the commotion had woken the girl and she looked up at mike before nuzzling against his chin and letting out a sleepy yawn. Mikes heart practically melted. Luce stared almost curiously. He was the last archangel ever to be created. Why was this little runt created now? "Mike she's adorable! What's her name?" Natalie asked. Mike picked the girl up and set her on the bed next to him so he could stretch his legs out. "Go on! tell them! They're friendly I promise!" Val had already proven to be on the shy side unlike her other siblings. Guess it was natural since she was only created to look 7. She bit her lip watching them before mumbling out her name. "Valovel.." "Why was she even created? Isn't there enough of you around?" Luce questioned. "Besides what could this little runt do?" Mike sighed. "She's the archangel of peace, as in we guess she's gonna go head to head with war. We ran into him yesterday and he ran away with his tail between his legs when she used her powers on him." Val felt uncomfortable with so many eyes on her and she did what any small child would. She let out her fluffy little wings and covered her eyes, closing her wings around her. "Tch sure she's a real fighter mike." "Aw cmon Luce! She was actually excited to meet you and now you're making her nervous!" Natalie tilted her head. "Does she know about the fall?" "Yep.  She prefers fairy tales over stories of heaven, but when we told her all the games Luce and I used to play she said she wanted to play with him and wellllll I need a favor!" "No way" Luce interjected before Natalie could even get a word out. "I don't care what you need I don't care about her I'm not a babysitter and neither is she!" "Well actually i-" "Zip it." Mike whined. "Please! Just for an hour! I swear this isn't for anything bad I swear!  I just have stuff to do in heaven and I don't trust anybody else with her! Please?" Natalie nodded. "I'm gonna be going to get food with some friends but I'm sure they won't mind if she comes! We'll take good care of her! " Mike beamed. "Knew I could count of you ginger snap!" He gently nudged Val's wings away. "You're gonna stay with your brother Luce and Natalie for a bit Kay? I'll be back in a bit!" Val obviously didn't like this idea because tears and a frown became evident on her face. "No no no! No crocodile tears!" He picked her up and handed her to Luce who was less than thrilled to be dragged into this. "Remember earth rules I'll be back thanks again nat!" And with that he flew off.

Val stared up at Luce watching as his horns protruded from his skull. Her eyes gleamed with curiosity. "Show me how to do that!" Luce frowned. "If I do you won't ever see heaven again brat." "You're awful with children.. Cmon mike is waiting!" Satan groaned and turned back Stan. "Why do I have to go?" "Because I said so! Cmon Val! You get to meet my friends they'll love you!" Val stuck her tongue out at Luce when he wasn't looking and flashed him a smile when he looked down at her. Natalie smirked. "Tuck your wings in. Humans can't see them.." He told her and set her down. Val nodded and shook them out before tucking them in. She trotted after them, cling to luces arm. "Oh hell no." He growled and tried to shake her off. When she didn't budge he let out another groan and kept walking until they finally met up with the human friends. Natalie was right. They adored her. And she adored the attention. She was definitely cut from the same cloth as mike. She had taken a particular liking the her brothers look a like and called him brother until Natalie pulled her away to explain to her that they weren't the same person. Then she went back to hanging onto Luce 's arm. The night went on uneventful and boring as usual. Until they started walking home. Mike was most likely waiting in Natalie's room or somewhere down the road. Two figures were walking towards them, nothing unusual honestly.  This was a busier part of town in the day. Val was following after Lucifer. He made a “no touching” rule for her and he was actually surprised she was following it.    “Can we babysit your sister again??” Natalie asked, smiling at the small girl. “You look like one of those mother hens with the little chick following you around! Its so cute!”  It took everything he had in him not turn and scare the girl. He really didn’t feel like having to listen to Natalie yell at him and order him to find her. Just a few more streets and they would be home. And finally the two figures came into view.  He felt his stomach drop. War and Death. Why now? Really? Why him?   “What could you possibly want here War?” The sleezeball of a Horseman grinned. “Just here for something, if you’d step aside I’ll take her and be out of your hair.” “The kid? Are you for real? Not exactly your type War..” That wiped the grin off of his face.  “I’m only asking once more. Move.” Not like Lucifer really cared about the kid. But it really made it worthwhile to have something in his possession that they wanted. Hell War even had to bring backup to get a kid! “Mmm.. No” He watched the two pull out weapons, a gun and a scythe. Dammit he really didn’t feel like fighting. “Take the kid. Go.” He told Natalie, stepping in front of the two of them.  

Natalie went to pull Val over to her, but she moved just out of reach. She was staring directly at War. “Val, sweetie. Um c’mon we’re gonna go home!” The small angel trotted up to Luce’s side, holding a whip in her hand, ignoring Natalie. “Cute he has a little side kick” Death teased. “Lets just get this over with. One less angel, the more chaos I can create.” War aimed his weapon at Val. She swung her whip just as he fired, coiling around his ankles and pulling with all her might. His arms waved as he tried to regain his balance, only to fail and fall onto the sidewalk. “You little-!” Luce laughed and went head to head with Death. He was almost impressed with Val. She had balls to fight War, even if that’s what she was created for. The fight ended when Val tangled the two Horsemen together around a lamppost with her whip and the three ran off.

-----

Natalie had gone to change into her pajamas while Luce sat in his beanbag chair and Val sat on the bed, braiding her hair. “Runt..” Val looked up at the mention of her nickname. If you could call it that. “Do me a favor?” She grinned and nodded eagerly. “Keep that whole fight thing between us. If you do, I guess you can come over once in a while.” He got up and moved onto the bed. “Yeah!” Luce ruffled her hair and looked to the door once Natalie came in, reclaimed her bed and pulling Val into her lap. “Do we really have to send her back with Mike? I know he’s her brother, but so are you and he’s just so..” “He’s a pain..” The angel chimed in. “Okay yeah. She can totally stay if you can explain to you father why you suddenly have a small child.” Luce said, smirking at Val’s comment. “But its true!” Nat complained. “He talks a lot, especially about Luce, or anything really. Usually its you two. He bugs Gabe a lot too. Gosh I hope Mike doesn’t make me turn out like Gabe.” At that very second Mike flew in and the room went silent. The three stared at the now very confused Mike.

[suzusmiley]

So since everybody is doing this thing now, look it's me when I was a wee lass growing up, then in middle school with short hair, then I was in my sophomore year of high school and the last 2 are me now in sophomore year of college. Did I win the puberty challenge?

[suzusmiley]

So one of your friends told me you don't like getting close to people but you're afraid of being alone? Can you like explain that? it looks like a lot of people care about you?

I guess you guys do kinda deserve an explanation huh? You’re not the first to ask me this this week lol. So heres the thing. I learned a really important lesson in the past few years. I am not meant to have friends or be around people. I’m simply meant to be alone. I’m my only friend and I’m fine with that. So how did I learn this? Well actually it started in middle school.  I had 4 close friends and we all lived in the same neighborhood. I had anxiety even back then I didn’t know how to talk to people and when they started branching out and making all these new friends I didn’t know how to keep up. So they just kinda.. left me behind. Eventually I made other friends and I continued to be friends with them until senior year. On the way I lost friends, one moved away, or the other just didn’t want to be around us anymore. They were very toxic people that I hung out with to be honest. They only cared about themselves and when I had a problem their answer was usually something about how Im spoiled and I have no right to complain. Like hell yeah Im spoiled but that doesn’t mean I don’t have problems? Just this morning my mom told me I have no right to be depressed. But senior year rolls around and prom is just around the corner. My little group has gotten smaller and I decide to stick by a friend that they told me was terrible but I didn’t believe it. So because I stuck by her they didn’t want me at the table for prom. Who wouldn’t be upset by that? I just kinda accepted it, smiled and said yeah thats fine. They said they still wanted to be my friend so stupid me I believed it. They tried forcing me to date 2 boys that were creeps, one who stalked me and the other who well he hurt me very badly. over the course of a few days I went from having a bunch of friends to about 2. They all got mad at me because i said it wasn’t fair that they pushed me away cause I stayed loyal to someone. They made friends with a very horrible girl who turned them all against me. There was 4 of us. Adrian, Kaya, Oceana and Suki. Our names of oc’s that we came p with for a roleplay. They became us. We became a tight group of friends. We were the crew. After Kaya moved away things kinda fell apart. We got into fights more. I got jealous a lot more easily. And we all kinda branched apart and that was the hardest thing ever. I felt alone. Like I’ve said before, I didn’t know how to make friends. So long story short I don’t talk to them anymore, maybe once a month really.So the long story short. I don’t get close to people cause they leave. And its not like gradual its quick. Within hours I lose friends. One day I talk to them, the next day I don’t. It’s the same with my ex gf. Who I get along with now and I’m really happy about that. But She’s another reason I try not to let people in anymore. People say they love you and they care about you and thats not always true. They love the idea of you, not you. People don’t accept your flaws, but if you don’t accept theres, its a whole other story. 

I know theres people that care about me. But I don’t like getting close to people and I don’t think I’m gonna do it anymore. I don’t think I can survive it. I used to tell people that friendship is just a superficial title. They use the world friend so they can use you and not feel guilty about it. And after joining a fandom on here, I stopped believing it. I really did. I was happy for the past few months. But thats the only thing I’ve thought of the past few weeks. I thought it was just because it was the end of the semester and I had made some awesome friends and I was afraid I wouldn’t talk to them after, but I don’t know. Do you ever know somethings not true? But you get so angry and hurt or upset, by anything, your period, grades, family problems and you just think: Nobody cares about me! If they did they would help me! Well a lot of the time thats what I do. Theres a lot more instances where this has happened but I already gave you a boring enough answer lol.