Warning(s): Gender-neutral reader, OOC?, Not proof-read, self-deprecation, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harm. Angst? to fluff. It’s Swallow Bun.
Summary: Swallow Bun longed for death but now…he wishes to pause for but for a moment and stay by your side. Until the day he can not reach you.
Notes: This man needs a break. And therapy. Preferably both.
Swallow Bun believes you’re wasting your time.
You have plenty of other spirits who’d love to spend time with you. Who’d happily smile and laugh alongside you while playing a game or during a simple conversation. The options given to you were endless..so why do you continue to be with him? To choose him to be the one you spend your time with? He could not offer you a smile or be able to enjoy any games with you without his wings getting in the way. Why…why Master do you look at him so lovingly?
Are you perhaps afraid he’d leave one day?
It’s only natural you’d be. With his wish to part from this world like the autumn leaves to a tree, it’s no wonder you’d be worried enough about him. About his departure. About his death.
Regrettably, Swallow feels like it’s going to take a long time for that day to come. The day when everyone forgets about the dish and the tragedy from which he was born from. Like his wings, it kept him to this world a little longer. Ah…everything would be so much easier, so much less sorrowful if he could just chop them off. They do nothing but bring him attention he doesn’t desire, giving him more time to stay in the world he’s trying to return to.
But..if there’s one thing his wings do right…it’d be giving you joy. Swallow wasn’t sure why you liked his wings so much or why you enjoyed touching them. To him, they were only a burden he was stuck with until his eventual demise. To you, they were a wonder and something you always tried to make easier on him. He doesn’t understand it at all. He doesn’t understand you at all.
And so he decided to finally ask you the question at the hiding spot only he and you knew about. The question that had been on his mind ever since he first met you. Ever since you convinced him to wait for Yizhi’s return to find a way for his wish to be fulfilled.
“Master…why do you care for me? There’s no reason for you too..”
Perhaps he shouldn’t have asked that if the way your eyes widened were any indication. But then you surprised him with what you did next. Hugging him before telling him words he had never heard directed towards him before. It was always monster or a spring god he was not, never such passionate words with such a gentle but determined eyes.
“I love you! That’s why I want you to be happy! To smile!”
You really are full of surprises Master, just like life. Unlike life however…you never made him feel exhausted or pained. Like his existence was necessary in your eyes. To you, he was the one you love. He could feel it now, the red spreading across his face as he covered his face with his hands, hiding himself and you within the embrace of his wings as he closed them around you.
He wasn’t sure how to answer your confession, a very bold confession at that. And now that you were this close to him…Ah..Master, what should he do now? But…as he lowers his hands from his face looking at your eyes, the corners of his mouth couldn’t help but lift up slightly. Unnoticeable to many but an old friend and you.
Leaning his head down and placing it on your shoulder, he nodded. A silent acceptance of your bold confession as he slowly wrapped his shaking arms around your waist. Death may not wait for anyone but if..it was possible, he’d like to pause it for just a second..so he could enjoy this moment of peace with you.
