Things Unsaid
Cool droplets caressed his skin as Sasuke pulled another cigarette from his carton. Each breath was visible as it left his pale lips, though this or the sign of the coming rain wasn't enough to shake him from his thoughts. Two weeks. For two weeks he had went back in forth with himself. What he'd actually say never surfaced, but even to say something, anything before she left was what he struggled with. Ambiguous as it all had been, he could no longer deny that all that had happened between them was something. Something honest, something authentic. So much energy had been put into telling himself she was no different than all the other females he was acquainted with. So much time spent pushing her away, or pulling away when he felt he was losing control. Now, she was leaving and he couldn't help but feel slighted.
The Raven sucked his teeth as the image of Kankuro flashed behind his eyes. 'Just friends,' he thought as he zipped up his leather jacket, an action that proved in vain against the blistering wind that surrounded him. As he exhaled a cloud of nicotine his anger faded to sadness. What did it matter now anyway? Honestly is always about timing and appearance not the actual truth, and while it was never his intention, he knew what his actions must have looked and felt like to her. The night their relationship escalated still was clear in his mind, though a couple years had passed. Flashing lights and loud music, a abundance of alcohol. The memory of how much of a mess he was then, how emotionally distraught and neglected he had felt for so long still stung like a fresh wound. She was his friend, and when she confessed that she had deeper feelings he leaped at the offers of affection and admiration. A small whimper fell from pale lips and as the rain began to pour, a epiphany caused warm liquid spill from dark eyes.
He was weak.
Even worse, he'd been for a long time. At his weakest point a certain redhead had broke through his armor and exposed him for what he really was. She had seen past what he pretended to be. The night at G.O.A, the night he realized he had deeper feelings for her it terrified him. So instead of explaining he'd made a mistake, instead of explaining he cared for her too much to let her get involved with someones whose own insecurities and demons kept him from giving her everything she deserved, he retreated. Put distance between them. Now, it was too late. The last time they spoke he could hear the resentment lacing her words. Who could blame her? Now, in the night air soaking wet, he realized that he'd probably lost one of his best friends forever. He wanted to tell her he was wrong, that he should have been up front and not let it escalate to the point it did. That he wished he could have been better, stronger. But he was only human and cowardly one at that. So instead he stood up and walked slowly over to nearby stoop and lit another cigarette. As a airplane flew overhead, he hoped she'd forget him and find the life she deserved.
" You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex. A stranger with your door key explaining that I'm just visiting. And I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving..." - (The District Sleeps Alone Tonight) The Postal Service
