#sx-letters

[sxintl]

2021.07.17 SNH48 Team X “YYDS” Yang Bingyi Birthday Stage | Duan Yixuan’s letter to Yang Bingyi

Hello, my Shuibaobao little senior.

I just transferred here last time when I wrote to you for your birthday, I thought I seemed rather uneasy standing here. You have too many close meimei (younger sisters) around you.

I kept waiting at that time, thinking when would it be my turn. So I took the initiative today, I listened and exclaimed when I was waiting, “she’s so close to this meimei”, “her bond with that meimei is so strong”. It’s okay, with that many people loving you makes me happy too.

Our Shuibaobao who would keep asking about my condition when I just came to Shanghai, our Shuibaobao who would come to find me all the time and always wanting to hang out with me. And who, when I habitually want to cling to you, want to find you, asking “where are you”, would always answer “oh, I’m eating in Qi Jing’s room.”

Seriously, that’s what happened.

Y: No!

D: Seriously, doesn’t she eat with you all the time? Having hotpots and all sorts of food, right?

Q: …kinda

D: And every time I asked, “where are you?” “I’m eating at Qi Jing’s” and that was it, I thought she would invite me.

Q: Ask me next time I’ll invite you over.

Y: So you want to eat with Qi Jing.

D: I think that can be arranged.

Q: I think so too.

Actually, I just wanted to tell you, even though I may seem embarrassed sometimes, like how I may sound jealous now, I’m actually inviting you, I’m giving you hints, it’s fine as long as you get it.

Shuijing maybe sweet, Xuanxuan is also waiting for you.

Y: I understand now, Master.

And for this birthday stage, our Shuishui has put in a lot of thoughts, a lot of effort, spent a lot of money—even for me who’s known for spending extravagantly, couldn’t help but exclaim, you sure can spent lots of money.

Y: I only spend my money on proper things, unlike you, wanting to buy some toilet seat cover.

D: I didn’t buy a toilet seat cover, because I’m preparing my birthday stage too, I can’t afford it.

Y: I’ll give it as a gift.

D: You said it, record it down.

But looking at it now, it’s all worth it, right. I think it was spectacular, I might be at the backstage the whole time, but I could feel that the atmosphere was especially great.

Y: Like when I was miming.

D: You know halfway through the performance she got a leg cramp. And she was like “I can’t”, she was resting on the side, someone massaging her leg for her, and she was like “no, don’t care about me, I need to change” and she went to get change with her cramps. It’s quite touching, she really respects the stage.

Our Shuishui may be young, but when she’s looking after me, you won’t feel that she’s young, she exudes an aura that you wouldn’t dare to fool around. “What did you buy again!” “You’re not allowed to buy it!” Even so, whenever I’m short of money, she will not hesitate to transfer me money. She’s like my mother who doesn’t like seeing me spending money recklessly but also afraid of seeing me actually starve. And she definitely knows that I’m usually proud and don’t feel comfortable asking for money form others, so most of the time it was her who asked me herself saying, “oh, should I send you some money?”

And sometimes I’m afraid that I will make others worry, so I don’t like sharing anything bad with the friends around me. But whenever our Shuishui sharply detects that something is wrong with me, she will call me out on the façade that I’m wearing, pretending that everything is okay. In a very stern way that I couldn’t slip away no matter how I tried to be cute or mess around. Although I keep saying I don’t want to be worried too much, when you suddenly feel that someone cares about you and worries about you, it feels pretty great. I feel very happy to be treasured by you.

Sometimes I feel like you know me too well, and because you know me too well, you will accommodate to me to soothe that little uneasiness in my heart. In fact, the uneasiness can never compare to the joy and happiness in my heart when you are with me. So I can let go of those uneasiness. So you don’t have to move back, and you don’t have to hold yourself back, come find me, come spend time with me, I need you a lot.

And, of course I would think that I know you very well, I instinctively remembered all of your likes and dislikes that you’ve told me. Just as you said before unconsciously that you don’t like sleeping with others, so even when I was very afraid at midnight, I wouldn’t find you to accompany me to bed.

Y: And you went to find Nong Yanping.

Right, that’s why sometimes if feels like such understanding isn’t that good, because when you asked me “you would ask Nong Yanping to sleep with you but not me”, I instinctively thought, was I not being considerate to you?

Y: I was being considerate to you too when I didn’t ask you if you wanted to drink milk tea because I know that you don’t drink milk tea.

D: Right, you know that I don’t drink milk tea, so you ordered milk tea for everyone except me. You should at least give me a chance to reject you.

Y: I don’t want to give you a chance to reject me.

D: Because things like this happen too often, there are times when we know each other too well, it’s just- you get that right?

Y: I don’t.

D: No, you guys get it, right?

Y: What would they know? I don’t know you guys that well.

It’s just I think that this type of understanding can be good but also bad. Because when I know your likes and dislikes too well, I wouldn’t want to do anything that would make you unhappy, I would be worried that what if you started to dislike me even for a bit just because of that?

That’s also because I actually don’t know if there’ll be exceptions made for me for your principles and likes and dislikes, right?

Say, if you order a milk tea for me, I’ll still take a sip or two. Say, even if I don’t drink milk tea, you can still order something else for me.

That’s why on the contrary, I don’t want you to know me this well, because you are an exception to many things for me. Lots of issues with principles, lots of things that I might not think of being able to change, I feel like, perhaps you would be an exception to those.

And I want to tell you, there may be lots of imperfections in this world, but in my eyes, you always deserve the wonderful things, if you’re unhappy, if you’re troubled, you still have to come to me, I will tell you all of the praises that I have kept in my heart and words that I am too embarrassed to say out loud usually, and let you know how wonderful you are.

Happy birthday, from your teens to twenties, we still have to stay together till our thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties and hundred, till we’re both old nannies. I think there are many romantic words in this world, but for now, the most romantic ones I can think of for you is

Y: We’ll still perform on gongyan until 100 years old.

The most romantic words for me is, until the day your hair is whiter(paler) than your skin, I will continue to love you as always.

D: Bye bye, thank you everyone for supporting Yang Bingyi, thank you!

[sxintl]

2022.10.01 SNH48 Team X “Xiaoyi” Yang Bingyi Birthday Stage | Duan Yixuan’s letter to Yang Bingyi

To my dear Shuibaobao,

I honestly didn't know how to write this letter, I've amended it so many times with so many versions written, I was afraid, I was afraid that it's not that good.

We've walked through so much time, been together for so long, and been through so much together, though it seems like the older we get, the more we're worried about.

For once I felt like I might not be able to write anything so I thought simply making you happy would be enough.

Preparing for a birthday stage is an irritating and tiring thing, I don't know if this is Chip or Dale, either way, right now it's Xuanxuan Didi, right, a cheap substitute.

Y: High-end version!

I wanted to make you feel a bit more relaxed.

I've always felt like you're a child I watched growing up, but at the same time, while I watched you grow, it's like you were watching me grow as well. We saw the changes in each other's personalities, hobbies, habits, and mentality along the way.

We were like people running around a misty magical forest barefooted while chasing after and searching for the light, we were also running away from the damages the twigs and vines coming after us would bring. It was like some kind of quest, some kind of adventure, it was also like some kind of escape. In the course of running, we've accepted growth, change, and lots and lots of partings that happened naturally. I'm just really glad that, the "us" that I met the moment I stepped into this piece of forest, the "us" that is still working hard and struggling through the mist, has never let go of each other's hands that were tightly held together, we did not lose ourselves.

And I've always thought that I know you very well, and therefore, I'll instinctively think that there shouldn't be anyone-- that no one should, or that no one can know you better than I do.

Then one day I was talking about you with someone, I started talking about your hobbies very surely, and then they challenged me saying "hmm, maybe she doesn't think so now." If it were from before I would definitely refute it, but that day I didn't dare to, because I was afraid that someone else would know the current you more than I do.

This is me giving you hints.

Y: There she goes again.

When I just came to Shanghai, you read me the letter you wrote for me whimpering, you said with that we get to meet more often. And after that you did come to find me more often, there wasn't anything special, nothing that we had to specifically talk about, just snuggling up on my tiny sofa, we'd talk if there was anything to talk about, if not, we'd be on our own phones, then I'd fall asleep while playing on my phone. And when I woke up, you'd tell me seeing Whiskey and me sleeping side by side was very healing. When you leave, you'd suddenly say "hugs", and I'd say "oh? You're leaving?"

And when you started raising Yang Jinjin, I felt a strong sense of crisis for our Pudding. Because I was actually afraid that if our Pudding had lost the one thing that temps you, I was afraid that you wouldn't come to find me that often anymore. However- Or rather, afraid that every time you want to come to find me and Pudding you'd be held back by Yang Jinjin's temptation, so I tried to change him. What I didn't expect is that he's super good and listens to orders well in your room, every time you bring him over, he'll turn into the fiercest kitten in the world when he sees Pudding.

He can't stand him.

Y: I must defend our Yang Jinjin, our Yang Jinjin is a scaredy cat.

D: Alright, you don't have to say more. Yes, he is a scaredy cat. But he scares Pudding into looking more like a scaredy cat every time.

Y: Because he's- whatever, it's our Yang Jinjin who's too fierce.

D: It's okay, I can understand him.

You used to say there's a lot of people who come to my room, but whenever you come to find me, I feel really happy and relieved.

Our Bingbing also has a lot of friends, every time when you accompanied me through the long corridor, walking in the same direction, and yet when you had to say goodbye in the end, the sound of my door closing would be a bit louder, were you not aware of that?

Everyone in the centre knew how good of a cook I am during lockdown.

Y: That's exactly because everyone in the centre knows!

D: Listen to me!

But then I'd hear you talk to others saying things like "oh, our ingredients", “who's gonna do our dishes?" I really wanted you to spit out the curry rice I made for you.

Every time I heard you in the room opposite to mine I'd intentionally send you a message asking, "are you over there?" and you'd reply immediately saying "you even know that?"

Yeah, I am giving you hints, but I know that it's mainly my problem because this is my reflection, after giving you hints, I mean, I should reflect on myself, after all, it goes both ways, there's no way that only one person's at fault, and two people can't be… right? It's not a mistake, because I don't think my problem is a mistake, nor yours is a mistake, it's just habits.

Just that I think my problem's a bit worse, maybe I'm not that enthusiastic about a lot of things or anything fun in life, and, indeed, I don't like to play with anything, and maybe I'm not that interested in many things, even so, you still have to think of me and invite me, even if I've rejected you.

Because, because there's a possibility that I just didn't want to go with you guys today, like you guys were playing over there and I saw that a lot of you all were playing together already, and I'd feel that "you guys are already enjoying yourselves, and I'm really tired," and I'd want to sleep. But I might not be that sleepy on the next day, and you guys are still having fun then I'll wait for an invitation.

Right, so maybe, you'll still have to think about inviting me. Because there are things that may be no fun to me, but if I'm doing it with you, I feel like I'll still be quite happy.

YYDS is the name of your birthday stage last year, but to me, you've always been the embodiment of that, it's another nickname of yours.

As expected from my senior, you're super reliable even at a young age. When I broke down because of the problems that arose during the rehearsals for my birthday stage, you would communicate with the staff about the problems, you would help me choose that "ding" bell, you would help me check the props and see if they were suitable, you would help me film the videos, and you would help me hide in the corner of the stage to control the lights.

I could not be more thankful back then, and I thought I had to return this and be reliable too. But then who knew you would be this amazing, while I was still dazed from being busy with everything, you were almost done with your birthday stage, I still haven't had the chance to be that reliable person for you, and you've already done it yourself.

Leave me some chances to fulfil myself next time. When there are things that you're too tired to handle, you can tell me, I'll help you.

All of your stages today were prepared using time squeezed out in between your intense work schedule. And actually I've been watching the live, unfortunately, every time I entered the stream it was always during scene changes, I don't know why.

Then there was this one time a song played, I said "wow it's finally here", and Zuo Jingyuan said, "what is it?" I said, "I don't know, a song is playing anyway." I think it's because I'm just happy to see it. Because during your rehearsals, I actually didn't watch it. But when I saw it, I thought that you can squeeze out so many amazing and spectacular performances under an intense work schedule is just "wow", right?

And I thought that small, skinny and fresh Shuibaobao little senior has grown bit by bit on this stage, turning into a beautiful star. For some reason, I felt the gratitude of a mother. I know that the growth came from bits and bits of hardships, so you must take care of yourself well too. I'm already drinking lots and lots of water every day, you should try to replace a can of coke with water each day.

Just one can, not a lot, just one.

Y: Okay~

Let's take good care of ourselves and live longer, as in until the day our hair turns grey and all of our teeth have fallen, I'll still be asking you "hey, is this wrinkle not pretty enough?"

And maybe it's just me, maybe the longer you live, the more you'll think about the future, you know that I'm always worried about you, but every time you tell me seriously that you feel happy doing what you're doing, I think you who started the journey towards your dream at a young age are really impressive, still, I hope that you can worry about it more, you get me?

Then as a mother, every time I hear you say that I do get a bit nervous, but I'd also sincerely feel how great that is. To purely like something, to purely be satisfied by something, I wish those blinking eyes, the child with light shining in her eyes, would continue to feel happy from what makes you happy.

And, the sudden isolation, and the busy schedule, made us seem to have missed out a lot unknowingly. But that's fine, we can still have the sweet osmanthus in October, the snow in December, the waves in the coming May, and with the spring blossom that we missed, I believe that our remaining time will make up for the romance and happiness that we have missed.

Where should we start? I don't know, but I know where you want to go, I even secretly Googled if there's sweet osmanthus in Xishuangbanna, but I don't think it matters whether they have it or not because I've secretly booked a villa with a pool, we can play in the pool together.

Y: I'll also give you some hints at night.

Love you~

Y: Actually, I feel like this year… how should I put it. As you know, it seems like a lot has happened, and as you said, the longer we've spent together, more things would've happened, the more we've experienced together, and it's true that there are more concerns. But what I believe has never changed is no matter what the others ask me, my answer is always you.

D: You are also my best friend.

Y: So don't you worry.

[sxintl]

2019.09.07 SNH48 Team X "Girl X" Yang Bingyi Birthday Stage | Duan Yixuan's letter to Yang Bingyi

To: my dear Shuibaobao

Y: She’s the only one in the whole SNH group who calls me Shuibaobao. She even called me Shui Jingling* last time, did you play that before?

I took a nap, then I woke up and realised it should be your birthday stage today.

Actually I’ve wanted to write you something ever since I knew it, but I have no idea where to start.

Although there’s a distance of Beijing and Shanghai between us, we still know each other very well.

There seemed to be huge intervals between the times we met. We didn’t intentionally stay in contact either. But whenever we met again, it was like we had never separated at all. Every time we met, we would have to hug each other. Although you’re skinny and tanned, and it’s not that comfortable hugging you, I still want to hug you.

My Shuibaobao who’s always secretly caring for me. Whenever I was down, she would send me a message asking me what was wrong and send me hugs through words. The weird thing was, for words that I found difficult telling others, I found it easy talking to you, opening up to you, and our conversation would go on for hours. I’ve been thinking about why, and I seemed to have figured it out. That’s because you’re my Shuibaobao.

My Shuibaobao is actually still so young. Sometimes I’d think you shouldn’t have so much to worry about at this age, there should only be happiness for you. That’s why sometimes my heart aches listening to you. You don’t have to be so sensible all the time, you can follow your heart, it is okay. It’s impossible to have only happiness in your life, and reality might bring you lots and lots of troubles at times. Still, I hope you can stay happy because you’re my Shuibaobao.

When I joined back in 2015, you were one of the seniors that I met first. From then on, my little senior would lead me and teach me how to dance all night (with Huihui), and you would take care of me during our stages.

I like to see Shuibaobao dance, I like to hear you call me Duan Yixuan-er, I like how confident you are when you walk towards me and know that I will run to you.

Happy birthday. Take care of yourself, I will love you forever.

*Shui Jingling = spitballs/Water Balz