Does that make me a bad person?
Is is wrong that I am much more “stay at home, bake muffins” type of girl, when it comes to that? I love going out, parties, cinema, cafes, the vibrant city life a lot. But I think it´s a lot influenced by my loneliness. I just hope I get some attention there. I mean, somebody I can talk to for a while, somebody who listens and actually knows what I am talking about, eventually even respons. That´s my drug. I go for it again and again, even though I know I will get disappointed and sad afterwards, when I realize, back at home, how unimportant and unwanted I really am. It makes me cry when I get to this point in my thoughs, because I really don´t know what to do.
I am pretty sure that I wouldn´t have the need to go out and get “social” (because generally I don´t like people at all) if I have somebody to spend my personal time with. To be looking forward on my way home from work, thinking about cooking a dinner and baking a muffins for a weekend, so that we could nibble on them while watching a movie together from the bed. And cuddle. Oh lord, cuddles. I am starving for that.
I just hope it doesn´t make me an attention whore. Or a bad person. I know, I can be kind of simple and boring, if presented this way, but it´s the most basic need of my life and I keep failing to fullfill that.