#miss you

[wasworthsaving]

[oncce-againn]

Visit my dreams tonight , I miss you.

[becherdireinen]

[whisperedwarnings]

my favorite mutual has another favorite mutual and it’s not me - i’m gonna throw up

[snoopylovessoup]

[bratdolly]

[spideyjimin]

miss you | jjk

milestone celebration fic

⤷ going to a writing retreat with The Devil Lovers, your brother’s band, wasn’t actually in your plans, especially after the intense promo for your last book. but that retreat turns into a complete nightmare when your brother asks for your help and begs you to work with jungkook, the man who broke your heart years ago. what could go wrong? absolutely everything!   

—  pairing: rockstar!jungkook x writer!fem. reader 

—  genre: enemies to lovers, forced proximity, brother’s best friend, slow burn, rockstar au, band au, writer au, angst, fluff, and smut

— rating: 18+ 

—  words: 25k

—  warnings: strong language, mention of heartbreak, swearing, mention of crying, a lot of crying, some heavy tension, mention of cheating, mention of pregnancy (not oc), teasing, nervousness, a lot of kissing, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, kind of rough sex, multiple positions, good old missionary, doggy style, biting, ass slapping, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, and mention of masturbation

—  author’s note: sooooo after a lot of thinking and searching, i managed to make 1 post as it was intended for this one-shot 😁 sorry foor all the mess i caused 🥺 i'm already letting you know that i'm no expert in writing/producing songs so i created this in my own way 🙃 i've also tried to create songs by myself and might not be the best😅 but i hope you'll enjoy this 🤗 thanks a lot for your patience and let me know what you think of it once you've finished ❤️

—  playlist: here is the link

— those are the lyrics used in the fic: Miss You by Perrie, Saved Your Tears by The Weeknd, Intro (end of the world) by Ariana Grande, Please Forgive Me by Bryan Adams, Falling by Harry Styles, and Before You Break My Heart by Jade

MASTERLIST

ACT I: “the genesis of 'miss you’”

As you step inside the huge house located in the middle of nowhere, you’re even more convinced that you should have refused to come to this writing retreat. Resisting your brother when he’s using his biggest puppy eyes is impossible. Noah always knows how to convince you to do whatever he wants.

Your heart is beating at a frenetic rhythm, making it echo in your ears. There’s one person in this house you’re absolutely not looking forward to seeing. Jeon Jungkook. You hate him. And it isn’t an euphemism. He could choke in his sleep, and it wouldn’t affect you.

Jungkook, your worst nightmare, is the main vocalist of The Devil Lovers, the band your brother created with his college friends more than ten years ago. The band is composed of Noah, Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook.

All of them—except Jungkook, obviously—are absolute sweethearts. They treat you like their little sister, and you’ve been their number one supporter. It’s a shame your worst enemy is part of the band, but whatever. You can survive as long as you don’t have to interact with him, which you have managed to do for the past five years.

“The boys are all here already,” Noah tells you.

Even though you adore the boys, exhaustion has been kicking your ass after the intense book promo you went through for the past months, and a comfortable bed to sleep in is the only thing you want right now. For most of the three-hour drive with your brother, you’ve slept.

Before you can even say anything, six boys appear in front of you with the brightest smiles on their faces.

“I thought Noah was joking when he said you’d join us,” Hoseok says.

Jimin pulls you in a tight embrace, the strong smell of his cologne tickling your nostrils. Looking around, you notice Jungkook is nowhere to be seen. Good. The last thing you want is to see his face.

“The promo of her last book drained her,” Noah explains. “I figured she could use a break, so I brought her along.”

“You’re aware this isn’t a vacation, right?” Namjoon raises an eyebrow as he speaks.

“Not for us, but certainly, for her,” your brother replies. “It’s still a beautiful place—she can rest, wander around, do her own thing while we work.”

They are all talking like you’re not even there, which is a bit annoying. Tiredness never looked good on you; you get grumpy and hard to deal with.   

“Why are you all talking like I’m not even here?” You place your hands on your hips, your eyes looking at every single one of them.

“I’m just explaining,” your brother says.

“Well, show me my room and let me recover all the sleep hours I’ve lost over the past three months.”

Promoting a book is anything but restful. Writing in English is all fun and that, but when you get to promote it and do signing sessions, it’s a bit of a hassle. In three months, you’ve travelled to several cities and countries. You’ve spent more time in hotel rooms than in your own house.

Nevertheless, you absolutely adored meeting and discussing with people who loved your books. They were all so adorable. Without them, you’d still be working at a restaurant, dealing with horrible customers. Thanks to them, you get to live from selling books.

However, now, you need a break. You’ve been writing, doing promo, interviews, and many other things for three years nonstop. No vacation has been taken in the middle. And the release of your brand new book, three months ago, has been a nightmare, most probably because you’ve accumulated too much fatigue.

Noah guides you to the last available room of the mansion, helping you with your baggage. As you reach the room and open the door, someone leaves the room right across from yours. Jungkook.

You totally ignore him, not even acknowledging his presence. Your brother remains silent, maybe too scared to say something he shouldn’t. He’s more than aware of the hatred between you and Jungkook, but he totally ignores the reason behind it, and it’s for the best. Let’s avoid having him kill his best friend.

Although it’s clear as day that it pains him that you two don’t get along, he hasn’t been pushing you to reconcile. He simply makes sure you never bump into each other, keeping you both at arm's length to avoid having his favorite vocalist and lyricist murdered.

However, once you’re inside the room, alone with your brother, he gives you the biggest side eye ever. “Try not to murder him while we’re here.”

“Can’t promise that,” you reply while throwing yourself in the massive bed.

Your eyes quickly scan the room. Right now, you’d say you’re quite happy that The Devil Lovers became super huge because without it, this writing retreat would be in a shitty place. This house is fancy as fuck.

“Please,” he begs.

“As long as he doesn’t speak to me or breathe near me for the next eight weeks, I won’t do anything.”

Noah simply nods before disappearing, leaving you alone in the room. You both know avoiding Jungkook for eight weeks is literally impossible, but you’ll for sure minimize your interactions with him as much as possible.

In a matter of seconds, you fall asleep in the most comfortable bed in the world.

Hours later, you’re woken up to a conversation happening near your room. “You'd better leave her alone,” you hear the voice of your brother on the other side of the door. “Don’t you two start bickering around, understood?”

Without any doubt, your brother is talking to Jungkook about you two. For sure, he’s trying to ensure that this two-month retreat goes well. He keeps repeating that they are under a lot of pressure to finish their upcoming album.

“As long as she behaves,” Jungkook’s deep voice echoes, “you don’t have to worry.”

You roll your eyes, absolutely annoyed. He’s talking like you’re some child or something like that, but between the two of you, he’s the child. When handed two options, he’s not freaking able to make a decision.

You storm out of the room with anger. “Please continue talking about me like I’m not even there.”

The two men stand in the middle of the hallway, bewildered. You don’t even look at them, only passing by in between them, and making them understand that you’re not a baby.

Honestly, you’re not sure you’ll survive this damn retreat, but you’ll try your best to be as little as possible around Jungkook. That’s the only way. Luckily, they’ll be working the entire time, and you’ll go around visiting the nearby villages and cities. You can do it—or at least, you’ll convince yourself of it.

The rest of the day goes by as normally as possible. You speak and laugh with the boys without giving any attention to Jungkook. Whenever he’d talk, you’d look somewhere else and wouldn’t interact. And somehow, everything went well.

However, everything is destroyed when you realize that he’s sleeping in the room right in front of yours. You don’t know who you should blame for this, but you take deep breaths when he’s stepping inside the room.  

This is going to be an absolute nightmare. You know it and feel it inside your bones.

Heading home after visiting the city right next to the house was absolutely refreshing. First, sleeping for eight hours was definitely the best thing that happened to you in maybe over three years, and then just disconnecting from the world for a full day was invigorating.

For the first time in a while, you feel great and rested. In the end, this retreat isn’t that bad.

The first week flows quite fast. You barely notice the boys. They’re always working, leaving you alone most of the time. Your brother makes sure to eat with you at dinner, and sometimes, one of the boys joins you. The good side, as well, is that you don’t see Jungkook at all.

This is peace.

However, very quickly, you regret even thinking that, especially when you have your brother begging you in your bedroom. “We need you,” he insists.

“No,” you’re categorical.

“I wouldn’t be here begging if it wasn’t needed,” he replies, his hands running through his hair.

“Noah, I’m a writer, not a lyricist.” You stand up from your bed, pacing in the room. “I write novels, not breakup ballads.”    

He stands up, trying to stop you from walking around, his hands resting on your shoulders. “I know it, but you still excel in writing.”     

You roll your eyes, pushing your brother away. Writing songs with them will mean working with Jungkook. He’s the main lyricist of the band, and you absolutely refuse to spend a second around him. And also, let’s not forget that you’ve never written a damn song. You don’t even know how it works.

But you also took a break from writing. That’s why you’re here in the first place.

“I’m here to rest, disconnect from what has been draining my soul for the past years,” you turn your back to your brother.

“I know, sis,” he replies. “I’m very much aware of that, but Jungkook has been writing shit and is facing what I guess is a writer's block or some shit like that.”

“I don’t care,” you say with a shaky voice. “I’m not going to spend a second near him, so I’m absolutely not working with him. He can watch tutorials on YouTube.”

Noah takes a deep breath. This is hard for him as well because he never wanted to bother you while you rest, and especially, he didn’t want to push you to be around Jungkook. He knows it’ll go wrong, but somebody needs to help them.

“He won’t admit that he’s doing shit,” he adds.

“You’re eight in this fucking band, so one of you can help him,” you retort, grabbing something to play with to calm yourself down.

“You know how it works.”

You roll your eyes, knowing more than well how their band works. Each one of them was assigned a specific task, and that’s how the band has been thriving.

“We’ve tried to help him, but what we come up with is worse than what he did.”

Jungkook is a master in ballads and love songs, and even if you hate to admit it, he sings them absolutely well.

“This is not working,” he admits in defeat. “He also doesn’t want to work with you if it reassures in any way, but that’s what we came up with. You’re our last hope.”

“I’m not,” your eyes meet your brother’s. “You can hire someone else.”

Noah shakes his head. “It won’t be the same.”

“You’re being dramatic here.” You take a step in his direction.

“Just give it a try,” he begs, getting closer to you. “If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t, but please try.”

Your brother knows how to convince you to do whatever he wants or needs.

“Okay,” you admit in defeat. “I can try, but if he doesn’t work, you leave me alone.”

Noah simply nods with the brightest smile on his face. Obviously, you’re not going to do this for free. If you have to deal with Jungkook and understand how to write songs, you have to get something out of this. “But I have two conditions.”

His eyes narrow. “Two?”

“One, I get credited under my real name, not my writer’s name. I don’t want anyone to link this to my novels.”

Using a writing name was already a deliberate choice—a way to create a clear boundary between your personal life and your writing career. Helping them is personal, and linking the best-selling writer to The Devil Lovers doesn’t make any sense.

“Consider it done,” he replies.

“And two, when this is over, you’re paying me a trip to Paris.” 

It’s no secret that you adore the French Capital. With your books, you’ve gotten to go there quite a handful of times. You’d go back there whenever the chance would present itself to you. This is one of them.

“You’ve dragged me into a rock band’s creative crisis, Noah,” you continue. “I deserve a croissant by the Seine at the very least.”

Noah should have seen it coming. You’ll have to deal with Jungkook, so at the very least, you get a reward for it.  

He grins. “Deal.”

You didn’t think he’d accept straight away. The thought of dealing with Jungkook for the next seven weeks and working with him gives you nausea, but you’ll have to pass over it because you’re helping your brother. Not him.  

The next day, Noah leads you to the ‘writing room’. They’ve assigned one empty room for Jungkook to work in—a place where he’d work his magic. Although you’re pretty sure the spell is broken. Your pulse drums in your ears, far from enchanted at the thought of being trapped here with him for hours.  

When you step inside the room, he’s already there, sitting on a chair and visibly writing something on a desk—probably working on a song.  

“Jk,” your brother calls for the man, “she’s here.”

The Devil Lovers’ lyricist doesn’t even bother to look around.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Try not to murder each other,” your brother adds.

That’s definitely something you can’t promise. If Jungkook gives you reasons to strangle him, you’ll do it without even blinking.

Noah leaves the room, and for the first time in five years, you find yourself alone with the man who broke your heart. Yeah, he did that, and that’s why you hate him with all your soul. How could a man kiss you, push you away, and date a new girl a week after? For sure, a cold-hearted one.

“As much as I don’t want to be here and talk to you,” you begin while biting your nails, a habit you have when you’re stressed, “you need to explain to me how this works.”

You can hear him take a deep breath before turning around to face you, finally. The distance between you is honestly a relief for you, but you know you won’t be able to keep it up for long. You can’t work while being far away. Inevitably, you’ll end up being closer.

“It’s quite simple,” he replies, leaning back on his chair and his hands falling on his lap. “You just write what crosses your mind, but you already know how to do that.”

You roll your eyes. “Songs and novels are different.”

“Not really,” his eyes are locked on yours. “It’s just presented differently.”

This has to be a joke. If this is what it will be like working with him, you’ll end up finding creative ways to suffocate him. 

“You’re telling me that I can write whatever the fuck I want, and it’d be good?”

“Exactly.” His nonchalance freezes and annoys you completely.

“I’m not doing this.”

You turn around, heading to the door to leave the room. Jungkook isn’t helping at all. Songs and novels are polar opposites. Songs are short, filled with emotion. A novel tells a story, follows someone’s journey. It’s not the same.

“Look,” he begins, standing up, “I know you’ve never done this, and it’d take too much time to show you how it works. So, I thought it’d be easier if you write whatever crosses your mind and I’d adjust it to fit it in a song.”

You’re not sure you want to face him right now, but looking at the door seems way easier than looking at him.

“You’re insulting me and my capacities,” you clap back.

“I’m not,” he replies, and you can hear his voice getting closer. “I’m just making it easy for us.”

A forced laugh rumbles from your throat. Who is he making it this easy for? If he were able to fucking write a song, you wouldn’t be here, so this is not making it easy.

“For us?” you then ask. “Not sure we have the same notion of easy.”

“Yn,” his voice sounds like a whisper, “look at me.”

The way he whispers your name sends shivers down your spine. How dare he?

“No,” you reply.

Jungkook instantly gives up, not wanting to make this any worse.

“Sit down with me and let me show you.”

There’s a certain hesitation, but you take a deep breath before facing him again. You promised your brother you’d help, and you’re not a person to fail her promises, especially not with Noah.

You follow Jungkook to the desk, pushing the chair as far away as physically possible. You can’t help but notice he’s wearing a simple grey Nike t-shirt, displaying his full tattooed arms—a true weakness. Back then, when he only had a couple of tattoos, he was hot as well, but now…

“Focus, yn,” you tell yourself.

Jungkook walks you through how he builds a song—line by line, chord by chord. He talks about rhythm like it’s a heartbeat, about lyrics like they’re fragments of truth that have to fit inside a few breaths.

Honestly, the way he explains it almost makes it sound easy. Almost. But the more you listen, the more you realize how foreign it is to you. A song isn’t a story to tell—it’s a feeling you trap in three minutes. You need to find rhymes, cut words that don’t sing right, express the emotion more shortly, and say everything with almost nothing.

That’s where the challenge lies for you: you’re used to writing ten sentences to show one emotion. Here, you need to make someone feel it in just one line.

“And you were trying to convince me that I could just write whatever I want…” You tell him while placing a strand of hair behind your ear, irony filling your voice.

“I guess it’s the same,” he says. “The way you write—it could fit into a song.”

Are you dreaming, or is he implying that he read a book of yours? The thought seems impossible—why would he, of all people, pick up one of your novels? There’s no way that it’s a reality. You must be imagining things, because the idea of him turning the pages of your book is almost too surreal to believe.  

“Maybe,” you reply, brushing off his last sentence. “But we’ll only find out when I start working.”

To begin with, Jungkook has proposed writing down ideas for a song and even small sentences if you feel like it. From there, you will try to see what you can do. Since he’s a specialist in ballads and breakup songs, he has also suggested focusing on that.

“Will you try writing on paper? Or would you prefer on your laptop or phone?” he asks.

When you write your novels, the first ideas are laid down in a notebook—one you carry with you all the time. Whenever something inspires you, you take it and write down the idea.

“Paper,” you reply.

Since your first exercise is to write down ideas, a paper seems like a good option for you.

“We bought tons of notebooks for this retreat. You can grab one from the cabinet,” he points out to it.

They are quite equipped for this retreat, which makes sense because they’re here for that. Naturally, you stand up to grab a notebook together with a pen before sitting back next to him. The desk isn’t honestly big, and you’re not sure you’ll be able to work with him this close to you.

For the next two hours, you just write topics, some phrasing here and there, while listening to music. You’re used to writing with some background noise, but this time around, it’s more like guidance. It’s been helping you to build some sentences.

Honestly, up until today, you never really paid attention to how a song was structured. What truly mattered were the words and the meaning behind them, but this time around, you truly listened to the song. So far, you’ve listened to the same song for at least a hundred times. ‘It’s Only Love, Nobody Dies’ from Sofia Carson.

The ideas you put down in the notebook aren’t particularly great. There’s “Missing you”, a concept about an old love lost that broke your heart, but you still miss them. Maybe Jungkook inspired that one.

There’s “What we could have been”, a concept of loved ones who never admitted their love out loud. And finally, there’s “My love”, a concept simply about a strong love between two people.

The sentences for each concept aren’t particularly great, but you’ve written what you would have done for a book, and you tried to shorten every sentence. It isn’t an easy exercise.

When you look at your watch, it is already 7 pm—the day is already over. The day went quite quickly between writing, eating, and discussing with the boys. Namjoon, the producer of the band, thanked you a million times for your help.  

“Do you want me to check out what you’ve done?” Jungkook says once he notices the time.

For a hot minute, you hesitate heavily, not sure you want him to read what you’ve done. You’re not really proud of what you’ve done so far, but deep down, you know he has to read—it’s the only way to guide you.

“You can,” you tell him while handing him the notebook, “but I don’t want to be around you when you do it.”

“Okay,” he nods.

Jungkook remains in the room as you leave him alone. His hands reach for your notebook, reading what you’ve done today. There are a lot of notes, more than he had actually expected. Seems like he underestimated you.

Honestly, he’s impressed. What you’ve done is really great, but you’re a writer at the end of the day. You master words like nobody else, even better than he does.

The idea “Missing you” hits him more than the others. The words are already auspicious, and you can both definitely work with this. This is a solid base.

“You disappeared from my life Leaving me missing you Missing the way you say my name Missing the way you kissed me Yeah, I really miss you But I guess this is all in my head And you’re not the man I used to think you were.”

Surprisingly, the second week went by very well. Your interactions with Jungkook are minimal; you’re both in the same room for the day, but barely speak to each other. The idea you had of this writing thing was completely wrong.

At the end of each day, he reads what you’ve done, scribbling some notes here and there. The next day, you discover them and work around them to continue the song you are working on.

Slowly, “Missing you” has been starting to shape into something beautiful and strong, and you’re genuinely confident that this will be one of the album’s songs. This song is about him, and deep down, you think he knows it. Writing it together makes it somehow powerful.

And you have to admit that putting down what you feel about him is helping you a lot. It feels liberating.

Today, for the first time in a week, you’re discovering what he’s been doing on his side. You’ve asked him to show it to you, and unlike you, he wants to see your reaction. So, it’s like almost midnight, you’re both sitting on the couch in the living room. The fireplace is lit up, warming the two of you.

His notebook lies on your lap, the pen in between your fingers, and your eyes read every single word he has put down. As your eyes scan what he has done so far, you’re left wondering why on earth your brother begged you to help them. Jungkook doesn’t need help at all.

“Why did you ask for my help?” Your eyes lift to meet his gaze.

He shrugs. “Guess we wanted a different perspective. Fresh eyes.”

He’s unbelievable. Did he pretend to write shit to have you sitting next to him? If he really did that, you’re definitely going to commit murder, and you can’t be held accountable for that. But is your brother aware of this?

No, it wouldn’t make sense. He’s been making sure from the start that you don’t come at each other’s throats, so he certainly doesn’t know.

“You mean my eyes?” you ask, almost fuming with anger.

“You’re a writer,” he says, almost defensive. “You know how to make people feel things.”

“And you don’t?” you shoot back before you can stop yourself.

His jaw tightens, but he doesn’t answer. You glance down at the lyrics again—words about love and longing and heartbreak—and something in you twists. They’re beautiful, yes, but they’re also safe. Like he’s hiding behind perfect words and metaphors, but they sound empty. Those are just words without any real meaning.  

You try to calm yourself down because you need to tell him how you truly feel about his writing. If he wants fresh eyes, he’ll have them, which includes your raw opinion.   

“You write love songs,” you say quietly, almost to yourself. “But you don’t say anything real.”

He looks up, frowning. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you keep hiding behind your songs,” you say, voice low but steady. “You make everyone feel like you’re bleeding your heart out, but you never actually tell the truth.”

Jungkook clearly sounds offended, but deep down, he knows you’re right. He has simply put words together in a way that would please everybody—almost like he’s choosing safe metaphors over genuine emotion. It’s as if he’s more concerned with creating something universally appealing than expressing anything true or raw.

“And what truth is that?” he snaps.

“The one you’re too scared to write about.”

For a moment, he closes his eyes, running a hand through his hair. Your eyes get lost in the way his muscles flex under the shirt’s sleeves. Over the past five years, his body has become more toned, broader than before. No wonder the fans drool over him whenever he goes on stage.  

“You think you know what I’m scared of?” he mutters, standing now in front of you.

You push to your feet too, your pulse picking up. The distance between you seems even smaller now that you’re both standing face to face and between the fireplace and the couch. The warmth from the fire blends with the tension in the room, amplifying every movement—his steady gaze, and even the subtle way your hands clutch the notebook.

“I think you’re terrified of saying something that actually matters,” you reply.

“You don’t know that you’re fucking talking about.”

“Don’t I?” You lift his notebook, the pages trembling slightly in your hands. “You write about love like it’s a song you heard once, not something you’ve actually felt.”

His jaw flexes even more, which you didn’t think was possible, and for a moment, he doesn’t move. Then he steps forward—just enough that the air between you tightens. “You have no idea what I’ve felt. “

“Then show me,” you whisper. “Write something real.”

He’s close enough now that you can feel the warmth of his breath brushing against your face. Neither of you moves, neither of you looks away. The room feels so small, and suddenly, words don’t seem like enough.

Jungkook’s gaze drops to your lips for a fraction of a second. Your heart skips a beat, your fingers still gripping the notebook between you like a fragile wall.

“You really want something real?” He murmurs, his voice getting lower and deeper.

Your breath catches, your mind completely losing it, but there’s absolutely no doubt when you say, “Yes.”

Jungkook leans in, his face slowly getting closer, and your mind is brought back to five years ago. To the day he kissed you. Everything around you completely disappears, and you become once more the twenty-one-year-old who had madly fallen in love with your brother’s best friend.

That girl used to dream so much, especially about him. She’d replay every night all the conversations, the calls, the messages, and the exchanged glances. She’d smile at the simple mention of his name. She’d look for him in a room full of people, only to find him looking back at her with the biggest and brightest smile on his face.

For the past five years, that girl was replaced with one filled with anger towards the same guy who made her believe in love. She’d have daggers in her eyes whenever he was around. She’d roll her eyes at the mention of his name. She’d swear whenever she heard his voice on the radio.  

And tonight, you’re a combination of both. You’re the girl who loved him with her entire soul, and the one who hated him.

Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips, wondering what is about to happen. A kiss would reignite the fire you’ve been trying to extinguish. This isn’t a good idea.   

And then Jungkook stops, not getting any closer to you.

This makes you truly realize the extent of what was going to happen, and you take a step back. For a brief moment, you close your eyes, not believing that you were this weak and almost ready to let him break you all over again. The sound of your breath feels too loud in the quiet room.

Jungkook clears his throat, dragging a hand through his hair as if the gesture could erase what just almost happened. “We should…uh…get back to work.”

“Yeah,” you quickly say, opening your eyes. “Work.”

He nods, but he doesn’t move right away. His eyes flicker to your lips once more, then down to the notebook still clutched in your hand. You follow his gaze, realizing your fingers are shaking. You hold out your hand to give him back his notebook.  

“Maybe I’ll go to sleep,” you mutter when he takes the notebook. “It’s already midnight, and we have to work tomorrow.”

“Yeah, right,” he says, scratching the back of his neck.

Even though you basically run to your room, you try to pretend like this didn’t affect you and try to walk as normally as possible.

Needless to say, none of you slept that night, minds tangled in the memory of that almost kiss, replaying the moment over and over.

The days that follow are heavy—avoiding Jungkook even more is your new passion. You refuse to be alone with him in the writing room, so you move around any available room in the house.

Clearly, this frustrates everybody. The boys were convinced you’d managed to find a common ground, but they’re sad to notice they were wrong all along. They are actually even scared that no ballad will come out of this partnership.

And Noah feels more than guilty to have dragged you to this.

“If this is too much, you can drop out,” your brother says when he sits down next to you in the kitchen.

You barely acknowledge his presence, focusing on the verses you’re writing. The title of this song—if you can even call this a song—is “You don’t care”. No need to be a genius to know who it’s addressed to. And you’re not going to hide this from him.

“You walk past me like I wasn’t there And just pretended like you didn’t care I don’t know why I run away.”

But beneath all this pain and hate, you’ve also started something written by your younger self. Being in this writing retreat has brought up so many souvenirs and emotions. Things are not just black or white like you’d like them to be. There are so many grey areas.

And they scare the shit out of you.

Sometimes, what you felt five years ago comes back to the surface, and you can’t help but put it down. For that part, you’re not really sure you’d like Jungkook to read it, but it’s inevitable. He reads your notebook every day.   

“You begged me to help you out,” you reply, finishing the sentence you have in mind before finally looking up at him.

“But we can see things are getting worse with Jk,” he says, worry written all over his face.

“What were you expecting, Noah?” you say, your words sharp with annoyance.

“Definitely not this,” he whispers.

You sigh, rubbing your hand over your face. You’re exhausted, as your mind seems to enjoy torturing you every night with the thought of the almost kiss.

“Look, in the midst of it all, I thought it’d help to improve your relationship with him,” he confesses.

You roll your eyes dramatically. “Your hopes were too high, Noah.”

Maybe things could have gotten better, but after the almost kiss, you hate yourself even more for letting your guard down. And you hate him too for even giving you hope.

“The first week was good, and don’t tell me I’m wrong,” he replies. “You’d stay together in the room all day long without even raising your voices.” So he noticed. “But something happened; otherwise, you wouldn’t be going around the house.”

“Nothing happened,” you defend yourself straight away. “I simply can’t stand being with him anymore.”

Telling your brother what happened is out of the question—he’d be the one killing Jungkook. Actually, now that you’re thinking, you’re not sure what your brother’s reaction would be if he ever found out about the whole situation.

“Really?” he raises an eyebrow.  

Okay, for sure, the almost-kissing part can’t be revealed, but there is everything that you said to him before that incident.

“Well, I might have told him that he writes shit.”

“Yn,” he whispers while rubbing his face.

“What?” you genuinely reply. “If you want me to do this right, I have to be honest. And Jungkook is the last person on earth I’ll be sparing.”

Your brother stands up, disbelief all over his face.

“Maybe you could have this time,” he tells you.    

“Noah,” you mutter. “This man has written the prettiest ballads I’ve ever heard, but what he showed me the other day was just an association of words he’d expect people to enjoy. It was devoid of emotions. That wasn’t Jungkook.”

As painful as it is to admit this out loud, it’s the truth. You might hate this man—and even yourself for the heartbreak—but his mind is brilliant. The songs he has written are powerful, beautiful, and deep.

“This is supposed to be a writing retreat, no? Am I supposed to be helping you, right?” you ask, and he nods. “So he deserved to hear it. I’m not letting him write shit just because it’s what people want.”

A little chuckle rumbles from his throat. “You’re more invested than I’d imagine.”

“It’s your band, silly,” you stand up before hugging your brother. “And I’d do my best to help you produce the best album ever.”  

Even though you hate being around Jungkook, he’s part of your brother’s band, and there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for him. And you’ll make sure that whatever you do is great. If you’d settle for whatever Jungkook did, it was going to be a shitty album.

Noah wraps his arms around you, holding you tight in his embrace. He’s grateful to have you around because this whole retreat has been draining him. In between composing melodies, singing whatever they manage to create, and going over old songs, seeing you calms him. Around you, he simply disconnects from work.

For the rest of the day, you show your brother what you’ve come up with, and he clearly expresses his love for “Missing you”. It’s clearly a song still in progress, but it’s slowly getting better. The lyrics page is covered with notes from you and Jungkook.

“‘Missing you’ is the title?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” you nod, “but it’s temporary, unless we don’t come up with something better.”

“Why not cut to ‘Miss you’?” he says while taking your pen from your hands. “All the ‘missing you’ in the lyrics were changed to ‘miss you’ so it’d make more sense.” Your brother crosses out ‘Missing you’ to replace it with ‘Miss you’.

He’s not wrong. Keeping it doesn’t make much sense anymore, especially now that the song has changed.

“Other than that, it’s pretty promising,” he says. “I guess the next step would be to compose the melody.”

“I leave that part to Jungkook,” you reply. “It’s already tough to write lyrics, so don’t ask me to build everything.”

“Why not? You’re literally writing it, so I imagine you have some background melody in your head.”

Of course, you envision a melody when you work on it, but creating it seems impossible. Like, how can you tell them to create what’s in your mind? You’re absolutely not going to do this. Your brother is already asking for too much.

“Noah,” you look up at him, “I’m already doing too much for this band.”

“Jungkook can help you with that,” he replies. “It’s literally his job, and you’ve created this song together—it wouldn’t make sense to not involve you in it until the end.”

“No,” you firmly reply.

“Okay, then don’t come at Jungkook when it sounds like shit.”

You roll your eyes, annoyed by your brother. You can’t blame Jungkook for something you’re not good at. For the writing part, of course, you will, since you also work with them on a daily basis when giving life to your characters’ lives.

For the first time since the beginning of this retreat, you all have dinner together. Yes, it includes Jungkook as well. It’s honestly super weird. You avoid looking at him at all costs, but it’s impossible, as he’s sitting right across from you.

Once the dinner finished, the main lyricist of The Devil Lovers wraps his hand around your wrist, stopping you in your steps. You don’t even dare to look behind, scared to melt the second your eyes meet his. You’ll hate yourself even more.

“Let me go,” you say through gritted teeth while trying to set your wrist free from his strong grip, but in vain. “Jungkook,” you warn him, still not looking at him.

Your heart is beating wildly in your chest, ready to burst at any moment. ‘Pull yourself together, yn,’ you think to yourself. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. This is definitely going to be hard.

“I’ve rewritten the songs,” he mumbles, finally letting go of you.

Your hand falls at your sides while you slowly turn around. Obviously, you were fooling yourself into believing that you could go through the remaining weeks without seeing him. What a delusional that you are!

The second your eyes land on him, you swear that you’re going to die right on the spot. How can someone get more handsome, especially when you hate them with all your soul?

“Good for you,” you coldly reply.

He hands you his notebook. “Take it.”

“What do you want me to do with it?” you ask while raising an eyebrow.

He heavily sighs, clearly growing annoyed by your attitude. “You know the answer.”

Clearly, you’re doing everything to push him away and interact as little as possible with him. “You don’t need me—”

“Stop with the bullshit, yn,” he cuts you off. “We read each other’s works since the beginning.”

“Well, it’s not what you’ve been doing lately.”

Jungkook grabs your hand, placing his notebook in it before saying, “Just fucking take it, and stop being an annoying bi—” he stops himself before saying anything he might regret.

You can’t believe that he was about to call you an annoying bitch. Who the hell does he think he is?

“What were you going to say?” You fold your arms against your chest, his notebook now in your hands.  

“Nothing,” he says, shaking his head. “Just read it.”

And before you can reply, Jungkook leaves you alone in the kitchen, clearly running away from you. The anger buzzes under your skin.

The silence that follows feels louder than the argument. He’s proving to you once more that he just keeps leaving you alone, like it’s his favorite game. You take this as your clue to read what he has done. Instead of remaining in the kitchen, you move to the living room, sitting in your favorite spot of the house—the couch.

Nobody is in the room, and you assume the boys must be scattered throughout the house, working or resting. After throwing a blanket on your lap, you open the notebook. You can’t help but notice how full it is already. Jungkook has definitely been working a lot for the past couple of days.

As you flip through the pages, a smile can’t help but stretch on your face. “This is fucking good!” you whisper to yourself.

What you’re reading is different, rawer, and more personal. This is a hundred times better than what he showed you some days ago. In the end, having that not-so-comfortable conversation with him pushed him to improve.   

Suddenly, Namjoon takes a seat next to you, quickly looking at the notebook in your hands. When your gaze shifts up to him, you smile. Since becoming one of your brother’s closest friends, you’ve grown to be his friend as well. He’s like a second brother to you.

“Jungkook’s?” he asks, and you nod. “I’ve heard things have gotten worse with him.”

“I hope you’re not going to lecture me like Noah did this morning,” you reply.

Namjoon chuckles. “I’m not. I actually wanted to check up on you since this was supposed to be a break, and here you are, helping us.”  

“What a girl wouldn’t do to help her brother,” you teasingly say, which makes him giggle.

The leader of the band quickly eyes the notebook once more. The look on his face says it all—just like you, he believes this is quite good.

“Good, isn’t it?” his eyes lift up to meet yours.

“He didn’t need my help,” you admit quietly, your fingers brushing over Jungkook’s words.

Namjoon hums. “Yeah, I figured.”

For a moment, he remains silent, like he’s afraid to continue, but it only confirms your suspicions. Jungkook never needed you in the first place, although he claims the opposite. In a way, you’re helping; however, it was never needed.

“He probably did it on purpose.”

Your heart beats incredibly fast. “You think?”

He nods. “He for sure messed up the first drafts, made Noah think the songs weren’t working, just so he’d ask for you—the other word expert.” He leans back, watching you. “Though for the life of me, I still don’t get why. You two can barely stand to be in the same room.”

You stare at the lyrics again, your chest tightening.

“Surprisingly, he’s been very patient, calm, and nice with me,” you admit.

But the truth is, Jungkook never raised his voice at you—not once. He never needed to. When he was angry, he didn’t shout; he withdrew. His tone would turn cold, detached, precise. Every word would hit without leaving a mark anyone else could see. And you swear, words never hurt as much as they did the day he showed up with a new girl and told you that you didn’t mean anything.

And whenever you threw something harsh at him, he didn’t argue or break; he simply matched you. His calm would harden, his replies as sharp as yours, maybe even sharper if that’s even possible. Like he wanted to prove that he could wound you without ever losing control.

“Jungkook is an enigma I’m still trying to understand,” Namjoon confesses. “First, he had a massive crush on you, then he showed up with some random chick and started throwing first with you, and now, he does this.”

Your mind stops listening after ‘he had a massive crush on you.’ No. That’s not possible. You were close—too close, maybe—but it wasn’t like that. You kissed, sure, but that didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t have. Not when he started dating someone else right after.  

 “A crush?” you raise an eyebrow.

Namjoon chuckles, “Yn, everybody knew about it—even Noah.”

ACT II: “when ‘miss you’ becomes real”

Sleeping after Namjoon’s revelation was simply impossible, and facing Jungkook the day after was even harder. However, you’re not left with much choice. He handed you his notebook, which you need to return to him, and you also need to give him some feedback.

Nevertheless, before giving it back to him, you feel like you need to read it all over again. This time around, you prefer to do it in your own bubble, so you stay in your room, sitting on the bed while running your fingers over his handwriting.

This notebook has to hold at least twenty song drafts.

Rereading his lyrics, you notice how deep they are, and he never needed your help—not for this. Every word is perfectly chosen, every emotion sharpened and raw. He knows perfectly how to translate love and heartbreak. And beneath it all, he also expresses regret in a lot of them—regret for something he lost, someone he once loved too deeply to forget.

And those songs hit harder than the others.

‘Please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you’, ‘Forget what I said, it’s not what I meant’, ‘The memory of you is what I miss’, or even ‘You’re the one who inspired all my love songs’— those are some of the lyrics that twisted your insides until it’s hard to breathe and made your heart skip a beat.

Now you can’t stop wondering—if Namjoon was right, if the crush was real, then maybe these words are too. Maybe all this time, he’s been writing about you. In any case, every word he has written down in this notebook is way better than what he showed you some days ago.  

As you navigate through one particular song, your pulse stops completely.

‘You always said words could heal, and maybe you were right.’

That line—it shouldn’t mean anything, except it does because those were your words, spoken years ago, in the middle of a storm, when rain soaked your hair and your hands were trembling. The day he kissed you for the first time.

It’s not just his lyrics you’re reading. It’s your past. Every verse is a memory you thought you had buried.

Your first kiss, you remember it now, while your fingers instantly run over your lower lip. The rain was coming down so hard it blurred the world into silver lines. You were both running to your place, soaked and laughing, your shoes squelching in puddles.

Back then, Jungkook was working on a song—yeah, it seems like it’s always about a song—and he was struggling. You’d said it, half-joking and half-serious, “Words can heal, you know,” when he’d say that lyrics never fixed anything.  

He’d looked at you for a long moment, rain dripping from his hair, eyes darker than the sky. “I’m not so sure,” he’d reply.

At that moment, you were working on your first book—you already knew the power of words. They definitely could heal, but they needed to be formulated properly.

“You should try to write with your heart, not your brain,” you rested your hand on his soaked shirt, clinging to his chest.

Jungkook was the only person who knew you were writing a book. He was the only person you trusted the most.

“Then show me,” he said softly.

You didn’t even have the time to answer. His hand rested on top of yours on his chest, cold and trembling, and before you could think, he’d kissed you. It wasn’t perfect. It was wet, messy, and a little desperate, but it felt like the world had gone quiet around you. Just the sound of the rain, his breath against your lips, his thumb brushing your cheek as if you were something fragile.

You’d pulled back first, stunned, heart racing so hard it hurt. He’d smiled then—that shy smile that always gave him away—and you’d realized you’d never see him the same again.

“How can I kiss show you that—”

Before you could even end your sentence, he’d kiss you again. Being under the rain meant nothing in comparison to his lips against yours, or his warmth enveloping you. After months of teasing, pining, and longing, it was finally happening.

“I can now write how it feels to kiss someone,” he mumbled against your lips, answering your question.

Now, sitting on the bed with his notebook in your lap, you can still feel that storm clinging to your skin. The memory burns, vivid and alive, as if the years between then and now have collapsed into this one aching heartbeat.

A tear streams down your face and lands on his notebook. “You wanted something real and you got it,” you mumble to yourself. Jungkook has always been very good with words, and even better when he sings them with his entire soul.

There’s a particular song from a previous album you always loved, “The Last Verse”. Even when your pride and broken heart would tell you not to listen to it, you’d always do it. It’s a beautifully painful song, the kind of song that hurts in the best way.

The lyrics include lines like: “I tried to end the song, but your name filled every line,” or “You’re the verse I keep rewriting, even now, after all this time.”

It’s the kind of song that makes you cry, because you know it’s about a love that ended before it started. However, now that you know about this crush, it leaves you wondering if this was about you and him. Could it be?  

You put down the notebook, wrapping yourself under the bedsheets and crying. Jungkook broke your heart in ways nobody ever did, but now, you get to see and hear that he was just as heartbroken as you. Why did he push you away? Why did he even break your heart if he loved you?

This pain hadn’t made you cry in a very long time; you even swore to yourself that you wouldn’t cry over him ever again, but here you are. The pain seems as intense as it did five years ago. How could it be?

For a moment, you stay curled up under the sheets, crying like a child over the memories you shared with him. You remember the way his eyes would always find you in a crowded room, or the way he’d smile every time he’d see you.

You remember his silly jokes—the ones that made you laugh even when you didn’t want to—and how he’d quietly drape a blanket over you when you fell asleep in his arms. And the memory that hurts the most is the one of him kissing you in the rain—the first and only time he ever did.  

Loving him back then felt like a blessing, but today it’s the total opposite.

Once the tears stop running down your face, you leave the bed, grabbing your phone from the nightstand. Before rereading the songs, you texted your brother to have him deliver a message to Jungkook—you’d be working from your room this morning. You hoped that through this message, he’d get that you needed space to read his songs.

Before leaving the room, you give yourself a couple of minutes, knowing that Noah would directly realize you’ve been crying the second he sees you. You quickly stop by the bathroom, cleaning your face and following your skincare routine to freshen up your face.

With shaky hands and a wild heartbeat, your steps guide you to the writing room. For a minute, you remain behind the door, not knowing if you have enough strength to face Jungkook. When you open the door, he turns around to look at the person stepping into the room.

Unexpectedly, you’re looking at this man under a new light. He’s not just the man who hurt you anymore. He’s the man who had a crush on you. He’s the man who poured his memories of you into songs.

And that man steals your breath away.

“Hi,” you say while closing the door and getting closer to him. “I’ve read the songs.”

“Hey,” he says as he stands up to meet you halfway.

The energy between you has shifted. It’s still electric, but softer now.

“So?” he asks with a little smile. “Still not real enough for you?” You can sense a teasing tone in his voice.

Not sure how to formulate your thoughts, you simply nod. “They’re good.”

As you hand him back his notebook, he thanks you, and somehow, it’s like he feels you’re holding back. “Is there one you particularly like?”

“Lonely Nights,” you reply.  “But they are all great.”

There’s a heavy silence for a moment between you before he breaks it. “I read the adjustments you did to ‘Missing you’,” he shakes his head, “sorry, it’s ‘Miss you’ now. I’ve added some extra notes, but I think we have the song now.” You nod while he hands you your own notebook. “Let me know what you think.”

“Thanks,” you say as you take it. “I’ll get back to work and leave you alone.”

You disappear, leaving him alone in the writing room before he can even answer. This writing retreat has now taken an unexpected turn—one where some secrets have been spilled.

The past two days, you’ve barricaded yourself in your room, fully focusing on writing. Even though there are five weeks left until the end of this retreat, Noah has told you that they should begin recording some of the songs you wrote next week.

But the songs are far from ready. The lyrics might be over soon, but the melodies have not even been started, which Jungkook should now focus on. That’s why you’ve been leaving him alone in the writing room.

The sound of the guitar and piano has been echoing in the house. Sound coming directly from the writing room. Since your room is far from that room, you haven’t been able to hear his voice, but you’re certain that he’s been singing on top of it.  

And right now, you’re sitting on the little couch from that specific room with Jungkook in his chair and a piano on the desk. He has fully finished one song, and he wants your opinion before recording the demo and handing it to Namjoon for the production part.

Saying that you’re nervous is an understatement. You haven’t heard him singing a raw song for years, and the last time you did, you were in love with him, which you’re not anymore. Or at least, you want to convince yourself of it.  

The first melodies of the piano resonate in the room, captivating you instantly. After a couple of seconds, his sweet and honey-like voice starts singing the first verse.

“Empty rooms, these walls know my pain, I talk to shadows, but they can’t say your name. The stars shine bright, but they feel so far, I reach for your light, it’s my only star.”

You instantly recognize the words—he’s singing “Lonely Nights”. A warmth spreads all over your body, tears almost forming in your eyes. He’s been working on the song you considered your favorite. Fuck, this man will be the death of you.

“I let you slip away, I let my fear decide, Now every lonely night has no one by my side.”

His voice wraps around the words like something fragile, something he’s afraid to break. Honestly, the piano is completely useless because his voice is the only thing needed to give life to this song.

“You always said words could heal, and maybe you were right, But I lost my way and fell into the darkness. You were my lighthouse, guiding me through, I let you go, and now I’m lost without you.”

You’re sure that before the end of the song, you’ll be crying. This is absolutely beautiful. But the second verse absolutely crushes you.

“The rain reminds me of what we left behind, A kiss in the storm, still etched in my mind. I hear your laughter in every song I play, But the music fades, and you’re still away.”

This verse was completely changed. In the version you read, he never mentioned the rain or the kiss in the storm. This song is definitely about you. And it breaks your heart beyond comprehension. You’re not even able to hold back your tears.

“If I could turn back time, I’d hold you near, Chase away the silence, wipe away the fear, and your tears. But I’m here in the dark, the night so wide, Hoping someday you’ll come back to my side.”

The song was beautiful before, but now, it’s unbearable. This is filled with heavy emotions; only a fool wouldn’t feel them with the way he sings every word. You close your eyes, holding back the tears because you don’t want to look weak before him.  

When he finishes, there’s only silence. You’re completely speechless. How can you even say something after this?

Jungkook turns around, his gaze landing on you. His cheeks have taken a red shade, his breath is even, and his hands are slightly trembling. Seeing him like this, without any context, someone would think that he just trained.

“How do you make it sound easy?” you blurt out, putting an end to this silence.

“It’s never been easy,” he replies quietly. “It’s never when you sing and write something real.”

Honestly, you don’t really know what to say. Writing something real has never been easy; you know it better than anyone. But somehow, Jungkook makes it seem effortless, and that thought unsettles you more than it should.

“It’s beautiful,” you admit out loud.

“Thanks,” he kind of bows.

Many thoughts are jumbled together in your mind, and you don’t even know if you should say them. But since you’re here for work, it might be wise to focus on that and leave behind anything personal. You’ve many things that you’d like to confront him about, but it might not be a good idea.

“I’ve checked ‘Miss you’,” you tell him while playing with the edges of your sleeves and biting the inside of your cheek. “I’ve just changed two or three things,” you give him the notebook that was sitting next to you. “You can check them out.”

Jungkook takes it from your hands, directly going to the pages you both know by heart. His eyes run over your new notes, and for what seems like a long time, he reads them, remaining silent. Your heart is going wild in your chest.

“It’s good,” he finally says. “I like them.”

You simply nod, a hint of a smile appearing on your face.

“We can now work on the melody,” he adds. “Since you came up with it—”

“No, I promised Noah to help with lyrics, not the full thing,” you answer without letting him finish his sentence.

Jungkook takes a deep breath. “Nobody can reproduce the way you envision the song,” he begins to explain. “This song is your creation. I want you to finish it, the way you see it, the way you feel it.”

“I don’t know how it works…” You admit, hiding your face in your hands.

“That’s why I am here,” his voice is absolutely sweet. “We’ll do it together.” There is a little silence before he adds, “It’s our song.”

He couldn’t have said it any better. The lyrics of this song were built by the two of you. It’s not yours only—it’s his as well. But giving it life seems so odd and almost impossible. You’re not sure you can explain to him how you envision the song in your mind.  

 “Okay,” you finally concede.

You don’t dare to look up at him, but you perfectly hear him whisper, “Thanks.”

Somehow, hearing him thanking you doesn’t sound right, so you decide to finally raise the question that has been on the tip of your tongue for a while: “Why did you ask for my help?”

As you speak, you lift your head to meet his gaze. The closeness between you allows you to notice how he freezes completely, making you realize that he never expected you to raise this question out loud.  

“You clearly never needed it,” you add. “I want the real reason, not the 'fresh eye' thing you said the other day.”

“I did, you helped after—”

“Stop with the bullshit, Jungkook,” you cut him off, frustration clearly growing inside you. “We both know you’ve written shit on purpose, but I haven’t been able to figure out why.”

He runs a hand through his hair, standing up before sitting next to you. In years, he hasn’t been this close to you, but in an inexplicable way, this doesn’t feel wrong. It’s actually the opposite. Feeling the warmth emanating from his body is reassuring, comfortable.

“When Noah told me you’d join us for the retreat, I felt the need to solve things between us,” he begins to explain. “Five years of this hate—or whatever you want to call it—is starting to be exhausting.”

“Only for you…” you murmur, hoping that he wouldn’t hear it.

If he does hear you, he pretends at least not to when he continues. “Talking to you was going to be hard with the way you always throw daggers when I simply say ‘hi’. I didn’t know how to approach this.”

If he did this all to speak with you, he definitely looked desperate.

“So, I came up with this idea. I wrote the biggest shit I ever did, and pretended that I needed help from someone who masters words,” he explains. “I didn’t need to add anything else before Noah was at your door.”

Right now, you don’t know if you need to be angry about the devious plan he came up with, or if you feel impressed by it.

“But when we started working together, I stopped writing the shit I was before. Only you called me out and made me realize that I was still doing shit,” he adds. “So you still helped.”

You roll your eyes, not buying it. This man can’t write something that isn’t great.

“Spare me,” you reply. “You’ve written the prettiest songs I’ve heard.”

He chuckles. “They take time—the final version is always far from the first draft.”

“You really didn’t need to do all that just to speak with me…” you then say.

“Really?” he raises an eyebrow. “Tell me, would you have let me even look at you?”

Jungkook is right—you never would’ve let him get close. You would’ve pushed him away the second he came too close.  

“Maybe,” you say, trying not to admit the truth.

Your gaze is locked on his, sadness slowly appearing in his brown eyes. Seeing it breaks your heart, but you remind yourself that he already did it in the past. 

“It’s time we put an end to this,” he lowly says.

“Easy for you to say it when you’re not the one who got thrown away like you didn’t mean anything…” Your words cut sharply.    

“Yn…” The way he whispers your name sends shivers down your spine. “It wasn’t easy for me either.”  

“Don’t,” you cut him off. “Just don’t.”

He suddenly stands up, pacing the room right in front of you. This version of him—sad, broken, regretful—is one you’ve never seen before.

“Have you ever truly listened to my songs?” he stops in his tracks, meeting your eyes. The sadness written all over his face devastates you. You nod.

“Truly?” he insists. “If you did, you’d understand they’re all for you.”

Your eyes instantly flutter shut, trying somehow to stop the pain swelling in your chest. Jungkook can’t say that. He has no right to.

“No,” you manage to say.

“It’s the truth,” his voice is barely above a whisper.

“Stop Jungkook,” you stand, anger sparking through you. “You can’t just say that—not after what you did.”

Your mind races as you finally speak the words your twenty-one-year-old self never could.  

“You don’t get to kiss me, date another girl right after, say that I didn’t mean anything, and then claim your love songs were for me,” you say, your voice sharper than you intended. “You have no right. Absolutely none.”  

For a brief moment, he closes his eyes. It’s obvious he’s suffering just as much as you do, but you don’t care. He’s the one who broke your heart.

“I was afraid, okay?” his voice rises, which takes you aback.

“What?” you ask as if you didn’t hear him right, but the silence that follows gives you the time to process his words properly. “You’re telling me you ran away because you were afraid?”

“Yes,” he runs his fingers through his hair.

“For fuck’s sake,” you scream before simply leaving the room.

The air is suffocating you. Jungkook is suffocating you with his shitty explanation. You can’t stay with him; otherwise, you’ll definitely kill him. Even though the weather is absolutely cold this night of November, you leave the house, tears running down your face.

You can’t do this anymore. You can’t face the man who shattered your heart anymore.

The next day, you spent it visiting a village not too far from the house. Noah got worried when you told him you needed space and time away from Jungkook, but he let you be, only asking to tell him where you were throughout the day.

You needed air.

Being away definitely helped, but talking to your best friend, Ava, on the phone while wandering around boosted you. She knew about your crush on Jungkook. She was sitting front row when you were pinning around each other. She saw how devastated you were after.

So, you told her everything he said to you the night before—she cursed a lot. But she also guided you. She believed you need to finish this album, or at least the song ‘Miss You’, putting your hate towards Jungkook aside. She also advised you to have an honest and raw conversation with him.

“Sometimes, it’s hard to admit you’re afraid, and Jungkook did it, so you should at least let him explain it to you. In detail,” she wisely said.

As always, Ava wasn’t wrong.

So you followed her advice, and here you are, two days after running away from Jungkook, standing in front of the annex’s door. This house seems to know no end, and they manage to recreate a small studio in the annex. You’ve never been inside since you were busy working in the writing room.

Noah told you Jungkook was working at the studio, bringing his song “Lonely Nights” to life. The boys haven’t heard it yet; apparently, he wants to record the demo before showing it to them.

Your brother explained that this is how they usually work: Jungkook writes the song, records a rough version, and only then lets the boys listen so they can decide how to split the parts before recording the final track.    

After taking the deepest breath of your entire life, you knock at the door. You hear footsteps before Jungkook opens the door. You can’t help but notice the dark circles under his eyes, clearly indicating that sleep hasn’t been his best friend lately.

“Hi,” he says, stepping aside to let you in.

“Hi,” you say as you enter.

After the heated argument, it feels odd to be around him, too scared that it might blow up again. However, you desire to hold up to your promise—to your brother, Ava, and Jungkook—overshadows the grudges you have against him.

“Just to give you a heads up,” you begin, not bothering to look at him, “I’m only here to finish what we started.”

“Okay,” he says in a low voice.

Jungkook invites you to sit in the chair next to him, in front of the piano. He then explains how you will proceed.

“We’ll take it slow,” he says softly, fingers hovering over the keys. “Start by humming the melody. Doesn’t matter if it’s messy, I’ll catch it.”

“Should I hum the entire song?” you ask, unsure.

“Yes,” he nods without hesitation, “and then, we’ll break it down, bit by bit.”

A knot forms in your stomach. You’ve written entire worlds, universes with a pen, but humming a song in front of him feels impossibly intimate. Still, you inhale and do as he asks.

The moment you open your mouth, heat rushes to your cheeks. The melody in your mind feels clearer than what comes out, your voice trembling more than you expected. It’s embarrassing, vulnerable, and nothing like the confidence you show when writing.

But Jungkook doesn’t look away. He doesn’t even blink. He watches you like he’s afraid to miss a single sound you make.

His full attention burns hotter than stage lights, and it only makes you waver more. You keep going anyway, humming the shape of the song as best as you can, even though every second stretches like an eternity.

Without realizing it, you start tapping the rhythm on your thigh. When you finally trail off, breath unsteady, you finally look at him.  

His focus now shifts to the piano in front of him, and for a moment, his eyes scan the keys before his fingers fall on them. The first melodies definitely sound similar to what you hum.

When he stops, his eyes turn back to you, “Was it right?”

“Yes,” you say while nodding, “but I would say a bit higher.”

Jungkook tries again, and this time, the sound is perfect.

“That’s it,” you whisper once he stops.

After that, you keep working, bit by bit. You continue humming for a couple of seconds before he tries to reproduce and records it in his laptop at the same time. Slowly but surely, he gives life to whatever was in your mind throughout the entire writing process. And it’s beautiful.

Once you finish humming, Jungkook hits a few keys, adjusts something on the laptop, and then plays back the melody. Hearing the scattered hums shaped into something coherent—something beautiful—steals your breath away.

Jungkook is a magician. There’s no other explanation. You didn’t think it was possible, and yet here it is, real, alive.

“It’s beautiful,” you whisper, your eyes locked on his.

“It’s all you,” he replies with a small smile.  

“Absolutely not. I just hummed what was in my head. You’re the one who turned it into this.”

 “Everything is possible in music,” he murmurs, eyes dropping to his hands.

After everything that happened in the past days, you know he’s right. If you can imagine it, you can create it.

“Yeah,” you softly say with a smile growing on your face, “looks like it.”  

For a brief moment, a gentle silence stretches between you—not tense, not painful, not full of unresolved anger. It’s the first peaceful moment you’ve shared in years, and it settles around you like warmth.

“Now,” he eventually says, breaking the quiet, “we just need to polish it.”  

You nod, “Not sure what that means, but sure.”

Apparently, it means adding extra chords, layering harmonies, twisting the melody until it blooms into something richer, something whole. The transformation is incredible, and this is only the instrumental version. You can’t help imagining what it’ll sound like once the boys add their voices.

Watching Jungkook work is mesmerizing. He moves between the piano and the computer like he’s translating another language—one only he speaks. And through it all, he keeps pausing to ask for your opinion.

Every time he does, it feels like he’s handing you ownership. Like this is your song just as much as his. Like you matter here.

When you’re finally done, you exhale. “So, what now?”

“We record a demo,” he says lightly. “Otherwise, the boys don’t know how to sing it.”

“We?” you ask, your eyebrows knitting together, “We as in… you and I?”

Jungkook nods without hesitation. “We wrote the lyrics together. We built the melody together. Of course, we record it together. It only makes sense.”  

“I can’t sing…” you instantly blurt out.

“That’s not true,” he counters immediately, rolling his eyes. “I’ve heard you many times. You’re pretty good.”

Both you and Jungkook walk to the recording booth, your mind imagining your brother in the same spot, working on other songs. He’s been here since the beginning of the retreat, and he must know this place by heart by now.

Jungkook takes out a pair of headphones from the stand and hands them to you with a small smile. Your eyes move between his hand and his face, your teeth gripping your lower lip. This makes it feel even more real. You’re creating a song from A to Z.

“Ready?” he asks.

“Not really,” you admit, but you still put the headphones on. Your heart is racing; you don’t know if it’s the mic in front of you or him.

He chuckles softly. “It’s okay, I’ll guide you through it. I’ll be on the other side, playing the track on your headphones and guiding you, okay?”

Honestly, this feels so stressful. ‘How does Noah manage to do this every day?’ You think to yourself. Well, he must be used to it by now—he’s been doing it for seven years.   

Jungkook walks back to where you were sitting a couple of seconds ago.

“Let’s start with the melody track. You’ll just hum along. You don’t even have to sing words yet,” he says through the mic.

You nod, even though your palms are sweating. The little recording room feels too small, too quiet, too intimate. You hear the faint buzz of the equipment and your own pulse in your throat. You can feel Jungkook’s eyes on you, steady and reassuring. 

“Yn, relax your shoulders.”

You didn’t even realize how tense you were until you let out a long breath.

“Good,” he encourages, voice warm in your headphones. “We’ll go slow. I’ll play the track, and you hum the melody the way we shaped it. No pressure. If you mess up, we’ll just redo the take.”

“Okay,” you whisper, getting super close to the mic to make sure he hears you.

Your melody—the one you hummed awkwardly an hour ago, but now real, alive—fills your ears. Jungkook’s touch is all over it: delicate chords, subtle strings, and little details you don’t even know how to name.

Your voice comes out timid at first, barely a breath, but you follow the melody.

“You’re doing great,” he says in your headphones, so quietly it almost feels like he’s whispering into your ear. Your cheeks burn before he restarts the track.

“Let it flow this time,” he murmurs in your ears. “Don’t overthink it.”

And you try. You take a very deep breath before letting yourself fall into the music, forgetting the mic, your insecurities, and you simply hum what you feel. This feels surreal. The track plays in your ears like it’s the only thing you can hear right now.

When you finish, Jungkook is speechless for a moment. Then he says, “Beautiful.”

You shake your head instantly, not believing him. “No way.”

“Come listen,” he says, barely smiling.

You step out of the booth, removing the headphones, and take a seat beside him. He hits play. Your breath catches because you sound quite good. Better than good. His arrangement holds you, lifts you, wraps around your voice like it was always meant to.

“See?” Jungkook murmurs, leaning just a little too close. “Told you.”

You glance at him. His eyes are soft, too soft, full of something you don’t want to name. Somehow, being in this room and working with him on ‘Miss You’ makes all the pain and hate vanish completely. It’s like old times—when you only had love for him.

For a moment, there’s only you and him. The entire world around you disappears, and it’s a feeling you thought you would never experience again with him.

He clears his throat. “Okay, now let’s do it again, but with the actual lyrics.”

Your stomach drops. “Wait. Sing? Jungkook, no.”

“Yn,” he laughs under his breath, “you just did the hardest part.”

“But that was humming,” you play with your fingers, your eyes looking down at them like they are the most fascinating thing. “It’s not the same.”

“We’ll sing the first line together, okay?” he says quietly. “I’m here with you.”

You nod slowly.

“We can do a first try without recording it, and then, we’ll get in the booth. Sounds good for you?”

You nod once more. This feels less pressuring, but you know that once it is over, once you’re back in the booth to record the demo, the boys will be hearing it. Somehow, that is stressful. You’ve never sung in front of anyone except your family and close friends, Jungkook included. The boys never heard your voice.

He presses a key on his laptop, letting the track resonate in the room. Then, he sings, low and gentle, not performing, just existing in the music.

“I’ve been running from the quiet, Cause the silence always knows.”

You join him on the next line. Your voice trembles at first, but he matches you, supports you, blends with you until you find steadiness.

“Every thought I tried to bury Finds its way back to your ghost.”

It feels unreal, like your voices were always meant to fit together like this.

“I pretend that I’m fine, But the nights don’t ever lie They pull your name from my chest Like a truth I can’t deny.”

Not humming anymore feels odd, but finally reading out loud what you’ve come up with is somehow a relief.

“I know we said we’d let go, But letting go never stayed. If moving on was simple, Then why do I feel the same?”

When you reach the chorus, your eyes inevitably rest on the man sitting next to you. This song is about him in every possible way. But after having him adjust it, you know it’s also about you. This is about what you could have been and how you both missed each other so deeply.  

“’Cause I still miss you More than I’m allowed to say. I still miss you In the smallest, quiet ways. Every memory, every heartbeat, Leads me back to you. I don’t know if I should love you… But God, I miss you.”

Your eyes move back to focus on the laptop in front of you. His voice echoing against you helps you keep going. He’s really good at what he does. His voice is perfect, but the way he composes and writes makes him even more perfect, if it’s even possible.

And your heart beats and aches once again for this man. The only man who truly conquered your heart and made it hard for anyone after him.

When the bridge approaches, you swear that you feel your soul leaving your body. It was the hardest part to write—the one you both keep changing and adjusting.

“Maybe someday, We’ll find the courage we lost. Maybe someday, We’ll tell the truth without cost. But until the moment we do, I’ll keep holding on to Every version of us I couldn’t live through.”

Then you reach the final and probably the saddest part of the song, the final chorus.

“I still miss you More than I can bear tonight. I still miss you When the darkness needs a light. Every memory, every heartbeat, Tells me you still feel it too. I don’t know what we’re becoming But God, I miss you.”

When you finish, neither of you speaks. You simply look at each other, and his gaze is the kind that makes your breath stop. You’re not sure you know how to even properly function. This whole session is intense in every possible way.

“See?” he whispers. “We make a good team.”

Your heart stutters.

“Jungkook…”

He offers you a little smile. “Don’t worry. We’ll record it step by step and together.”

He reaches forward and hits the record button before you head to the booth, headphones on.

“Ready?” he asks once you’re inside.

You nod, the track starts playing, and you both start singing the song you built together. A song you wrote about the love you both share for each other. A song that simply expresses how much you miss each other.

And that’s the beautiful side of this whole journey.

For the past two days, you’ve been giving life to every lyric you wrote with Jungkook. This is the best feeling ever. No wonder he loves to do this.

And over those two days, you’ve gotten to get closer. It felt like old times, when you were two friends hanging out together and having fun. This has partially healed your twenty-one-year-old self, who got completely heartbroken.

Now, you’re sitting in the studio with all the boys, listening to the ‘Miss You’ demo. Nobody speaks, only focusing on your and Jungkook’s voices. You’d like to say that you’re feeling embarrassed or shy, but it’d be a lie. Hearing your voice out loud, in a song, warms your soul.

Once the song is over, Noah looks at you with wide eyes. “You did that?” he asks while pointing at the laptop.

“Yes,” you nod.

“There’s no way we’re recording this or even changing it,” Yoongi says, his eyes going from Jungkook to you.

You frown, worry taking over you. Is the song bad? Didn’t they like it? Your heart starts beating extremely fast. What if all this time was lost?

“This is way too good,” Hoseok adds. “It’d be a crime to put my voice over this.”

“But—” you begin, but Noah cuts you off.

“There’s no but, yn,” he begins. “I completely agree with Hobi. If we sing this song, it’ll lose its magic. This is perfect with your and Jungkook’s voices.”

You quickly look at Jungkook, his eyes already on you, and your cheeks instantly burn. In the end, they don’t consider this like shit. It’s actually the opposite, and you can’t help but feel pride. This wasn’t in vain.

“If hating each other gives this, I can’t imagine what it’d be once it gets better,” Jimin confesses.

Honestly, right now, you want to disappear.

“Jimin,” your brother scolds him.

“What?” he asks. “Did I say anything wrong?”

If eyes could kill, Jimin would have already been on the ground.

“We can show you the other songs,” Jungkook suggests, and they all agree.

They like every single one of them, and they can’t wait to work on them. For sure, the version you created with Jungkook won’t be the final one, but in general, it will remain the same. And you have to admit that you’re also extremely excited to hear the final result, adjusted by Namjoon and with their voices on it.

When you all leave the studio, you head with Noah to the living room, sitting on the couch once inside. Your brother instantly tugs you into a hug, which surprises you at first, but you then wrap your arms around him, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

“What you did was splendid,” he murmurs, holding you as tight as possible. “Thanks, sis.”

“I did it with Jungkook,” you admit. “I wasn’t alone.”

“Still,” he replies. “Maybe I’m biased because you’re my sister, but it was great!”

You chuckle, and you both remain like that for a moment.

For the past seven years, it’s been hard to spend some time with Noah. He’s always been on the road and working on albums, and it got worse when you became a writer. Your parents complained a lot that it was always hard to have you both in the same room for a couple of days.

So, being here with him and actually working with him means more than you can ever express. The love you have for him knows no boundaries, even though you’ll never say that to him, but you believe that he knows it. This has allowed you to spend more time with him, like when you were kids.

Noah is the protective kind of brother, but not in a toxic way. He lets you live your life like you intend to, and he’ll step up if you ask him. He’s never been the type to forbid you from dating someone. He actually encourages you, but keeps an eye on the guy, and makes you promise that you’ll think about yourself first.

His opinion is absolutely valuable to you, so he has read every single one of your books beforehand. For your first book, you were kind of insecure about it, but after the heartbreak that Jungkook puts you through, you gave it to him. Noah isn’t a writer by any means, but he’d always tell you what he believed sounded wrong.

Noah is your best friend. He’s the guy you’ll always rely on. And you’re grateful to your parents for giving you him. Life would have been boring without him.

“Now I understand why you love this so much,” you tell him when you break your embrace.

“Really?” he asks with the biggest smile on his face.

“Yeah, it’s cool to create a song from scratch.”

“Maybe you could be our ninth member,” he teases.

“Eeh, don’t push it too far,” you playfully hit his arm. “I love being a writer, and I’m absolutely not converting into being a singer.”

“But you could be a lyricist with Jungkook…” he offers.

You cross your arms. “You’re asking for too much, Noah. Consider yourself lucky I didn’t commit any crime for the past four weeks.”

He chuckles as he shakes his head. “If you say so.”

Honestly, it’s a miracle you manage to work things out with Jungkook, but you know you still need to have a very serious conversation with him. And that scares the shit out of you.

After that, you jump into your room to stay alone for a moment. You’ve interacted too much with too many people; you need to recharge your social battery before joining them again.

You grab ‘The Love Hypothesis’ by Ali Hazelwood, a book that tons of people recommended to you. So far, you’ve only read ten pages because you’ve been working way too much on this writing retreat.

After reading a couple of chapters, you can totally understand why people love it so much. The story is addictive, and you only want to know more about this attraction between Olive and Adam. And based on the description, you imagine Adam hot as fuck. Hopefully, one day, you’ll find someone like him.

At dinner, you emerge from your room to eat. As usual, nobody eats at the same time, but Noah was waiting for you like he does every day. Tonight, it’s carbonara pasta for everyone, prepared by the super chef Jin. He’s really talented.

“We’ve discussed all together,” Noah begins, “and if you agree, we’d like to add ‘Miss You’ as it is.”

“The version of Jungkook and me?” you ask before eating some pasta.

He nods. “Jungkook doesn’t mind, but we’d like to have your agreement. We won’t release it if you don’t want to.”

Wow, you honestly don’t know what to think. This was supposed to be only you helping them with writing songs, not you ending up on the album. If you agree, you’d be a singer on top of being a writer. You never expected your life to take such a turn.

“I need to think about it.”

Noah nods, and you then talk about something completely different while finishing your plate of pasta. After that, he disappears into his room to call his new girlfriend. It’s hard to follow up with his love life, but you only remember the girls he introduced you to. This new one is still unnamed since he doesn’t want to tell you anything about her until he’s sure it’s serious. ‘There’s no point in presenting you someone who might not stay,’ he told you once.

As you look through the window, you notice that it is snowing—not heavy snowing, but more like snowflakes gently falling from the sky. It’s beautiful. Instantly, you grab your puffer coat, scarf, and gloves, and head outside to the terrace.

Sitting down on the bench, your eyes just wrap around the beauty unfolding in front of you. Slowly, everything is getting covered in snow.

“Can I sit here?”

Your head turns to find Jungkook, covered in his puffer jacket, a wool hat, and a scarf. With this layer of clothes, he looks so small, and you can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, sure.”

Slowly, he sits next to you, but leaves some space between you. For a while, you remain in silence, and you just don’t care. You’re here for the snow, not to be with him, and it’s actually even better if he doesn’t speak. Your mind has already been running over the way to approach him for the famous conversation you need to have.    

“It reminds me of the day we were stuck at my place,” he lowly says.

A smile grows on your face when you think back to that day. As usual, you were together at his place, watching a movie with hot chocolate in your hands. You can’t remember the movie you were watching, but it doesn’t really matter today.

It was snowing that day, slowly at first before it turned into a storm. You weren’t left with much choice, so you stayed at his place; you even slept with him that night. Nothing happened that night, even though your entire soul wanted it. The kiss under the rain happened a week after that.

“Good memories,” you simply reply, not wanting to go over that souvenir with him.

“Yeah,” he agrees with you. “I miss that time.”

Inevitably, you close your eyes, your heart beating too fast. Looks like he wants to have THE conversation.

“Jungkook…” you whisper, warning and plea tangled together in your voice.

You hear him shift closer, his warmth gathering near your shoulder, but you don’t dare to open your eyes to see just how close he is now.

“Yn,” he breathes, “I can’t even express how sorry I am. For everything.”

Being sorry five years later isn’t enough to erase everything he caused. The sorrow that overwhelmed you after he left, those nights when tears ravaged your cheeks, the ache that settled deep in your chest and refused to leave, none of it simply disappears because he’s sorry now.   

“You can’t just come back five years later with your apologies,” you reply, your voice gentle despite the weight of your words. “It doesn’t erase what happened.”

For a moment, Jungkook doesn’t speak, the silence between you slowly becoming heavy and unbearable, almost suffocating.

“I know,” he finally whispers. “I know it doesn’t change anything.”

At his words, you open your eyes, his gaze already on you. You notice just how his jaw trembles. He looks like he’s trying not to fall apart in front of you, and failing miserably.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” his voice shakes in a way you’ve never heard before.

The man sitting next to you isn’t the one you’ve gotten to see over the past five years. Somehow, he’s the one he used to be before running away from you—vulnerable and honest.    

“I just feel sorry for being the man who broke your heart,” he blinks, eyes never leaving yours, “and for causing that pain. You deserved someone who stayed. Someone who chose you. Someone who didn’t run because his world was falling apart. Someone who chose to run away because he was afraid.”

He breathes shakily while he rubs his hands over his face. You can’t help but realize that this Jungkook carries a heavy weight on his shoulders, and he’s definitely in pain. You’re certain that this goes beyond what he did to you.  

And right there, you finally ask what has been going through your mind for a week now: “What were you afraid of?”

He closes his eyes, his breath catching before he speaks. It’s like the words have lived inside his chest for far too long, and he doesn’t know how to express them out loud.

“Honestly, I was scared of so many things,” he begins.

You can tell he’s struggling to express what’s going on inside his head. He stands up, turning his back to you, as if he can’t bear to look at you while he speaks his truth.

Your eyes remain on his strong back, hidden beneath his coat, and somehow, the snow around you makes this moment even more intense and vulnerable.    

“I didn’t walk away because I didn’t want you,” he says with a shaky voice while turning around to look at you. 

You completely freeze. This is definitely something you weren’t expecting to hear, ever. In your head, Jungkook had run away because he realized, after kissing you, that he didn’t like you.

His gaze on you is intense, overwhelming. It’s almost impossible to look at him, especially what he just revealed. How are you supposed to survive this with him looking at you like that?

“It’s actually the opposite,” he confesses. “I walked away because I wanted you too much.”

Your heart squeezes at his words, the pain almost equal to the one you felt once he showed up with a new girl after kissing you. Remaining seated is hard, so you now stand up to face him.

“But back then, I was a mess. I was terrified of everything, and my family was falling apart in ways I didn’t even know how to handle.”

His gaze locks on yours, and his words surprise you. You had no idea his family was struggling back then. Well, your brother told you, like a year after that, his parents had divorced, but you ignored that it was already taking place when you were still friends.

He swallows hard and takes off his hat to run his fingers through his hair. “My mom cheated, then my dad did it, then someone got pregnant, and suddenly everything I believed about family meant nothing.” His voice breaks on the last word.

His eyes are shining from the tears that he’s holding back. His vulnerability absolutely breaks your heart. You’re absolutely sure that you’re not going to get back inside alive. This man is killing you with his revelations and the way he looks at you.  

“I was watching love die in front of me, yn. Every day. And the only thing that felt real was you.”

You close your eyes, heart beating so fast inside your chest that it could explode at any moment. You take a step closer, holding back the urge to grab his hands.

“And that scared the hell out of me,” he continues.

A tear streams down his face.  

“You were the only thing in my life that was good. The one thing that made me feel like I wasn’t my parents’ son. And I thought that if I pulled you into the chaos I was living in, I’d ruin you too.”

He exhales shakily, his voice barely a whisper now. Jungkook doesn’t clean the tears running down his face, and seeing him tear up in front of you is painful in ways you can’t even express.

“I kissed you because I was in love with you.”

You feel your stomach drop, your heart twist painfully. He can’t just say that five years later. It’s too late now.  

“And I left because I didn’t want to turn into the kind of man who breaks the girl he loves.”

Hearing out loud that he loved you devastates you. It makes you realize that it was never a one-sided love. Never. And you can’t say if it relieves you or hurts you even more.

“I knew I was going to hurt you either way. So I chose the version where you’d hate me instead of the version where you’d stay and watch me fall apart. I thought pushing you away was protecting you.”  

Your throat tightens painfully, tears running down your face. You never thought you’d be hearing all this on a snowy night in November, in the middle of nowhere, and especially not five years later.

You don’t say anything because you actually don’t know what to say, so you just let the tears ravage your face. Jungkook instantly reaches for your hand, squeezing it as tightly as possible.

“I’m so sorry, yn,” he whispers. “I hate myself so much for what I did. I wake up every day wishing I could go back. Wishing I hadn’t been such a coward. Wishing you didn’t hate me as much as you did over the past five years.”

You sob. This is too much for your poor heart.

“Why now?” you choke out. “Why didn’t you say any of this five years ago? Do you have any idea how much it hurt to think I meant nothing to you?”

Jungkook’s face twists, shattered before closing the distance between you and cupping your face in his hands. You don’t push him away even though you should, but you need to feel him, to have him comforting you.  

“The problem was that you meant everything.”

You feel absolutely weak, your knees are trembling, and threatening to fail you. You place your hands over his, trying somehow to hold yourself onto something.

“You still do,” he confesses softly.

His soft and cold thumbs clean the tears on your face, and instantly, your eyes close to savor this tender moment.

“You made me hate you,” you whisper with a shaky voice.

Jungkook presses a soft kiss on your forehead before resting his against yours. This hurts like hell. More than when he made you think he didn’t love you.

“I’m sorry, trouble,” he whispers.

Your soul leaves your body the moment he calls you ‘trouble’. He used to call you that because you were always bothering him, barely letting him focus or work. It started as a joke, but it stayed until you stopped giving him the right to call you like that.

“It’s too late, Jungkook,” you say while opening your eyes. “It was late the second you showed up with Stella.”  

You push him away before getting back inside, leaving him alone on the terrace. You’re just too devastated. He can’t come back five years later, saying his sorry and explaining everything when he had all these years to do it. He can’t expect you to accept his apologies just like that.

With a bleeding heart, you run to your room, fall on your bed, and cry for the rest of the night.

ACT III: “the real meaning of ‘miss you’”

The silence between you and Jungkook has been incredibly heavy for the past week. You can’t bear to be around him for more than two minutes, so you disappear when he steps inside a room. You’ve also categorically refused to work with him.

Most of the songs were done and recorded; he can finish them by himself. You’re not needed anymore. Noah didn’t push, but once again, he was worried about you. This silence with Jungkook speaks louder than any harsh word you’ve ever thrown yourself in the past five years.

“You did tell her about your crush, right?” you hear Jin asking Jungkook in the kitchen.

“Why are you saying that?”

“She runs away the second you show up,” the eldest explains.

“You’re saying that she hates me because I had a crush on her?” Jungkook clearly sounds confused.

You can imagine Jin shrugging, and it makes you smile. Jin is the type of guy to be funny without even trying, and it’s why you adore him.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Jungkook adds.

“Why?” Jin asks. “If she doesn’t share your feelings… or if she did but you didn’t say anything… I’d hate you if I was her.”

You shake your head, smiling like an idiot. You shouldn’t hide behind the door and listen to their conversation, but you can’t help yourself. Curiosity has taken over you and your body.

“You’re not helping…” the youngest mumbles.

“So it’s that,” Jin’s voice is absolutely cheeky. “And what that crush of yours makes her hate you?”

The oldest member of The Devil Lovers is way too curious.

“It’s not that, Jinnie,” Jungkook dismisses his oldest friend.

“I’m not stupid,” he replies. “Actually, nobody is stupid in this house. We all know this situation is because of your massive crush on her, and it’s becoming unbearable.”

There is a moment of silence, and you can hear Jungkook sighing.

“Yeah, I told her,” he confesses, “but she said it’s too late.”

“And you’re a fool for letting her go,” he claps back instantly. “If you still have that crush on her, go after her.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, probably lost for words.

“Don’t you miss her? Don’t you miss being around her all the time like before?”

“Of course I miss her,” he admits. “I miss her constantly, but I messed up, Jin.”

You can hear Jin rolling his eyes from where you are. This man is always so dramatic.

“You definitely did, but you’d only make it worse if you don’t do anything now,” he explains to Jungkook. “She knows you like her, so show it to her.”

There’s another silence.

“Don’t lose her all over again because I know she loves you,” Jin lowly says, and by the way he quickly continues, you can tell that Jungkook is frowning. “You can’t go from being friends with someone to hating them overnight, and we both know that she never really hated you. She just refused to show you how in love she still was.”

With that, you disappear back to your room, grab your things, and scream in the house that you’re leaving. You need some space far away from all these boys.

“Yn,” you hear as you’re stepping outside.

No need to turn to know who that is. Jungkook. He’s the last person on earth you want to interact with right now.

“Please don’t,” you say as you turn, your breath shaking.  

Jungkook freezes, not taking any further steps in your direction.

“Okay,” he simply says before sitting down on the doorsteps. “I’ll stay right here.”

“You know I’m leaving,” you tell him.

You are about to go for a short drive, with music blasting in the rented car as you try to forget, just for a moment, that he exists.

“Yeah,” he replies. “But I’ll still stay here.”

You deeply sigh before shaking your head. What is he doing now? What’s even the point of staying in the cold while you’re driving around?

“Are you serious?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. “You’ll die of cold.”   

“I know.”

You get closer to him because the distance between you doesn’t make it easy to hear him.

“Why are you doing that?” you ask. “Is it because Jin told you?”

A smile grows on his face as he stands up, closing the remaining distance between you.

“So you heard…”

“Not because I wanted to,” you lie.

You could have stopped listening to them, but you didn’t, way too intrigued by their conversation.

“So you heard what I said about missing you?” he dares to ask, hesitation clearly heard in his voice.

For a moment, you look down at your fluffy blue gloves. You bought them a couple of years ago, and they still are so fluffy and warm after all these years. The day you’ll have to change them, you’ll probably cry since you absolutely adore them.

“Yeah, I heard that part…” You admit, unable to hide the truth.

He doesn’t hesitate. “I mean it,” he instantly says, his tone firm and unwavering, leaving no room for doubt. “I really do.”

“I told you—” you begin to reply, but before you can finish, he interrupts, his voice soft but resolute.

“I heard you,” he says. “It’s too late.”

You take a deep breath, trying to think of what you can say to him. You were absolutely clear when you said that it was too late, and you left no room for interpretation. So why is he here now?

With a shaky breath, you whisper, “Then why are you making this harder?”

His hands reach out for yours, and like a week ago, you just let him, not pushing him away when you probably should.

“I really miss you, yn,” he repeats, softer this time, like the words hurt him. “I miss you more than I could even express.”

His thumb brushes over your glove, slow, steady, almost nervous.

“I miss having you around. I miss laughing with you about the silliest things. I miss the way you say my name.”

He swallows, his voice cracking just a little.

“God, I miss the way you made me feel at home.”

A beat, and his eyes drop to your mouth.

“I miss the feeling of your lips,” his voice is barely audible. “Fuck, yn… I just miss you. All of you.”  

Your breath catches before you can stop it. The weight of his words crushes over you, and they bring back all those memories with him. You can feel deep inside you how it felt to laugh with him or the way he made you feel. You were convinced that everything would last forever, but you were completely wrong.

That’s why it hurts so fucking much.   

The tears start streaming down your face, but you don’t even realize it. You only do when Jungkook’s expression twists.

“You can’t…” your voice breaks. You try again, but it comes out as a sob. “You can’t say those things to me.”

His hands squeeze yours, but you push away, wiping at your cheeks with trembling hands.

“You don’t get to miss me like that,” you manage, but the words shake violently. “Not after everything. You don’t get to drop this on me five years later.”

His jaw tightens, pain flickering in his eyes, but you can’t let him speak—not when your heart is unraveling this fast. You press a fist to your mouth, trying to steady your breathing, failing miserably. The cold feeling of the gloves against your lips freezes you completely.

Your mind is racing with thoughts. Over the past five years, you deeply missed him. You missed how things were between you, and you hated how they changed overnight. Yes, you loved this man with all your soul, and maybe you still do because it still hurts after all these years.

But the truth is that you still miss him. You never stopped missing him.  

When you finally find your voice again, it’s barely a whisper—broken, small, and brutally honest. “I never stopped missing you.”

His breath hitches, and your eyes squeeze shut as more tears spill. This writing retreat has made you cry more than you have in a year. It’s incredible what this man makes you feel.

“And that’s exactly why it hurts so much,” you add.

For a second, Jungkook doesn’t move. He just stands there, staring at you with an intensity that makes your chest ache. It’s like your words hit him with the force of a punch, knocking the air out of him.

His lips part, but nothing comes out, before he manages to whisper your name in a way that sends shivers down your spine. “Yn…”

His gloved hand cleans the tears on your face, and for a brief moment, you close your eyes, savoring the soft moment.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he says while you open your eyes.

The words are quiet, but the weight behind them presses into you. You know him well enough to see how much he means it. How much he’s trying to restrain himself. Well, at least that’s what you think.

You swallow hard, your heart pounding. “Jungkook…”

He tilts his head slightly, just enough that your eyes meet. There’s longing, regret, and a quiet pleading in his gaze. A silent promise that he will be careful, that he won’t hurt you, but then, without another word, he leans in, his face closing the gap between you.

His eyes scan yours, trying to find a sign that you’ll push him away. You know this look. You know what it means, and the second you simply nod, his lips find yours. His hands cup your face with a shaking desperation.

At first, your body freezes as if trying to understand what’s going on. Your mind screams that it is too late, but your heart… Your heart breaks the moment his lips touch yours.

And then, you kiss him back.

Your hands grab his coat, pulling him so close your bodies collide, years of hurt melting into the kiss. A tiny sound escapes your throat, something between relief and heartbreak.

Jungkook deepens the kiss instantly, like he’s been waiting for this moment to breathe again. He kisses you slowly, then desperately, then slowly again as if he’s memorizing the shape of you.

You kiss him like you’re drowning. Like you hate him. Like you love him. Like you never let him go, even when you pretended you did.

Your fingers slowly move higher to slide into his hair, tugging, and he groans softly, his hands gripping your waist, pulling you impossibly closer.

The kiss is overwhelming, and that’s what makes you pull away.

You stumble back, breathing hard, lips swollen, and chest heaving. You can’t help but notice that he’s in the same state, and when his eyes snap open, you see how dark, blown wide they are.

You’re shaking, not from coldness, but from the intense make-out that you swore would never happen again. “This…”

You pull back slightly before turning your back to him. Your lips still tingle, your heart still races, and the world feels impossibly quiet except for the sound of your own breathing.

“I don’t know how to handle this,” you admit, your voice barely more than a whisper.

“You don’t have to…” he says softly, his voice low and tender.

“You hurt me after kissing me,” your voice cracks, emotion spilling out despite your best effort to stay composed. “Who can’t tell me you won’t be doing it again?”

He reaches out slowly, resting his hand lightly over yours. “I know,” he whispers, “and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that I was wrong. I know I hurt you—fuck, I deeply know it, but I can’t take back the past. All I can do is try to stay this time, and to show you that I never stopped loving you.”

Your breath hitches as you turn around to look at him.

“I’m scared, Jungkook,” you admit, your voice almost trembling. “Scared that if I let myself… I’ll want you completely, and then what?”

He tilts his head, brushing a strand of hair from your face.

“Then, want me completely,” he whispers. “I’m not running this time.”

For the first time in what feels like years, you let yourself meet his gaze fully. Vulnerability, fear, desire, and longing flicker in both your eyes.

“I don’t know if I can trust you,” you admit softly.

“Then we take it slow. Step by step. I’ll wait. I’ll do whatever it takes to have you back.”

His words wrap around you like a warm blanket, and you press your forehead against his, heart pounding like crazy inside your chest. This man has caused so much heartbreak, and you hate yourself for letting him do whatever he wants with your heart.  

Slowly, your lips brush against his again, and you let yourself feel every heartbeat, every ounce of desire that has been building since that first kiss under the rain.

Your hands grip again his coat, tugging him closer, and he responds immediately, one arm sliding around your waist, the other cupping your cheek. The kiss deepens, messy and raw, but also tender—every emotion you’ve kept locked away finally pouring into this single, shattering moment.

You break away just slightly, resting your forehead against his, breathing in the warmth and closeness, letting yourself savor it.

“I…” you whisper.

He presses a gentle kiss to your temple, then your lips again, soft but insistent, like he’s saying: “I’m right here, and I won’t let go. Not this time.”

And for the first time in years, you let yourself believe it, letting the past pain mingle with this new, fragile hope that maybe, they can find their way back to each other.

The past week has honestly been the only week where nothing tragic happens—or should you say that it’s been the only week where you’ve been able to bear with Jungkook’s presence.

Nothing has really happened over the past week. No kisses, no hugs, no tears, no harsh words, and no hate. It was simply peaceful. Nevertheless, you kept working with Jungkook on those songs you hadn’t finished.

None of the boys said anything about how things have been a rollercoaster between you two, and you were grateful for it. But there were some days you’d feel anxious, too scared that Noah might say something. You aren’t prepared to have a conversation with him about your rocky relationship with his best friend.

The boys have also recorded most of your songs, and the final result is honestly mind-blowing. Their voices fit so well together. The songs sound a hundred times better with their voices and the arrangements of Namjoon.

As they told you previously, they refused to record ‘Miss You’ because it is your and Jungkook’s song, but after much thinking, you’ve agreed to having it released as it is. It is honestly so strange to think that your voice will be on their album.

The writer who became a singer for a song.

On top of that, since your voice will be on their album and some of your songs will make it to the final product, you’ll be earning a bit from it all.

A couple of days ago, you informed your manager about it, after she originally called you to ask when you’ll start working on your next book, and she made you promise that you’ll fight for your rights because nobody works for free.

Honestly, she’s the best. It wouldn’t have been possible to survive the craziness of the last years without her. Becoming a best-selling author is no joke. But you love it. Writing is the best thing that has happened to you. It’s freeing. You stop being yourself when you write, and the world around you disappears.

Funnily, you can’t write without a song in the background. The sounds around you become overwhelming, and you can’t focus on what you are doing. It’s like music calms your agitated brain. Noah always asks you how on earth you do it, but it’s just your way of working.

And yeah, you also listen to the songs written by Jungkook while working, especially when you need to write heartbreaking scenes. They are a wonder whenever you need to focus on sad parts. But in general, the songs of your brother’s band inspire you a lot.

“Joonie, why can’t you just tell us who you’re texting? You’ve been smiling like an idiot since we’re here,” Jimin says with a bright smile on his face.  

“He’s not wrong,” your brother adds.

“It’s none of your business, guys.”

Since you’re very intrigued to know who the lucky person is, you intervene. “Won’t you even tell me?” you literally pout.

“That’s not fair,” Namjoon points out. “You can’t look at me like that.”

A proud smile shows up on your face, knowing you’ve won. With these boys, you get absolutely whatever you want. You simply have to ask, not even beg, and they’ll hand it to you without even thinking twice about it. That’s the perk of being Noah’s little sister.

“Fine,” he gives up. “There’s this girl I met right before we came, and I’ve been enjoying talking to her.”

“Oooooh, our Joonie is in love,” Taehyung dramatically says.

“I’m not in love,” Joonie claps back. “I’m just enjoying her company.”

“You can admit you have a crush on her,” Jungkook says. “Nobody is going to judge you.”

That’s the biggest lie you’ve ever heard. These seven boys will highly judge and tease their leader because they like it. And this dynamic between them is one that you adore. They met when they were around twenty, even younger for some of them, and have been inseparable since then.

They fight sometimes, which is normal when you spend most of your days with the same people, but they always end up resolving their issues—a normal thing between brothers. Through Noah, you won six extra brothers you can also bother whenever you want. And then, there’s Jungkook, who’s far from being a brother to you.   

“Really?” Namjoon raises an eyebrow. “You’re all going to say shit about me liking a woman.”

“That’s not true,” Jimin replies. “We all respect our super leader.”

Namjoon’s face is so funny. He’s not buying the shit Jimin and Jungkook are saying. Out of all of them, those two are the worst when it comes to teasing. They know no limit and drive the others absolutely crazy.

“Well, can’t wait for you to start dating someone,” he says.

The day Jimin dates someone, the world is ending. The word ‘fuckboy’ was invented for him. He fucks whoever wants him to, and it’s incredible to see him in action—he becomes the biggest flirt on earth. The fact that the band is quite well-known also helps; he has literally everybody at his feet, begging for his attention.

“That’s not happening,” he claps back, his face instantly becoming serious.

Jimin has stated more than once that he refuses to settle with someone because he doesn’t believe in love. He says that it isn’t for him, even though he roots for his friends’ happiness in the love department.

“Let’s see,” Namjoon says.

“But we weren’t talking about me,” Jimin tries to shift the conversation back to Namjoon’s growing love story. “We were talking about you and your little crush.”

“You’re not going to meet her any time soon, if that’s what you want to know.”

Jimin dramatically rolls his eyes, and you can’t help but laugh. Those boys are just incredible. You feel fortunate enough to spend these moments with them, and even though this writing retreat didn’t start really well, you’re sure its ending will be a lot better. Things are already much better.

“You’re not fun, Joonie,” Jimin retorts.  

“And I’m leaving,” the leader of the band announces as he leaves the kitchen.

Slowly, everybody starts to head back to their room as it is already late and they need to wake up early tomorrow. Their manager is coming to see what they’ve been doing for the past five weeks. Some other people are coming as well, but you can’t remember who they are or why they’ll be here.

When you reach your room, you find Jungkook in front of his. A smile stretches across his soft features when his eyes land on you.

“Tomorrow you’ll be here?” he asks. “Or will you be visiting around?”

“I wanted to leave, but Noah told me it’s better if I’m here since your team will be listening to our song.”

That thought makes you nervous. As soon as their manager and the other people hear ‘Miss You’, everything will become real. People outside The Devil Lovers members will be listening to your voice. They will hear what you create with Jungkook. And that’s unsettling, but you knew what you were getting into when you accepted having it in their album.

“Yeah, it’s best,” he nods. “Jinwoo will probably make you sign tons of paperwork.”

You don’t doubt it, but you would have preferred not to be around when they listen to ‘Miss You’.

“Hopefully, not too much,” you chuckle, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “My manager encouraged me, though, to fight for my rights, and to make the most money out of it.”

Jungkook chuckles, shaking his head. “She’s right,” he says. “But you’ve got Noah, so he’ll definitely fight like it’s for himself.”   

For a split second, he doesn’t say anything, only looking you dead in the eye.

“And you have me as well.”

Your heart stops instantly, not expecting to hear this. Your eyes look down at your feet, hidden under Christmas-themed socks, the ones you constantly wear, even outside the Christmas period. You wiggle your toes, trying to hide the effect his words have on you.

Knowing he’ll make sure you win as much as possible from this collab with The Devil Lovers warms your heart.

“Thanks.”

Jungkook steps closer, his fingers resting under your chin to slowly lift your face. His soft gaze falls on yours, your heartbeat already all over the place. The last time you were this close was last week when you kissed twice.   

“I meant it when I said I’ll do everything to win you back,” he confesses. “And that starts with helping you out, earning as much as possible from helping us and collaborating with us.”

“Money isn’t necessarily what I need,” you admit. “I already made enough with the books.”

“I don’t doubt it, but as your manager said, it’s in your rights.”

You nod, and before you realize what’s going on, he’s crashing his lips on yours, kissing like a desperate and craved man. It takes you like a second to kiss him back, too surprised by it. His hands find their way to your waist, pulling you closer, while yours wrap around his neck.

This is comforting, especially after the intense five weeks.

Your twenty-one-year-old and heartbroken self wouldn’t believe you if you said you’d be kissing Jungkook once again. She’d probably curse at you for even letting him do it again, calling you a traitor. But fuck, it feels fucking great.

“We should go to bed,” Jungkook whispers against your lips. “Tomorrow will be intense.”

You break the kiss, stepping back to properly look at him. For a moment, you allow yourself to look at the man standing in front of you. His face screams tiredness, which only makes sense after how hard he’s been working. He has barely been sleeping.

But his eyes shine so bright, it almost looks like they are some stars that have fallen from the sky. His beauty is breathtaking, even more now that things have changed between you. He isn’t the guy who broke your heart anymore. He’s the one who is trying to mend it.

You nod before saying, “Yeah, we should. Sleep well, Jungkook.”

“I will,” he smiles, but you notice that he’s hesitating to say something else, so you kind of encourage him through a small smile. “I definitely will sleep well to the thought of you.”

Fuck, how can he be so sweet right now? Where’s the man who would clap back with the harshest words? Where’s the man who let you hate him?

His words give you the courage to say, “I will think about you, too.”

His lips crash against yours once more before you both go back to your respective rooms, happier than ever.

The full executive and productive team from the record house is currently listening to the songs the band has been working on for almost six weeks now. Obviously, since you wrote some of them, you’re also present in the improvised studio, in the annex. They are all serious, not saying a word.

Namjoon presents all the songs written, even though they currently have like thirty or forty songs. It takes like ages for them to listen to all of them, and you bite your nails with nervousness, waiting for ‘Miss You’ to play.

The boys have decided to put it last since it is sung by only one member and someone external to the band, but it only makes you extra nervous. The fact that they are expressionless when your and Jungkook’s songs are playing is already too much to handle.

Nevertheless, the second your and Jungkook’s voices echo in the room as the first notes of ‘Miss You’ play, they all appear surprised. Their manager looks instantly at you, which unsettles you even more. He frowns, and you don’t really know how to interpret that. 

Noah holds your hand, squeezing it in a way to comfort you, but nothing can relax you right now.

When the song ends, the entire team and the manager look at you and the boys. Can you just die right now? You’ve never been this nervous before, not even before sending your books to the editor.

“This is promising,” a guy says.

“Might need some reworking for some of them,” another one adds. “But everything sounds great.”

“We would then need to decide which ones will make it to the album,” Jinwoo announces.

“There is one we’re certain we want in the album,” your brother announces. “The last one, ‘Miss You’, is non-negotiable.”

Their manager seems to think, his eyes going from you to the boys. He’s already fully aware that you help them write some songs, and you’ll be credited no matter what, unless they end up not choosing any of your songs. But he wasn’t aware of ‘Miss You’. The boys wanted to surprise him.

“Okay,” he ends up saying. “Hope you know what you’re embarking on,” he says to you.

You nod, fully aware that the moment this song is out, people will want to know who you are. It stresses you a bit out because you’re scared people might end up connecting you to your writing’s name. Normally, with your real name, nobody can find out.

“As long as it doesn’t end up being linked to my books, I don’t care,” you admit.

“Noah already told me you want to be credited under your real name, so it should be fine,” he explains.

You nod once more. Obviously, it’s useless to say that you won’t give any performance; otherwise, everyone will know, and you’re also absolutely scared to be singing in front of a crowd full of people. You’re already extremely nervous about having people hear you sing, and let’s keep it that way.

They all start talking about the next steps. After this retreat, they’ll gather to check which songs will be released, and might as well rework some of them. Jinwoo tells you that the lawyers will prepare all the legal documents for your involvement, and he’ll contact you once everything is ready.

You’ll be granted fifteen percent of the royalties of each song you wrote, if they are released. And for ‘Miss You’, since there is only you and Jungkook involved in all aspects—singing, writing, and producing—it’ll be twenty-five percent. Apparently, the label takes half of each song as they are the publisher, which leaves the other half to be split between you and Jungkook.

Anyway, once you receive the legal docs, you’ll go over them with Wendy. This is too much legal blabla that you don’t really master, and she’s a specialist in agreements. She’ll be able to spot any weird things and make sure you’ll have the right percentages.

When your presence isn’t needed anymore, you leave them, but you remain outside. You sit on a bench, looking at the view the garden gives you of the mountains around the house. This looks like a postcard, but it’s even prettier when seen with your own eyes. Even though this retreat has been a hell of an emotional rollercoaster, you don’t regret coming.

Building songs from scratch was an incredible experience, and it disconnected you from the pressure of writing a book. It also inspired you a lot. Every night, before going to sleep, you’d write little ideas here and there in your notebook. And you might actually already have the main idea for your next book.

After a while, everybody leaves the annex for lunch. Jinwoo called a super chef to prepare a feast for fifteen people. Since you’re in the middle of nowhere, finding a good restaurant that would welcome fifteen people is almost impossible. Also, they have the money to hire a chef.

The discussions at the table are animated, work long forgotten. You talk with one of the executive team—a guy super important at the label, and who you didn’t know up until today—and he’s actually super nice. He’s absolutely astonished when you reveal your writer identity, and he literally begs for a picture and an autograph for his sister, who’s a big fan of yours.

From time to time, your gaze ends up on Jungkook, and to your surprise, he’s already looking at you. This reminds you of the stolen glance five years ago. It genuinely warms your heart.

When lunch is over, which is around 5 PM, the executive and productive team leaves with The Devil Lovers’ manager. And somehow—it’s still not very clear how—you end up being alone with Jungkook in the house.

The second you’re both alone, his mouth crashes into yours, devouring you in an ardent kiss. His tongue meets yours inside your mouth, and slowly, this kiss takes a heated turn, clearly showing how desperate you both are. While still kissing, you both walk to his room, leaving no room for interpretation about what is about to happen.

Do you want it? Absolutely.

Once inside, he closes the door, presses you against the wall next to it, and keeps kissing you so fervently and passionately. His hands rest on your waist, pulling you closer and squeezing you. Your hands, on the other side, tug at his hair.  

When you break the kiss, you’re both out of breath, panting heavily. None of you moves as if you’re scared to shatter the moment.

“We can stop here if you want,” Jungkook whispers, his thumbs caressing your skin over your shirt.

You shake your head, “I don’t want to. Just promise me you won’t be running—”

“Yn,” the way he says your name sends shivers down your spine. “I’m not going anywhere unless you don’t want me in your life.”

Your hands move down to his neck before your fingers lock around him, pushing him against you. You press a gentle and soft kiss on his lips.

“I really want you,” you confess, “but I’m still scared you’d leave me.”

One of his hands tugs a strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ll spend the rest of my life compensating for all the pain I put you through.”  

You kiss him once more, overwhelmed with the weight of his words. Who would have thought you’d end up here with him?

“I’m not leaving you anymore, trouble,” he murmurs against your lips.

His lips find yours again for a kiss filled with emotions you don’t dare to speak out loud. You let your love for each other consume you like it should have always been.

Those past five years feel like a complete waste of time; you could have been doing this instead of screaming at him. But deep down, this moment feels even better, more intense because of all the hate you once felt for him.  

This time, his hand slips under your shirt to caress your bare skin. The cold sensation of his fingers against your hot skin makes you moan—one that he swallows instantly with his mouth. He presses you further against the wall, his knee positioning itself between your legs as his tongue plays with yours. You’re both so fucking desperate.

Your lips are parting, panting as you catch your breath before he kisses your lips again. Your nails dig into his neck as the pleasure courses through you, thighs clenching around his thigh as he presses it higher up.

This man is absolutely addictive, and you don’t want to let go of him. Ever.

While his lips never leave yours, he lifts you up, which makes you gasp. Your hand holds his jaw as you kiss him desperately, and your legs wrap around his waist. His tongue is warm in your mouth as he leads you to the bed.

“You’re so beautiful,” he says while lying you on the bed.  

 A smile grows on your face as your cheeks burn on the inside. Him complimenting you makes you shy, but it feels so good at the same time.

Jungkook wastes no time in lifting your legs to remove your pants and panties, tossing them somewhere on the floor. He pushes your legs apart, pupils completely blown while you’re still trying to recover from the intense make-out.

“Fuck, you’re already wet,” he groans while his eyes never leave your exposed pussy.

His thumb comes down and rubs through your soaked folds; your hips jerk in surprise. “Jungkook,” you moan.

“Damn,” he whispers, his gaze now meeting yours, “I love the way you moan my name. Might need to record it.”

Your eyes widen. “What for?”

“To hear it when you’re not around,” Jungkook instantly replies.

You hide your face behind your hands, which makes him chuckle. The simple thought that he wants to hear you moan when you’re not together is such a turn-on that it makes you feel ashamed.

“Don’t be shy, trouble,” his free hand—the one not torturing your folds—tries to push your hands away from your face.

“It’s just weird,” you admit as your hands are brushed aside.

“Me jerking off to you? Or the fact that I want to record you?”

Your mortified expression makes him chuckle. Where can you hide yourself away from him?

“Trouble,” he whispers while he leans down, his breath brushing against your face, “I’ve already jerked off to the thought of you a loooot of times. That wouldn’t be new.”

“How can you admit that so confidently?” you ask.  

“Because I’ve nothing to lose now,” he kisses you again before his teeth graze your lower lip. “Now, I actually even know how my name sounds on your lips.”

Without wasting more time, his lips move down on your body to seal around your sensitive bundle of nerves. A strangled gasp escapes your mouth, and your eyes look down at the man pleasuring you. He’s eating you out like a starving man.

Your hands reach for his black hair to tug it, your hips bucking forward to push his face closer. His mouth works you over with hunger, tongue perfectly torturing you, while his lips seal around your clit. His nose presses into you, dragging against your cunt with each movement.

Your eyes flutter shut as you enjoy every second of his mouth on your pussy. You throw your head back while moans flow out of your mouth. With every flick of his tongue, you feel the coil begin to wind up, and your body trembles beneath his relentless tongue.

A satisfied hum vibrates against you, sending shocks through your core. “Oh, Jungkook,” you moan.

By instinct, your legs try to close around him, but his hands wrap around your thighs to push them even more apart. Before you even realize it, your orgasm violently hits you, your legs shaking, and your walls clenching around emptiness.

Even though you’re coming hard against his lips, Jungkook doesn’t stop lapping at your juices falling all over his tongue.

Jungkook barely gives you the time to recover that he’s pushing a finger inside, his thumb pressing against your clit. A strangled moan directly leaves your lips before you moan his name for the zillionth time.

“Too much,” you tap against his hand resting on your thigh.

His eyes look up at you, pupils fully dilated. This Jungkook is literally the dead of you; he looks so fuckable and hot.

“We need to stretch you out before,” he tells you.

Slowly, he adds a second finger, his gaze locked on you while he licks his lips. Your moans get louder, and you’re thankful right now that the boys left, especially your brother. You’ll die if he ever hears you having sex with someone. It’s just awkward.

His torture with his fingers makes you come the second he adds a third finger. Nobody ever made you come twice this fast. His tongue and finger technique are on point. And you don’t even want to imagine how it will be the second his manhood is inside you.

Your legs are trembling as he pulls his fingers out, popping them in his mouth to suck them clean. “You taste so good, trouble.”   

Jungkook takes your shirt and your bra off, tossing them aside before he stands up to remove his shirt. You choke on your own saliva when your eyes meet his toned torso. Fuck, he’s even better than you imagined. His abs are sculpted to perfection, and you finally get to see the full arm covered in tattoos. It’s hot.

He unbuckles his jeans and pushes them down in one quick motion, pushing his boxers down as well. His cock instantly springs out, slapping against his abs. Your pupils dilate at the sight, especially when he smears the precum that collects around his tip. When you look up at him, you’re graced with his dark eyes filled with lust.

“I don’t have a condom,” he tells you with a hoarse voice. “It wasn’t really in my plans to have sex during this writing retreat.”

You nod; you also didn’t think this would happen, but here you are, lying in his bed with him standing next to you, fully naked.

“I’m clean,” he adds as he notices the hesitation in your face, and hearing him say that is an absolute relief.

Even though you’re using a contraceptive right now, it doesn’t protect you from any sexually transmitted disease. And you don’t know what this man has been doing for the past five years.

“I’m clean too,” you tell him, “and I also use a contraceptive vaginal ring.”

Jungkook nods before he climbs on the bed again and rests between your legs. His lips find yours again, and he rocks his cock through your folds, collecting your wetness to coat his length. You’re humming in delight against his lips.

His lips move down to kiss your jaw, shoulder, and collarbones, and he stops right above your breasts. His teeth sink in as he presses the tip to your entrance. Slowly, he pushes his tip in. A deep and guttural moan breaks through. You’re clenching around him while he continues to push inside.  

Jungkook crashes his lips into yours, and he doesn’t even let you adjust to his size before he plants his knees into the bed to start thrusting into you. You can feel every vein and ridge of his thick cock inside you.  

“Fuck, trouble,” he grunts against your lips while your nails dig into his shoulders, trying to find something to hold onto.

His hips snap against you, grunting in your ear every time you unintentionally clench around him.

“It feels so good,” you whine, back arching as he continues his relentless pace.

The room quickly gets filled with the slick sound of your moans, the headboard hitting the wall, and your bodies slapping together. The heat builds in your core as he slams into you, filling you completely with each thrust.   

Your hands grip his shoulders as hard as possible to steady yourself from Jungkook’s hard thrusts, but it only makes him groan against your ear even more. His lips meet yours for a sloppy kiss while his thrusts grow rougher and quicker.

The familiar coil of pleasure tightens in your stomach while he moans your name. Hearing him say your name this way feels wonderful. Jungkook seems just like you, completely consumed and overwhelmed with pleasure.

“I’m not going to last much longer,” you say with desperation filling your voice.

His cock twitches inside you, and well, that simple action makes you orgasm for the third time today. When your orgasm hits you completely and violently, your walls squeeze him tightly. Jungkook groans when he feels your wall clenching around his cock.  

His thrusts get more desperate as he chases his own high. You can tell that he’s so close when he flutters his eyes shut. Your walls keep tightening around him because of your own orgasm, but it’s obvious that it is an absolute torture for him.

“Fuck,” he groans.

And then, with one last thrust, he falls apart. Deep groans fall from his lips as he releases his hot semen inside you. His hands tighten around your waist, holding you still while he releases himself. He looks incredibly sexy when the orgasm hits him.

Before you can even do or say anything, he says with heavy breathing, “On your knees, trouble.”

Since your mind is completely clouded by the hot and steamy sex you’re having, you follow his instructions. You press your chest against the bed while you push your ass in the air. His hands instantly stroke your ass cheek.

Your heart is hammering in your chest, while his fingers are back to teasing your folds. “You have no idea how beautiful you are,” he whispers.

He gently removes his fingers before you look behind you, admiring the singer of The Devil Lovers. He rubs his shaft along your folds, little moans leaving your lips as you close your eyes. And then, in one smooth stroke, he pushes into you. Your cry is instant, fingers clawing at the sheets as he bottoms out.

For a moment, he doesn’t move, as if he’s giving you both some time to recover. Before you can even comprehend, he slowly starts to thrust into you. At first, he goes slow and deep, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix. Moans leave both your lips as pleasure consumes you both. This feels marvelous.  

His thrusts slowly become more brutal, which makes you jolt forward, your breasts rubbing against the sheets with every bounce. The wet sounds between you are unforgivable, together with the loud moans leaving your lips.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from this,” he mutters. “Between your sweet moans, your fucking addictive pussy, and your pretty body, I don’t know what’s driving me crazier.”

Well, honestly, he’s the one driving you completely crazy. He’s the one with his dick buried deep inside you.  

“It feels so so good,” you manage to say.

Then, Jungkook shows no mercy to you. His thrusts are absolutely wild, deep, and brutal, but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Next time, I’m definitely recording you,” he grunts. “Need to hear you on repeat while on tour and far from you.”

Your fingers twist in the sheets as a shiver runs through you. Fuck, the only thought of him jerking off to the recording of you two having sex turns you on beyond comprehension. His hand slides to your hip, gripping hard before pushing your back against him.

“Next time?” you ask.

“Yeah, trouble,” he says out of breath. “I can’t let go of you, especially not after this.”

His pace turns downright ruthless. Your eyes roll back, the pleasure slowly becoming overwhelming. He presses his chest against your back, his tongue licking the inside of your ear. This catches you by surprise, which makes you moan louder.

“You’re so loud, trouble,” he whispers against your ear. You’re a complete moaning mess by now. “I hope none of the boys is back. We don’t want them hearing how I’m fucking you,” he adds.

You definitely don’t want that for many reasons. They like to tease each other, and if they have an excuse to tease Jungkook, they’ll seize it. And this would be the greatest opportunity ever, but it’ll mortify you instantly.

Then, the second and most important reason is your brother hearing you moan as Jungkook literally destroys you. You won’t ever be able to face him.

“I hope too,” you say in between moans. “Don’t want Noah to hear this.”

He chuckles, and you’re not sure what’s funny here. He slaps your ass, making you moan even louder. By now, you’re convinced that he definitely wants the boys to hear what’s going on here. He’s doing everything to make you moan louder and louder. He goes deeper, his hips meeting your ass with a loud slap that echoes in the room.

Jungkook grips your hips tight and fucks you rough and fast now. He doesn’t show any mercy to you. He’s driving into you so hard that it makes you see stars. The two of you are reaching your orgasm; you can feel it. Your legs are shaking, your moans are completely out of control, while his thrusts are sloppy and deep.

One of his hands slowly goes down on your body, landing on your throbbing clit. His fingers start to rub your sensitive spot as his cock keeps slamming roughly inside you. His fingers on your clit make you explode intensely, and you come hard around him. Your walls squeeze him over and over again while you come all over him. 

Your orgasm pushes his out of him, his cum coating your walls. His loud groans echo in the room as he continues thrusting inside you to push his leaking cum as deep as possible inside you. His orgasm definitely hits him hard since your name is rolling off his tongue like it’s a prayer.

Once his balls are fully drained, he takes his dick out of you, his cum instantly leaking from your pounded out pussy. You whimper when he gently fingers it back inside you, scooping it up and massaging your clit with it, making you cry with overstimulation.

His fingers show you no mercy, thrusting like he hasn’t fucked the shit out of you with his cock seconds ago. In a matter of seconds, your legs are completely trembling.

“Too much…” you pant, your hands trying to push his fingers away, but he taps your hand.

It seems like he absolutely doesn’t care that he’s overstimulating because he doesn’t stop. And just like that, you’re coming again over his seed-slicked fingers. A smile grows on his face, noticing that he made you orgasm for the fifth time.

You both collapse on the bed with heavy breathing. Jungkook rests next to you while his hand strokes your back. “How are you feeling?” his eyes scan your face.

“Dead,” you admit. “Nobody ever pulled five orgasms out of me that fast.”

He chuckles. “Glad I’m the first.”

You shake your head before pressing your face against his chest, his arms wrapping automatically around you. The rhythm of his heartbeat slowly rocks you to sleep. This sex session with him has drained your energy.

“Yn,” he whispers against your hair. “Let me just grab a towel to clean you up.”

Your eyes follow as he puts his underwear back on to leave the room. He reappears seconds later with a towel. You whimper as he’s gently cleaning your legs and pussy. Once he’s done with you, he pushes his boxer down to clean his softened length.

Jungkook throws the towel somewhere in the room before getting back in bed with you. His hands place the sheets over your bodies, his arms wrapping once more around your body while you fall asleep against his chest.

Luckily for you, the intense, intimate moment you shared with Jungkook wasn’t heard by any of the boys, but when they came back, you were sleeping peacefully in his bed, so they understood straightaway what had happened.

Needless to say that Noah made a disgusting face, and the boys teased you two until the end of the retreat. It was weird to be in a place where you could coexist with Jungkook without feeling the need to strangle him. It was even weirder to fall asleep in his arms, kiss him like you always wanted, and just love him.

You wished you could go back in time and tell your younger self that things will eventually get better. For sure, you’re still afraid to have your heart broken by him, but you’re ready to give him a chance. You’re ready to give love a chance.   

And yeah, ‘Miss You’ was a total success—one of the best songs of the album. But beyond that, this song carries a special place in your heart because it’s the song that brought you and Jungkook closer all over again.

This song isn’t just about missing someone you love; it’s about two people who madly fell in love and made the promise never to let go.

“Every memory, every heartbeat, Leads me back to you. I don’t know if I should love you… But God, I miss you.”