déjà vu
@247jiyong // 2018 . hallway . mvl hotel . yeosu . 9:30 pm
one thing life taught kihyun was life was like a ferris wheel, you start at the bottom, but one day you’ll end up at the highest point. but once you’re there, there is no way else to go but down. it’s a thought that lingers at the back of his mind and it’s ready to jump out the moment he starts feeling joy for far too long. or maybe he just believes he’s not worthy for happiness and that thought is just himself kicking himself back down into reality. this thought however doesn’t keep him up at night as much as it used to. before he couldn’t stay alone with his own thoughts and would immediately go somewhere else to occupy himself with something else. maybe even someone.
after high school he truly became a different person. although still reserved, all the hate he held for himself created a stern shell around him and a stronger spine to speak his mind. he swore not to become a spineless idiot that easily gets swayed by the crowd. he wasn’t going to let his insecurities get to him anymore and he was going to become someone strong. someone new. it worked for the better and his growing relationships showed it. he had a girlfriend, he had a group of friends, and he even spends the days alone even when he could be out with someone. he was finally comfortable with himself and his thoughts died down for a while.
the thoughts came in whispers this time. after years of not speaking, they murmur inside, waking each other up inside and alerting something in kihyun’s mind as it recognizes the familiar body walking in front of him. his mind picks up muffled music in the room they’re both approaching, only that kihyun was only passing by until he stops right on his tracks as the face becomes clearer the more he walked towards him. he clenches his jaw and his heartbeat heightens as if he’s ready to pounce at any moment. there was so much kihyun held back back then, as he stood there, broken in front of jiyong, while he paid no mind. it is a sight burned in his soul and it holds nothing but painful memories.