#table for one please

[superstarsisi]

[drearydaffodil]

We talk about the dance of love The way two bodies sway in sun But sometime pleasure’s hand to glove Needs no partner, climax for one.

[gardengnomes-blog]

ignore this I’m just being a drama queen where nobody can see and worry

honestly at this point in my life it’s just obvious that there is something wrong with me or something that I do that isn’t okay because I have no friends and I can’t ever keep the ones I get. I’ve literally never ever been this alone in my entire life and I’ve never felt more lonely. And I know that it’s supposed to be quality over quantity but I have two people in my life and sometimes I feel so replaceable and I think that if I just disappeared after awhile nobody would even remember me. At least in the past I had people who actually wanted to hang out sometimes and would talk to me first but now I literally only have my boyfriend and my best friend and nobody else. No one wants to text me, no one wants to hang out, hardly no one even says hi in the halls anymore. It’s too late for me to make friends in this area I just want to move so I might maybe find people who want to be around me but idk something is probably just wrong with me. I guess it’s just impossible for me to be liked lol.

[clippedwingz]

So I was looking through the notes on my phone today and the majority that I found are poems, letters, messages I've typed out with the intent to send but never did, short, badly structures sentences that still make way too much sense when I read them, memories, recollections, etc that will probably never see the light of day. And it sucks. It sucks to write all these things out and finally get your feelings out somewhere and still feel too ashamed to show them. Two weeks ago I thought I'd be dead right now. I wanted to be, more than anything. And at that point I came to the realization that there really is no time like the present to tell people how you feel. But does it even fucking matter if it doesn't make a difference? If the people on the receiving end don't even seem to bat a lash? I could pour my heart out and it wouldn't change a goddamn thing

[clippedwingz]

The majority of what happened on my trip was people making me feel like shit. For my depression, for my anxiety, for the way I look, and for what I'm doing with my life. I got made fun of relentlessly because I couldn't do things like talk to people in stores or restaurants, and because I'm picky about the food I eat because everything makes me sick. I'm so fucking tired. I don't think that people who have never dealt with real, clinical depression, understand that just because you're on vacation and doing something fun, it doesn't mean you'll suddenly stop being depressed. That it's been almost three months since my sister died, and somehow that means that I should be over it and be happy. I've been "depressed" for almost half of my life, it isn't BECAUSE of something. I just can't get rid of it. People got mad at me because I got anxious about sleeping somewhere unfamiliar and getting sick every night because of it. Because I couldn't handle being in crowded places so I would shut down and look for somewhere to hide. I was at a theme park and made my sister leave early because I couldn't handle the crowds anymore. Everywhere I went I could feel people staring at me and I would turn around and see people pointing at me and whispering and snickering to each other while staring straight at me. A worker at the park I was at embarrassed me in front of hundreds of people and I was told to let it go. Everywhere I went, I would mention something about people staring at me and it making me uncomfortable and I would be told to "ignore it" and "let it go". It isn't that fucking easy. I was talked down to by my sisters friend, who was an old teacher of mine, because I'm not in school and I quit my job. She told me I need to stop being lazy and get a grip and move on. And Jesus Christ I wish I fucking could but I can't. I'm terrified of everything now and I feel so alone. Everyone around me is doing things and making progress and they're all happy and loved and I'm just here getting left in the dust because I can't fucking handle everything. I went on vacation and cried every night. I laid down in the back seat of the car and put my headphones in and cried on the way there and on the way home because my sister was letting her friend talk down to me and joining in. All I wanted to do was come home and even now that I'm home, I just feel worse. I feel so shitty about myself and I don't even know where to start. I got called my sisters name more times than I can count while I was away, and it made me miss her even more and now she's the only person I want to talk to that could fix my bad mood, and I can't, because she's gone. I don't know what to do or who to turn to.

[keeeywashere]

When everybody in the group chat starts talking bout their Valentine's Day plans 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[craftyraven]

Nobody wants to hang out with me while I'm on my vacation. I'm tempted to just go out and see a movie alone, then go out to eat alone. Like, fuck everyone, I just want to have a good time. I also really want to see Annie, and nobody wants to see it with me anyway.

[tackleboxnipples]

No one will eat dinner with me