#taffetahabiliment

[xenogeneicersatz]

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] began pestering xenogeneicErsatz [XE] at 21:31 --

TH: hey

XE: Ah. Hell-o.

TH: i want to talk

XE: O-K... That sounds ominous.

TH: its not

TH: i hope

TH: ha ha ha

TH: are you in your block?

XE: Yes.

TH: ok

TH: can i come ov er?

XE: Of course.

TH: ok im do ing that

XE: II anxiously a-wait your arrival.

EMILET: *knock knock. he's arrived.*

SIMULA: *ok, they were being sarcastic, but they are definitely anxious while they wait. when he knocks, they hesitate to open it, but after a few long seconds they do, looking as composed as they can manage.*

SIMULA: Greet-ings.

EMILET: hey

EMILET: im com ing in i guess

SIMULA: Yes. II pre-sumed that would be the case. *shuffles off to the side to allow this.*

EMILET: *he steps in slowly, glancing around like there should be something new to see. there's probably not. it's not like he isn't here all the time, now. he slides his hands in his pockets, then turns and leans his ass against Sim's desk.*

EMILET: this is a lot more awk ward than i ac tu al ly in ten ded

SIMULA: *turns to him, blinking, and letting this information relieve some of their tension.* Oh.

SIMULA: II've been a lit-tle tense late-ly, is all. *waves a hand dismissively.*

EMILET: yeah

EMILET: me too

SIMULA: *plops into their desk chair so not to stand around even more awkwardly. looks up at him.*

EMILET: uh

EMILET: so

EMILET: ...

SIMULA: *chinhands to put him on the spot more. this helps relieve their stress. shh.*

EMILET: *gdi*

SIMULA: Go on.

EMILET: fuck

EMILET: this is a lot har der than he made it seem

SIMULA: *raises a brow*

EMILET: a ha ha ha

EMILET: stop look ing at me like that

SIMULA: No.

SIMULA: Should we play a game of charades?

EMILET: i dont think its gon na work like that

SIMULA: Then just spit it out.

EMILET: i was talk ing to finn

EMILET: bec ause

EMILET: of yes ter day

SIMULA: *averts their gaze for a second, drumming their fingers against their cheek.* Oh?

EMILET: bec ause...

EMILET: ...

EMILET: thats what i did

EMILET: when i used to get hurt

EMILET: bec ause i felt like

EMILET: i knew

EMILET: he was the per son that was nt go ing to

EMILET: *he's just staring at the floor. he feels strangely guilty, even though he knows he shouldn't.*

SIMULA: *that doesn't feel good to hear, no, considering the circumstances of... well, all of that. particularly the part where finn is the person they feel least safe around. but they don't say anything.*

EMILET: but i

EMILET: know im not go ing to with a ny one else

EMILET: if i dont talk ab out it

EMILET: i know part of me wants to get hurt

EMILET: to

EMILET: not

EMILET: mat ter

EMILET: *it's hard to think of what to say after that*

SIMULA: ... *it's hard to know what to say. what the right thing to say is. but they do know the first thing that comes to mind is.*

SIMULA: II understand. How that is.

SIMULA: *averts gaze again.*

EMILET: ...

EMILET: so what are we do ing

EMILET: with each oth er

EMILET: to each oth er

SIMULA: II... II don't-- *shuts their eyes tight, trying to process the question more calmly.*

SIMULA: II don't know. *huffs when they open their eyes again.* May-be it can-cels out.

SIMULA: *but then they quiet, trying to act serious and sincere about this.* ... Are you a-fraid II'll hurt you?

SIMULA: Have II... hurt you?

EMILET: *he's quiet for a long moment. he wants to say no, but it isn't that simple. it isn't as simple as yes, either.*

EMILET: ... i dont know

EMILET: its not like

EMILET: its just

EMILET: ...

EMILET: ev er y thing

EMILET: and its not like i dont want it

EMILET: ...

EMILET: its con fu sing

SIMULA: *they sigh, folding their hands in their lap.* II... get it. II think II do.

SIMULA: It would be stu-pid of me to pre-tend that whatever this is isn't difficult.

SIMULA: Which stems large-ly from my own adamence to make it difficult. But II sup-pose... some of what drives me to be-have that way isn't entirely by my own de-sign.

SIMULA: II have had a lit-tle more clarity since yesterday than II have in a long while. *looks at their folded hands.* Af-ter see-ing that... Af-ter see-ing you al-most--

SIMULA: It wasn't just a mo-ment where II real-ized, "Oh, II care e-nough a-bout this per-son to completely flip my shit o-ver the pros-pect of him get-ting hurt."

SIMULA: II... realized how scar-y it was get-ting hurt. When II did. II realized how much it terrified me. And how much... it made me a-fraid of Finn. And everyone. And how... how II told my-self II egged it on. That II wanted it, or that II de-served it-- *winces*

SIMULA: ... The point is... What you're tell-ing me now... II can re-late, on some le-vel. II can re-late to the alienation feel-ing that way a-bout yourself can cause.

SIMULA: And if II-- if II don't... help you feel bet-ter a-bout your-self. II would... understand that too. *doesn't look away from their lap.*

EMILET: its-- 

EMILET: ... i 

EMILET: want 

EMILET: this to feel bet ter 

EMILET: i know you dont-- 

EMILET: i know you dont real ly want me hurt 

EMILET: i just feel like that 

EMILET: all the time 

EMILET: with ev er y one and 

EMILET: its hard to stop 

EMILET: its like-- im not ev en scared to be hurt 

EMILET: im just scared im 

EMILET: not 

EMILET: ... go ing to mat ter en ough to a ny one 

EMILET: like im not 

EMILET: real

SIMULA: ... Is it get-ting repetative when II say II... definitely get that? 

SIMULA: -sighs- Unreality is certainly a Thing II deal with on a regular ba-sis. 

SIMULA: My previous state-ments have wor-sened that feel-ing. -plays with one of their own curls, quiet and thoughtful for a moment.- 

SIMULA: May-be this is some-thing that draws us to each-other, subconsciously. If II may allow my-self to be poetic  for just a mo-ment. 

SIMULA: That may not be it. But II know that II feel less... 

SIMULA: De-tached. 

SIMULA: When II'm a-round you. 

SIMULA: Which counts for some-thing on my end. But... that's just me.

EMILET: -he looks up at them, and he's quiet. It's not like he can say he's surprised, but... he is something else. Affirmed, maybe. In a way he didn't feel before.- 

EMILET: -And it's all just very funny, and sort of stupid. How it took so long. How it doesn't seem like it should have.- 

EMILET: i dont know how to keep mak ing you feel that way 

EMILET: i dont want to let you down

SIMULA: -huffs another sigh, but manages to look at him again after that.- Haven't we been over this? II don't have an-y expectations. You ne-ver had to do anything spec-ial be-fore. Why should you now? 

SIMULA: II on-ly... -shoulders sag- 

SIMULA: Want you to want me.

EMILET: why would nt i want you??

SIMULA: Be-cause II'm a tot-al bitch for one thing. 

SIMULA: II could go on but II think that a-bout summarizes the finer points, too.

EMILET: yeah well so am i

EMILET: and i know youre not

SIMULA: -huffs again- ... 

SIMULA: Then... may-be we should try not to overthink it.

EMILET: are you tel ling me or you

SIMULA: 両方。 [Both.]

SIMULA: 馬鹿。 [Idiot.]

SIMULA: II'm say-ing... 

SIMULA: We both want each oth-er. 

SIMULA: Nei-ther of us have an-y expectations of the oth-er a-side from that. 

SIMULA: We are both sympathetic to each oth-er's calamitous short com-ings. 

SIMULA: It seems like a rath-er sim-ple algorithm to me.

EMILET: -slow grinning- oh o kay

EMILET: why am i the ba ka

EMILET: youre the one not e xe cu ting it

SIMULA: In this scenario II am the sen-sei presenting you with your remedial le-vel mathematical equations. 

SIMULA: -no.... they're smiling too...- You execute it.

EMILET: sor ry im gon na have to call bull shit on this one 

EMILET: meet me

SIMULA: U-g-h. 

SIMULA: Fine. -gets up out of their chair and kind of. shuffles at him. puffy sweatery sleeved arms extended.-

EMILET: -he takes their hands first... and pulls them over so he can rest his head in the crook of their neck and sigh.- 

EMILET: i still kind of dont know what to do with this

SIMULA: -closes their eyes, nuzzling to the side of his head and squeezing their hands together.- II don't care. 

SIMULA: ちょうどここに滞在。[Just stay here.]

EMILET: 私は残していませんよ。 [I haven’t left.]

EMILET: -he's all too quiet, now, kissing the delicate skin at the side of their throat.- 

EMILET: 愛しています。[I love you.]

SIMULA: -each syllable of the expression registers slowly, piece by piece, until it's sinking to the pit of their stomach and bursting on impact into a cloud of butterflies. the past two days had been a strange and thoroughly unexpected climax to one of the shittiest and loneliest chapters in their life, and the relief that washes over it all is what pushes their emotions to the edge. tears slipping past their eyes, they wrap their arms around him tight, murmuring against his shoulder.- 

SIMULA: II love you too.

EMILET: na ni? 

EMILET: -He's incredibly quiet -- maybe he knows how fragile they feel, and maybe because he feels that way, too. But he doesn't want to stay that way. Not when he has a reason to feel okay.- 

EMILET: tell me ag ain 

EMILET: i want to hear you

SIMULA: -they can't help but scoff, then laugh in earnest. it's funny, ironic even, that just yesterday their loneliness had seemed to come to a head -- at a pivotal moment that surprised them when both statik and emil came to them with love and companionship. speaking the words out loud made it more real then they even felt they could handle, but they wanted to, and they pull away from his shoulder to look at him.- 

SIMULA: II love you. -they say insistently as they meet his gaze, both as affirmation to him and themself.-

EMILET: -He asked for this, but he can't help feeling overwhelmed, too, by the weight of the words. His face is burning almost painful yellow, but he forces himself to hold their gaze, to feel the pain of it all -- and how it ebbs away.- 

EMILET: i love you -His lips tremble a little still when he finally says so, but the resolve stays.- 

EMILET: no take backs by the way -and there's the stupid school boy laughter, his head ducking mischievously.-

SIMULA: -they're both laughing and it helps ease out those last remaining anxieties, leaving nothing but happy little jitters in their wake. they said what they felt and somehow the world didn't end.  strangely, it's that much brighter now.- Oh how unfortunate. If on-ly II reacted a se-cond soon-er. 

SIMULA: II'll just have to live with it. -slides their hands up to cup along his jaw and neck, gentle, while leaning in to kiss at his hair.-

EMILET: yeah -he breathes, and he tries not to let the quiet seconds between their words scare him. Their touches certainly help, and he finds his arms around their waist, natural as can be.- too bad

SIMULA: -maybe the little purr in their chest will help relax him too when they slowly pull themself in closer, angling his head only slightly so they can graze more kisses along his face.-

[xenogeneicersatz]

EMILET: -It's been... What? At least a couple days, now. Simula hasn't been leaving him alone for terribly long, and he's managed to entertain himself off and on by using his psionics to access his phone (would they be mad at him for doing that? Maybe??), but it's still just a little bit tortuous being trapped here. But maybe in a good way? Fuck. It's this kind of terrible indecision about the whole thing that has him in this situation to begin with. And also mostly unclothed. Naturally.- 

EMILET: -He's still waiting, trying to carefully use his psionics again to fuck around on the flyPhone, but of course the damn thing is still finicky about how the screen is touched. It's really making scrolling anywhere difficult. HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO SHITPOST ABOUT BEING TRAPPED IN THE SEX DUNGEON LIKE THIS??-

SIMULA: -lucky for him he doesn't have to stay by himself much longer as sim trudges in. the moment they see him struggling with his phone, disgust twists up their insides. not at HIM... pathetic as he may be... but at themself. this game suddenly wasn't fun anymore, and they start to undo his restraints from a distance. a distance they're quickly moving to close.-

EMILET: -NANI???? He may have casually thrown it a little bit, but he's blinking and sitting up, preening his own hair some with the newfound freedom.- 

EMILET: uh 

EMILET: hi

SIMULA: -sits at the edge of the bed, brooding silently for a moment... and then drapes over him.-

EMILET: ...... -He's still for a long moment, just bemused, before he gently rests a hand on the side of their head.- 

EMILET: どうしましたか？ [What’s wrong?]

SIMULA: -mumbles against his chest.- Rammie. 

SIMULA: 彼女は攻撃されました。[She was attacked.]

EMILET: ... what????????

EMILET: what do you mean

SIMULA: She was. 

SIMULA: Murdered. -scowls. it tastes to bitter to say.- And resurrected.

EMILET: -Holy shit. He freezes up, cold to his bones at the word "murdered." Even resurrected doesn't exactly change that feeling. The fact that... that could happen. To one of them.-

EMILET: wh a t

SIMULA: -they sniff and cling to him with all the energy they can muster.- II don't know. 

SIMULA: That's. 

SIMULA: That's all II know.

EMILET: -He doesn't even know what to say to that. That's... all?? That's it? But that can't be it. How is he supposed to process any of this?- 

EMILET: i 

EMILET: fuc k

SIMULA: -they aren't sure what else they can even say. they really are lacking in details. that made it even worse. everyone is talking about it and yet they can't get any damn reliable sources without shaking someone down, but they can hardly bring themself to do that. so they only cling tighter.-

EMILET: -He's suddenly clinging a little, too, even though he feels so numb. Kind of wants to... disappear, for a minute. His mouth feels dry. But he isn't really... feeling much at all. Numb seems to be all there is. He should be more bothered about this, he thinks.- 

EMILET: ... 

EMILET: 私はあなたは大丈夫じゃない知っています。 だけど。 大丈夫ですか？[ I know you're not all right. However. Are you okay? ]

SIMULA: ... -shrug a little.- II don't know.

SIMULA: -they were feeling too much. too much to even begin to know where to start. under normal circumstances, they wouldn't even want to try. this was... different. holding it in only made them feel sick  but when words failed, emotions surfaced in the form of tears.-

EMILET: -Oh. Fuck. They're crying, and he still feels that terrible numbness that makes him question everything, but it's all locked up too tightly now. Instead, he focuses on them, on gently combing his fingers through their hair and letting the coldness settle into a warmth he can at least give to them.- 

EMILET: its o k 

EMILET: im here

SIMULA: -he is here, and they want him to stay here even more than they already had. just when they thought they couldn't get any more selfish. they try to distract themself, pressing kisses to his chest, but it's no use. they don't have the energy for that, and it only makes them cry harder, more helplessly. they're going to get a headache at this rate.-

EMILET: -Shit. He actually isn't used to being on the other side of this scenario at all, or anyone crying to him that wasn't his fault... And that realization should be a comforting one, and maybe in a way it is, but at the same time it's equally upsetting. And that's when all that numbness starts getting sharp edges, and he's tearing up even when he tries to speak through it.- 

EMILET: hey no 

EMILET: its-- 

EMILET: -Fuck. What could he say? What could he do? He just wants to do something, but he can't. He can't even do anything but hold onto them.-

SIMULA: -they lift their head, hearing the distress in his voice too, and they see the way tears are swelling in his eyes suddenly. they rub away some of their own with the heel of their hand, then shift to sit and curl their arms around his shoulders, nuzzling their wet face against his warm skin.- 

SIMULA: (You don't have to say anything.)

EMILET: -All those sharp things feel even more piercing when they look at him, but then they're closer, quiet, and... It all swells up until he can't take it and the sob chokes him, bitter sadness and relief all at once, and he's never felt like this with them before, his arms circling them and keeping them close even as he feels he shouldn't be doing this in any other circumstance, but right now, inexplicably, it feels safe.-

SIMULA: -they stay like that for a good long moment until their own tears start to dry up and sobs become sniffles. at some point, they've started to melt into the sheets, dragging emilet down with them for more snuggles. though hardly anything was said, they felt much more secure too. emilet was here. he didn't turn away from their gross tears, twice now. and he even tries to comfort them. he's foolish for doing so, but after missing him as terribly as they had, it's nice to know he tries. he doesn't have to, but he does, and he's... he's here. that's all they really want. it's probably selfish.-

EMILET: -They're both selfish; maybe that's the thing of it, though, that maybe it's okay to be, allowed to be, in these times when there's someone who wants what you have to give, who wants you even when you have nothing to offer at all. It's probably stupid to only think of it now, how they had quietly built such a strange trust, but of course they had, in order to be close in the ways they could be. It's only really now that he understands how's it rooted, how it's... real, beyond the situations he had built in his mind, convinced himself it couldn't extend past. Despite whatever odds he told himself, the feeling that he really matters to them creates a space in his head and he can't help but want to fill it and let the terrible things that used to occupy that room empty away. So he holds tight.- 

EMILET: i dont want you to go 

EMILET: -It's a strange thing to say now, maybe. There's probably nowhere for them to go, and yet, it's the thought he can't shake in this moment. The thought he hadn't been able to shake since the moment he found out they were leaving half a sweep ago.-

SIMULA: -it's funny that they keep coming back to this. that neither of them wants the other to leave. what it all means couldn't be more glaringly obvious, especially now. they nose against his cheek, mumbling.- II'm not go-ing anywhere. 

SIMULA: There's no-where else II want to be. -there is a half hearted bite to the words. as if he's foolish to question it, but the edge is softened knowing that he isn't when it's something they worry about too.-

EMILET: -It's odd how laughter bubbles up through the salty burn in his throat, a quiet and startled kind, and he doesn't know how he feels anymore, only that it is a lot and at least half of it seems good. Mostly, he wants to think about the fact that Simula is still in his arms, and he hasn't hurt them, and they don't hate him, and they aren't questioning him, and...- 

EMILET: -The tears come again, but it's not pain he feels.- 

EMILET: o k 

EMILET: -He exhales, a little shaky.- 

EMILET: me too

SIMULA: -geez... what's there to laugh about? they ask themself, as their lips part into a little smile at the sound.- ... What makes you think II was go-ing to let you leave anyway? -clings again and shuts their eyes.-

EMILET: bec ause 

EMILET: you love me

EMILET: -That's easier to say than the other thing, which words won't even find.- 

EMILET: but i wont

SIMULA: Fine. -scoffs, but heat creeps up to their face again and there's a slight flutter in their chest.- But you won't. 

SIMULA: Be-cause you love  me. -someone here has to say it.-

EMILET: -there's a twitch at the corners of his mouth, and he's quiet. He doesn't have to argue. For once, it can just be, and he can let the funny feelings settle in his chest.- 

EMILET: yeah

SIMULA: -the affirmation is a relief. so often they told themself it was obvious. emilet was basically obsessed with them. but it was really all wishful thinking. they couldn't be sure, not when they were so confused about the concept themself. but in whatever warped way that feeling had manifested between the two of them, simula could take comfort in knowing it suited them just fine. they think it appropriate to press a kiss to him then, thinking on that note.-

[xenogeneicersatz]

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] began pestering xenogeneicErsatz [XE] at 02:41 --

TH: what are you do ing

XE: II'm programming a game. Why?

XE: What are you do-ing?

TH: not you

TH: ha ha ok that was stu pid i dont ev en have the en er gy to fol low that one

TH: i dont know

TH: noth ing??

XE: So is this a boot-y call or not?

TH: boot....

TH: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

TH: please i ma gine

TH: the high pitched shrie king

XE: Horrifying.

TH: thanks

TH: im com ing ov er

XE: What? II didn't a-llow this.

TH: i miss you tho

TH: i mean you could

TH: al ways lock the door

TH: if you want to keep me out

XE: Yes. II could.

TH: k

TH: dont both er get ting up

XE: Whatever.

EMILET: *he is pretty literally just opening up their door and sliding in. he looks kind of sleepy, and kind of sways over to their resting platform so he can plop onto it. There are probably some nice soft things up here for him to snuggle.*

SIMULA: *just... observes this. swiveling around in their computer chair to watch him make the trek.*

SIMULA: ...

SIMULA: "II miss you, Simula. Let me in."

SIMULA: "So II can walk right past you and pass the fuck out on your bed."

SIMULA: O-K.

EMILET: im not slee ping

EMILET: yet

SIMULA: *rises and drifts over, placing themself next to him.*

EMILET: *scoots a little to wrap his arms around them. buries face in the tum.*

SIMULA: *this comes as a surprise to them, but... they can't bring themself to reject it in any way. casually touches emilet's silky hair. feels nice...*

SIMULA: What is this for? *mumbles*

EMILET: 先ほども言いました。 あなたに会いたかった。

EMILET: *he's kind of muffled in the tum, but that's okay. nuzzles closer.*

SIMULA: ... *shifts to recline. if he's going to cling, they might as well get comfortable.*

SIMULA: 何故ですか？

EMILET: 私はこのようなことを行い、単に愚かな少年です。

EMILET: あなたは柔らかいです。

EMILET: 私はあなたが私を見たいと思います。

EMILET: 時々、多分。

EMILET: それはすばらしい。

EMILET: 私はあなたと性交することはできません。私はので、すでにめちゃくちゃ。

EMILET: *He quiets after that, his throat getting a little tight.*

SIMULA: ... What are you talk-ing a-bout? *their demanding tone is funnily juxtaposed with the gentle way they're stroking his hair.*

EMILET: *He just laughs then, sort of shrugging his shoulders.*

EMILET: i dont know

EMILET: it does nt mat ter

SIMULA: Then why say it? *quiets, brows knitting. their heart is fluttering, strangely, as they think of the preamble leading up to this cryptic confession.* If you have some-thing you want to tell me... Then tell me.

EMILET: i dont know what i want to tell you

EMILET: may be im just say ing

EMILET: that

EMILET: im glad

EMILET: you dont ex pect me to do a ny thing worth while

EMILET: ha ha

EMILET: ev en i know how stu pid that sounds

EMILET: its just like

EMILET: some times peo ple see so much in you for some rea son and you dont know how to

EMILET: you know

EMILET: be

EMILET: what ev er it is

EMILET: that they think you are

EMILET: but you want to

EMILET: but you dont

EMILET: and part of you wish es it nev er hap pened bec ause things would be ea si er if it did nt

EMILET: but then a no ther part of you is like

EMILET: what if

EMILET: no bo dy ev er looks at you like that ag ain

EMILET: *he's not even sure he's trying to relate this to anything anymore... he's not sure he's thinking much at all.*

SIMULA: *oh... at some point, they started squirming to lie with him.* ... And what is so spec-ial a-bout that, II have to won-der.

SIMULA: It's meaningless. If they don't know what they're look-ing at.

SIMULA: このような愚かな少年。 人々が何を考えて心配。

SIMULA: ...ちょうど私が好き。

EMILET: *He doesn't know how to reply to that for a long moment. The thought takes time to sink in, piece together.*

EMILET: あなたは賢い。あなたは私を好きではないされています。

EMILET: you know what you want

SIMULA: No.

SIMULA: II thought II want-ed to leave.

SIMULA: But II was wrong. *their hold on him starts to tighten.*

EMILET: *There's something about it that makes his heart beat faster, but he can't quite piece it together in his head. He's quieter.*

EMILET: you came back though

EMILET: right?

SIMULA: Yes.

SIMULA: ... II'm stay-ing.

SIMULA: But II wond-er some-times if II should.

SIMULA: II don't al-ways know what II want.

SIMULA: Or what... II should do.

EMILET: why should nt you?

SIMULA: ... *softly*

SIMULA: が望んでいた感じることはありません。

EMILET: *His brows knit, and he pulls back a little, enough to look at them.*

EMILET: それは愚かです！ 私はあなたを望んでいました！

EMILET: 私はあなたが欲しいです。

EMILET: if its like that why do you want to be here?

SIMULA: *a little startled hearing this, and they don't quite recognize the moisture gathering in their eyes. not yet.* II--

SIMULA: You... *did they trail off, or was that the answer? they're not entirely sure either. but their face starts to twist up with emotion they don't even want to deal with.*

EMILET: *Seeing that, hearing it, it all makes him freeze up in a way he doesn't know how to deal with, either. He almost feels like he should give them privacy, but this whole thing is unusual and frightening enough that he can't seem to find any route to actually commit to that makes sense. Jesus. He is a fucking mess.*

EMILET: ... what?

SIMULA: *shuts their eyes tight, trembling as words tumble out before they can stop themself.*

SIMULA: II thought you for-got a-bout me.

SIMULA: Be-cause-- Of him.

SIMULA: You think II'm clev-er? II'm not. II'm a... complete idiot. II fuck up everything too.

SIMULA: II want-ed to prove-- II up-set him like II did be-cause II'm self-ish. And II want-ed you. Like it used to be.

SIMULA: And II kept hold-ing on-to the thought that may-be you want-ed that too-- But ev-en now II'm fuck-ing it up, be-cause II won't let my-self be-lieve it.

SIMULA: Ev-en when you're TELL-ING me.

SIMULA: II don't...

SIMULA: II don't know.

EMILET: *It all sinks in in a way too real, too close to all the terrible truths about him, and he understands. He's never seen them this vulnerable, but he doesn't need to question it. He understands that, too.*

EMILET: you did nt fuck up

EMILET: not with me

EMILET: *It's terrible, how all the sentiments he's tried to absorb from Finn well up in his mind, in his eyes.*

EMILET: i want you

EMILET: its o k

EMILET: i can tell you un til you be lieve it

SIMULA: *there's nothing they can think to say. only to open their eyes again, trying to focus on him through the tears, imploring. there's doubt in their gaze, but... hope too. because they know him, and they know he wouldn't just say that. it's a comfort, even if their head tries it's damndest to argue.*

EMILET: *They look at him like that, and he's nervous, desperate. He laughs an anxious sound, hand moving, twitching, pausing. Then reaching to touch their face.*

EMILET: あなたはまだ美しいです。 不公平だ。

EMILET: 私は醜いクライヤーです。

SIMULA: *they look away, but bashfully and nudging into his hand, a smile spreading across their face that they can't be bothered to try and hide.* E-heh... True.

EMILET: shut

EMILET: i take it back

EMILET: si mu la worst cri er

SIMULA: *squirms in closer to him again, curling their fingers into his shirt, hiding their face. they snuggle.* Fine. Then don't look at me.

EMILET: uh no???

EMILET: i want to see your ug ly face

EMILET: this does nt hap pen ev er y day

EMILET: have pi ty on me

SIMULA: Nev-er.

EMILET: you will

SIMULA: *not moving to show their face. especially because they're smiling.*

SIMULA: N-o.

EMILET: *he's pressing a kiss to twined-up horns.*

EMILET: y e s

SIMULA: *shifts just enough to kiss at his neck.* Don't ar-gue with me.

EMILET: but i al rea dy pro mised to

EMILET: i want you and your ug ly face

SIMULA: *rude... fine. they peep, red in the face and shiny eyed.*

EMILET: *he's trying not to let his little squirming be obvious, because he is that kind of doofus that would ruin a moment. and then face happens. god damn it.*

EMILET: ... ugh

EMILET: *kisses their nose.*

EMILET: ka wa ii

EMILET: :-/

EMILET: *snrk*

SIMULA: *scrunches nose at the smooch, but there's still a tiny smile on their face.* Yes. That's what II thought.

EMILET: oh???

EMILET: さて、あなたは私が言うすべてでその姿勢を持っている必要があります。

SIMULA: ... Cease. *but don't. they're going to hide again.*

EMILET: no

EMILET: *Stop that hiding. He's kissing their head again in protest.*

EMILET: you dont want me to

EMILET: so tell me you dont want me to

SIMULA: *DON'T WORD THINGS LIKE THAT. DON'T TRAP THEM INTO ADMITTING THINGS. they're so rustled... maybe they can distract him by casually climbing on top of him.*

EMILET: ah-- *um. yes probably. Emilet is terrible and predictable.*

EMILET: o k or dont

SIMULA: *at least they aren't hiding their face now, touching foreheads with him.*

SIMULA: 私と一緒にいて。

EMILET: ... *shit. he wasn't supposed to be the flustered one, so why is his face so fucking warm all of a sudden?*

EMILET: どのぐらいの間？

SIMULA: Un-til II let you leave.

SIMULA: *but mostly... for the evening.*

EMILET: *Fuck. Well, he's not going to argue that -- he's about as fucked up as ever by the promise of rules, too warm and yellow and pliant, eager, beneath them. So he swallows, adam's apple visibly bobbing and gaze searching their face.*

SIMULA: *SO PREDICTABLE. the expression he'll find is warmer than what they would normally share in a situation like this. a small smile, smug as it may be, becomes obscured as they lean in to kiss him.*

[biotechniczeal]

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] began pestering biotechnicZeal [BZ] at 00:22 --

TH: i have some thing for you

BZ: iz it deez nutz??

TH: no

TH: but al most

TH: http://oddity-txt.tumblr.com/post/149239939651/oddity-txt-oddity-txt-oddity-txt

BZ: !!!!!!!!!!!

BZ: CHICKEN NUGGET DID IT!!

TH: he sure did

TH: :'-)

BZ: i'm zo proud of him...

TH: look at him go

TH: a ny way

BZ: ANYWAYZ.

BZ: what'z up??

TH: not an ass load

TH: i do have ques tions though

BZ: o! zure.

BZ: lay 'em on me. >8)

TH: are you and or phus like

TH: bud dies now

BZ: OH well... zort of??

BZ: umm. we kinda have a... thing...

TH: a thing

TH: lol

TH: yeah i had a fee ling

BZ: IZ IT THAT OBVIOUZ?? and here i thought i waz ZUBTLE. >8P

BZ: MY DIZCRETE LIFEZTYLE HAZ BEEN A LIE!!

TH: it sure has.....

BZ: i didn't even know you knew him? um... i think.

TH: i know him

TH: un for tu nate ly

BZ: >8?

TH: do you real ly want me to un stop per this bot tle of shit

TH: i could have used a bet ter me ta phor and yet

BZ: IDK. you brought it up...

TH: and im do ing you the de cen cy to warn you its a shit gre nade in pro gress

TH: shit mo lo tov

TH: is the me ta phor i was sear ching for

BZ: lmao.

BZ: i guezz i'm curiouz? er. i mean.

BZ: it'z probably good to like... idk, be informed... to avoid awkward zituationz, maybe?

BZ: idk.

TH: well

TH: o k

TH: sor ry in ad vance

TH: me and him had a thing be fore i star ted da ting finn

BZ: >80

BZ: oh ZNAP.

TH: then when i told him i had a bo y friend he flipped his shit be cause ap pa rent ly thats not al lowed and when i was at my worst he told me he ha ted me

TH: so yeah

TH: fuck him 8-)

TH: he sure """"liked"""" me

BZ: oh.

BZ: huh...

TH: im sure he is still act ing like a bitch ab out it

TH: but its what ev er

BZ: he zure never brought it up to me. um... tho i guezz he'z been a little weird about quadrant ztuff.

TH: orly

BZ: yeah, uh... apprehenzive, maybe?? idk. i'm not really the BEZT at determining what iz and izn't weird. >8P

TH: i can con firm thats a lit tle weird

BZ: oh, well then...

BZ: GUEZZ IT'Z WEIRD??

BZ: idk, az a pitch thing of courze i find him annoying and ztuff but...

BZ: it'z kind of hard to imagine him reacting that way.

BZ: but i guezz i don't know him THAT well...

TH: dont get me wrong

TH: he was nt loud ab out it

TH: it was cold and see thing

TH: that was al most worse

BZ: o... well, zhit.

BZ: i'm zorry??

TH: thank you

TH: ha ha ha

TH: i have nt ac tu al ly talked to a ny one ab out it

TH: i guess i thought may be i could for get he ex is ted

BZ: well, you were doing a pretty good job of pretending he didn't. >8P

BZ: and me, by EXTENZION.

BZ: it all makez zenze now...

TH: sor ry mo mo

TH: that si tu a tion was like 100 kinds of awk

BZ: i would've dragged him away if i knew!! what a dinguz. zighz.

TH: sure thats a word for it

BZ: um... do you want me to maybe talk to him?

TH: idk

TH: ob vi he does nt see a ny thing wrong with what he did

BZ: well, maybe he can be reazoned with now that it'z not like, the heat of the moment or whatever??

TH: there was noth ing ab out that mo ment that should have been hea ted to be gin with

TH: es pe cial ly not when i li te ral ly juts

TH: ne ver mind je sus

BZ: o... um.

BZ: are you zure?

BZ: you can talk to me about it, you know.

TH: it just sounds stu pid now

TH: like if i say it its just go ing to be a no ther one of those things

TH: that ev er y one thinks im be ing dra ma tic ab out

BZ: i won't think that??

TH: i just like

TH: felt like i was fuck ing ev er y one ov er by be ing here

TH: so i felt like

TH: i should nt

TH: and he was just kind of like.... ye p

TH: good luck with feel ing aw ful ab out your self bud dy

TH: it still sounds stu pid

TH: but i just feel like he ne ver ac tu al ly gave a shit ab out me

TH: he just hates me bec ause i ru ined his fan ta sy or some thing

TH: i felt like shit ab out what hap pened be fore but now i dont ev en care

TH: a ny way

TH: so thats my sad sto ry

TH: thanks for lis ten ing

TH: ill be here for the rest of my life

BZ: yep juzt az i zuzpected... i don't find that dramatic, but actually pretty reazonable?? idk.

BZ: like i'm ztill holding onto the hope that zomebody got mizunderztood along the way but... i guezz that doezn't exactly change how zhitty you were feeling.

BZ: and how that like... exacerbated it and zhit?? i guezz.

BZ: i'm zorry, em. 8/

TH: thanks

TH: sor ry ha ha

TH: i dont know what else to say ab out all that now that ive said it

BZ: it'z cool... I DON'T KNOW EITHER.

BZ: but i hope talking about it helped a little? maybe? in zome way?

BZ: i wizh i knew what elze to do about all thiz!! or if i even zhould.

TH: idk

BZ: blar!!

BZ: well... w/e. i juzt don't want... weirdnezz, i guezz.

TH: it ll be fine

TH: i deal with this shit all the time ha ha ha

BZ: 8(

BZ: you zhouldn't tho.

TH: thats the bed i make for my self i guess

BZ: NO!!!!!!!!!!!

TH: he scream

BZ: >80

TH: im se ri ous though like

TH: its what ev er

TH: im not gon na let him be a shit to me a ny more but im not go ing to try to start shit

TH: so it is what it is

BZ: well, okay. that WOULD be ideal. becauze like... idk... i really do like what i've got going on with him.

BZ: but i mizz hanging out with you... zo if i can avoid zituationz like EARLIER, that'z... about the mozt i can azk for i guezz??

TH: it would be less awk ward for us to not be in the same room that much is true

BZ: i meant more like, NOT BEING ZNUBBED by AZZOCIATION?? >80

BZ: ugh.

BZ: maybe i'm juzt being paranoid...

TH: no i was be ing kind of a shit

TH: you did nt know shit but i felt mad a ny way

TH: its hard not to as sume with shit with him that peo ple just dont care i guess??

TH: but thats not you

TH: so its stu pid

TH: sor ry for be ing a shit

BZ: well... it'z okay!! but you know ilu. or... you zhould know that.

BZ: NOW YOU DO, IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT??

TH: i had ... .. .. . .. n o i dea

TH: ilu 2

BZ: eheheheh.

TH: its nice to know hon est ly bec ause i thought you were mad at me for a while

TH: so

TH: i hecked

BZ: no, i wazn't mad i waz juzt... bummed out...

BZ: i guezz i felt like i dizappointed a lot of ppl by getting together with ruleuz... and then he ztarted feeling bad about himzelf and ztuff juzt kind of zpiraled.

BZ: but we're okay now.

TH: well good

TH: bec ause i ne ver wan ted it to be bad???

TH: i did nt ev en know that was a thing

BZ: yeah... BUT IT'Z IN THE PAZT. and i don't wanna think about it?? i'm pretty cool with looking FORWARD. >8P

BZ: i'm glad we could like...

BZ: talk about thiz ztuff a little tho.

TH: yeah

TH: me too

TH: it seems like im do ing a lot of tal king ab out stuff and ac tu al ly work ing it out late ly

TH: cra zy how that hap pens.....

BZ: FUCKIN' WEIRD!!

BZ: eheheh.

TH: hon est ly,,,, su p er biz arre

TH: i blame finn tbh

TH: hes just

TH: a real ly good per son

BZ: frankly, how dare he...

BZ: but he iz tho.

TH: TBH???

BZ: WHAT A BINCH.

BZ: anywayz... i need to run. I GOT A HOT DATE.

TH: oh shit ok

TH: have fun bae

BZ: thankz buddy. >8)

BZ: BYEEEEE.

-- biotechnicZeal [BZ] ceased pestering taffetaHabiliment [TH] at 00:04 --

[impenetrablevitality]

-- impenetrableVitality [IV] started pestering taffetaHabiliment [TH] at 11:57 -- IV: hi

TH: o hi

IV: what's up

TH: try ing to make a new pal ette

IV: for what

TH: i want to ex ude an au ra that says

TH: is this gar bage

TH: or is this brand name high fash ion FAN CY gar bage

IV: that's pretty specific(edited)

TH: its a de li cate ba lance i must main tain

IV: so you're IV: are you painting

IV: or picking out clothes

TH: nei ther

TH: im just mak ing a mood board

IV: oh okay

IV: for your blog

TH: ill use it as a re fe rence for my sty le la ter

IV: on which blog

TH: its not real ly for a blog

TH: un less i de cide to get some pic tures

IV: oh

IV: so like a physical board

TH: ha ha youre a do ra ble

TH: no its not

IV: maybe you can show me

IV: where are you right now

TH: take a wi ld guess ;-)

IV: in your room

TH: how did you know

IV: can i come over

TH: um no????

TH: you NEED to come ov er

IV: all right

IV: i'm coming

TH: i hope so

 FINN: -and he's at emilet's door quick enough, KNOCKIN AWAY-

EMILET: -opens the door- hey re mem ber that time you came ov er to my room and i fucked with you and then you fucked with me

FINN: is that every time

EMILET: its been at least a few times

FINN: -walks in and smiles- so let me see the board

EMILET: what board

FINN: the mood board

EMILET: whose board?

EMILET: you board

EMILET: do what

EMILET: re mind me of the babe

FINN: -snorts and moves to go sit on emilet's bed- that made so much sense

EMILET: a ri ga tou <3

EMILET: -plops down in his computer chair and chinhands at Finn. The mood board is up on his screen. It's mostly just a patchwork of images of different pastel colors.-

FINN: oh that's pretty

EMILET: hey thats what im say ing

FINN: does that mean your mood is pretty

EMILET: im not look ing at my mood ka re shi kun

FINN: oh

FINN: are you talking about me

EMILET: -tilts head a little-

EMILET: :-)

FINN: -blushes- oh

EMILET: hai EMILET: -scoots chair closer and reaches a hand for one of Finn's-

EMILET: ha ha EMILET: sor ry

EMILET: i guess i just

EMILET: missed you

FINN: -squeezes emilet's hand and feels conflicted about everything emilet still needs to know. it's hard to bring all of this up- you did

EMILET: mm yeah

EMILET: -steps out of his chair and joins Finn on the bed, leaning into him- EMILET: i kind of want to

EMILET: try some thing

EMILET: by which i mean i do

FINN: -looks down at him with flushed cheeks- yeah

FINN: like what

EMILET: -he takes in a breath. Why is this weirdly difficult?- im

EMILET: not gon na see a ny one else

EMILET: while we are to ge ther

EMILET: -he's sort of yellow in the face, too, because this is pretty scary actually-

FINN: -WELL FUCK-

FINN: oh

FINN: are you sure

EMILET: yeah i think so

EMILET: i want to try for you

FINN: -puts his face in his hands- em i

FINN: i didn't know

EMILET: what??

EMILET: -ok now he is confused this is not the reaction he had expected-

EMILET: what do you mean

EMILET: of course you did nt know bec ause i did nt tell you

EMILET: un til

EMILET: just now

FINN: i thought that FINN: -starts to feel upset- that i might feel better about everything if i

FINN: saw someone else too

FINN: because simula told me and i

FINN: got upset and kind of

FINN: shit

FINN: i just

FINN: tried to fight them

FINN: like i full on tackled them with no good reason and i

FINN: -he gets teary eyed- i thought being with someone else would help that so i tried

EMILET: ... -he doesn't really know what to say anymore. it's so much information to process at once, how is he even supposed to feel about it? confused, mostly, with a strange heavy feeling in his chest that sinks into his stomach. a strange feeling like he's already lost before he even got to start. he just watches Finn's hands clasped over his face for many long seconds before looking to the floor.-

FINN: i thought if you could do it then so could i

FINN: but it didn't help at all

FINN: i still want you

EMILET: ... do you

EMILET: want to not want me

FINN: no i just

FINN: thought if i did that maybe i would be okay with wanting other people

FINN: and then okay with you doing the same but

FINN: that didn't happen

FINN: you're the only one i want to be with

EMILET: thats ...

EMILET: of course you would nt

EMILET: i

FINN: i'm sorry i

FINN: i didn't know you felt the same way i did

EMILET: ...you fought them?

FINN: -looks ashamed- they were

FINN: they made it clear that i should have known it was them who was with you and kind of treatead me like an idiot about it and

FINN: seeing how much chemistry you have with them i just got scared

FINN: -sighs- and then they said something in japanese so

FINN: i tackled them across the table

EMILET: -figures.... it's weird hearing someone else say they had chemistry, though. weirdest coming from Finn. he isn't sure how to feel about that.-

EMILET: -it's all so bizarre and confusing and scary and sad that he can't help the stupid, disbelieving laugh that comes out of him-

EMILET: ac ross the ta ble?????

FINN: -peeks out of his fingers at him- yeah

EMILET: fuck -he's definitely not looking at Finn. still looking at the floor, sifting strands of the hair in his ponytail through his fingers.-

FINN: it was wrong and stupid

FINN: and i'm sorry

EMILET: -he's barely thinking about that. he can't stop himself thinking about the fact that he made all this happen to begin with, how it was too late to fix.-

FINN: em -looks at him hopefully-

EMILET: -it's even weirder how one simple syllable, the feeling of Finn looking at him can cause everything to crack so easily, tears welling up so quick he can't help but turn his face away to try to stop it, hide it.-

FINN: -he feels so awful seeing emilet like this, feeling like he's the reason for it all- i

FINN: i'm sorry

EMILET: -he takes in a sharp breath that makes it all ache more to know he couldn't stop it, couldn't explain yet, shaking his head as he tries to muffle the sob behind his hands-

FINN: -he feels so guilty, his voice is a whisper- baby

FINN: please talk to me

EMILET: -he wants to, but it feels like the emotions are choking him for too many seconds, all too much to swallow. The sobs keep spilling out and he tries to speak around them.-

EMILET: --s my EMILET: my fau lt

FINN: -his eyes widen as he shakes his head- no it's not

FINN: em it's not

EMILET: i—

EMILET: i just-- did this to you

EMILET: and i dont know why

FINN: you didn't -chokes-

FINN: you didn't do anything to me

EMILET: i made you feel like

EMILET: you had to do this

EMILET: things you ne ver do

FINN: no you didn't that was

FINN: that was me

FINN: that was all me em

EMILET: h ow

FINN: i made those decisions because i didn't handle things the right way FINN: i was in control of myself

EMILET: how do you han dle it the right way

FINN: by talking about things

FINN: i don't know

FINN: definitely not by hurting people

EMILET: but i hurt you too

FINN: you didn't hurt me

EMILET: what else would you be hurt by??

FINN: -looks down- me

EMILET: what

FINN: i'm not FINN: speaking up when i need to

FINN: and you feel like it's your fault when it's not

FINN: when you have included me in all of this

FINN: and i just let myself get hurt

EMILET: what

EMILET: did you need to say

FINN: that i can't

FINN: -tears fall from his eyes again- i can't do an open relationship

FINN: it's FINN: all or nothing for me

EMILET: -he knew that. of course he knew that. but all of it leading to so much, knowing all this could come from it, and feeling so uncertain of himself... hearing the reality of it from someone else feels so heavy and tight, like he knows he's just not good enough.-

EMILET: i know

FINN: it's not fair to you for me to not

FINN: tell you what i need when you're brave enough to tell me what you need

FINN: i don't want to be with anybody else if i'm with you

FINN: but i also don't want to trap you

EMILET: its not—

EMILET: i just...

EMILET: i dont feel like im

EMILET: good en ough like

EMILET: i dont know if i can be the things you want

FINN: -he closes his eyes for a moment- you are good enough

FINN: if you need something different than what i can give you and vice versa

FINN: that doesn't take away your worth okay

FINN: you are good enough

FINN: i wish i could tell you that over and over again

EMILET: -there's something about those words that gets through, buzzes in his head and makes him feel.... reassured and pained all at once, a bittersweet emotion that aches but doesn't feel quite so heavy. that there's the thought that he's not broken, not just wrong for being. but there's something about this that's so important, he doesn't want to lose it. he doesn't want to lose Finn, and the way he makes him feel.-

EMILET: -before it was hard to look, but now it's hard to look away from him, pale gold rolling down his cheeks as he feels more compelled than anything to want to reach out and pull him closer, yet feeling instinctively that he shouldn't. his hands twitch indecisively before he finally gives in, grasping Finn's shoulders and sliding up into his hair and tugging him gently nearer.-

FINN: -it takes no coaxing for him to hold emilet as tightly as he can, kissing his cheek despite how much both of them are crying. he doesn't know what's going to happen to them, but he knows that he loves emilet, and he loves him enough to let him go if he has to. even if it's going to be the hardest thing he's ever done. he speaks, words coming out strained and quiet- (you are good enough you are good enough you are good enough you are good enough)

EMILET: -it's impossible to stop how the tears roll out, now, just as much as it is to let go of Finn, because he doesn't want to be anywhere else. he has to feel this. he wants to, even if it hurts. he just wants to hold him this close and keep it, not worry about anything else, about what's wrong, about what can't happen and what has to.-

EMILET: i love you

FINN: -it takes him a second to register what emilet just said to him, words that he didn't know if he would ever hear from him, and here they are. here they are, right in his ear, unmistakeably real. he can't help but smile through the tears, rubbing his back and nuzzling his head into emilet's neck- i love you too

EMILET: -he kind of laughs -- just a happy, if not watery sound, because if nothing else, he's loved, and not everything is ruined, he's not just a problem. it's a nice thought, for once, that maybe even if things don't work, it's not his fault. that maybe it might be okay for things not to work sometimes, that it might just be normal. that reality is going to take time to fully sink in -- much longer than this -- but just feeling it, it's something vital. Finn's given him so much, and he doesn't even know. Emilet doesn't know how to tell him. He wished he did. Maybe kissing him again would be a start.-

FINN: - he's more than willing to kiss him in return, savoring the taste of him in the case that these are their last moments together. while the future is uncertain, one thing is for sure: there is no part of him that regrets this. if given the chance, he would do this all again. the pain, the laughter, the feeling of being with him, the feeling of missing him--he takes none of it for granted.-

EMILET: -he breaks the kiss after a few seconds, pulling back with somewhat shaky breaths. there's so much to think and feel, he doesn't know where to start.-

EMILET: will you stay with me EMILET: at least to night

EMILET: it can be

EMILET: just us

FINN: -he nods without hesitance, sadly smiling at him and reaching up to tuck his strands of hair lovingly behind his ear- of course

EMILET: -he smiles, too, and he doesn't know what else to say. it's strange, how he doesn't really feel like this has to be sexual. how he knows that's not what it's about, what he's ever really wanted, despite how easy it is to resort to. feeling like this, it's a world apart. it isn't a shallow way to feel something, to prove himself, to feel wanted. he already does, just because Finn makes him feel that way, all on his own. a bitter, tired part of him wished and hoped he could feel like this always. he knew he wouldn't. but right now, he just feels that he wants to know Finn, to remember him. that's why he touches him carefully, adoringly, before he nudges at the straps of his backpack to encourage him to shed it, looking up into his face with the question in his eyes.-

FINN: -this takes so much longer for him to think about, to process. it's an action that would be trivial to anyone else, but without reason, removing his backpack was the hardest thing you could ask him to do. But watching emilet's expression , he knows this is something he absolutely has to do. And so, hands shaking, he slowly slides the straps off of his shoulders, scared for what is already bombarding into his head. fears, images, too much to handle when he drops his backpack to the ground, and the fear is written all over his face, but his gaze remains on emilet, his lifeboat among a torrent of paranoia-

EMILET: -it's immediate, how his hands take Finn's once they're free, how the words come out like they've always been waiting to spring out from his chest, quiet and reassuring.- its o kay EMILET: i have you and you have me EMILET: we can keep it o kay to ge ther

FINN: -he looks so worried, eyebrows furrowed in a kind of helpless conflict, but he squeezes emilet's hands tightly and nods, silent-

EMILET: its just like be fore -he's guiding him back onto the bed with him, pressing gentle kisses to his face, nudging up on his sweater.- its all good

FINN: -nods, lying back with him.- just like sleeping

[xenogeneicersatz]

-- xenogeneicErsatz [XE] began trolling taffetaHabiliment [TH] at 00:21 --

XE: Emilet? Can we

XE: Talk?

TH: oh hey

TH: yes?

XE: Well, you see... Ah.

XE: II on-ly want-ed to say that

XE: II'm

XE: Here for you.

XE: And reiterate my apology.

XE: Both in re-gards to my own involvement in all this, as well as a general expression of sympathy.

TH: thanks

TH: ill live

XE: Of course you will. That is hard-ly be-ing call-ed in-to question.

XE: Or... it should-n't be.

XE: Um.

XE: II don't sup-pose you would like to... vent a-bout it? Or some-thing.

TH: i dont know

TH: its kind of just a thing????

TH: it was go ing to be that way

TH: we just ag reed it had to fi nal ly

TH: you know

TH: be ov er

XE: Right. But still,

XE: It must hurt.

TH: this is weird

TH: hav ing this con ver sa tion

XE: ... II know.

TH: ok so im not the on ly one

TH: thats good

TH: you dont have to like

TH: try to make up for some thing

TH: i think we are all pret ty aw are i make my own mes ses

XE: Sure-ly.

XE: Though, admittedly, II do har-bor a great deal of guilt.

XE: But. That is-n't what II'm try-ing to do here.

XE: II'm just. Um. Not ver-y good.

XE: At what II'm try-ing to do.

TH: you mean

TH: be nice

XE: Yes??

TH: yeah

TH: me eith er

TH: thanks

XE: Don't men-tion it.

XE: II just... Um.

XE: You mean a lot to me.

TH: oh

TH: ha ha

TH: sor ry thats just

TH: al so kind of weird

TH: but nice???

XE: Is it real-ly *that* weird?

TH: i mean

TH: not that

TH: just you say ing it

TH: i guess

TH: es pe cial ly now

XE: Well... It seem-ed important that you know.

XE: Especially now.

TH: ok

TH: i missed you

XE: ... II miss-ed you too.

TH: i felt like you pro ba bly werent com ing back

XE: Is that why you decided to do such a fool-ish thing as dat-ing some-one?

TH: ha ha ha

XE: II knew it.

TH: it sucked with out you

TH: i did nt used to get in that much trou ble

TH: all my friends thought i was play ing them or some thing and i fucked a guy who hates me now

TH: i ev en made things shit ty with sa to mi

TH: im frank ly kind of sur prised i still have friends????

TH: i could nt do shit with out feel ing like i was al rea dy fuck ing up

TH: so for a whi le i did nt do a ny thing

TH: oh yeah i al so broke my rib

XE: Everything fell to shit sim-ply be-cause II was-n't here? You are e-ven more hope-less than II thought.

XE: It... was-n't e-ven worth it.

XE: II hat-ed be-ing a-way.

TH: well at least we had that in com mon

XE: E-heh...

TH: dont type your stu pid cute laugh at me

TH: fuck ing??? il le gal???

XE: Too late. Suff-er.

TH: ive suf fered en ough thank you

TH: im go ing to en joy this

XE: Don't pre-tend that you don't enjoy suffering, at least a lit-tle bit.

TH: some times

TH: i can think of a few cir cum stan ces

XE: Ah, II was wondering when that top-ic would inevitably be breach-ed.

TH: n a n i ?????

TH: what do you mean???? :-(

XE: Don't play dumb.

XE: あなたは私によって破壊されるようにしたいと思います。

TH: もっと？ はい。

XE: 哀れ。

TH: あなたはそのように私を好きです。

TH: そうでしょう？

XE: E-heh. Yes.

XE: II do.

TH: me too

XE: Anyway... II will leave you with that thought in mind.

XE: Have fun with it.

TH: N A N I ? ?? ?? ? ?? ?

XE: Good-night.

TH: aa a a a a a aaaa

-- xenogeneicErsatz [XE] gave up trolling taffetaHabiliment [TH] at 03:52 --

[biotechniczeal]

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] began pestering biotechnicZeal [BZ] at 00:54 --

TH: so i did not mean to start shit this time in case you were won der ing

BZ: ...

BZ: wut.

BZ: WHAT HAPPENED THIZ TIME??

TH: oh

TH: ne ver mind i guess it does nt mat ter lol

BZ: bruh...

BZ: u can't pull that zhit on me rn!!

TH: why is there oth er stuff go ing on

TH: that does not have to do with me

BZ: well no not exactly.

BZ: thingz are juzt happening zo much.

BZ: but it'z WHATEVER.

BZ: why did u come at me?

TH: bec ause i like you

TH: al so

TH: idk ru le us was just act ing weird in my di rec tion

TH: i told him to chill

TH: and then he like threw up or some thing????

TH: hes pro bab ly fine?????

BZ: what?????????

BZ: 8(

BZ: what waz he zaying?

TH: man

TH: do i real ly want to op en this can of dirt noo dles

TH: i am real ly try ing

TH: to keep these noo dles con tained

TH: like on a le vel

TH: of chill

TH: and i could real ly not use him be ing mad at me too

TH: it was just some sad shit man

TH: idgi

TH: but i spe cu late

TH: he could use some smoo ches

TH: jsyk

TH: my me di cal o pi ni on

BZ: that DOEZ zound pretty legit.

BZ: i'll check in on him and maybe not make a big fuzz out of thiz cuz goddamn.

TH: but

TH: you a re a big fuzz

BZ: zhit you're right.

BZ: GUEZZ THERE'Z NO WAY OUT OF IT!!

TH: acceptance is the first step :-)

TH: https://41.media.tumblr.com/720385844ce0b9e717dd1c4b39bc9ed7/tumblr_o61dbrjhkP1tokoi0o1_500.jpg

BZ: jezuz ztop zpamming ur zelfiez at me.

TH: nah

BZ: I CAN ONLY HANDLE ZO MUCH BEAUTY AT ONCE!!

TH: ok but i ac tu al ly just got done tak ing some sel fies do you want them

BZ: hell yeah i do.

BZ: gimme the goodz.

TH: ok i was gon na send them a ny way

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] sent biotechnicZeal [BZ] the file "tid.jpg" --

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] sent biotechnicZeal [BZ] the file "fuc ker y.jpg" --

BZ: ZWIGGY ZWIDDY THAT THERE'Z A TIDDY.

TH: lmao

BZ: ur looking zwag az per uzual.

BZ: i ztill vaguely rezemble DEATH but i'm gettin' my lively peachy glow back.

TH: thank babe

BZ: u welc.

TH: u al ways glow

BZ: UR TOO KIND.

TH: i am just real my guy

[estrapadingtrueblue-blog]

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] began trolling estrapadingTrueblue [ET] --

TH: lis ten

TH: http://spacenoidjusticewarrior.tumblr.com/post/142922626013/tiffanarchy-anunreliablesource

TH: am i right

TH: or am i right?????

ET: Undergarments worth casting my massive dong in. Its about fucking time.

ET: Also.

ET: I thought I blocked you.

TH: bitch you thought

ET: Bitch musta missed me.

ET: I dont blame him.

TH: look i am go ing out of my way to ap peal to your niche in te rests you could throw me a bone here my guy

TH: see thats an oth er a ni mal re fer ence

ET: Bones will be thrown alright.

TH: who a th ere friend

TH: i am go ing to have to de cline my pal

ET: You started it.

ET: Panderin to my interests like an overeager kohai. Again.

ET: Not that I blame you.

TH: i am be ing a nice and cha ri ta ble guy

TH: meme ing on you in the best way i know how

ET: Mdude.

TH: mlad

ET: Mguy.

TH: msir

ET: Mbruh.

TH: mboy

ET: Mson. Cccombo breaker.

TH: um??????

TH: your not even my real fa ther

ET: But youre looking for

ET: Yeah Im not finishing that statement.

TH: i mean

TH: youre not wrong

ET: Hah. Endless tirade of bullshit like always Omelet. Props.

TH: thank you ill be here un til they ban me from all forms of so cial me di a

TH: and then ill hi re a group of trained ger bils to run bots of me

TH: and be come a her mit when my soul is fi na lly free

TH: when theyve er ased all tra ces of me at last

TH: chil dren who have nev er met me will dream of me and their par ents will spend count less hours won der ing whis per ing in hushed tones but how could it be

TH: had we not stopped this ev il

TH: what will it take

TH: ge ne ra tions in the fu ture they un cov er my corpse ive rigged with a hun dred springs to rat tle my bones at them

TH: they weep

TH: be cause what is lost is ne ver tru ly for got ten

ET: I spoke too soon.

ET: The memes offer a greater chokehold than any actual chokehold.

ET: You ever go outside anymore?

ET: Its nice Ive heard.

TH: who

ET: You boo.

TH: aaaaaaaaaaaa

TH: why would you boo at me :'-( i am a feard

ET: I cant believe youre making me hear this with my actual ears.

TH: lmao

TH: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaschlong

ET: Gesundheit.

TH: thank you

TH: may be

ET: You know youve been talkin to me too much when youre sayin please thank you youre welcome.

ET: Ill teach you decent manners if its the last thing I do.

TH: i know how to thank swea ty :-) ive been thank ing my whole life :-) you should learn some man ners this is why your ge ne ra tion cant get a job just some help ful ad vice ok swea ty :-)

ET: Sweatys a compliment and you know it.

TH: mMM

TH: MMmmMmmMmmm

TH: MmmMMmMMM!!!!

ET: Hes gettin in the zone folks. Stand back.

ET: This isnt even his final form.

TH: joel lis sten

TH: you make me feel like a four piece nug get at bub ger kirg

TH: which is to say

ET: Cheap and easily digestable.

TH: ok i mean i was go ing some where with this

ET: Im listenin.

TH: you for got pro bab ly not real meat

TH: :-/

ET: Fake meat as opposed to real meat.

ET: Im listenin intently.

TH: lis ten to your meat when its cal ling for you

TH: http://imageenvision.com/450/27783-clip-art-graphic-of-a-beef-steak-meat-mascot-character-holding-and-pointing-to-a-red-phone-by-toons4biz.jpg

ET: Sounds like a regular Saturday night for me.

ET: Dunno about you.

TH: you need to slow down

TH: this could be you

TH: http://img07.deviantart.net/c8f8/i/2005/205/2/f/meat_phone_by_flaste.jpg

TH: :-( :-(

TH: hey

TH: spea king of meat

ET: Yes.

TH: you know who ID like to meat

ET: I cant say I have a clue.

ET: But color me concerned nevertheless.

TH: for got what i was say ing

TH: but look at this

TH: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/553b26fde4b08ceb08a4242c/553b2823e4b0eb3719c6d635/553b2841e4b0eb3719c7e871/1416158894963/1000w/Meatball-Bubble-Gum.jpg

ET: Dont forget.

ET: Fully cooked and ready to chew.

TH: thats me

TH: thats my life

ET: I can only sympathize my friend. Chewing meatballs aint everybodys cup of tea.

TH: thats be cause meat balls are not a hot li qui dy bev er age

TH: :-/

ET: Yeah see.

ET: Youre follow me like nobody else does.

ET: Probably why were still friends.

ET: Except for the guy who actually follows me around but yknow. I dig it.

TH: i am put ting stalk ing un der your list of kinks right now

ET: You keep a list of my kinks?

TH: damn you a freak ass hoe

TH: i mean dont you

TH: ???????????

ET: Not... really. Actually.

ET: Which is why Im findin it strange.

TH: i have to know what to get you for christ mas????? je sus

ET: Wow. Now I know who my real friends are.

TH: thank you for no ti cing

ET: Dont give me a stalker for Christmas.

TH: ;-)

TH: if you feel breath on your neck do not be al armed

ET: Sounds hot.

ET: But no Imma pass.

ET: I like the breathing on my neck to be cool thanks. Lmao.

TH: new note

TH: ghost fuck er

ET: Close but no dice.

TH: im gon na burn you a co py of the gvd im giv ing to sa to mi then well find out

ET: Pass.

ET: Although I sure appreciate your generosity.

TH: wO w ghost lov er is pret ty hot so like, fuck you???

ET: Paaaass.

TH: you are

TH: dis gus ting

ET: Bite me. You aint ropin me into seedy hentai. Not again.

TH: that was 1 time ok

TH: i had no i dea there were go ing to be that ma ny dra gon balls ok

ET: I learned somethin about myself that night.

ET: Wily bastard.

TH: like i too was un der the im pres sion there were on ly se ven

TH: wait what did you learn

TH: i am sud den ly real ly in trigued

ET: Innocence lost is never regained.

TH: joel i am li ter al gar bage

ET: Science explain.

TH: im real ly good at make up

ET: Okay this bout of self deprecation is sudden.

ET: Not unexpected but sudden.

TH: i am just be ing hon est

TH: and al so try ing to get you to tell me a bout your weird bon er

ET: Its been spoken of only through myth and legend. Not many believe in its existance but some say its absolutely real.

TH: its like a shi ny po ke mon

TH: and i am gonna fuck ign catch it

ET: Follow your dreams Egglit. Lead me not into temptation but deliver us from evil ecetera ecetera.

TH: by the way

TH: found the club for you

TH: http://bishie-stalker-club.deviantart.com/art/devID-version-1-67740317

ET: Mmmmm right in the kink.

TH: i aim to please

ET: Now thats what Im talkin about.

ET: Brb I need to piss.

TH: i

TH: was go ing to say the same thing

TH: whta h t he fuck

TH: b yw

ET: Illuminati.

TH: meet you i nthe bath room

ET: No peekin.

TH: well that was a good time

ET: Ill say.

ET: And I swear in that moment I was sure we were piss bros.

TH: <3

ET: You get no heart emoji.

TH: that is be cause

TH: you are still grow ing yours

TH: and i sup port this en dea vor 100% i hope you know that

ET: One day I too will be a real boy.

TH: that might be hard be cause you are al rea dy the M A N

ET: How fuckin dare you insinuate such a thing to me.

ET: Pain in the ass god damn meme.

TH: l ma a oo

ET: Youre askin for a fistin brother and not the good kind.

ET: Check yourself.

TH: :-(

TH: ;-)???

ET: Coy winkyings arent gonna work on me.

TH: you just said

TH: win ky

TH: ??????????????

ET: I done said winky now DWI.

TH: i am sens ing some un ad dressed un der tones here

ET: Its true.

ET: Im homo af. Sorry to break it to you this way.

TH: o ok

TH: am

TH: cry???

ET: Shut up I know you dont give a shit.

TH: hodl u p

TH: w H at

ET: What what in the butt.

TH: n O

ET: Well yeah technically.

TH: i mean yes but

ET: See. Its whatever.

TH: oh m g od

TH: way to set me up for be ing a huge douche my du UD DE

ET: Never deny your nature bro.

TH: ok

TH: brb gon na go kick my own ass

ET: He scream at own ass.

ET: I feel you.

TH: ok im back

ET: I hope your buns are nice and tenderized. Its the only reason Im toleratin you speakin to me right now.

TH: ye p

ET: Try not to be so hard on yourself. Its been hard on me too.

ET: Or do maybe. Idk. I dont know your lifes story.

TH: you just said hard on

TH: how am i

TH: sup posed to take this con ver sa tion se ri ous ly

ET: Just focus on the hard ons. Youll make it through.

TH: thanks

TH: i nee ded this life boat

TH: in this stor my sea

TH: of dicks

ET: That is some poetic fuckin imagery right there.

ET: Could be a country song.

TH: thanks i wrote it for you

ET: Thanks boo boo.

TH: aaaaa aaaaaaaaaa

ET: Oh same.

TH: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGJd9WWL554

ET: And now were back to the dick ridin.

ET: The circle of stupid is complete.

TH: i am ro man cing you

TH: with ex tra em pha sis

TH: on the mAN

ET: I dont need romancin.

ET: Im already taken.

TH: w hat f ufc k

TH: b it ches

TH: o uT a LI NE

ET: What can I say. A dude resets your nose with your blood on his hands and youre just like.

ET: Yo.

ET: This is datesprit material.

TH: oh my fu ck

TH: im ????

TH: who gave you the RIGHT

ET: It was the stalker guy. I insinuated this before.

TH: what a fuck tit tied fool i have been

ET: Christmas came round early this year bro.

TH: with a stock ing

TH: full of stal ker dicks

TH: a stalk ing

TH: fu ck

TH: i cant take this

ET: Jfc. Youre a mess.

TH: let me di e

ET: I cant. Then I have nobody to shoot the shit with.

TH: you have like at least three friends

ET: Yeah but youre my number one.

TH: d si us gistuing ng

ET: Ilu2.

TH: im go ing to cry now not be cause i like you btu because i hate you so m cu h

ET: Okay but Im gonna bug you again in five minutes.

TH: >:- C

TH: >:' -C

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] has ceased trolling you, for EVER, GO OD BYE, --

ET: In the words of great lyrical legend of the twenty first century ke dollar sign sha.

ET: Tik tok times up.

ET: Hi bitch. Im back.

TH: hwah t ifu ck fu

ET: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP6XpLQM2Cs

TH: im m so upset yo ukno w how muhc i love kesha

TH: f8u kck you

ET: Im still here.

TH: wh y

ET: Why not. You started this convo and now were gonna finish it.

ET: When I say so.

TH: you want me to suf fer

ET: Youre bein dramatic.

TH: yeah

ET: You okay there buddy?

ET: Like for real.

TH: yyyy yy eah

TH: ????

ET: Ill take that at face value and say cool.

TH: k thank you

ET: Stalkers name is Zuserk in case you wanted to know.

TH: nO

ET: Hes got four arms dude.

TH: im go na

TH: los my fuc k ing mind

ET: Ikr.

ET: Me too.

TH: ffffffffufufffck

ET: You should meet him some time.

ET: Could use an education in memes.

TH: i dont think im strong en ough

ET: Sure you can. He dont bite none.

TH: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffgh

ET: Breathe.

TH: n o

ET: In and out Emilet. You know the drill.

TH: o HM Y gOD

TH: )H MY GOD

TH: !!!!!!

ET: Hahahaha.

ET: Okay fine. Exhale inhale.

ET: Is that better??

TH: a lit tle

ET: Good man.

ET: I believe in you.

TH: ok im back a gain

ET: I was waitin.

TH: your a champ

ET: So you wanna game or what. Im down for anything.

ET: The shittier the better. Lets do this.

TH: i am

TH: look ing through the shit ti est games of all time

ET: Dont hold out on me.

TH: im gon na make you play

TH: link the fa ces of ev il

TH: dont

TH: fuck ing

TH: fuck iwth me

ET: I promise not to fucking fuck with you my fucker.

TH: k

ET: God this is going to be such conkshit.

ET: I knew youd pull through.

TH: gee

TH: it sure is bo ring a round here

ET: You askin me to come over or what.

TH: well i mean if you were pay ing at ten tion to the source ma te ri al you would al so know im quo ting this meme ass game

ET: Okay but I could also come over so its killing two birds with one stone.

ET: Gurd your ass.

TH: my ass is al ways gurd

ET: Gurd it better.

ET: Im out.

TH: k

-- taffetaHabiliment [TH] gave up trolling estrapadingTrueblue [ET] --