I wanted to write some John and Gordon shenanigans and this happened instead. An episode tag to EOS and SOS Part 2 written over two parts because more than 1k at once is beyond me.
He expects Scott, and apparently so does Alan, skittering away as he does before Three's even cooled down. It had been Scott to insist upon his return, after all, all gritted teeth and clenched jaw and John hadn't wanted to, not in the least, but he knows when he's beaten and he knows when Scott's about to have a stroke. Leaving Eos, whatever she may be, alone had seemed considerably less dangerous, on balance, than refusing a man with Scott's resting blood pressure.
The figure behind dad's desk looks oddly out of place. Too bright, maybe. Too small, and yet too much all at once. John remembers, with the awful clarity of all traumatic childhood memories, the moment his mother had tucked his very own baby brother into his arms, how the wires and tubes had curled around his fingers and caught on his sweater. How he'd looked at him with all the sweet minded sincerity of a preschooler and thought What am I supposed to do with you?
"Welcome to the consequences of your own actions," Gordon drawls. There's a half eaten celery crunch bar on the desk, damp hand prints on the french polish. "Scott's been called out."
John raises an eyebrow. "And he asked you to debrief me?"
Gordon smiles, tilts his head to one side, then stuffs the rest of the crunch bar in his mouth. "Nah."
A prickle of sweat erupts at the back of John's neck and settles, clammy and unpleasant, under the collar of the suit he's yet to remove. He'd intended to handle Scott then head straight back up. Gordon wrangling, he knows from experience, is another matter.
"Where's Virgil?" he asks, and despite his best efforts he knows his voice isn't as steady as it should be, could be. Gordon just chews. Stares. John shuffles his weight, gravity messing with his balance. Gravity, and maybe, maybe, guilt.
Gordon doesn't look like their father, not like Virgil does, doesn't fill his spot like Scott, but when he leans back in the chair, arms folded, and says "Alan?" he's every inch their father's son. "You think we're mad over Alan?"
"I shouldn't have put him in danger I --"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Dad's chair creaks horribly as Gordon slams it forward. "Forget Alan."
A spluttered "Hey!" from the staircase.
John backs off, already calculating the required rate of reentry for the space elevator.
"If Scott's out I should get back --"
It's the way he says it that has John pause. Sharp. Bitter in a way that Gordon almost never is, and John knows why. He knows why, just as Gordon knows why he's itching to return to Five. It's just that they don't usually have to say any of it. Not with Scott and Virgil around, anyway. They play their roles so well, smoothing over cracks formed from panic, that seeing those cracks written over Gordon’s face is -- perturbing, to say the least.
John wonders, vaguely, if Gordon ever sees the same stress fissures on him.
"Are you worried?" Gordon asks, utterly unnecessary but then that's always Gordon's way.
"About Scott?" That's not necessary either, because Gordon's already shaking his head before John's finished speaking, already on his feet before John can back away.
"No, Scott knows what he’s doing.” This is only partially true, in John’s experience, but anything else would be an admittance. A weakness. A dent in the armour that Gordon has forgotten to wear.
“Right.” And John’s looking for the exit, but Gordon’s already his side of the desk glaring up at him with an expression of determination that has never, in all their lives together, meant anything other than Gordon Getting His Way. “So you don’t need to go back, do you.”
“For fuck’s sake, John! You could have died!”
“It wasn’t that bad.” But Gordon’s way too close now, far too close to lie to, “It worked out okay.”
Gordon’s face is all screwed up now, pink and angry looking just like that scrawny little baby had been, and it -- it infuriates him, honestly. Because hasn’t he sat and watched? Hasn't he sat and watched hundreds and hundreds of times and Gordon -- Gordon watches once and he thinks he has the right to --
The air rushes from his lungs as over five and a half feet of solid muscle collides with his solar plexus, gravity and little brother combining to send him flying several steps backwards until he’s caught by the back of a couch. Gordon clings with a fierceness only equalled by the rather colourful language he growls into John’s shoulder and John, John knows what to do with rogue AIs and panicked rescuees, but when faced with the full fury of a Gordon hug he’s left flapping his hands rather uselessly at his brother’s back and looking about frantically for rescue. Alan shrugs at him from the stairs with an expression that says I don’t know what you expected.
A punch would have been quicker.
Definitely less constricting.
"I feel like this has been an unnecessarily long hug.”
“Yeah, well. Didn’t know if I was gonna get the chance to again did I?”
John sighs, as best he can with Gordon doing his best boa impression around his ribcage. “It’s a risk we take, Gords, you know that.”
“Yeah, of course I just --” Gordon pulls away, doesn’t quite meet his eyes, something in his expression that John doesn’t know quite how to name. “Wasn’t expecting it to be you with the noble sacrifice act.”
“You have a preference?” He’s trying to make light of it, a bit. And normally -- normally Gordon would be the first one to take the hint, would be right there with him turning it into a joke, just a close-call-cum-classic-story. Gordon would roll his eyes at Scott and distract Virgil and comfort Alan. Gordon wouldn’t look at him like this, like he’s stupid.
“Of course I do, idiot,” he says, all affection but still with that odd look about him, and John -- John who watches and listens and knows, John who never misses a trick, a warning, can’t afford to, never will --
John just laughs, ruffles blond hair and, “All right, All right. I won’t tell Scott.”
Gordon doesn’t laugh. Just looks at him. And something John doesn’t quite understand curls behind his sternum. Just a heavy, sick little thing that doesn’t quite deserve the name dread but doesn’t ever really go away. Just sits. And waits. Nameless and illogical.
It’s two years before it rears its head again, exposes itself for what it is, what it always has been, and by then --
Gordon, you’ve activated your emergency code.