For @taichi-yagami, inspired by Stamp of Origin: Take A Look Around by Dredg
Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. Taichi had a split second to think, and it wasn’t enough time to consider which direction to go. All it took was one attack to rattle the top of the cavern, sending bits of rock pattering down to the floor.
Agumon and Piyomon were attempting to hold their foe back, but their child attacks and empty stomachs couldn’t maintain them for long. Taichi heard Agumon call to him while the ceiling crumbled.
The boy turned just in time to see his partner pummeled by an attack, their unidentified pursuer closing in on them, pushing them further and further into the cave as the roof cracked and faltered.
Had Taichi been able to think, perhaps his decision would have been different. Thankfully, Taichi had enough instincts to push his friend out of the way. Sora Takenouchi was a thinker- an over thinker at that- who froze like a bullseye for falling boulders. All she mustered was a muffled gasp as Taichi pushed her to the ground, just out of reach of the crumbling debris.
Neither human could will their eyes open as the terrible battle raged on, attack after attack ringing in their ears. Taichi heard Sora try to breathe, but all she was able to do was cough as she inhaled the soot around them. The boy could feel her chest rise and fall more desperately, so he pulled her in closer to him to shield her from the rubble. Taichi grimaced, opening an eye, peering down at his friend through blurry vision. He couldn’t see her face. All he could do was grunt as rocks fell against his back. Taichi waited with grit teeth as he endured each hit, waiting for the ceiling to cave in on him entirely, but it never did.
Had Taichi been able to think, perhaps he would have realized that he was running out of breath himself. He felt dizzy, and the sounds- both those of the battle and the crumbling cavern- grew quieter. If he couldn’t feel Sora’s chest steadying under his arm, he would have assumed this was the end, that he was slowly and violently fading from existence. Agumon and Piyomon would fail, after all. They couldn’t digivolve. Their lack of power, their severed connections to their human partners, is what summoned the chosen children to the digital world in the first place. It was Koushiro who first suggested they investigate, so here they were: separated from their friends, the power of their crests, and now, the outside world.
Eventually, their surroundings settled the way dirt dried up and crackled after rain. Taichi took a breath. Sora pushed herself up from under him and time returned to normal. After taking a moment to rub his eyes, Taichi realized he couldn’t see. He couldn’t hear anything. Even Sora disappeared into the darkness as she tried to feel her way back to their partners. The boy tracked her movements from her footsteps. She paced back and forth until eventually, she stopped.
“What?” Taichi asked her, his chest still empty, his legs shaking from the nerves.
“What?” Taichi repeated, this time with more urgency. He dashed over to where Sora stood, her hand outstretched on a wall of rocks. The cavern had trapped them inside, sans their digimon. The battle was over. Who won?
Oftentimes, Taichi felt like he only had two speeds: freezing and running. Now that he had time to think, the thoughts couldn’t stop coming. He imagined every possible scenario as he started to futilely pull at the rocks. Small pebbles tumbled away, but the barrier didn’t budge.
“Agumon!” he called out, a tinge of panic in his voice. “Agumon!”
There was no answer, but Taichi dug and dug until he felt Sora’s hand on his. She grabbed hold of it and pulled it away. “Taichi, stop!”
Her voice was quiet and wavering and he knew she shared his worry, but still, he grew angry. “What do you mean stop?!”
“Wasting our energy won’t do us any good!” Sora matched his anger before pulling herself back. “We’ll find a way. There has to be a way out of here that doesn’t involve you bloodying your knuckles.”
Taichi stood there as she walked away, one hand still leaned up against the stones, the other fallen to his side. Now that he could think, he couldn’t act. Guilt consumed him. Why had he pushed Sora this way? He could have grabbed her and pulled her back. Why did he think a cave would shield them from their attacker? Why did he let their friends split up? Why didn’t he think harder about their decision to come to the digital world in the first place? Instead of speaking up about wandering into potential danger with powerless partners, he supported Koushiro’s suggestion because he was, well, Koushiro. Taichi trusted him, and as each of his friends looked to their leader, eyes watching for hesitancy, his approval affirmed Koushiro’s plan. He acted.
Act or think. Act or think. It was one or the other. Always.
“Damn it!” Taichi bellowed, slamming a closed fist into the cavern wall. His hand took all of the force and the boy stumbled back, grimacing, anticipating Sora’s scorn.
Instead of scorn, however, Taichi heard a gasp of his name. “Taichi!” Sora heaved like she’d been hit in the center of her chest. There was no anger, just desperation for something that wasn’t there. Sora’s footsteps circled the perimeter of their makeshift dungeon as Taichi furled and unfurled his fingers. There was no way out. Sora wouldn’t find one. Still, he let her circle the cavern again, and again, and again as she felt the walls for a weak point. It was no use trying to stop her as a daunting realization came over the boy: his confidence- feigned or not- helped everyone else maintain hope. For what seemed like the millionth time, Taichi’d let Sora down. The boy’s shoulders drooped and he averted his gaze. He felt like a cowardly turtle retreating into it’s shell, and the further he withdrew, the less intently Sora searched for an escape route.
“Agumon... I need you, buddy.” Taichi muttered to himself as Sora’s footsteps eventually slowed to a stop. His eyes welled with water and he thought about how good it would feel to stop holding in his fear. To keep oneself from crying is exhausting. Wet cheeks could feel therapeutic at times. Still, Taichi wasn’t one to cry in front of others, especially people like Sora. He could see her sit down against the cavern wall out of the corner of his eye. Her gaze looked concentrated, but void of emotion. Even as the boy’s vision became adjusted to the darkness, Sora resembled a shadow. Taichi bit his lip in a way that felt like punishment and sauntered over to her.
If Sora needed feigned confidence, he could feign confidence. His guilt, though? He wasn’t as good at hiding that.
“Someone will find us.” Taichi whispered in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Agumon & Piyomon will wake up and they’ll get help. I’m sure of it.”
Sora flinched. Taichi could have kicked himself. Maybe she hadn’t thought about how their partners most definitely lost, and were either laying defeated on the other side of the barrier, or worse, buried under it. Sora didn’t say anything and the boy was almost thankful. He tried again.
“Everyone’s supposed to meet back up tonight. When we don’t show up, they’ll come looking.”
Sora put her head in her hands. There were so many things that could go wrong between now and nightfall, and Taichi was certain that Sora’d already thought of every single one of them.
The girl rubbed her hands heavily over her eyes, so that Taichi couldn’t tell whether soot had fallen in them or whether she was trying to knock herself back into her senses. His gut dropped to the floor as he watched Sora try to hold it together. Taichi knew of his friend’s shared ability to fake courage- confidence, foresight, stability. Some of their other friends might have thought she was immune to those sorts of weaknesses, but Taichi knew her better than that. In that moment, though, he realized he didn’t know Sora well enough to understand how she seemed to magically work through her own problems all the time. So often something would happen, she’d disappear, and she’d return some time later like she’d never been bothered. Taichi’d never been forced to bear witness to the process. He’d never asked and she’d never invited him. Now that his presence was forced, he felt sick, like a captive forced to watch someone else’s torture. Even if he had ever been any good at comforting Sora Takenouchi, Taichi doubted she’d want him to. She wouldn’t want anyone to see her like this.
Sora wasn’t like that. At least... he didn’t think she was.
After over a decade of friendship, how could he not know? Why did he feel the urge to turn away in shame?
Taichi’s hands formed fists. For someone who was supposed to personify courage, he grew cowardly at times like this. His friends were one of his biggest weaknesses- especially this friend. Especially Sora.
Taichi let out a sigh, still peering at the girl. He didn’t need to revisit any past lessons- that courage wasn’t all-encompassing, that courage wasn’t an absence of fear. The boy grew comfortable with his decision to approach her. As he leaned against the stone and slid down next to her, he decided he'd have to handle the imaginary wall that Sora already constructed between them. Few things were scarier to Taichi than Sora pushing him away. All he’d ever known was her friendship. A life barren of that was something he preferred to not think about, but if he wanted to give Sora any kind of comfort, he would need to show some true courage. He would need to face his biggest fear: maybe his friend would reject him, and he’d have to admit he deserved it. He’d made one mistake too many, and Sora’d outstretched her hand to him one too many times.
This was all his fault, and Sora- why was it always Sora?- was dragged down with him.
Taichi leaned his heavy head against the wall as a frightening thought stirred in the back of his mind: they could die here. Trapped together, yet so, so alone.
“I’m sorry.” he said suddenly, his voice piercing the silence. His apology hung over him as he waited for Sora to say something. His gaze was locked on the nothingness in front of him.
Sora slowly lifted her head and stared at him, her eyes searching for something. She was trying to read his mind, and as Taichi knew, she was awful good at it. He decided to save her the time and explain himself. He owed her that much.
“I’m sorry I got us stuck here. I shouldn’t have led us into the cave. It was stupid and... I don’t know what I was thinking. There was no-”
The moment Sora furrowed her brows was the moment Taichi stopped talking. He leaned away from her a bit defensively, like he’d been caught in a lie.
“Stop?” he blinked. “Stop what?”
“Doing that.” Sora scooted away from him, matching his defenses.
Taichi stared at her dumbfoundly. His eyes scanned her for an answer, but she gave nothing away. Perhaps her ability to read emotions in others helped her guard her own more closely. She was a closed book, a locked journal, and one that he’d tried to pry open more often than Hikari’s. Still, her wall never faltered. He’d never made it in. He decided he’d probably have a better chance digging away at the cavern wall instead. How useless.
Taichi’s face began to feel hot. He raised his voice abruptly. “Why won’t you let me apologize? I want to apologize. You know apologies aren’t easy for-”
“You have nothing to apologize for!” Sora cut him off. “You’re being stupid.”
“Stupid?!” Taichi exclaimed, pulling his legs in and jumping back up to his feet. He glared down at her. “I got us into this mess! What’s stupid is my letting everyone come here!”
“What’s stupid,” Sora interjected, jumping to her feet as well, “is you thinking you’re to blame. No one knew this would happen! No one!”
Taichi clenched his fists again and took a half-step back, intimidated by the tone of his own voice, his own stature over Sora, and how quickly he’d been angered by her refusal to co-ruminate. If anyone in the group could be counted on to ruminate, it was Sora, and she decided to stop now?
Taichi narrowed his eyes. “No one knew it would happen, but I knew it was a possibility.”
The boy turned around in exasperation and Sora scoffed. He heard her cross her arms and briefly wondered why she wasn’t saying anything. It was likely that had they not been trapped together, Sora would have walked away to cool off. Now that she was stuck, maybe she didn’t know what to do.
Or, as best friends do, maybe she was trying to think of the perfect strike. Sora’d gathered plenty of bullets with Taichi’s name on them through the years since they’d met. Which button would she press?
“My god,” Sora started, shifting from anger to pity, “do you really think you’re that important? That you can control everyone’s fate? Stop taking yourself so seriously, Taichi. You know, maybe if we didn’t come here, we all would have left Koushiro’s apartment, and someone would have gotten hit by a car on the way home.”
Taichi’s knuckles turned white. His voice a growl, his eyes raging, he spun around and took three big steps over to Sora. “Why would you say that?!”
And Taichi knew it was- it was just unlike Sora to say it. As much as he wanted to try, he couldn’t protect everyone all the time. The point was taken. Still, he didn’t appreciate the lack of empathy from someone whose empathy he took for granted.
Sora took the opportunity to hammer the point home. “You’re no god. You’re just as human as the rest of us. Give yourself a break. You find ways to deprive yourself of forgiveness when no one thinks you’ve done anything wrong.”
Now Taichi was the one to cross his arms. Sora’s words hit him hard and kickstarted his stubbornness. He fell back onto what he knew as he stumbled over Sora’s truth. “Yeah?” he peered down at her. “Look who’s talking.”
It was such a simple response- so poignant that even Taichi knew it. Sora wasn’t prepared for that sort of deflection. “This conversation isn’t about me.”
Taichi glared. “It never is.”
Sora averted her gaze, and now she was the one to turn and walk away.
“Oh, no.” Taichi dashed over and stepped in her path. “You’re not getting away that easily.”
The girl tried to side-step around him but each time she tried to get away, he blocked her. “Taichi, stop.” she grumbled.
Another side-step, another block. “I don’t want to.”
“Come on, Sora! Why do you always have to be like this?! What are you afraid of?!”
The words rolled off Taichi’s tongue with both urgency and exhaustion. He ran his sweaty palms through his hair, his eyes wild with disbelief. This was so typical her. It drove him crazy! Preacher Sora could give everyone life advice, but the moment someone turned the spotlight on her, game over.
Sora rolled her eyes in response. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
Taichi nearly laughed. “Yeah, okay.” he muttered with a snort. “Maybe I’ll listen to your life advice when you get a grip on yourself.”
“Baka!” Sora stomped up to him, jabbing a finger in his direction. “Is this how you make yourself feel better?! Is your pity party of one starting to feel lonely?”
“My god, Sora!” Now Taichi was the one to roll his eyes. “No! I don’t need to make myself feel better! You don’t understand and you- you- you know what? Fine! I’m terrified! Are you happy now?! I’m fucking terrified. I’m terrified for our friends, for our digimon. I don’t want to die here! Okay?! I don’t want anyone to die here! And Agumon...”
His voice trailed off, but Taichi’s words came out with a force that made Sora falter. She dropped her pointed finger and her accusations. Neither of them were themselves.
Taking a step back, Taichi thrust his arms out to his sides in surrender. “I don’t know what you want, Sora. I don’t know how anyone couldn’t be scared. But, I learned a long time ago that showing courage doesn’t mean ignoring your fears. It means facing them. I just... I fear that I messed up irreversibly this time. I don’t know how to face that.”
He stopped suddenly and bit his lip. Sora wondered if he’d go on without reassurance. He often paused to think like that before truly opening up, like he was trying to decide if letting out whatever was holed up inside him would be more therapeutic for him or the person he was actually trying to help. Sora figured that now, maybe it was both.
“So, I’m trying,” he went on, “I’m scared that we’ll die here. I’m scared that you’ll... die here. I’m scared that it’s all my fault. How could I ever forgive myself if anything ever happened to you?”
The weight of Taichi’s words wasn’t realized until after he’d said them. In any other situation, he may have tried to reach out and pull them back, or talk down the seriousness of what he’d said. Now though, faced with an uncertain future, the boy held the same, exasperated look on his face. So what if she knew how much her friendship meant to him? So what of anything?
Taichi dropped his arms to his sides. Everything was out there. If Sora didn’t respond, so be it. He felt free of sin.
Perhaps if Sora had time to think, she would have said something. Perhaps if Sora felt the same courage that Taichi did, she could have echoed his sentiments. Instead, all Taichi earned was a fleeting glance of ameliorated understanding before the cavern began shaking. BOOM!
Sora stumbled forward and Taichi caught hold of her arm. She looked to him, panicked. “What was that?!”
A muted roar could be heard on the other side of the fallen rocks before the cave began to shake again. The sound sent prickles up Taichi’s spine. He knew the voice. Their attacker was back to break the whole cave to pieces.
Taichi felt Sora gasp for breath in a way he’d never seen before. Desperate, he scanned the cave for something, anything, hoping an exit would magically appear. After a few more hits, bits of debris began to fall from the top of the cavern. There was nowhere to run.
Taichi’s mind began racing. He wasn’t quite thinking, rather, memories were flooding him faster than he could comprehend. He thought of his parents, his sister, his cat, football. He thought of the homework left sitting on his desk. He thought of ramen and University and his lack of ambition and how now, he wanted a future of uncertainty more than anything at all.
Sora turned into him, shaking, and he wrapped his arms around her. They still had so much left to do. Their bet on the next football match could never be settled. Sora’s newest kimono would remain unfinished at school. He’d never be able to buy her a replacement hat like he’d been promising her for years, or watch one of her tennis matches, or hear her explain her inspiration for her latest flower arrangement. He’d never get to know the person she’d become.
Taichi’s breath left him and he squeezed his eyes closed tight. He’d never be able to make up for all the times he’d let her down.
No. He could still do that.
As pebbles and soot began to rain down on them, Taichi leaned Sora’s head back as gently as he could. He cupped her cheeks in his palms and leaned down to look at her. The girl’s eyes were hot and red and wet hair stuck to her face. She searched him for courage more intensely than she ever had before.
“Sora,” Taichi began, his voice rising slightly as the attacks intensified, “you’re right. You’ve always been right. I’m only human. I can’t stop any of his.” He paused momentarily to brush one of her tears away with his thumb. “I’m so sorry that fate led us here. You don’t deserve this.”
Sora bit her lips and grabbed Taichi’s hands with her own, lowering them so she could hold them in her grip. “And neither do you! I know we always fight, but I wish you could see yourself like I do. You deserve happiness and love, and you get it from everyone but yourself. I know what that’s like, Taichi, but let it go. We don’t have time- we don’t-”
Taichi maneuvered his hands so he could squeeze hers back. He gazed at her with all the devotion he should have showed her throughout their years of friendship. Strangely, he smiled.
“I know. If I’m going to learn to love myself, I have to do it now.”
Why he was smiling, not even Taichi knew. Perhaps it was because people grew crazy in the face of death. Or, perhaps it was because Sora finally let him in. It felt like conquering one of his greatest fears. If these were their final moments, and if he could finally return some of the compassion she’d always shown him, then he’d be content with it.
Sora nodded and smiled back, her tears pouring out manically. The fact that he hadn’t blamed himself just before wasn’t lost on her. He’d blamed fate- something out of his control. Although Sora was nearly choking on her tears, his newfound self-compassion put her at ease. She felt like love was her final lesson.
Still, that sense of ease didn’t last long. Another attack pounded against the walls of the cave and the two of them broke their stare only to glance up at the crumbling roof. Taichi tugged on her hands to get her attention again. He wasn’t done. Death would need to wait. “And you!”
Sora’s eyes welled up again. “Me?”
Taichi nodded hurriedly. He knew they were running out of time. “You’re the best friend I could have asked for- the best person I know! I know you’re afraid of your weaknesses, but it’d be impossible to see you as anything but strong. You can still support everyone, you can still be courageous, even if you admit your fears.”
Sora gawked up at him, her eyes a glassy mix of uncertainty and awe. Taichi leaned in further. “Are you scared now?”
Sora’s shoulders drooped. She let out a sigh and nodded, a fresh round of tears flowing with her confession.
Rocks began to pound against Taichi’s back one again and he grimaced. He figured they had a matter of seconds. Sora stood on her tiptoes and wrapped him into a hug, shielding him with her arms. With knitted brows, Taichi returned the favor. He pressed his face next to hers and whispered into her ear. “It’s okay. Whatever happens, we’re together. Be strong.”
Sora ran a hand through the hair on the back of his head. She repeated his sentiments. “I’ll be brave, I promise.”
And with that, Taichi heard the attack that he knew would end it. It burst through the rocks that kept them prisoner, thrusting away any remaining support for the damaged cave. The two chosen children held each other hard, thinking of nothing and everything all at once. Guilt and fear, love and courage. Each other.
Perhaps if either of them thought they had the time, they would have opened their eyes and noticed the light emanating from their chests. Perhaps they would have thought it strange that Sora’s aura was orange while Taichi’s was deep red. Instead, the chaos seemed to lure them to the great beyond. They kept their eyes shut expectantly, prepared... until what they’d prepared for didn’t happen.
Still in each other’s grips, the children opened their eyes and peered down. Only then did they notice how they’d taken on each other’s light. Sora gasped in amazement, her nerves melting to hope. Taichi stared like someone who’d just fallen in love.
“Taichi!” A call bellowed from above them.
A second one followed. “Sora!”
The two of them craned their heads up, leaning back until they could only keep hold of each other’s hands. The creatures that called to them were digimon. They looked familiar, and yet...
The crest of courage on the forehead of a firebird. The crest of love on the shield of a dragon. Two digimon emerged from under the rocks. Had they unlocked a whole new line of evolution? As their partners held heavy stones on their backs, Taichi and Sora decided they didn’t care to understand. Not yet. The two of them scurried up a wall of debris, careful not to lose their footing as they reached a hole on top of the cave.
Sora was the first to climb out. Still on all fours, she turned around to extend a hand to Taichi. He didn’t hesitate before grabbing it, letting Sora help hoist him out into the sunlight. As their digimon delivered the final blows to their attacker- two assailants too much for one- they stood admiring everything they’d taken for granted.
They still had so much left to do.
Still breathless as their partners flew circles around them, Taichi & Sora collapsed as pent up adrenaline escaped their bodies. Fate had been kind to them this day. Fate... had been kind.
