Take a Day Off | Shawn Mendes Imagine
a/n: So I wrote this about 2 months ago, roughly based in reflection of an event that had happened another 3 months before then, my first panic attack. You might be able to tell by the insane amount of RANDOM details that this wasn’t really intended to be shared. But for some reason I feel very compelled to share it. That night, all I wanted to do was text a friend and ask for help. But I didn’t. Anxious thoughts and fear winning. I was so afraid, it took me along time to open up to anyone about this, and I didn’t start getting better until I did. So, have this little thing. It helped me feel better 2 months ago when I wrote it, and the end still makes me smile now. That’s why I’m sharing it, if it can help just one person, then I’ve done well. I wish that I would have just told someone what I was going through and sought out help, that way someone could have told me what Shawn tell’s Y/N, instead of me taking months to come to that conclusion myself. SO: If you’re going through something, anything, and don’t know who to reach out to, please know that my inbox/chat messaging is always open for you 💖
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica}
Warnings: EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING!! PANIC ATTACK!!! I marked the VERY sketchy stuff with *********s. SO it is possible to read around the possibly triggering material and just read the set up and the fluff/message at the end. If you want to avoid ALL possibly triggering material, just skip to the end and start at the second “Y/N’s POV.”
word count: 2035
Y/N’s POV:
It was even finals yet. You still had another month to go. You’re wrapped up in a blanket surrounded by your textbooks. As you sit at your desk, you can’t help but notice that your watch reads 3am.
You’ve been trying to do this Latin homework for 5 hours. It’s only supposed to take about 2 hours.
For some reason you just weren’t in the mood to read Horace’s poetry. No matter how much you stared at the paper, you were still only 5 lines into a 25 line poem.
Your class is at 9am and you know that your Professor is going to kill you if you come into class without your homework done again.
It’s just one of the downfalls of going to a small, private, liberal arts college. Your 9am Latin class only has four students in it. And they ALL stare at you every time you walked into class tired.
You have been consistently getting only about five hours of sleep every night, if you even sleep. But, you can’t help it. Ever since you had caught that really bad flu in February, you haven’t had any motivation.
But tonight was different. You just didn’t feel “right” in any sense. You had already called your boyfriend twice.
Once, when you started your homework at 10pm, and then again at midnight. Both times a groggy Shawn lifted his head off his pillow and squinted into the screen.
The first time you called, he perked up and turned the light on. He did his best to motivate you.
He is usually was always successful at this. He would ask you questions like: “Tell me again why you love Classics” and you’d smile and go into long explanations about linguistics and philology. Then he’d give you that cute grin of his and say “well, go show that to your professor” as he hung up.
But tonight. Tonight it didn’t work. You had no motivation to do anything but sit.
You called him again at midnight. He was less responsive. He was barely able to keep his eyes open. You didn’t mind. You enjoyed just looking at him and watching him fall in and out of sleep. He had the cutest sleeping face, when all his muscles relaxed and his mouth hung open just a smidge.
It had been 3 hours since you talked to Shawn. It’s not that you were clingy, but tonight you just really needed your boyfriend. He’s 45 minutes away though, in his apartment building on his own campus. Shawn goes to the state school nearby. Today, he had a big day with a formal presentation in his business class. He had stayed up the entire previous night trying to prepare for it. You know he is stressed and really don’t want to add to the pressure that’s already on him. This semester has just been so draining for you though.
You catch yourself staring off into nothing, lost in thought again. You blink three times and then look down at your paper.
**************************************
You can feel your chest tightening. But you try to ignore it. You get another half line done.
Suddenly, when you go to take a deep breathe, you can’t. Your breathing becomes quick and shallow. You feel like the walls are caving in around you. Your mind is racing. However, you don’t know what it’s racing about, it just is. You can’t think clearly. Your vision gets fuzzy and you are now seeing spots.
You are scared.
You have this burning desire to get away from your desk. You try to stand up, grabbing your phone off your desk, only to immediately sink onto the floor. You crawl across your bedroom, with your blanket still wrapped around you.
You finally give up trying to move once you are next to your radiator. As you lay there on your floor, in the fetal position, wrapped in your blanket, all you want to do is cry.
You feel the warmth coming off of the radiator and you try to wiggle closer to it, craving its comfort. Tears are gently streaming down your face now.
You aren’t sure why you’re crying. But you are.
You feel hopeless.
In a brief moment of clarity, you have the only thought that has seemed coherent in the last 30 minutes. You text your boyfriend.
To: Mine <3: help me.
To: Mine <3: please.
You know he’s probably sleeping and won’t see your texts till morning. But you feel a little better, despite the fact that you are still silently sobbing to yourself on the floor.
You don’t know how long it’s been, but you haven’t received a message back from Shawn.
Focusing on trying to take study breathes, you let yourself drift into sleep.
*******************************
__ Shawn’s POV:
You feel your phone buzz against the mattress. You really don’t want to check it. It’s probably just Y/N saying she finished her homework. You roll over ignoring the text. It’s been about a half hour. But, no matter how hard you to try to relax, you just can’t sleep. Something is nagging at you.
You decide to check your phone.
From: Baby <3: help me.
From: Baby <3: please.
You laugh to yourself. Y/N knows that you don’t know anything about Latin. There is no way that you can help her with her homework.
You reply.
To: Baby <3: lol wish I could baby. I definitely don’t know anything about Latin. Sorry xx
You wait for a reply. Usually when you text her while she’s doing homework she replies quickly, excited for any form of distraction.
No reply. You wait 10 minutes.
To: Baby <3: Hey, you ok? Did you get it done?
Waiting another 15 minutes and still no reply.
This isn’t like Y/N. You try to tell yourself that it’s fine.
Y/N probably just turned her phone off in an attempt to focus. Or maybe she fell asleep?
But no matter how hard you try, you just can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.
Climbing out of bed you begin looking for a shirt and your car keys.
Your apartment is a good 45 minutes away from her college, but you don’t care. You need to see her, make sure she’s alright.
Throwing the car into park, you notice that you did the drive in only a half hour.
You were really lucky. Someone was exiting her dorm building right as you got to the door. So, you just slipped inside when the door was open, no need to call up.
You are now running up the stairs and down the halls. You can finally see her door come into view. You stop right outside, not sure if you should knock or not.
You know that if she’s in her room it’ll unlocked, but out of curtesy you should probably give her warning.
You decide on a really soft knock, just enough to alert anyone inside that you are there.
You try the knob and it’s unlocked. You then peek your head into the room. And then you see her.
Her small frame curled even smaller into a little ball on her floor. She was wrapped in a blanket but you can see that she is shaking.
Slowly, you enter the room, shutting the door behind you. You try whispering her name. But she does not respond.
You can hear silent whimpers coming from her mouth. As you get closer you see that she is asleep, crying in her sleep.
“oh baby” you coo.
You follow you instinct and reach down to her, resting your big hand on her thin back. She immediately stops whimpering.
You lay down next to her, basically spooning her. You wrap your arms around her blanketed body and pull her tightly into your chest.
She is still shaking, but at least now she is no longer crying.
__ Y/N’s POV:
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
Your alarm is going off.
You open your eyes and you see that your face is almost touching your radiator. Shawn is there, holding you tight.
You had heard him whisper your name when he came into your room last night. You thought it was a dream.
When you felt the strength of his hand against your back, you realized that he was actually there. You still feel like you are crying, but at least now it isn’t as bad as before.
Last night, when you felt his arms wrap around your center and his warm body against your back, you were finally able to breath for the first time.
Now you’re on your floor, reaching for your phone. You feel Shawn nuzzle his face into your neck. His arms tightening.
You flip your body so that you face him.
His eyes flutter open and you can see the green flakes in his hazel eyes. His beautiful eyes are laced concerned.
“How are you?” He says.
“I’ve been better, ever since you got here”
“but, how are you? What happened?”
“I… I don’t know…” You feel your lungs beginning to clinch, almost making you short of breath again. “I was doing my homework and then I couldn’t breathe, or see, or think. And then I was on the floor.”
“Sounds… like you had a panic attack?” He croaks.
“I don’t know…” You say as you fail to meet his eyes. Your gaze dropping low
“Hey” Shawn says, gently touching your chin, lifting your face to his. Your eyes meet. “It’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know it was probably really scary, but it’s over now, you have nothing to be afraid of.”
His eyes are soft and encouraging. You’re blinking back tears.
“I was so afraid, Shawn. I didn’t know what to do.”
“It’s okay. I know you were afraid. I’ve been there” He whispers to you.
“You’ve… You’ve- ?”
“Yeah, I had my first panic attack about 1 year ago, about 8 months before I met you.” He says looking off into the distance. “I was going through some stuff, dealing with some anxiety. It was a pretty dark time for me.”
“How did you get out of it?” you say, realizing that he said first panic attack, meaning that he has experienced others as well.
“Well, I met you. And you inspired me. You were fearless and unstoppable. That’s when I realized that I could be too. It wasn’t in my blood, the anxiety, I could overcome it… It also helps that I called my dad and told him what was going on.”
Shawn’s gaze had momentarily flicked away during his last sentence. But now, Shawn is looking at you with adoration in his eyes. You can feel the pride seething out of him.
You can’t help but give a weak smile up to him.
Shawn continues “mental health is a big thing. It’s important to make sure you’re okay. When was the last time you took a day off?”
“a day off from what?” you question. “There’s no such thing as a day off in school? That’s not how this works.”
You phone is going off again, alerting you that you have 20 minutes until your class starts.
Shawn reaches over and turns it off, handing the phone to you.
“email your professors and tell them what’s going on. Let them know that you won’t be in today, you’re taking a mental health day,”
You stare up at Shawn in simultaneous confusion and awe.
Is it really that easy?
You don’t argue, doing as he said. You know that you desperately need a day off, even if you have to skip your classes.
“done” you say looking back up to Shawn. “now what?”
“Now…” He says pulling you close to him. “we are going to move to your bed, so you can actually rest comfortably. And then after you’ve properly slept in, we’re going to order take out and watch movies all day. Maybe even take a bubble bath?”
“But I have homework...”
“It’s called a day off, Y/N. No homework allowed. Just focus on relaxing. We can deal with the world tomorrow. Today, our only task is helping you start to feel better.”
