When I was in high school, my parents wanted me to get a job to learn the “value of the dollar,”… okay, sweet. I have no work experience and don’t even know how to go about finding a job, but I did have one skill that I thought would help me…I played soccer. There was a small soccer store in my hometown and I figured they could use some female presence to help boost sales (sex cells sell, for real!). I had my friend drive me, since I had just recently totaled my (first) car, and we went on a trek to the “Soccer Shoppe.” I wasn’t even sure if they were hiring but I thought I’d asked. There was creepy old man in the back, who limped towards me when I entered the shop, asking me what I was there for. My friend and I looked at each other…maybe this wasn’t the place I wanted to work, but whatever, I decided to ask for a job anyways. He did a quick once over and hired me on the spot and told me I was going to start work the next day. Very excited I had landed my first real person job, I ran out of the store and to the 7-11 next door to celebrate with a Big Gulp…class, class, class.
Okay, major dilemma here. I’m dating Curly Q, but his brother is gorgeous and now more and more of my hours were being scheduled with Big Sexy instead of my main man. Big Sexy made it clear from the start that he was interested and had no problem going after his brothers girl, which is sooo dick BTW. Anyways, things between Curly Q and I were fizzling out, so I decided to end it and I wanted to capitalize on my next opportunity.
When Big Sexy found out I was single, he texted me ASAP to say “sorry about the break up”…yeah right, him and I both knew he was totally stoked about it. A few weeks went by and it seemed as though Big Sexy was slowly fading into the past. Now that he was accessible, I was starting to lose interest fast. Good news for Big Sexy though, since I couldn’t drive, I needed a ride home one night, to which he quickly offered his services. I obvi said yes, somewhat knowing how this ride was going to end.
Our shift was over and we both headed to his car, so he could drive me home. The drive took longer than normal because he was literally going 20 mph the whole time, until I told him to step on it, driving slow was a total turn off. As we got to my house, I unbuckled my seatbelt and went to thank Big Sexy when he leaned in for the kill. We started making out and all of a sudden some hilariously weird whistling noise was coming out of his nose each time he’d kiss me…I couldn’t take it. About five or so minutes into the makeout sesh, I absolutely lost it and burst out laughing. I couldn’t even breathe as I was trying to get out of the car. He asked me what was wrong but I couldn’t tell him because I was succumbing to my laughter; I just looked at him, pointed behind me and said, “Go” between breaths. He pulled away super pissed off and gave me a goodbye middle finger, the perfect way to end what just happened.Thank god, I humiliated Big Sexy enough so that Curly Q would never find out about what his brother and I had done. And although Big Sexy wasn’t the college man I thought he was, he and sweet, sweet Curly Q introduced me to what is was like to take a lap in the gene pool…twice.
